Poisonous Dream (The Starlight Gods Series Book 5) by Yumoyori Wilson (10)

~MAKOTO~

I silently drifted through the darkness. It had become my safe haven, something I wouldn't have expected to ever be the case. I always feared the darkness, yet after accepting it, its pitch-black presence and silence soothed me.

How much time had passed since I retreated within these black walls? I doubted anyone cared that I was here. I'd done something bad.

I hurt the familiar who'd always protected me. I made my loved ones cry. I bet my family was ashamed to meet me now that they saw the dark side of me.

But...I missed my knights. I longed to feel their touch, to hear their voices and laughter as we gathered around the kitchen island and sat on our designated stools.

I wanted to feel Ryder's hand on my hips as he whispered sweet words to me while we looked for what book to read next. Or feel Daniel's soft breathe brush against my neck before he kissed my hot skin, getting sidetracked from doing my hair.

I wanted to be on Marcus’ lap as we watched Earthala shows or take long strolls with my arm wrapped around Elias as we watched Nightmare climb trees we'd have to scramble up to bring her down.

I missed Kai and his pumpkin spice scent as he cuddled next to me and let me watch him sketch away, wishing for more opportunities to learn about him.

I missed them so much. Being in the darkness made my ache for them grow instead of helping me forget.

I debated whether to return or not, but whenever I thought about going back, the primary concern entering my thoughts was: How will I face them? Or face my spirits? Or the sheer reality I can't walk?

Maybe they judged me and thought my reaction was overdramatic or unnecessary. But they didn't know what I'd been through and I didn't have the courage to face their rejection. My heart wouldn't be able to take it.

I floated in the space for a long time, trying to muster enough guts to leave this safe haven and face reality. I wanted to be strong, to wake up from the poisonous dream.

Some time must have passed, but I still wanted to give myself more time to think about it. Then I heard someone singing.

It was distant at first, making it almost impossible to decipher what the individual was singing. But I concentrated harder, moving my floating essence closer and closer to the surface to satisfy my curiosity. As I reached the edge, between the darkness and my conscious, the words got clearer and the voice sent a thrill of happiness through my being.

Mommy?

I was tempted to resurface, to get to hear my mother's voice with my own ears. To feel her touch and the way her hand would play with my hair every night when she sang me the lullaby at bedtime. Having regained my memories from my past, I'd taken the time to reminisce about my childhood and how I missed my family.

I missed Father and Mother, Kade and Xavier, and I missed Nightmare.

I continued to listen to her angelic voice, struggling to face the fear that continued to thump through me— preventing me from going to the other side. I felt something warm next to me, which led me to concentrate on seeing who else was within these dark walls.

Midnight?

"Mako. Mother sings well, doesn't she?" Midnight greeted.

Mother. Did you meet her? I wanted to know what Midnight's opinion was of our mother.

"She's kind and loves us, Mako. She misses you. Twin Mako misses you too. Father comes back tomorrow apparently," Midnight explained,

Mom misses me? Dad's coming home? And twin me?

"Kade. He looks exactly like you, but he's a guy and he has short hair. Oh, he doesn't like unicorns. I'm working on it." Midnight sounded determined.

Oh...

"You ready to come back?" Midnight asked.

I'm scared. They... I hurt Nightmare and the guys. I hurt Mom and Kade. I'll be a burden if I come back. I don't want to be a burden.

I didn't want to weigh anyone down. I wouldn't be able to bathe or do things on my own. I'd always need one of them with me and that wasn't fair. They wouldn't want to sacrifice all that time on me now that we were in Heila where they could dedicate their time elsewhere.

"Don't be afraid, Makoto. We miss you. Everyone misses you. You'd never be a burden. Everyone’s trying their best to help. This isn't like the facility. They won't discard us or reject us. Ryder, Daniel, Elias, Marcus, and Kai all miss you dearly. They've been struggling and they need you to bring them back together. You're their princess and leader. Without you, they’re lost and aren't able to reach their potential. We also have to prove ourselves soon. The other spirits need you. And I need you,” Midnight explained.

I could hear her desperation and loneliness. I let her words sink in. Mother's serene voice still sung in the background, making me crave meeting her again after all these cycles. She always made everything better. Even if everyone rejected me, she would never leave me. I was her sunshine and I'd always be.

Midnight.

"Yes, Makoto?"

You'll never leave my side, right? No matter if everyone abandons me. You'll stay, right?

"Of course I will. The others won't abandon you either. We're all here for you, Makoto. We love you and are a part of you. We'll face this challenge together and will always stay by your side no matter what," Midnight confirmed.

Okay. Let's go back...back to the light.

I struggled to open my eyes; they felt much heavier than normal. Regardless of my apparent struggle, I took my time; enjoying my mom's soft voice as she continued to sing quietly. I felt the sensation of her fingers running through my locks which were curled instead of my usual straight tresses.

I felt something soft rubbing against my cheek; a low purr could be heard periodically, making my heart jump slightly with both anxiety and joy.

"MEW!"

I could feel Nightmare begin to lick my cheek before nudging her head against my neck. I tried not to laugh, the sensation making me want to giggle.

"What's wrong, Nightmare?"

I almost cried and I'd yet to open my eyes, hearing my mother's soft-spoken voice after cycles. Before passing out, I'd seen her sad expression as she fought back tears. I knew that image would linger in my mind for many rotations, maybe even cycles, but to hear her voice that had a hint of curiosity made me fight harder to open my eyes.

"Mew, mew, mew, mew!" I could feel Nightmare crawl on my front, sitting right on my upper chest and licked my chin.

I finally opened my eyes, vibrant turquoise ones greeted mine before another pair, these mismatched, popped in my line of vision. Nightmare's tongue began to lick my face.

"Nighty, stop licking," I croaked before giggling at her hyper behavior.

"MEW!" She continued, not stopping when I asked her.

I heard a soft giggle before Nightmare was lifted off my face, allowing me to sigh in relief. I looked up to see my mom had picked her up.

"Now, Nightmare. Give Makoto a few seconds to adjust before you slobber her." Mother smiled at the familiar who was already trying to get out of her hold.

I could see her excitement in those mismatched eyes I’d missed so much, noticing the little cast on her front left leg which made me frown.

Mother noticed the direction of my gaze, her hand brushing against my cheek.

"It was an accident, sweetheart. You didn't mean to harm her and Nightmare isn't mad at you. She missed you dearly and has been doing her best to share her presence with you, Midnight and the other boys," Mom soothed.

"MEW!" Nightmare finally wiggled out of Mother's hold, landing on my stomach before crawling up to my face and licking me once more.

I couldn't stop giggling; the giggles soon turned into sobs, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I'm sorry, Nightmare. I was scared," I whimpered.

"Mew." Nightmare’s tails wrapped around my neck as she rubbed my cheek, trying to wipe away my tears that fell down my left cheek.

I felt Mother's hand caress my right cheek. "It's okay, Mako. Everything is fine," Mom soothed, which only contributed to my next set of tears. She sat on the bed, then pulled me into her arms.

I still couldn't feel my legs which made me cry harder into her chest. "Mommy, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I'm a burden to you. I didn't want this. I didn't have the courage to face you or the others. I didn't want to be rejected. It would hurt too much. But you won't reject me, right? You won't abandon me if everyone else does?" I begged, opening my tearful eyes to meet hers— tears already rolling down her cheek as she gave me a smile.

"I'll never leave you, Makoto. My lovely Rosalina. I begged the gods to give birth to such an amazing daughter and even though you were stolen from us and we had feared the worse, here you are, in my arms. This body is just that— a body. It doesn't determine the person you are, or the impact you've had on so many people in such a short period of time. Your soul has improved their lives and made them love you unconditionally. You will never be a burden to any of us, and I will never abandon you," she consoled.

I buried my face in her chest, letting the tears continue to fall. She rubbed my back, pressing soft kisses on my head while I sobbed. Nightmare snuggled between my shoulders, rubbing her head against my cheek in a way to comfort me.

I heard footsteps before a familiar voice spoke, "And I won't stop till we heal you, little sis."

I pulled back and turned my head to see my doppelganger— a male with turquoise eyes like Mother’s and mine and brown locks that were styled back.

"Kadey," I whispered, my eyes trailed over to an older man that stood proudly next to him. I gawked, my eyes locking on his kind, bright blue eyes that reminded me of the sky.

He was 6’8 in height, looking an inch taller than Ryder's father and much taller than Kade who looked to be 6’5. The man had short dark brown locks that were tamed in place by the large gold crown on his head. It adorned with a large pink jewel in the middle with multiple pink jewels worked intricately into the design around the crown.

He wore a gold cape that hid what looked like some type of armor. He looked like he'd literally come back from some type of battle or mission and hadn't even taken a second to change. He had a small beard that was groomed perfectly and matched his powerful look.

I glanced back to see his eyes begin to pool with tears as he gave me a smile.

"There's my sweet princess," he whispered.

"Daddy," I whispered, tears rolling down my cheek. I gave them both a big smile before my shoulders shook with the force of my sobs.

"Welcome back, Rosalina. We...missed you," Kade choked, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks.

They both made their way to our side. Mother helped me sit up and turned me so my legs dangled over the edge of the bed before Father and Kade joined us in a group hug.

I could hear another set of footsteps, but I didn't care, needing to cry and enjoy the warmth of my family— my loving family members who waited for cycles for my return and spent effortless time, money and countless measures to find me and bring me home.

"Mew." Nightmare nuzzled herself in the hug. I opened my eyes to see her tails glow a bright pink.

We all laughed before we cried in each other's arms, mourning all the time that had passed because of King Aspen's crimes and also crying in happiness for our reunion.

I would have never expected to meet my family in these conditions, but as I sat there in their loving arms, hearing their soft words of reassurance and their apologies for not locating me faster. I wished I had left the darkness sooner— that I had enough belief in them and given them a shot.

Earlier, my mission was to distance myself, thinking it would be safer for everyone. Yet all I was doing was running away from being hurt. Now that I had the confidence to return, thanks to Midnight's encouragement, I finally felt safe and deep within I knew I'd get over this hurdle as well.

Thank you, Midnight. Thank you, everyone.

"You’re welcome, Makoto. I'll always be by your side. Let's face this together," Midnight vowed.

Yes, together.