Chapter Twenty-Two
Her home didn’t feel like home. Last night she hadn’t thought too much about it because she’d assumed the return had been temporary.
Now she sat on her couch looking around the home she’d so painstakingly put together and it felt…
Empty.
“Stop it. This is your life now,” she scolded herself.
A life without reaching for the phone and seeing an incoming call from Walker or bouncing Hunter on her knee to make him smile.
A life without waking up in the arms of the love of her life.
Pushing from the couch she paced the length of her apartment. Had it always felt this small? This uncomfortable?
Nothing was quite right and she feared the feeling was permanent. How did anyone move past what she’d lost?
Stopping at the window, she leaned her head against the glass, trying to tamp down the despair eating at her. She’d done the right thing. She’d made the right choice. Hunter needed his mother. And Walker needed to take his chance at a real family. He’d been without one for so long. They both had. How could she begrudge him his shot now when she knew how painful it was to go without?
“He’ll be fine,” she told herself. “Both my boys will be just fine without me.”
It was she who had no one.
Tears gathered in her eyes and she tried to blink them away. Hadn’t she already cried herself out? How much moisture did the human body have at its disposal?
But there was no stopping the drops that ran down her cheeks. Though her heart still beat there was nothing in her chest but a barren wasteland. She’d never been here before. As a teen, she thought she had, but now she saw it wasn’t true. She’d never faced the desolation of losing everyone she truly loved. And the person she’d usually talk to about things this huge was out of her life now. She couldn’t pick up the phone and call him. Couldn’t turn up on his doorstep or sleep in his guest room.
Walker wasn’t hers anymore.
She gasped for breath, the shock still fresh.
“I’m a good person,” she said. “I did the right thing.”
Then why did it feel so wrong?
Wiping her eyes, she paced restlessly around the apartment. She knew she’d done the best thing for everyone. Everyone but her.
She stopped in the middle of the room.
She always did this. Putting others above herself. Watching as they thrived while she starved. She was always standing on the outside looking in. But what if just once she made a different decision? One that was selfish and greedy and unforgivable.
But utterly right?
Hunter should be raised by the people who loved him the most, and with that criteria, she more than qualified. Walker deserved a partner who knew him well enough to close the door when he needed to focus and to pull him into the world when he needed a break. No one would ever love him as much as she did, and what had she done? Walked away without a fight because it was the right choice. Right, but not best. She was what was best for him. She just needed him to see it.
How do I do that?
The answer was as terrifying as walking away from him had been.
I need to fight for him. And if he turns me down, then I’ll know, once and for all, that he never loved me.
The idea of facing the truth, no matter what it may be, chilled her to the bone. What chance did she have going up against the goddess that had given him a child? But if she didn’t try, she’d always wonder what would have happened if she’d talked to him. If she hadn’t told him never to call her again. What would happen if she told him she loved him to his face?
“Dammit.” She ran a hand down her face. There was no way this would end well, but for better or worse, she needed to see it through to the end. It was the only way she’d ever be able to move on. Hadn’t she spent a lifetime searching for the truth?
Now she needed to face her own.
Go now. Go before you lose your nerve.
Grabbing her purse, she ran for door and burst into the hallway.
Only to stop abruptly.
“Walker.”
He must have just stepped out of the elevator but there he was, halfway down the hall looking just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.
Though they’d only been apart a day, her eyes drank in the sight of him.
“What are you doing here?” she called to him.
The shock drained from his features as a look of determination took its place. He strode forward, his gaze never leaving hers. She hadn’t even realized she’d backed up until her back hit her own door.
He crowded into her space, close but not quite touching.
“Hey,” he greeted with burning eyes.
“I…I thought you would have found my note by now.”
“I did.”
She swallowed. “I thought I said you didn’t need to find me.”
“You did.”
“Walker,” her voice cracked, “what are you doing here?”
“I’m a terrible listener.”
“Yes, you are.”
“Then you should have been prepared for me to drop by,” he said.
“Looks like I’m not as smart as I thought I was.”
“I don’t know. This might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever done.”
Her fingers itched to reach up and brush away the hair falling over his eyes.
“Should we take this inside then?” she asked. “Wouldn’t want to put on a show for my neighbors.”
“What a brilliant idea.”
“I have my moments.” Reaching behind her, she turned the knob and escaped backward into her home.
Walker followed, closing the door behind him. Though he’d been in her apartment a thousand times, suddenly he made the space shrink around them. Trying for distance, she retreated to the kitchen, curling her fingers around the faux marble countertop.
You were going to go find him. Well look. He found you first. Don’t let that stop you.
Because she needed to convince him they belonged together.
Even if he’d just come to say goodbye.
“Walker.”
“Clara.” They said together.
She swallowed a nervous laugh. “You first.”
“Where were you going?”
“I…I…” Her voice drifted away and she nearly groaned. Now was the time to be strong. To stand up and take what she wanted. To say—
“Don’t go.”
Her head jerked around. “What?”
“All you left was a letter. You walked out of my life after ten years without even having the decency to say you were done to my face.”
“It wasn’t that,” she protested. “I was trying to make things easier.”
“On whom? You?” He stalked her to the island, trapping her between his arms as he leaned forward to balance against the tabletop. “Because it certainly wasn’t easier for me.”
“I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You were.”
Her heart cracked in her chest. Dropping her eyes, she nodded. He agreed with her. It was right to part and go their separate ways. He didn’t come to fight her or win her back. He’d come to agree and say goodbye. The words she’d been about to say died on her tongue. What use was her love if he clearly didn’t want it?
“You looked at the situation logically and made the right decision based on the data you had.”
“Yes,” she whispered, wishing their last meeting was over. She’d thought breaking up through a letter had been hard, but she’d been wrong. It was a thousand times worse to have him say he’d picked someone else to her face.
“But you missed one key variable.”
“What was that?” she asked, focusing on the buttons of his shirt rather than meeting his gaze.
“Me.”
Her gaze shot to his.
“I always make the wrong choice,” he told her, his voice achingly gentle. “I never do the right thing. In college, I dated your roommate instead of you. Then I dropped out when everyone, including you, told me to stay. I make mistake after mistake. Hell, I slept with the wrong woman and ended up with a baby on my doorstep when the right woman was in front of me all along.” He cupped her face between his hands. “But all those mistakes added up to an incredible life. I wouldn’t have my company or my child if I did the right thing. And I wouldn’t have you.”
A soundless sigh escaped her as her lips parted.
“Trying to make it work with Veronica is the right thing to do. But I don’t want to even think about it. How could I? All I’ve ever wanted was you.”
“You didn’t even see me that way until we were thrust together,” she denied, even while kicking herself for not just leaping into his arms.
“You know that’s not true,” he chided, his fingers tracing along her jaw. “I’ve thought about this for years. But I never wanted to cross a line we couldn’t come back from. You were too important to lose.”
“You wouldn’t have lost me,” she said.
A crooked smile curved his lips. “But giving us a try under normal circumstances would have been the right thing to do, and we’ve already established I’m a screwup.”
“Not a screwup.” Her hands were on his before she could think. “You’ve built an empire for yourself. You’re a freaking billionaire, Walker. Any woman would fall at your feet if you so much as smiled. What you’ve done with your life is indescribable. I’m the screwup. Always following the rules. Always doing the right thing when sometimes I just want to scream.”
He stepped closer, his lips tantalizingly close. “What would you scream?”
Her heart thundered in her ears as she slid her hands around his shoulders. “Back off,” she said. “He’s mine.”
For a moment neither of them moved. Then a slow grin lit his face. “Is that right?” he purred. “Anyone in particular you want to say that to?”
The reminder of the other woman in their lives caused her to draw back. “You know who,” she replied, stepping out of his arms. “And those would be the most selfish words I’ve ever said.”
“Really? They wouldn’t even crack my top ten.”
“Walker,” she said, exasperated.
He followed her as she retreated. “See, the way I look at it is you made the smart move. You gave me an out and now have a free conscience.” He reached for her, catching her hand. “The thing is, I wasn’t looking for an escape.”
“She’s the mother of your child.”
“Yeah. But you’re his mom.”
The breath caught in her lungs. “What?”
He used her hand to tug her closer. “You’re his mom. He knows that. I know that. Even Veronica knows that. The only one missing the memo is you, sweetheart.”
“But if I wasn’t in the way…”
“Then Veronica and I would figure out how to be co-parents alone. But we would never return to the relationship we used to have. That ended long before a baby turned up at my door. And long before you and I spent the night together.”
This time when he tugged her hand she went, stepping closer to him. “You weren’t a rebound relationship. It wasn’t about necessity. We didn’t end up together for any of the reasons swirling in your brain.”
“Oh? Then why don’t you tell me why,” she said, a touch breathless.
“Because we love each other. That’s why, Clara. That will always be why. And if I have to wait another ten years to convince you to be mine I will.”
The breath left her lungs in a rush. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out. We should have ended up here years ago. At the very least, I should have told you last night before—”
His words stopped when she slipped a hand over his mouth. “You asked where I was going,” she said, her voice soft. “I was leaving to find you. To tell you I don’t give a damn if the best thing for everyone is if I bow out gracefully. There is nothing noble about giving up the people you love. If Veronica was going to take my boys away from me, she’d have to do it while I kicked and screamed and held on for all I’m worth. You are my family, Walker. You and no other. And I don’t lose those I love easily.”
His fingers wrapped around her wrist, lowering her hand from his mouth. “Say it again. What you wrote in your letter. Say it to me now.”
She didn’t try to misunderstand what he meant. “I love you.”
The fingers on her skin tightened.
“Again,” he demanded.
“I love you. I’ve loved you since that first year, and I’ll love you till my last breath. You and Hunter. Wherever you go, I go. I don’t want to waste any more time.”
“Never again,” he agreed. “We’ve spent too many years missing each other.”
“I know how to stop.” She took a breath and said the boldest, most wrong, thing she’d ever said in her life.
“Marry me.”
He blinked. “What did you just say?”
“I asked you to marry me,” she said, stepping closer. “I’m done waiting. I love our family. I love you. I don’t ever want to be left on the outside again. So marry me. Let’s spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to make all the wrong decisions together.”
He shook his head and her heart fluttered.
“Unless you don’t want that,” she said, stepping back. “Did I just blurt all over you? I can take it back if you want me to.”
“No, it’s not that.” With a rueful smile, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little black box.
“Oh,” she breathed.
“For once in my life I was going to do something the traditional way, and then you went and stole my thunder.”
“Well, like everything else in your life, at least our engagement will be unconventional.”
He leaned forward with a smile, brushing his lips over hers. “Did we just get engaged before I even asked my question?”
“Looks like,” she agreed. “Want me to take it all back? I refuse to marry you even if you were the last man on earth.”
“Nope, I don’t like that any better.”
“Then maybe you should ask the question we both know the answer to, and we can move on to the making out part.”
“Screw rings, let’s skip to the end.” Grabbing her hand, he tugged her toward the bedroom.
“Walker.” She laughed in protest.
“All right.” Taking her hands in his, he came back to her, the look in his gaze infinitely tender. “Maybe I don’t want to skip this part after all.”
Meeting her eyes, he dropped to one knee.
“Clara, you’ve been my best friend for years, but you were always more than that. You’re my family. My rock. I need you in my life for me to have any chance at ever being happy. For a long time, I thought all I needed was your friendship, but I was wrong.” He squeezed her hands. “I’m in love with you. Completely. Utterly. I see what an incredible mom you are to Hunter and what an amazing friend you are to Diane and Emily, and I know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that you are the most wonderful woman in the world. Please be mine. After all these years of missing each other, let’s finally live our lives together.”
He looked up at her without any hesitation on his face. “Marry me,” he said, using her simple words.
“Yes,” she said. There was no other answer. No need to think about her decision. She’d never been sure of anything the way she was sure about Walker.
Dropping to her knees, she kissed her fiancé.
“I love you,” she whispered in his ear. “Always.”
“And I you.” Drawing back, he took her left hand in his and slid a beautiful, shiny diamond onto her finger. “I’ll love you till there’s nothing left of me.”
“Then we’ll have a wonderful son to remember us.”
“And maybe more?” he asked, running his lips along her jaw.
“You’d want more?”
“Not right away. But yes, I want a daughter with your wild hair. And another son with your brown eyes.”
She smiled. “I think we can come to some arrangement.”
“Good,” he murmured. “Because I want to experience everything the world has to offer with you.”
“I know one thing we can experience right now all by ourselves.”
“Oh?” he asked. “Cooking a meal? Organizing that horrific closet of yours?”
“I was thinking more along the lines of activities one usually does in the bedroom.”
“Changing the sheets?” he teased. “Folding the clothes?”
“Well, now that you mention it, there are some towels in there we could—”
He tackled her to the ground, rolling over her as she laughed up at him. “Is that a no to chores, then?”
“I’ll fold whatever you want later. Right now, I’m more interested in seeing my fiancée naked and writhing under me.”
“Mmm, your fiancée has no problem with that proposal either.”
“Didn’t think so.” Smiling, he leaned down to catch her lips with his.
Clara wrapped her arms around him, uncaring that they lay on the hardwood floor. All she needed was the man in her arms. Whenever, wherever she could have him.
As his lips touched hers she couldn’t help but smile. After all her years of standing outside the window, she’d finally found her home.
And wrapped in his arms was the one place she never wanted to leave.