Haley

“You’re quieter than usual tonight.” Jackson watched me from his favorite chair, Penny at his feet.

I closed my book, an actual hardback I’d borrowed from his bookshelf. Now that I’d discovered the convenience of owning an e-reader I could easily carry everywhere and take to bed with me, I reserved hardbacks for designated reading time. I couldn’t imagine ever fully giving them up—I loved the feel and smell of books too much for that.

“Not to be a stuffy librarian about it, but isn’t that point of our ‘reading night’? We both sit here and read in silence?”

Jackson saved his place with a bookmark, then carefully set his book on the coffee table and joined me on the couch. He sat so close, I might have accused him of crowding me if I didn’t like it so much. And if he didn’t smell so good.

He tugged me into his good shoulder, even though he no longer wore a sling, and I immediately relaxed. Apparently, I was tense and hadn’t even realized it. How did he know me so well? It didn’t make sense, especially since I’d spent so much less time with him than my roommates.

“You were quiet on the drive home from physical therapy and through dinner as well. Want to tell me about it?”

I did. And I didn’t. We want you to choose all of us. Permanently. I’d replayed Knox’s words so many times, they would be forever etched into my brain. But what did they really mean? Could I take them at face value? Did I dare ask Jackson for the answers?

Relieved he was so close to my side he couldn’t look into my eyes, I puffed out, “Okay.”

Jackson took one of my hands and laced his fingers through mine, but he didn’t say anything, patiently waiting for me to go on. I drew in a deep breath, then released it. I can do this. Wasn’t I just telling myself I wanted to be more open with my boyfriends?

“Knox told me something when we were in Dallas, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with it. I know he wouldn’t lie to me, but I keep thinking he couldn’t have really meant what he said.”

“What did he say?” His breath ruffled my hair as he spoke, and I was tempted to drop the subject and convince him to make out with me instead. That sounded a lot more fun than discussing a topic that was both incredibly awkward and important.

“He said . . .” Why was this so difficult to say aloud? “He said that the five of you don’t want me to choose.” That was the cowardly explanation, so I forced myself to keep going. “As in, you never want me to choose.”

“Did he?”

The words were so casually spoken, I couldn’t resist peeking up at Jackson’s face. He appeared completely at ease and not at all surprised. At least I hadn’t imagined the entire conversation with Knox.

“Yes.”

“Does that scare you? The idea of being with all of us.”

My heart rate increased at the mere suggestion, and I instinctively pulled away from him, craving space. I needed to be able to think clearly, which was impossible while in his arms.

“Yes. No.” I grabbed a pillow and hugged it protectively against my chest. “I don’t know.”

His lips quirked but didn’t tip into a smile. “What about that scares you?”

My face twisted into an are you kidding me expression. It would be simpler to answer what didn’t scare me. “Failure, for one.”

“Explain.”

“How can I . . .” I paused, searching for words to convey this almost crippling fear building inside. “Be enough? Each of you is the perfect guy, and you deserve to find your equally perfect match. How can I be that for all of you? And if I can’t, where will that leave me when it ends? I will lose almost everyone who means anything to me.” My stomach lurched. “How can I?”

He appeared to ponder the question, but the entire time his eyes roamed over my face. It was unnerving. “I agree that it would take someone exceptional to earn and keep the hearts of five men. Can you accept that you’re exceptional?”

“Why am I exceptional? I get that I’ve never been normal, but that doesn’t mean I’m anything special.”

“Then trust us to know what we want. We wouldn’t be in this position if we weren’t certain.”

I shook my head. How could he be so serene about this? “Even if I could accept it, what about everyone else? Your uncle? Our co-workers? My dad?”

“Yes, some people will talk, but do you honestly care what they think?”

Maybe not people in general, like those girls at the open mic night. He hadn’t answered the more important questions, though. “Does Patrick know?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“He’s totally supportive. I believe he saw this coming, because he wasn’t even surprised when I discussed it with him.”

That was a relief. Still . . .  “You sincerely don’t care about anyone else? You wouldn’t be bothered if we walked by a table of Zenith employees and they slut-coughed at me?”

His brows pinched in obvious confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know, when someone coughs the word slut into their hand.”

His confusion turned to anger. “Has someone done that to you? Tell me who.”

“Well, no, but I’ve seen it on TV.”

“Haley, life is not a bad teen movie. People will talk behind our backs, sure, but very few would be brave enough to face us. And no one is saying we have to advertise the relationship.”

I shook my head. As tempting as it was, we wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever. I wouldn’t want to. “People will find out eventually. We have to discuss this as if everyone in our lives knows. My dad. Chase’s gran. All of Zenith. Your Stanford friends. Everyone.”

“When was the last time you heard me talk about a friend outside of Team Jaguar?”

“Never, but that doesn’t mean much. It’s not like we live together. I don’t know how you spend all your evenings.”

“Do you want to?”

“What?”

“Live together?”

I stared into his indigo eyes, trying to decipher his motives. Was he attempting to distract me with a change of subject, or was he serious?

“Are you moving into the loft too? We’re out of bedrooms, but the basement couch is pretty comfortable.”

“I’m open to sharing a bed with you. You won’t even know I’m there.” He winked, and I threw my pillow at him.

“As if that’s possible.” I sank farther into the couch and draped my legs over his lap. Jackson’s attempt to lighten the mood had worked, the stress of discussing my relationship conundrum fading somewhat. Until a new thought crossed my mind.

“What if one of you meets someone else?” I’d been so wrapped up in the other issues, I completely missed this one. Now that it was on my radar, I wondered why it hadn’t been my number one concern. It was so obvious, I felt stupid. And scared.

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

Suddenly, and inexplicably, furious, I lashed out. “Why not? It’s possible. Probable, even. You saw what happened at the open mic night—girls are constantly throwing themselves at the five of you. Beautiful girls. Girls you wouldn’t have to share. Who wouldn’t create problems with your family and friends.”

“If we were so interested in those types of girls, why did we start this thing with you in the first place? Why date you at all?”

“The competition of it all. You figured one of you was bound to win me.”

Jackson’s face turned dark, like he was outraged by the mere suggestion. “False.”

He was right to be annoyed; my comment was totally uncalled for. I never once suspected this all came about because of some stupid competition.

“Haley, we agreed to share you before Theo and Knox went after you in Portland. We knew we needed a plan, and after much discussion and deliberation, that was the only one we could all accept.”

I let that sink in for a minute, my mind whirling with the implications. They’d had this secret plan all along and didn’t bother telling me? What the hell?

“You never expected me to choose?”

If he was bothered by my pissed-off tone, he didn’t show it. “No. In fact, we hoped you wouldn’t.”

Retrieving the pillow I’d thrown at him, I screamed into it like I used to do after a fight with my dad. Amazingly, I felt better afterward, my anger dissipating into confusion. “Why didn’t Theo tell me that from the beginning instead of making me believe I was agreeing to temporarily dating all of you?”

“We didn’t think you’d be ready to hear it. And we wanted to make sure you had feelings for all of us before even suggesting the idea.”

“Knox must have been convinced of that in Dallas, then.”

He found bare skin at my ankle and caressed it. “My guess is that seeing how upset you were over my accident was the tipping point. He was probably confident of your feelings for everyone except me before then.” His thumb pressed into the bottom of my foot, and I was surprised by how good it felt. “I’m shocked he didn’t tell me about your conversation, though.”

Considering it had come only minutes after our first time sleeping together, I wasn’t. Knowing Knox, he would never chance revealing what happened between us in that hotel room. Not because I was dating his best friends; because that’s who he was. Protective above all else.

When I didn’t respond, Jackson spoke again. “You want to know what I think about the six of us?”

“Yes.” I understood then that not only did I want to know what Jackson thought, I needed to. Ultimately, he was the team leader, and the rest of us would automatically take our cues from him. It was strange to realize I was including myself in that, but it was true. He wasn’t merely my boyfriend—he was someone I looked up to and sought approval from.

“It won’t be easy. We’ll face adversity from the outside world as well as struggle making it work between and among us. The team is on board, but that doesn’t matter unless you’re one hundred percent in this with us. Our biggest trial will be having to share your time; you have to juggle the pressures of being with five men, four of whom are inherently difficult to deal with on a daily basis.” He looked at me, as if daring me to ask who he’d excluded. Chase was the obvious answer, but he could have been referring to himself.

“You really only have one question you need to answer—are we worth it? Yes or no. That’s it.”

“It’s not nearly as simple as you make it sound.”

“The question is simple. I never said the answer was.”

Were Jackson, Chase, Liam, Knox, and Theo worth it? My heart said yes, but I needed more time to allow my brain to catch up. I was risking a lot, we all were, by continuing our scandalous relationship. I had to be certain.

“Can we go to bed?” I heard the suggestion in my words, and I didn’t even care if he mistook them for a come on. This would be our first night together in his bed, and it felt like I’d been waiting too long already.

“I thought you’d never ask.” He lifted my legs off his lap and stood. “Come on, Penny. You’re sleeping in the study tonight.”

While Jackson took care of Penny, I wandered into the guest bathroom to complete my nightly routine. I smiled again at the large bag of products and noticed a new hair dryer and brush on the counter, both identical to mine at the loft.

Instead of the pajama pants and tank I’d found the last time I stayed over, a lace-trim satin slip hung on the hook. Without hesitation, I stripped out of my clothes and pulled it over my head. The plum-colored, silky fabric felt cool against my skin and clung to my curves in all the right places. It was sexy without being revealing, and I liked how I felt in it. More mature. Confident, even.

I headed upstairs, surprised by the flutter of excitement without the nerves. Whatever happened or didn’t happen between us tonight, I wasn’t worried about it. I was happy to just be with him.

Jackson rested against the headboard with his legs crossed in front of him, wearing only boxers. His eyes scanned my body, then repeated the action. My skin burned under his intense gaze, even as a shiver ran up my spine. He was almost too much, too alluring, and my breath hitched.

He smiled like a jaguar who’d caught his prey. “I’m pleased to see you found my gift.”

“Should I expect new, and increasingly skimpier, nightwear each time I stay over?”

“If you’ll wear it, then absolutely.”

“Seems rather extravagant. I would have been fine in the pajamas from last time.”

“Those were ideal for when you slept with Knox downstairs. There’s no way I would have been able to sleep while knowing you were wearing this. Thankfully, I’d already purchased several options.”

He crooked a finger, beckoning me to join him. I hesitated for only a second before striding toward him. “Rather presumptuous of you.”

“I hear confidence is sexy in a man.”

“What about in a woman?” With finesse I didn’t know I possessed, I climbed onto the bed and straddled him in one fluid motion.

He groaned and immediately reached for my hips, massaging my skin through my slip. “Yeah, it’s definitely sexy in a woman too.”

Though we’d shared fleeting moments together, none had been like this. We were so close that when I inhaled, my breasts brushed against his chest. The thin layers of fabric between us didn’t seem to matter, because I felt him everywhere.

Jackson’s lips grazed mine, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, threading my fingers through his hair. When I felt goosebumps along his skin, I finally relaxed, realizing he was just as affected as me. I reveled in the softness of his curls and the strength emanating from him while he explored my mouth slowly, passionately, his kiss a promise of what we could share.

His hands drifted down my thighs and toyed with the hem of my slip, then slid beneath it. He skirted the edges of my boyshorts before gliding up and along my back. Rough fingertips skimmed the sides of my breasts, every stroke of his fingers telegraphing his adoration. I sank down until his erection pressed into me, and he caught my groan in his mouth.

Our connection deepened, our kisses frenzied as we tasted and relished and teased each other. Every caress sent a jolt of need through my body, and I struggled to maintain control.

Just when I thought he was finally going to make the next move, he released my lips and rested his forehead against mine. “Tell me you can imagine us together like this,” he panted. Jackson pulled back enough for me to see his intense expression. “It doesn’t have to be every night. I don’t need to be your only one. I just need to know you’re mine.”

I let out a breath, embracing the words I hadn’t realized I needed to hear. He was telling me I could have this—him—whenever I wanted, as long as I was brave enough to accept. Even though my skepticism remained, unloading my fears on him and seeing, feeling, his certainty had lessened its power.

“Yes, Jax, I can imagine it.”