Gavin

 

My arm drapes across my mother’s frail shoulders as her body trembles in despair. We’ve just been given the news from Frank’s oncologist that he’s in his final days of life.

Frank was taken by ambulance to the hospital last night. He had severe difficulty breathing and he’d turned a ghostly shade of blue and white, almost an ashy gray.

Mom had called me and Christian around eleven thirty p.m. and we rushed to meet her at St. Vincent’s Mercy Hospital in downtown Phoenix.

We’d been here all night and we weren’t expecting good news, but hoping for a miracle. My mom dealt with this the best she could. She’s always been a strong woman, but seeing her break down over Frank is enough to bring tears to my own eyes. She’d finally found a good man after all her years alone or with the wrong guys. Someone she could count on to love. And now he was going to leave her like this.

“I’m going to go down to the café and grab some coffee,” Christian announces, as he stands from the vinyl covered chair and looks down at us both. “Either of you want one?”

My mom sniffles out a “thank you,” and I look up at him with pleading eyes. The misery in his own has me realizing I’m not the only one who’s uncertain of what to do in this situation. Neither of us know how to comfort or ease the pain for my mom, the woman who has been our source of comfort when we’ve dealt with the shit in life.

Christian nods and turns around, moving only a few feet down the hall when he’s stopped by a pretty raven-haired nurse in blue scrubs.

“Christian? What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hey Ainsley,” he mumbles in surprise, enclosing her in a friendly hug.

When she pulls back, I see a gentle smile light across her face, as she glances furtively from him to my mom and me.

She slides her hands in the front pockets of her scrubs. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Christian clears his throat and speaks low and quiet. “Um, not really. My stepdad was brought in last night. He’s, um, in end-stage liver cancer. The doctor just, uh, gave us some shitty news.”

My mom gives a slight hiccup in my arms and I grip her shoulder a little tighter. Hoping she’ll be consoled by my strength, even though I’m not feeling particularly strong at the moment.

Life is so fucked up right now. I’m twenty-one years old and everything is crashing down around me. Prickles of anger and irritation rise across my skin, burning through me like an iron scorching through a delicate shirt.

I need something to punch. Or someone to fuck. Anything to alleviate the boiling rage simmering low in my belly.

I’ve tuned out for a second when I catch a portion of what Ainsley is saying.

“…does Cade know? I’m sure he’d like to help if he can. I know he’d want to be there for you as a friend, ya know? Why don’t you come over tonight or tomorrow? Just come hang and talk. We’re your friends and we want to be there for you.”

Christian nods and shrugs. My body goes on high alert at the mention of Cade. She must be his fiancée. Which means she knows Kady.

Fuck. I’ve been trying to get her out of my head since I listened to her voicemail yesterday.

Multiple times.

I played her message last night while lying on the couch and was in heaven listening to the sound of her husky, sweet voice as I played it repeatedly. It took up residency in my veins and my bloodstream – warming me with the melodic sound. My hand rolled over my thickening length, as images of the two of us together soaked through my confused brain.

But I shut that all out the minute my mom called with the news and I left all those plans about calling her back lying on the couch I’d just vacated. I can only handle so much pain and discomfort right now. I have no room to consider what it means for Kady to be back in Arizona at the same time I am.

I’m not in a good place right now to start anything up with her.

Plus, she’d made it abundantly clear when she left that I was no big deal to her. She couldn’t return my sentiments and was mute on the topic of seeing where things went with us.

Which is fine by me. I don’t have the time nor the inclination to go chasing after some chick. Not when I have so many other important decisions ahead of me to deal with – like what I’m going to do with my basketball career. And how I’m going to support my mother after Frank’s death.

My gaze returns toward Christian and Ainsley as I see them walking down the hall together, her arm in the crook of his elbow, showing him the support he needs. The same support my mom needs from me.

“Mom, what can we do for you?”

She straightens her slumped spine and I drop my arm from her shoulder. She’s an average-sized woman, maybe five-foot-four, but she’s dwarfed by me and Christian. Except for the few gray hairs that have popped up on her scalp over the last year, she still looks young. And vital. Too young for this kind of pain.

Despite our upbringing, and the face that she was a single mother nearly our entire childhood, my mom carried with her a bright light that expressed her eternally optimistic outlook. Whenever we were down or frustrated with ourselves, she’d pull out one of her motivational quotes. She was a walking/talking advertisement for the Power of Positive Thinking and one of Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s biggest followers. I search my memory for one that would come in handy right now but draw a blank.

She pats my arm reassuringly. “You’re doing exactly what I need, Gavin. Just having you here with me is such a comfort. I know that being let go from the team was a hard blow, but I believe it was meant to happen for a reason. You have to go through some adversity in life before you can truly know what it feels like to succeed.”

Her eyes are rimmed red from all the tears, but her smile is warm and loving. We’ve all gone through a shitload of adversity in our life, yet she makes lemonade out of lemons.

Maybe she’s right about this, though. Everything happens for a reason. While in Italy, I developed some stronger playing skills and got some great experience. I also met Kady, at a time when she needed someone. And being cut from the team has given me the opportunity to be home now when my mom needs me.

And then there’s the fact that Kady is also home now at the same time I am. Is that what’s called serendipity?

“I’m just glad I’m able to be here with you.”

She squeezes my arm and stands, stretching from side-to-side.

“I wish it were under better circumstances, though,” she says, twisting the knots from her back. “I’m going to go sit with Frank for a while, baby. And I want you boys to go home, get some rest, and go spend some time with your friends tonight.”

I’m about to argue but she holds up the heel of her hand at me. “Don’t you dare disobey me. I’m still your mother and I will swat your behind if I have to.”

We both laugh at the absurdity of that. Not a chance.

“Mom, we’re not going to leave you by yourself.”

She moves a few steps back to me and grabs hold of my hands. My mother’s attitude amazes me. Christian and I have always been her priorities. Even when she met and fell in love with Frank, she made sure we were okay with it. And we were because she deserved someone to take care of her for once.

We knew Frank would be good to her. And he was.

The thought of her being alone again breaks my heart.

“Gavin, you’ll understand this someday. But I need these last few moments alone with my husband. To say my goodbyes. To share with him how much he’s meant to me. To tell him how much his love has changed my life. And to make sure that as he departs this world, he knows how much I truly love and care for him.” Her voice quavers as she speaks.

“There will come a time in your life, Gavin, maybe someday soon, when you connect with someone so deeply, it’ll feel like the beat of your heart is completely in sync with theirs. And when you find that someone, you need to tell them every day how much they mean to you. Because you never know how much time you’ll have to spend with them.”

A lump forms in my throat and suddenly my mouth is so dry it’s like I just swallowed a jar of peanut butter.

My mom hugs me and turns to enter the hospital room where Frank is plugged into tubes and machines. A room where he’ll likely die, leaving a grieving widow who knows she’s experienced the best love of her life.

I turn around and see Christian lumbering toward me, sullen and sad.

“What was that all about?” he asks, handing me a Styrofoam cup of coffee.

I take a sip and smile tightly.

“It was about how not to be a stupid asshole.”

Christian shakes his head and pats me on the shoulder. “You are who you are. Can’t change that, brother.”

I punch him in the arm with my free hand.

“I was referring to you,” I chuckle, feeling a weight lifted from my shoulders. “Was that Cade Griffin’s fiancée you were talking with? Are you thinking about heading over there later? Mom wants us get out of her hair out so she can have some time alone with Frank.”

He turns his head toward the ICU room where my mom sits by Frank’s bedside, keeping vigil.

“Yeah, I guess so. She texted Cade and told him I was coming over. You wanna come along?”

“Absolutely. I’d actually like to talk to Cade.”

“Mm-kay,” he agrees skeptically. “Does this have anything to do with his sister?”

I take a sip and shrug noncommittally. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Christian groans with a roll of his eyes.

“You’re whipped, son. Totally, fucking whipped.”

Giving his arm a solid punch this time, we take off down the hallway, leaving the smells and noises of the hospital behind.

At least for a little while. Because we know it won’t be much longer.