Chapter Eleven
“I’m an idiot. Yes, I am,” he said to Hunter.
The baby just gurgled in response.
With a sigh, Walker paced around the first floor, bouncing his son in his arms. “Doing the right thing is about as satisfying as I always suspected it would be. Doing the wrong thing feels so much better.”
Better, like pushing Clara up against a wall. Or bending her over the kitchen island. Or best yet, tossing her onto his wide king bed. Despite his best efforts, it’s not like he could deny giving her the starring role in a fantasy or two. He could almost see her there, staring up at him with eyes darkened in lust, an inviting smile teasing her lips. He’d crawl over to her, rising above her as she stretched out beneath him. Her fingers would tunnel through his hair as she arched up to bring their lips together…
“Idiot,” he said again. He’d sent his best friend off with someone else, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“It’s for her own good.”
But that truth was poor consolation. He didn’t want to be the gentleman who watched from the sidelines. Being the rogue was so much more…satisfying.
She’s not for me. Clara wants a happily ever after and deserves to get it. What could I offer other than a topsy-turvy life where babies end up on my doorstep?
But logic was a cold bedfellow.
Especially when it kept him from the one person he truly wanted.
The home phone started to ring, and he crossed the room to grab the receiver.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Walker. This is Diane. Is Clara there?”
Setting Hunter down in the playpen, he shook his head. “She’s out on her date.”
Diane blew out a sigh. “Oh good. She wasn’t answering her cell, and I was afraid she was holed up over there avoiding Todd.”
If only.
“No, she headed out around seven. Maybe the date’s just going too well for her to check her phone.” The words burned like acid on his tongue.
“I hope so. She deserves a little happiness.”
“Yes,” he admitted, dropping onto the sofa. “Yes, she does.”
There was a beat of silence before Diane asked, “How about you? You’re doing okay with Hunter?”
“We’re fine,” he replied. “He’s been on his best behavior tonight.”
“Good, good.”
Silence stretched again. “I guess it must not be an easy adjustment. Good thing you have Clara to rely on.”
“Yes,” he agreed. “I don’t know what I’d do without her.”
“Have…have you told her that lately?”
“What?”
He heard rustling through the phone, as if Diane was shifting uncomfortably.
“I’m sure she’d like to hear it. I know she sometimes feels like you guys aren’t on equal footing. I’m sure it would make her feel great to hear what a help she’s been to you.”
“Not on equal footing?” he demanded.
“Well, you know the two of you are an odd pairing. That’s all I meant.”
“What?”
“Come on. The billionaire and the reporter? You’re from very different worlds for starters. Who keeps their university friends these days? It’s wonderful you two have been able to stay so close.”
“Clara feels this way?” Did she feel out of place in his world?
“I just…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t think I was mentioning anything you two didn’t already know.”
“I had no idea.” But maybe he should have. Perhaps they were already drifting apart without him even noticing.
“Damn. Any chance you avoid telling her this grand revelation came from me?”
A wry smile twisted his lips. “I’ll keep it to myself. But just so you know, Clara’s the most important person in my life. I’ve never viewed her as lesser in all the years we’ve known each other.”
Diane stayed silent another minute. “Maybe you should mention that to her, too,” she said at last, her voice soft.
He sighed. “I can’t,” he replied. “I don’t have the right.”
“I shouldn’t be having this conversation.”
He ran a hand down his face. “I understand. I’ll tell her you called.”
But Diane didn’t hang up. Staring up at the ceiling, he waited.
“You know what I’ve always wondered?” she said at last.
“What?”
“Ten years together. Ten years where you have been each other’s closest confidants. How did you manage to survive that long with her without ever once considering asking her out?”
The air rushed from his lungs. “Another thing Clara’s been wondering?” he asked.
“I don’t speak for her,” she said, dashing his hopes. “This is all me, Mr. Moneybanks.”
“What good would come of asking, Diane? I’m not the right man for her.”
“Then you’ve considered it?”
“I’m not an idiot.”
“Could have fooled me.”
“Great to talk to you. We’ll have to go it again in another few years.”
“Sorry. Look, I’m rooting for Todd here, but I’d regret not pointing out a very important factor you seem to be overlooking.”
“And what’s that?”
“She’s a big girl. Maybe you should give her the choice rather than deciding everything for her. That’s not the action of someone who views her as an equal.”
Electricity streaked through his nerves.
“What?” he said, sitting up.
“Clara isn’t some delicate flower. Think of some of those exposés she’s covered. If she were weak, she’d never have landed half the interviews she has. Let her decide what risks she wants to take herself.”
His fingers tightened on the phone. “And you think I’d be a risk she’d like to take?”
“That’s a question for her. You just don’t strike me as the type to hang back when there’s something you really want. If that’s what you’ve been doing because you think you’re protecting her, you should really rethink your motives.”
It was his turn to be silent. “I appreciate the advice, but it might be too late for that,” he said, finally.
He could almost imagine Diane shrugging. “You never know unless you try,” she replied. “Clara is pretty damn great, and if you’re fine sitting back while another man discovers that truth then so be it.”
A low growl built in his chest. He didn’t want anyone else learning the differences between all her smiles. Or discovering that she hated the scent of roses but adored lilies. That she loved to learn and always had her phone loaded up with podcasts on every topic imaginable. He’d even seen her fight her way through textbooks on computer science just to understand more of what he did. How could he stand another man watching how she curled her arms around any stray pillow she could get her hands on when she fell asleep on his couch?
How could he lose her without really fighting for her? Surely, she meant more to him than that.
“I need to go. Thanks for the call, Diane.”
The woman sighed. “She’s going to kill me. If I lose my best reporter because of you I’ll never let you hear the end of it.”
“Your secrets are safe. Trust me.”
She snorted at the thought.
“You’ve just given me a few things to think about, that’s all.”
“Uh-huh. If Clara asks, I’m on vacation for the foreseeable future. Somewhere remote with no cell phone access.”
“I’ll pass that on,” he said, rolling his eyes.
“Awesome. I’m going to go bang my head against the wall now. Ciao.”
The call disconnected and he tossed his phone onto the coffee table. Leaning his elbows against his knees, he templed his fingers as he thought over Diane’s words. Had he been running when he’d thought he was doing the right thing? Protecting a woman more than capable of protecting herself?
Had he been taking away her choices?
I could tell her why I kissed her. Tell her I haven’t been able to get her out of my head.
For a man, whose longest relationship rarely stretched passed a single TV season, the thought of forever should send him running for the hills.
But this was Clara. He couldn’t imagine not wanting to see her. Not wanting to do more than see her if given the chance…
Which left him with a choice. One he’d made once before when they’d been barely more than kids. Keep her friendship and watch her find a better man to spend her life with. Or speak up, and maybe lose his best friend in the attempt to win what he wanted most. Clara in his arms.
Pushing to his feet, he paced the length of the room. They weren’t kids anymore. This wasn’t as easy or clear a decision as it’d once been.
He had a new baby. Now was not the time to start anything else in his life. But if he didn’t, Todd would swoop in and take advantage of his hesitation.
Is there ever a good time to say the things I want to say to her?
After vowing to leave his interest for her in the past, he didn’t think so. He’d spent too many years actively avoiding thinking of her in this context. Because even as a student he knew. There could be nothing casual with Clara. This was an all-or-nothing decision, and he didn’t know if he was ready for permanent.
But if he wasn’t, he’d lose her.
“Dammit,” he swore.
What did he choose? Logic?
Or the chance at something more with his oldest friend?
…
“Thank you for a lovely evening, Todd,” Clara said, standing outside Walker’s condo building.
“You live here?” he asked, looking up at the towering high-rise. “Reporters must do better than I thought.”
“I’m…staying with a friend right now,” she said.
He offered her an easy smile. “Must be nice.”
“It is.”
Sure, it is. But the beautiful condo isn’t the reason.
Mentally shaking her head, she focused on her date. “I had fun tonight.”
“Me too,” he replied. “Hopefully we can do it again sometime.”
The memory of ice blue eyes flashed through her mind.
“Yeah,” she said. “I’d like that.”
“Good.” Touching her arm, he leaned in.
At the last moment, she turned her head, Todd’s good-night kiss landing on her cheek instead of her lips.
She felt his hesitation before he drew back. “Thanks again,” she said, twisting her hands in her purse strap. “I’ll give you a call and we can set up another date.”
Not waiting to see what he’d say, she raced through the door the doorman held open. She crossed the ornate lobby to the elevators without looking back at her date.
The evening could have ended smoother, but all in all she thought it went well. He was exactly what she needed. Normal, sane, attractive. There were no illegitimate children in his past, no brilliant business ventures, or awkward social traits. He’d been charming and sweet. So, what if he didn’t make her heart race? Surely that sort of combustible attraction would grow in time. And if it didn’t, maybe she just didn’t need that level of desire in her relationships. Perhaps it was something better left to fantasies than the real world. She wouldn’t be blinded by lust and make foolish mistakes. She could go into this relationship with clear eyes. Todd could be just want she needed.
The elevator arrived and she slid her key card into the penthouse access slot. Immediately she started to rise, the numbers flashing above the door. Glancing at her watch she saw it was late. Walker would probably be asleep, grabbing a few hours’ peace where he could. She’d have to be quiet.
But when the elevator stopped at her floor and she disembarked, her feet slowed to a stop at the door.
She should unlock it, slip off to her room, and fall asleep thinking about Todd.
She wouldn’t, though. If she entered the home before her, she’d spend the night thinking about Walker.
And the fact that he didn’t want her the way she wanted him.
She swallowed hard, lifting her chin. These things happened. It was no one’s fault. He couldn’t control who he was or wasn’t attracted to any more than she could.
But why doesn’t he see me?
Why was he worming his way even deeper into her heart while the reverse wasn’t true for him? What was so wrong with her?
Nothing. Todd thinks I’m great.
Too bad Walker just viewed her as a go-to for baby advice.
He values me more than that.
Just not the way she most wanted.
Straightening, she rolled back her shoulders. Too much of her life had been spent waiting to see if anything would ever happen with them. That ended now.
He kissed me out of stress, not desire. Remember that and push him back into the friendzone. We don’t need to lose each other over this.
Not if she could help it.
Mind made up, she unlocked the door and slipped inside. Kicking off her shoes at the entranceway, she hung up her coat and tiptoed toward the stairs.
Only to stop when she saw the light of a single lamp on in the living room. Curious, she moved to the doorway and saw Walker waiting up in one of his leather armchairs, his gaze fixed on her.
A shiver raced down her spine. A quick glance showed he was alone. Hunter must have gone to sleep. Which made this even more dangerous. It was late, dark, and her nerves were raw. She should toss him a wave and make her way upstairs to the safety of her bedroom. Everything would seem better in the sunlight. They could find their rhythm again and things would be back to normal.
She stepped into the room.
He said nothing as she glided toward him on silent feet. The grand room was more intimate in the near darkness. Walker’s face was shadowed so she could barely make out more than his glittering eyes.
Tossing her purse on a chair, she stopped a few feet from him.
“How was the date?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Todd is a great guy. We had a lot in common.”
“Going to see him again?”
She glanced away. “Probably. It’s been a while since I had such a successful first date. I wouldn’t mind seeing where it leads.”
“Sounds like a good time.”
“It was.”
It just would have been better with you.
Shaking her head, she walked around his chair and headed for the windows that lined one wall of the penthouse. Pressing a palm to the cool glass, she gazed out over the twinkling city. One of the things she loved best about this place was the view at night. She could almost imagine she drifted above the city, free of all the cares that usually plagued her.
One of which rose to his feet behind her.
She watched him in the window that acted like a dark mirror as he walked up to her. He didn’t touch her but stood close enough that she felt the heat of his body along her back.
“Diane will be glad to know it all worked out.”
“I’ll have to thank her,” she said, watching his reflection rather than the city spread out below them. “Maybe return the favor at some point.”
“Going to set her up with some eligible bachelor?”
“If I can find one. You’re the most eligible single I know,” she tried to joke.
But his reflection didn’t crack a smile. “I’m not interested in her.”
She turned then, her back pressing up against the window. “Then who are you interested in?”
Those bright blue eyes darkened as he looked down at her. “Million-dollar question.”
“You can afford it,” she breathed.
“That’s not the cost I’m worried about paying.”
Had he moved closer or was it just her imagination that was making it harder to breath? Her heart thundered in her ears even as she told herself she should slip away. Say she was tired and head off to bed. Alone.
She held still, waiting with bated breath to see what came next.
“It’s not like you to worry about consequences.”
“Ouch,” he mocked, sliding close enough that his clothing brushed hers.
“Am I wrong?”
“No.” His fingers ghosted along her jaw and down the long column of her throat. “Maybe I’m growing up.”
“I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“You have a way of making a man reevaluate his priorities.”
She blinked. “I never have before.”
“Then you weren’t paying close enough attention, Ms. Reporter.”
His lips claimed hers before she could respond.