Selena
The journey away from the island felt like a breath of fresh air. I could finally get some clarity. I could leave the world of bloodshed and pain behind and dream of what might lay ahead.
Varick was troubled and I didn't have the words to comfort him. It was difficult to explain how I felt and I needed time to process everything that had happened. Still, we remained side by side, our hands clasped together in a silent bond until I grew so numbingly cold that Varick forced me to go inside. He remained out on the bow and I watched his shadowy form standing sentinel, gazing out at the sea. What did he think now that he was free? What did he want life to look like in the coming days? Perhaps he didn't know. I wasn't sure I did. All I knew was that, for now, everything was alright. And I'd cling to this moment for as long as it lasted.
In the cabin, Thames was huddled under a blanket on a small bench, her face pale, all bravado from her expression gone.
“Where will we go now?” she asked and I looked to Ulvic who was steering the vessel.
“My home,” he answered stiffly.
Cass entered the cabin and I took in the sight of her wind-swept hair and olive eyes. Eyes that pinned on Jameson for a moment who was snoozing soundly in a chair, before swivelling to me. I didn't know how he could sleep after what we'd just been through, but he looked as peaceful as a baby.
“I've missed you,” I said, my throat constricting. It didn't begin to encompass how much. I'd longed for her at my side during the game. I'd relived the moment I'd left her at the top of that tower so many times. Being with her now reminded me of the other girl I'd lost at the top of that tower. Guilt niggled at me for leaving Kite behind, but I hadn't had an opportunity to save her. All I could hope was that she had gotten free during the chaos and managed to save herself.
“I missed you too.” Cass broke a smile and it was so familiar that I launched myself into her arms. She stiffened, hesitantly holding me close. “Selena-”
“I trust you,” I said firmly, stepping away.
She nodded, but didn't look any less rigid. She sucked her cheeks in as if she were holding her breath. “I'll just get some air,” she said through tight lips and I nodded, letting her go, sad that she was a slave to blood now just like Varick.
I turned to Ulvic who had barely said anything since we'd set sail.
“Are you alright?” I asked softly. He'd found a large trench coat to wear, concealing his bare chest.
He nodded, but remained silent, his eyes sliding to where Kodiak was pacing out on the deck.
“God damn Vs,” he muttered.
My neck prickled. “He helped us.”
“I don't want those things in my home,” he growled.
“Varick saved your life,” I snapped.
Ulvic turned to me, pain in his eyes. “Don't tell me what he did. I was there. He didn't do it to save me, he did it to appease his disgusting appetite for blood.”
“Ignus tortured him his whole life!” I shouted and Thames glanced anxiously between us.
“I don't care what Ignus did,” Ulvic spat. “The Vs can stay for one day on my island, no longer.”
I grimaced at him. “Fine. We'll find our own way after that.”
Ulvic's dusky gaze ran down me. “You'd leave with them?”
I nodded, gritting my teeth, looking at Varick out on the deck. Wherever he went, I'd be. That didn't seem like an option any more.
“Fool,” Ulvic muttered and I moved away, past Jameson who was still sound asleep as I stepped out of the cabin and took in a breath of air.
Kodiak shot a glance in my direction, sucking his lower lip hungrily. He had the stature of a solider, but his features were soft and beautiful.
I gazed up at the heavens, counting the stars. Anything not to think for a moment. Anything at all.
◐☼◐
It was still night when we arrived at Skorpa island, so dawn wasn't yet an issue for the Vampires, though it would be soon.
Ulvic let us wash and change in his cabin and I finally felt human again, dressed in a warm jumper and jeans. I felt guilty for borrowing them from Reason, not knowing where she was now. What Ignus had done with her. She and Mekiah were evidently on Ulvic's mind too as he headed off into the woods to talk with his remaining wolves, Jameson at his side.
Although I desperately wanted to ask for some time alone with Varick, I still wasn't sure whether I should leave Thames unattended with Kodiak. Cass, I trusted. Despite her own doubts. I knew who she was at heart. And that counted for so much more than she knew.
We all sat in the lounge, my eyes straying to Varick over and over again. He was dressed in a dark shirt and jeans with his hair tugged up into a knot, gazing out of the window, his back to me.
Cass gave me a sympathetic look before saying to Thames, “Hey, why don't you go to bed? Vs don't need to sleep, but there's no point you two staying awake.”
Thames seemed zoned out. She hadn't even cried since the loss of her legs, but I could sense from her distant expression that she wasn't coping too well. She suddenly looked to me.
“You go, I'm gonna stay up a bit longer,” I said softly and she nodded.
Varick turned his ear in my direction, but said nothing.
Cass moved to Thames's side. “May I?”
Thames reached up, letting Cass lift her and carry her upstairs. I spotted Thames stealing a crossbow off the wall on her way. Couldn't really blame her after everything she'd been through.
Cass returned a moment later, a scowl on her face.
“Is she okay?” I asked, horrified by what had happened to Thames.
“She's putting on a brave face,” Cass said and I nodded as silence fell in the room and my eyes slid to Varick's statuesque form once more.
I knew now was my time to act, but still I found myself rooted to the armchair.
Cass rolled her eyes at me, grabbed Kodiak's arm and guided him out the front door with purpose.
“Where are we going?” he asked.
“Out,” she snapped and he didn't argue, the two of them disappearing onto the porch as the door swung closed.
How could silence be so loud? It suddenly burrowed into my head, pressing in on my ears.
“Varick?” I called, my throat desperately dry.
“I don't understand why you came back for me,” he said immediately.
My heart nearly stopped. “What's that supposed to mean?” I breathed, getting to my feet and hesitantly approaching him.
He rounded on me, his eyes impossibly green, invading my soul. He shifted closer, his broad form taking up everything, blotting out the world, his intoxicating scent flooding my senses and leaving me floundering.
“It's obvious why I follow you like a blood hound. But you should never have returned to that island for me. Why come back? Why risk your life?”
Hurt resonated in me as he confirmed my worst fears about why he wanted me. My blood. I dropped my eyes, scouring my socks as I searched for something to distract me from his rejection. My throat was so tight, that it wouldn't let me get out an answer to his question.
His fingers reached into my hair, tugging slightly despite his obvious efforts to be gentle. “I'm enraptured by you.”
I pulled away, retreating into myself, my doubts spilling over as I shook my head repeatedly. “I'm nothing.”
“You're everything. And still you stand by me. A monster.” His upper lip curled back.
I backed away, moving to the wall and resting my head against it. “What you did today...it was hard for me to watch. But Varick, it was what Ignus deserved. I'd never have been bold enough to do it myself.”
When I glanced up, I found fury etched into his face in hard lines. He moved toward me at speed, so close, I couldn't breathe. Before I could even predict his next move, he slammed his knuckles into the wall beside my head. I heard the crunch and the crumble of dust but never moved, never even blinked. I was hanging on his next words, waiting, hoping he'd find a way out of this argument. Because I knew I couldn't.
“You think you know yourself so well,” he growled, sending a shiver skittering down my spine. “But there are things you don't see that everyone else does. And things that only I see.”
“Like what?” I breathed, the words passing my lips like the wings of a bird brushing over them.
He inched closer, hesitantly reaching out and tracing his thumb across my bottom lip. Gentle now he'd gotten the hang of it. “You remind me of the sea...the endless storm in your eyes, the flush of sunsets in your cheeks. I see a red dawn in your lips, where I once would have set my eye and sailed into its promised light. You are all the things I loved in life, embodied. And after what I've done, I fear losing you will bring about my death all over again.”
My lungs seemed to cave in, utterly useless for several seconds as I soaked in his words, lost to the beauty of them. And the impossibility that Varick truly loved me.
“Now you've seen what I really am. And I'm waiting for you to leave. And still, you haven't.” His face was stoic but his eyes roared with hellfire. I felt the pain in him mirrored in me. The fact that it didn't make sense to either of us was such a relief. We each had our own demons, countering the possibility that we could ever be loved. And as I understood that, I gave in, gave everything, let the walls fall to ruin at my feet. I stripped away the solid exterior I'd lived behind my entire life, built from broken promises and the failures of others who'd done me wrong. And I let him in, let him take whatever was left. It was already his anyway, I was just done holding onto it at last.
“I came back for this part of you.” I laid my hand on his chest where the solid beat of his heart nearly outpaced mine. “Because even though there's a demon inside you, you meet it on the battlefield every day. I love you in all the spaces that you're not a monster, and I forgive you for all the places that you are.”
He let out a groan of frustration. With himself or me, I wasn't sure.
I tugged his shirt, willing him toward me and finally he caved, crushing himself against me.
“Hate me,” he demanded, his mouth brushing mine.
“Never,” I breathed, a tear rolling down my cheek. I didn't know if I was sad at everything that had happened or euphoric at everything that was to come.
I leant into his embrace and he took the kiss I'd been longing for. The world dimmed around me. Nothing existed but the electricity in my veins and his solid body pressed against mine. Desire burned in me, my stomach clenching deeply in a way that was entirely unknown to me.
Someone burst through the door and the moment dissolved in a glorious wave. Extracting myself from Varick's arms – he didn't let me go easily – I turned to face Cass who looked ruffled. Her lips seemed to part then reseal as she found the words she wanted to say.
“There's someone here, someone called Typhon,” she said at last, her eyes finding mine and I felt something rip open inside me. “Selena...he says he's your father.”