Addie

 

There are moments in each of our lives that define us. Those moments where we had an option, and for better or worse, they alter the path we're walking. Hindsight is a beautiful thing, and foretelling isn't a gift I have been granted. This is why I now stand in my step-father's chambers, trying to work out what the hell I'm going to do about finding myself newly married to a man when my true love has returned from the dead just as the final vows were being spoken.

Our story has been complicated. Full of love, death, betrayal, lies, and laughter, but at no point did I ever think it would end this way. But then, how could I?

I look around the room Kellan has ushered us into as Dante, my new husband, hovers close by making sure I’m okay. Ha! As if anybody would be okay when they’ve just seen their true love come back from the dead!

Kellan and Xander talk in hurried whispers at the other end of the room. My heart is hammering in my chest and my head is a mess. It’s as if my thoughts have scattered to the four winds. Dante flicks me looks of concern and the expression on his face is breaking my heart. He doesn’t deserve any of this. He doesn’t deserve me – not when my heart belongs to somebody else. To Xander. It will always belong to Xander.

“Everything is going to work out, Addie. You know I would never hold you to the bond now that we know Xander is alive,” Dante soothes, gathering me up in a hug.

I close my eyes both to take comfort from him and to shut out the look Xander is casting across the room. His jealousy is palpable. His hurt even more so. I know it is selfish of me to need Dante right now, but his quiet, constant strength is pretty much the only thing holding me up right now.

“Thank you, Dante,” I say quietly, still fighting back the tears, “but it’s not our choice anymore. You heard my mother and Kellan. The bond we have pledged is unbreakable. We committed to each other in front of everyone. We made vows. They’re not to be broken.”

Dante shakes his head against the top of my head and I know he wants to believe differently – I also know that there is a part of him that hopes the bond is unbreakable. He loves me. I can’t imagine what he’s feeling in this moment. If the heartbreak wasn’t enough, the humiliation must cut deeply. I want to tell him that it will all be alright, that I’m not going to hurt him, but I can’t. I hate myself in this moment, and I hate Xander. No, that’s not true, I don’t hate him, I’m just… Shit, I don’t know what I am.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” I whisper. “I just wanted some happiness. Just a small piece after everything that happened. And Dante, you were the sun after the storm.”

I note him flinch at the use of the past tense.

“I guess our happiness was too much to ask for,” I say sadly.

“Never,” he says gently. “We will work something out. We’ll make it right. The bond has not been sealed, the marriage not consummated. I’m sure we’ll be able to do this for you. It is unprecedented, but then pretty much everything is when it comes to you, Addie” he smiles fondly and I feel another stab of pain in my heart.

Dante is selfless. He would give the world to me if I asked him for it. In this way, he is different to Xander. I glance back to Xander’s brooding eyes and feel my stomach slide. Desire unfurling in the pit of my stomach. I can’t explain the effect he has on me, but it’s like there’s a rope between us and all he has to do is pull, and I’m there, folded up in his arms and melting.

“The Fae are stuck in their ways,” Dante continues, “but they’ve been coming around to you. Hell, some of them even love you,” he ribs me. “Maybe, just maybe, you’re the change we needed. Perhaps this is the push we need to send us from the old ways; to help us embrace something new and exciting.” He strokes my face, tucking a stray of hair from my face.

My eyes flit back to Xander. It’s as if they can’t help themselves. Despite being in the middle of a highly charged conversation, he can’t take his own jealous eyes from us. They’re practically smouldering and it’s making me weak at the knees.

A knock announces Rose’s arrival, and behind her, her parents, Talia and Charles, Kaden, Dimitri, and Benny. The small room becomes crowded and unbearably hot.

“Well, hasn’t this been quite the evening,” Rose says with mock, nervous laughter, interrupting the conversations in the room. “Xander!” she scorns, turning on her heel to eyeball him. “As happy as I am to see you alive, what the bloody hell are you playing at? Talk about timing!”

Her accusatory stare gives way to a wide, warm smile and she walks towards him, hugging before rearing back and slapping him hard across his face.

“How dare you do that to us?” She says, voice full of steel. “How dare you do that to her!” She says, throwing her arm out in my direction. “She was broken, we all were. Your poor brother crumbled, whilst you gallivanted off wherever it was you were, doing god knows what. What is it you were doing, exactly?”

Xander’s alpha male status trembles for a moment under Rose’s wrath and he begins to open his mouth to explain, but before he can, Rose is back at him, tearing into him like a terrier.

“Just what the hell did you think was going to happen? You’re a bloody idiot Xander Bane. A stupid, bloody idiot! And it’s too late now – she’s married him,” she shouts, throwing her arm out in Dante’s direction.

I feel Dante tense with humiliation. I had thought Rose liked Dante?

“Rose,” Charles, her father, steps forward and places his hand on her arm in an attempt to quell her rage. “Maybe we should give him a chance to explain, love?”

I can tell Rose is as shaken as I am. All I want is to reach out and touch Xander, but I fear if I do, I won’t be able to let go, and if this mess is unfixable, I need to be able to let him go. Again.

“Has anyone seen Queen Eolande?” Kellan asks, searching the faces in the room.

“She was walking the room as you left trying to minimise the chaos that erupted with your arrival,” Talia, Rose’s mother says, casting Xander a disapproving look. “I would imagine she’s still trying to get everybody away. She’ll be worried sick about the gossip and what this will do the reputation of the royal family. This kind of emotional mess can bring down a kingdom if it’s not dealt with properly.”

“I think she should be here,” Kellan announces. “There have been some serious allegations in relation to all that has taken place these last few weeks, and I need to speak to her about them before I can even begin to think about what the next steps will be.”

Each of them glance to the other searching for some kind of explanation.

“What do you mean, allegations?” Kaden asks from behind me. I can feel his latent anger coming from off him in waves. I guess he has been kept just as in the dark as I have, I was with him through our shared grief and sadness. I know it wasn’t fake, that he didn’t betray me in this, and I take a small comfort in that. I look to Dimitri who sends me a small, sad smile. The guilt is evident on his face – he knew all along. I shake my head in disbelief. The lying bastard. I’m fighting back the tears and the rage. Dimitri, who I trusted with my life – who I trusted even more than Xander. I sigh heavily trying to swallow down the sob threatening to emerge from my chest. I guess anyone can betray anyone, given enough reason. And there must have been reason enough if Dimitri was involved in this crazy plan, but then Xander is and always has been his general. I don’t want to think he would just follow orders, but it wouldn’t be the first time. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to have it out with him at some point. I’m sick of not knowing who I can trust. I’m sick of being treated like a child kept in the dark. They need to start acknowledging the fact that I am a princess, and one day, I will be their queen.

Xander clears his throat to talk, unable to look at either Kaden or I fully, but Kellan interrupts him. It doesn’t seem Xander is going to get the chance to explain himself, even though we’re all desperate for some kind of explanation for this entire shit storm. 

“Xander came to see your Mother after his, err, brush with death,” he says. He pauses, looking around the room nervously. He is right to be nervous. It would seem that Kellan, just like almost everybody else crammed into the room, bloody knew about Xander being alive. I can barely breathe through my swelling rage. They all knew, except for me and Dante – the very people who had the most right to know. How Dante is keeping control, goodness only knows.

“A blood oath was made between them,” Kellan continues to explain. “She pledged she would keep you safe, Addie, and delay the marriage between you and Dante until Xander’s return. At which point he would put himself forward as a legitimate suitor.”

“You knew he was coming back for me?” I ask Kellan, barely able to meet his eyes. His betrayal is another blade in my back.

Kellan nods his head sadly, his head hanging with shame – and so it should.

“Xander was going to denounce his house, leaving Kaden in his stead. As Head of House, he cannot be linked to the Fae Royals. And even though it is unheard of for a Fallen to ask for the hand of a Fae Princess, Eolande agreed to it all. She made the oath, and they sealed it in blood. It was a sacred pledge. With your marriage to Dante, Queen Eolande severed the pledge and she has betrayed the sacred Fates. In doing so, she has sealed her fate.”

“And you let us marry anyway – knowing all that?” I ask incredulously. “Even though you knew it would damn us all? Why the hell didn’t you do something to stop the wedding?”

Kellan’s eyes shut tight for a moment, and I realise that he doesn’t have an adequate answer to my question.

Queen Frostheart gasps, “This is terrible!”

I look at her with a raised eyebrow. Whatever that fate is, it can’t be good.

“What do you mean, sealed her fate?” I ask, more naïve to Fae ways than the others in the room.

“If a blood oath is broken, it results in the death of the one who broke it, Addie,” Kellan says.

“Surely not,” I say. “She’s a Queen. There must be different rules for royalty? She can’t be governed by the same laws, can she?”

Even though my mother is far from being in my good books at this moment, and even though I would like to give her a good piece of my mind, the thought of her being killed is extreme.

“Even Queens must answer to the Fates.” Kellan says, looking to Kaden and Dimitri. “Can you please bring my wife to me. We need toget to the bottom of this mess, please?”

They nod before leaving the room. As Kaden passes, he squeezes my shoulder reassuringly. This small moment of intimacy and tenderness is the most contact I’ve had from him in what feels like forever, but I try not to dwell on it, even as a distraction from this mess. I have much to worry about and it’s tempting to allow myself to take comfort from his touch just so I can try and calm the raging storm in my head.

I shake the thoughts away. There’s so much at stake. It’s as if everything is dangling by a thread.

“Surely Eolandewill just lie about everything if what you’ve said is true?” I ask Kellan bluntly. “She’s not going to just come out with the truth now – not now she’s been exposed.”

Kellan pinches the space between his eyes and sighs heavily. He is in a terrible place – almost as bad as the one I find myself in. I would like to feel sorry for him, but looking at the ashen face of Dante, my sympathy is pretty thin. I still can’t get my head around why he didn’t do something to stop the wedding. However, I know what it is to have the love of your life not turn out to be who you thought they were – who you hoped they would be. His wife, the woman he loves and made vows to, is fast becoming his enemy.

“That’s the thing about a blood oath,” he says. “The magic that binds the oath makes it impossible to lie about it. Nice little trick the creators of our kind built into the spell. Truth is magic.”

All this information is almost painful and I can feel the edges of a headache creeping towards my brain. I curse myself for not learning more about the Fae world, about the magic that weaves its way through our lives.

“Huh, well okay, so she can’t lie – but surely if all that’s true, then we can take Xander’s word as truth?” I challenge.

“If only it were so simple,” Xander says, sulkily from the corner of the room.

His arms are folded across his chest and he is so angry that I’m worried he is going to implode at any moment. “The magic that binds the Fae is stronger than that which binds the Fallen. We have more resistance to Fae magic. It is hard, but not impossible for a Fallen to lie about the oath, which is enough to give the council reasonable doubt.”

Kellan nods in agreement. “We need to prove without doubt that she made the oath – then we can break the bond between you and Dante, and make good on the oath Xander was given. Although marriage is a sacred bond and its own kind of unbreakable oath, being as you and Dante have not slept together as man and wife – Xander and Eolande’s blood bond remains the stronger of the two. However, there will be a price to pay. The oath breaker must die.”

Before I can respond, the door reopens, and I see a stricken looking Dimitri following a steely faced Kaden.

“The Queen has left the Palace, Your Majesty,” Kaden informs Kellan. “As have all of your guests, except for the council, who wish to see you in the hall, along with Addie and Dante.” His voice rings out coldly around the room. It is clear there are many more voices outside of this room that have an opinion on the matter.

It doesn’t matter who loves who, this is going to be very much a case of laws and protocol. I glance at Xander. I’m still kind of waiting for him to do something dramatic and heroic – but maybe he’s all out of surprises for one evening. I can see the slump in his shoulders and I fear that he’s going to give up on us – that somehow, seeing me married to Dante has broken him. Part of me thinks it’s no less than he deserves. I can’t shake the thought that he blames me for all of this – as if I should have died rather than accept the fate of marrying another. My guilt is quickly turning to anger. He was the one who left. He was the one that went ahead and left me behind, not caring that it would hurt so much that I thought I would die, too.

“Well, then I guess we must go and see what we can do about all of this.” Kellan says, turning to Talia and Charles. “Thank you for being here this evening, but I think for now, it may be best if you return to the Isles with Rose and your guard. Try to keep up appearances and give the illusion that things are not quite as chaotic as they are. As far as the rest of the world is concerned, Addie and Dante are married and we are all delighted.”

I hear Xander cough under his breath in order to hide his growl of disapproval.

Rose tries to argue but is stopped by her mother.

“I think you might be right,” she says nodding her respect to Kellan. “Addie,” she says, turning to me with a sad smile, “tonight was beautiful, and I’m sorry for the disruption and chaos that descended on your wedding day. Perhaps when this is all over, we shall join together to celebrate without all the drama.” She flicks Xander a disapproving look before turning her face and her smile back to me. “I truly hope you get the happiness you deserve. Dante,” she says, extending her hands to be received by his. “I wish you all the very best. Keep strong.”

“Thank you,” he says, trying to smile, even though it pains him.

“Thank you,” I say, hearing the note of a sob in the back of my throat. If I don’t move soon, I’m going to cry and that’s the last thing I want to do.

Kaden steps towards the door. “And on that note, I think we should head back to House Bane. There is much to sort there,” he says, looking over to Xander, his expression unreadable. “Come, brother.”

Xander remains unmoved against the wall. He doesn’t look like he’s going anywhere whilst I’m still in the room. I glance to Kellan, desperate for someone to take control of the situation.

Kellan pulls himself up and thrusts out his chin. “Yes, Kaden, I agree – that will be the best thing right now. Michael can stay as guard for Sophie and Addie, but I think the rest of you should leave,” Kellan orders.

It pains me to hear Xander ordered away from me – especially as he has only just returned, but Kellan is right, his presence here isn’t helping the situation. I can’t think straight with him being in the same room as me. I take a deep breath, and it feels like my warm breath. I feel so cold that I have no fight left in me, and I know that I’m suffering from shock. If I don’t get some sweet tea soon and a blanket to warm me up, I’m going to flake out. The very last thing I need at the minute is to be lying unconscious whilst the rest of the world decides the rest of my life. This night’s events have drained me to the point of exhaustion. I still can’t quite believe it. I lean into Dante, who hasn’t left my side. Always the rock. Solid in his love and duty of care for me. He would never leave me – not like Xander.

I look to Xander as he reluctantly pulls himself away from the wall and falls into line behind his brother. I know I should feel an uncontrollable urge to run to his side, and trust me, there is still a strong pull there, but I have it by the scruff of the neck and I’m not letting it overcome me – not like before. How many nights had I imagined our reunion? How many nights had I wished Xander to return to me so I could run to him and feel him wrap me up in his arms, his lips crushing into mine. The feeling that I would never let him go again – and now… now the realisation of everything has started to sink in. I can’t find it in myself to go to him. Especially not when Dante is still here, so full of care and loyalty. So concerned with my happiness.

“I don’t think…” Xander starts to object, narrowing his eyes at Dante, but Kellan holds up a hand to silence him.

“I think your thinking has gotten us into enough trouble for now, boy. You should be on your way with your brother.” Kellan stands firm, staring Xander down, and I’m grateful to Kellan in a way words cannot describe. It’s as if he knows the turmoil inside of me.

Xander looks to me and I offer him a small, tired nod. Kellan is right, this is his mess, and I’m going to have to clean it up – along with Kellan and Dante. I sigh as I think about how close I was to living an uncomplicated life; of being a princess and Dante being my prince. It was an idea that I had grown used to. I had allowed myself to believe that I might be happy – it was all so close. And while I would change nothing, because this, no matter how complicated, brings Xander back to me, I can’t help but wonder if Dante and I were always doomed to never have a chance to be happy together – to explore the love we found for each other without interruption. To ever be husband and wife. The thought of never being physically intimate with Dante, of never declaring and showing our love for each other in that way, adds a further layer of sadness to my emotions. I think it would have been beautiful. 

Kaden, Dimitri and Xander take their leave, and Kellan walks over to Dante and I.

“You’ve been very controlled,” he says softly, taking my hand, and squeezing it affectionately.

“I know, I just…” my words trail off as my mind zips a million words a minute, but none of them are enough to explain the emotions tumbling through me.

“I understand,” he says, smiling warmly. “I will try my best to get the outcome you truly wish for – it’s the very least I owe you. But for now, even though I am sure that you are furious at me, and feel let down by my actions – or inactions, we must remain a strong united force. Difficult times are coming. Dante, I just want to say how proud I am of your conduct in the last couple of hours.” Kellan nods with respect. “You are a fine young man and it is my intention that we try and solve this tangled web of hearts and loyalties as kindly as we can.”

Dante bows his head in reply and says, “Thank you, your majesty. I just want Addie to be happy.”

As if my heart wasn’t broken and confused enough, Dante’s selflessness cracks it a little more. He truly is a good man. A man that in different circumstances, I could have loved with a full heart – but now…?

 

***

 

Duty calls, and our first stop is the council. They will have many questions, so I prepare myself for a long night.

Kellan fends off most of the councils’ questions until the morning, placating them with tales of joyous reunions and reassurances that all will be fine so that we can all sleep after such an exciting evening. Dante and I do an almost convincing job of showing a united and bound front – happy even. And although the council are scrutinising me for signs of rebellion, they seem satisfied enough when I reach out and hold Dante’s hand. I wonder if he can feel it trembling, and I wonder what he’s thinking of me as I sit there and smile lies about how Xander is no threat to our happy union. The deception makes me feel sick. I don’t want Dante to ever think less of me.

Dante walks me back to my room, holding my hand tightly. I’m not sure if he’s helping me stay standing, or if he’s not to let me go. When we get to my door, we’re both painfully aware that tonight should have been a celebration. It had been something we had been ridiculously excited about. Dante had been flirting outrageously for days, not giving in when I kissed him and stroked him, begging him to break the rules and sneak to my room with me. Ever correct, Dante had resisted all my charms, and the effect had been intoxicating. I’d woken that morning with my stomach flipping at the thought of us sharing our marriage bed, of us finally getting to know everything about each other – and now…the sadness is almost too much to bear.

Here we are, reeling from yet another curve ball. I wonder if I will ever know peace. He opens the door and leads me through, helping me take down my hair and undo the bindings of my dress. There is no joy in it. No promise of delights to come. It’s nothing more than something that needs to be done.

I float into the bathroom unseeing, going through the motions. I should be happy – beyond happy that Xander is alive.

I am.

I’m also feeling guilty about Dante, and something else, a form of anger that Xander has come back and spoiled everything. While what I feel for Dante doesn’t measure to the love I feel for Xander, I still love Dante. I can’t help that. I also know, that just as the love between Dante and I has blossomed over the time we have spent together, it would have continued to grow into something special – something unbending, something steadfast and forever. Now, I have no idea which way is up, and I’m not even sure I know what love is any more.

I prepare myself for bed and wander back to my room. Dante is still waiting for me, stood like the Royal he was trained to be, looking out of the window and over the grounds. He would make me happy, I think to myself. He would not keep things from me. He would not leave me. I shake my head, and he turns as he hears me.

“I’m sorry. This is really awkward, but Kellan instructed me to stay in your room tonight,” he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You know,” he shrugs, “keep up the appearance that we are blissfully happy. I’ll sleep over here on the chaise.”

I hear his voice snag in his throat and I go to speak. He stops me before I start. He knows that I don’t have the sincere words at the minute and he’d rather hear nothing from me than mistruths.

“Addie, you should sleep,” he says, sitting down on the chaise, and pulling off his boots. “We have a testing few days ahead of us.”

“I know, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” I tell him with a sigh, sinking down on the end of my bed.

“Get some rest. Tomorrow we shall talk about what you want. I know your first reaction is to break our bond, to go back to him, and if that is what you truly want, I will not stand in the way. But if you want me to stay by your side, I will do that, too. Don’t think that I say you can go back to him because I don’t love you, that it doesn’t break my heart to think about it. You know I love you, and I know you love me too in your own way. We could be good together. We would be fair and just rulers. Our friendship and love would grow into much more. I know you don’t feel that burning white love I know you feel for him. I know that I am not the same as him – but I’ll fight for you, Addie, if you want me to. I said to you before that I was competing with a ghost. Now I compete with a man, a flawed man who left you in the worst way, but still, he is a tangible threat to all that we have built. To who you could be. Sleep on it. I just wanted you to know that regardless of your decision, I will support you and fight for your decision.”

I sit stunned, watching the conviction and passion in his words dictate his actions. He would make a good King. A good Husband.

“Thank you, Dante. For everything. You know I treasure you dearly. Whatever happens, I fear another part of my heart will be lost along the way. Goodnight my friend.” I say, standing, and reaching up on tip toes to plant a kiss of his cheek before heading to bed.

When I woke this morning, I never would have believed that this would be how my day would end.I look up into Dante’s eyes and I see the sadness and loss I feel inside myself. We were so close to having everything. To having each other.

I raise back up on the tips of my toes and kiss him softly. To say goodbye, I reason with myself. He kisses me back gently, tentatively, his hands resting on my hips. He pulls back from me, and I rest my forehead on his chest.

“Addie,” he whispers, and I look back up at him. “We shouldn’t…” he murmurs, but I see the longing and the want on his face. His words are nothing more than what he thinks he should say, and that makes me love him that little bit more. I’ve tried to fight how drawn to him I am, but maybe just for tonight we don’t have to.

“We could,” I sigh, “but it would be just for tonight. Just for us.” I tell him as I lean into him and kiss him again. Just for once I want to do something for us. For him. For me. I can deal with the consequences of this tomorrow, but not my regret for never knowing. No matter how much harder it will make tomorrow.

He takes my face in his hands, his kiss demanding and hungry. “I will take just tonight if it’s all I get, Addie. We can start the rest of our lives tomorrow.” 

 

***

 

I woke this morning incensed and invigorated. There had to be a way to resolve everything. My father was King after all. I spent several minutes watching Dante sleep. Feelings of tenderness and care swept over me. My love for him would have grown fierce. I know that.

I decide to see father and force him to do something. Anything. However, when I arrive at the throne room, it is to find the door locked and his guards strong. Even though I do not think they would harm me, he is still their King and I am second in line. It is his orders they answer to, and I don’t relish killing any of them. In the end, I slump down against the wall and wait it out, trying to ignore their disapproving looks.

Eventually, his council are dismissed and I am finally granted an audience, although by this point, I am so raging with frustration that I can barely string two thoughts together.

“Daughter,” Kellan says, smiling, and extending his arms in welcome.

Even if he has forgotten his part to play in this complete disaster, I have not. It will take more than a good night’s sleep for me to run back into the warm embrace of my father.

“Father, you must do something. You are the King for crying out loud. I'm trying to be mature about this, I swear I am, but if what Xander says is true, and that old crow knew he was alive, I will burn her where she stands."

“Addie, that is your mother you are talking about – and although I appreciate that you are angry – and have every right to be angry, she is still your queen.”

“She’s your queen – not mine!”

“Addie, careful, what you speak is treason.”

“Trust me, I don’t care!”

"Addie, calm yourself," Xander soothes.“You’ll get nowhere with a hot head. This situation calls for intelligence and patience, not bloody and fury.”

I spin on my heel. I had not seen him lurking in the shadows. It seems he has decided that is his new place in life.

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t respond but flashes me a look of almost comical disbelief. He’s about to say something but a look from Kellan stops him.

“Xander and I have been talking.”

“Oh, have you indeed – and you didn’t think to invite me to the party?”

There’s a commotion at the door and eventually a guard enters informing Kellan that Dante has requested an audience.

“Show him in,” Kellan says, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I guess one more won’t hurt.”

Dante emerges, looking somewhat hassled. He stops mid stride when he sees that both Xander and I are already with Kellan.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I had hoped to find you alone.”

Kellan waves his apology aside and sighs. “What is it, Dante?”

Dante looks to me briefly before clearing his throat. "I just wanted to say that I really don’t wish to cause Addie any unhappiness, and to ask if there is any way of undoing the ceremony? Our marriage has not been consummated, so as far as the terms of a legal Fae marriage, the bond was never sealed."

I wince at me lie, and I feel Xander stiffen as he catches it. I look to him and he looks like he is chewing a mouthful of wasps, then back to Dante, stood small in front of my father’s throne. It is with a mixture of sadness and thanks. My heart, while full of anger at the betrayal of my mother, aches for Dante's sweetness. I know he holds no grudge towards Xander or I for the situation we all find ourselves in, and it makes me even sadder that he is the one to be so hurt in all of this. After last night, I know he would sacrifice himself for me and my happiness.

“Thank you, Dante,” Kellan says, smiling. “You are a man of noble heart.”

I wonder whether Xander notes the sense of criticism of him that comes with the praise of Dante.

“I am not surprised that my daughter chose you above all the others.”

I see Xander’s jaw tighten and his knuckles turn white with quiet rage.

“We need this situation resolving and as quick as possible – obviously, that has been made harder by the absence of your mother, Addie,” Kellan explains. "I really need to confront her in front of Xander, and the council, so she has opportunity to explain it to us all. The oath needs to be indisputable, and then we can work from there.”

"Yes, that would be great, if we had any idea where she was! Surely her absence is confirmation enough of her betrayal!" I protest. The frustration I feel teases the power of my demon as she tries to seep out of the box I keep it in.

Xander seems to sense her emergence and has shifted position. I can feel his eyes boring into me. The whole atmosphere in the room has shifted.

“Addie, please. I need you to calm down. This is not a normal situation, in any sense of the word. I need you to keep your cool. The council still need to convene again. If you do anything rash, they could veto my decision. We have never faced a situation such as this. It is already very likely that I will be opposed fully, and will not have the power in the eyes of our laws to overturn the bond. I need you to be very open to the fact that this might not be able to be undone.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to centre myself, I can feel the darkness rising, the darkness that I’ve worked so hard to lock away in the fortress I have built inside of me. It’s so close to breaking free.

“What is it you suggest we do until we can find my mother?” I ask.

“For now, Addie, your people need you. You still have duties to attend to, and you still have Sophie to care for. She has been asking for you all day.

“So there is much to occupy your mind.” He smiles at me sadly. “In the meantime, Dante, we will get the quarters next to Addie’s room made up for you. That way, you can use the interconnecting door and keep the illusion that you are conducting yourselves as man and wife. Sleeping on a chaise isn’t the best night’s sleep,” he says with a small snort.

“But isn’t that going against our best way out of the marriage,” I say, feeling a stab of guilt when I see Dante flinch. “The fact that our marriage has not been consummated is our best bet – how is Dante being seen to be sleeping in my room helping that?”

Kellan sighed heavily. “As far as the community is concerned, Dante is our Prince, your husband, until we tell them otherwise. The illusion of your relationship with my daughter must be upheld, and because of that, Xander, you must return to House Bane, as far away from Addie as possible. I suggest you join the hunt for my wife. I know your brother, Kaden and his second, Celeste are already co-ordinating it with Dimitri. The choice is yours as to whether you go on the hunt or not. I’m sure you must have a lot of your own affairs to tidy.”

“I appreciate the advice, Your Majesty, but while I will respect your wishes and go back to House Bane as needed, I will not be leaving Addie. I will take up the role of her personal guard, and protect her with my life as I vowed to long ago. I’ve already been gone for far too long.”

“As you wish. As long as, Dante has no issue with this, then let it be so,” Kellan says.

I see Dante’s whole neck tighten. Yes, he has an issue with it. He has a big issue with it. He’s jealous and threatened as hell, and I’m grateful to see it. The way he’s been carrying on, all noble and self-sacrificing has led me to question whether Dante cares for me as much as he says he does.

“Xander is one of the very best warriors we have,” Dante says, tightly. “I would like Addie to be under the care of the best.”

“Good, well that’s settled then,” Kellan says. He looks tired, and I can’t say I blame him. He’s been left to deal with the fall out of this on his own, along with the issues from my mother disappearing in the middle of the night. 

“Dante,” he says honing his attention down. “Would you mind walking me to the meeting. There are things I should further like to discuss with you.”

I watch after them as they leave and as soon as the doors close behind them, the atmosphere in the room shifts again. I am alone with Xander.

“Do you love him?” He asks.

I close my eyes against the question. He has no right to ask that – and besides, I don’t have an answer, certainly one that he wants to hear. My demon is stirring at the sound of his voice, and I know I should have spent more time trying to learn how to control it, but I had more important things to deal with. Like surviving.

I feel a hand curl around the back of my neck as the heat of his body envelopes me. So hot. Like the sun. I breathe him in. Xander. I never thought I’d feel him like this again, breath him in as I do now. I thought he was lost to me, but he’s here. Found. And now that he is, I don’t know what to do. His arrival at our wedding, yesterday – hell, was it only yesterday? – had filled me with something like happiness, but it had also brought with it so much sadness on its wake.

Now, while I am happy he is alive, there’s only one thing I really want to know. Why the hell did he fake his own death?

I put my hand on his chest and push him away, standing tall.

“Look,” he says, looking so deep into my eyes that I think I might dissolve, “I know I owe you an answer, and promise me, I wish I could tell you everything – but I can’t, Addie. I really can’t, and I know that is making you livid as a hell cat, and it probably makes you hate me a little bit more than you already do – “

“—I don’t hate you,” I begin to protest, but even to my ears, it sounds like a lie.

He puts his finger against my lips and the pressure is almost unbearable. The urge to kiss his flesh so strong that it takes every ounce of my resolve not to engage.

“But, Addie, you have to trust me when I say that everything I did, I did because I love you, and I wanted to protect you. There’s such darkness around the corner.”

“It wasn’t your right to protect me,” I snap.

He smiles sadly. “It was my duty and my right as your husband to protect you in whatever way I could, even if that meant losing you.”

“We were not married.”

Xander shakes his head slowly. “No, it wasn’t written on a piece of paper, but it was carved here,” he says, taking my hand and placing it against his chest. “I made vows to the heavens and earth. I made vows to you, Addie. And so, we may not be married in the eyes of that fuddy duddy Fae Council through there, but in my soul, we are married – and I think it’s the same for you, too.”

I can’t cope with this right now. My head is spinning. All I want to do is break away. I can’t breathe.

“Now is not the time, Xander,” I say – the bite of my words sharper than I intended, but a true reflection of the hurricane of feelings inside me.

I leave the room ahead of him. While I’ve missed him like crazy, I have spent my time mourning him; I’ve started to move on with my life. Will I need to sacrifice all I have gained if Kellan is able to undo my union with Dante? What will the people of the kingdom think of their princess when they see how fickle and unkind I have been?

Xander is right to think that I am mad as hell about him keeping me in the dark about his disappearance – and he’s still yet to give me an explanation that I can get my head around. How does he expect to reconcile with me if he won’t be honest with me? How are we meant to move forward from that? At this point, I’m not even sure we can.

And as for the rest of them, scheming and plotting behind my back – I don’t know who I can trust anymore. As I walk to my rooms, I seriously consider packing my bag and sneaking out in the middle of the night – leaving all this shit behind me. They can sort it out amongst themselves. My desire to run is strong – but then I think of Dante, and I can’t do that to him. He’s suffering enough. And unlike me, he wouldn’t even think to run away from the situation. No, he’ll face it like the royal he is – and there’s a lot I can learn from him. He’s already taught me so much.

And, if I run away, I’m not going to find out what happened – and I assure you, I am going to damn well find out exactly what has been going on behind my back whether Xander wants me to know or not.