Chapter Twenty
“I don’t know how I feel,” Clara said to Diane.
“Yeah well, this wasn’t covered in How to Be a Girl 101. I think we can both agree to cut you some slack here.”
They sat at Diane’s desk, cups of coffee in both their hands. Clara had tried to work today. Really, she had. But there was no stopping the thoughts that always spiraled back to Walker and Veronica. What had they talked about last night? Was she staying for good? Had she slept over in the bed Clara had vacated?
Nausea rose in her at the thought.
“The mom showing up is a good thing, right? I mean, in the grand scheme of things. Kids have questions about that sort of thing eventually.”
“I pointed that out,” Clara sighed, leaning back in the chair. “Yeah, from a detached perspective, and not as someone caught in an emotionally tangled ten-year-long will-they-won’t-they relationship with the father, this is a great thing. Hunter will grow up knowing his mom.”
“His mother,” Diane pointed out. “Biology makes her his mother. It doesn’t make her his mom. That position is still up for grabs.”
And I want it.
She never had before. Hell, she’d sworn never to have kids. And yet somehow Hunter had slipped into her heart much the way his father had. One day she’d woken up and simply couldn’t picture a life without either one of them.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t her decision to make. If it was just between Walker and her, she’d fight for him and never give up. But this wasn’t just them. And it wasn’t just a game of adults. There was a child involved. Her child. An innocent boy who was looking to his parents to ensure his world would be safe and happy. As much as she wanted to demand that Walker see what was right in front of his eyes, she had to think about Hunter. Was she what was best for him?
Or was Veronica?
“The baby isn’t very old. He couldn’t have had much more time with her than you.”
“Not the point,” Clara said.
“Isn’t it? As far as I’m concerned, you have a better claim. You have love binding you to this boy. All she has is blood.”
“Blood and the law on her side. Besides, if she hadn’t loved her son, she wouldn’t have gone out of her way to do what she thought was the best thing for her child. Instead she would have dropped him at an orphanage or tried to raise him herself, always resenting the impact on her life. No, she made the one decision she needed to as a good parent. She found a haven for her baby. I can’t exactly fault her for that.”
Diane sighed. “Well, when you put it that way.”
“Complicated. Every which way is complicated.”
“You know what isn’t complicated?”
“What?”
“The fact that you’re in love with Walker.”
She snorted. “I think that’s the most complicated part.”
“No, you’re wrong.” Diane leaned forward to rest her elbows on the desk. “In one form or another, you have loved this man for almost your entire adult life.”
She blinked. “Well, I suppose that’s true but it’s not exactly—”
“The two of you actively worked to keep each other in your lives. You know how many friends I have from college? One. And we’re down to just a Christmas card exchange now. Most old friends drift apart, but the two of you just kept getting closer. That wasn’t a fluke, Clara. That was by design.”
“He has a hard time making friends.”
“He’s a gorgeous male with a black card. How hard could it really have been?”
She kept her mouth shut. The fact that Hunter had had multiple possible mommies said enough. Walker didn’t need her to fill any lonely nights. She wasn’t just a default choice. When they spent time together it wasn’t because they had no other plans. It was because they wanted to be together more than they wanted to be apart.
Wasn’t that at the heart of any good relationship?
“He picked you just as much as you picked him. You’re not being left outside here. He’s standing right there ready to help you climb over the window ledge. Don’t run unless that’s what you really want.”
“But what if he could be all that to Veronica? Wouldn’t it be best for Hunter to be raised by his biological family?”
Diane shrugged. “I think the best thing for any child is to be raised by people who love and want them. You’ve proven that part more than his mother has.”
Clara took a sip of coffee to buy herself some time. “There’s just more to it than my feelings, is all I’m saying.”
“And all I’m saying is sometimes it’s okay not to be selfless. Don’t bow out of this race because you think you know the best answer. Have a real talk with your partner and then decide what comes next for both of you.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“You basically stopped coming to work for a month. I had to do something.”
Clara stuck out her tongue in response.
“Want me to come over tonight to keep you company, or are you going to head for Walker’s?”
“Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll check in on Hunter.”
Diane smiled. “Bridesmaid. All I’m saying.”
Laughing, she drained the rest of her cup. “Promise.” Setting it on the desk, she pushed to her feet. “I should at least try to write that exposé for you.”
“Like your brain is going to be good for anything today.”
“Well, I can at least sit in my cubby staring at a blank page for the next two hours.”
“Or you could figure out what you want to say to Walker when you walk through his front door today and see him.”
Her cheeks heated at the thought. “Yeah,” she said softly. “Or I could do that.”
Diane waved her away. “Get out of here early. You have business to sort out.”
With a grateful smile, Clara left the office. Yes, she’d plan what to say, and tonight there’d be no unanswered questions, no misunderstandings. She’d ask him for exactly what she wanted, and if that wasn’t something he could give, then she’d pick up the broken pieces of her heart. But Diane was right. It was better to know.
One way or the other.
Her key turned in the lock, and an irrational burst of relief filled her. She was coming home to where she belonged.
Opening Walker’s door, she stepped into the entranceway and tossed her purse on the waiting table.
“Hello?” she called. “Anyone home?”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs as she wandered into the living room. Within seconds Emily emerged, Hunter in her arms.
“You’re back,” Emily said.
“Couldn’t stay away,” she replied, holding out her arms to the baby who was already reaching for her.
Clara closed her eyes as she pulled him close, inhaling his sweet baby scent. Chubby arms grabbed at her neck as she hugged her little boy. Or at least, she hoped he was hers. Because if she didn’t ever get to hold him again, a piece of her heart would break and she wasn’t convinced the damage would be reversible.
“Where is Walker?” she asked, swaying gently as Hunter cooed his delight.
“He’s still at work,” Emily replied. “But Ms. Tagg is outside on the balcony.”
“Veronica?”
“The same.”
“Did she…” She swallowed past the lump in her throat and tried again. “Did she stay the night?”
“No, but she came back early to spend the day with the baby. Walker gave her permission.”
“Good,” she said, though the word felt hollow. “She should have a place in Hunter’s life. They need to bond.”
Emily scoffed, a clear sign the nanny wasn’t so quick to agree. “She’s good enough with him in small doses, I suppose.”
“You have to build up stamina to be around kids all day every day.”
“You didn’t.”
She ran a hand over Hunter’s back to calm him when he started to fidget. “I had a lot of experience to draw from. It’s not a fair comparison.”
“Walker adapted very quickly and he had no prior experience.”
“Walker is…”
One of a kind.
“Just give her a chance is all I’m saying. For Hunter’s sake.”
They both looked down at the baby who blinked at them sleepily, his little hand firmly wrapped around a handful of Clara’s hair.
“I was about to put him down for a nap,” Emily explained.
“And I’m keeping him awake.” Pressing a kiss to his forehead, she handed him back to his nanny. “Sorry. Thanks for letting me get my Hunter fix.”
“Do you want to keep him up?” Emily offered.
“No, no. It was hard enough to get him on some sort of schedule. Go ahead. I’ll go have a chat with Veronica and see how her first day back has been going.”
“Good luck,” Emily said, polite as ever, even though her tone was less than encouraging.
“Thanks. I might need it.”
She watched Emily and Hunter make their way back upstairs before rolling back her shoulders. Time to face her rival.
Stepping out onto the balcony, she spotted the other woman on a lounger, her head tilted up toward the sun. She wore clothes for sunbathing and designer shades that boasted a logo Clara would never be able to afford. A half-finished cocktail waited on the little table beside her as she enjoyed her afternoon. The scene was more appropriate for the decks of a Mediterranean cruise rather than day one of being a mom.
Clara remembered how frazzled she’d been those first few days. Wardrobe had been the least of her worries, especially since her clothes sported formula stains these days. She’d been lucky to drag a comb through her hair, and here was Veronica looking like a fashion plate.
She is so different.
Like a separate creature altogether standing on a very different playing field. Worse, hers was a world Walker fit into. One of wealth and excess. Of luxury and decadence. Veronica was exactly the sort of woman she’d always thought her friend would end up with.
But he’s with me now. I have nothing to worry about.
Veronica wasn’t a threat. Was she?
“Oh,” the other woman greeted, noticing her presence. “It’s you.”
As graceful as a goddess, she rose to her feet. The airy sarong wrapped around her body floated in the breeze as she walked forward on heels that made Clara wince in sympathy.
“You’re Walker’s friend, right?” Veronica held out her hand. “We didn’t get a chance to really meet yesterday.”
“No, we didn’t,” she agreed, shaking the offered hand. “I thought I’d come by and see how things were going. How has the day with Hunter been?”
“Wonderful,” Veronica said as she gestured to the outdoor couches.
Clara perched on the colorful cushions as Veronica sank down beside her.
“Emily is a godsend,” she continued. “Everything is much easier here than it was on my own.”
“Walker is a very devoted father. He spares no expense when it comes to his son or his care.”
“Isn’t it wonderful?” Veronica agreed. “I hoped Hunter would do better with him.”
“But now he has the both of you.”
A slow smile lit up Veronica’s face. “Yes. Now we can be the family we were always meant to be.”
The air in Clara’s lungs froze. “Excuse me?”
“Oh, not right away,” she said, reaching over to pat Clara’s hand. “I know I have a long climb back into Walker’s good graces. But seeing how good he is with my child, and how easy being a parent can be here, makes me want to try in a way I wasn’t sure I did before.”
“There’s more to being a parent than writing checks to his nannies,” Clara snapped.
“Of course. But you can’t deny money makes child-rearing easier. Why not take advantage of the possibilities if we are fortunate enough to be able to?”
“Don’t you want to be the one looking after him? Putting him down for his naps when he’s tired or heating him a bottle when he’s hungry?”
Veronica waved her hand. “I’ve already talked to Emily about extending her hours and she’s agreeable. Don’t worry, Hunter will always have an adult by his side who loves and wants to protect him. He’ll be safe and happy, I promise.”
“Of course, he’ll be safe and happy. He has me to look after him.”
A frown crossed Veronica’s face. “Forgive me, but I’m confused. I thought you were Walker’s college friend. The one helping him learn how to be a parent.”
Her cheeks heated even as she lifted her chin. “I am.”
“Yet you speak as if you have a right to Hunter. A right to my son.”
“Walker and I…we’re more than just old friends.”
“Ah,” she said, leaning back. “I see. I’ve stepped into something.”
“That’s why I wanted to have a chat so we can straighten everything out and come up with a solution that’s best for everyone, especially Hunter.”
“A solution,” Veronica murmured. “To me, you mean.”
“I’m not saying this very well, am I? I just meant, I want to try and make this transition as smooth as possible. Of course, you should have a place in Hunter’s life. You’re his mother. But I’m here, too, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Veronica’s eyes dropped to her left hand. “I don’t see a ring on your finger.”
She clenched a fist. “We’re getting to that part.”
“Really? Was that before or after the mother of Walker’s child came back into the picture?”
Direct hit. Score one for stay-at-home Barbie.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m here and that’s not going to change.”
“No, I’m here. I’m Hunter’s mother. I carried him for nine months. I made a mistake, but it’s one I’m trying to correct. I’m not going anywhere, and I’ll bring a judge into this if I have to.”
Clara held up her hands. “No one is threatening you. We’re all adults here and we all want the same thing. What’s best for Hunter.”
“What if what’s best for him is me? A child should be raised by both their parents, don’t you think? And Hunter can have that, as long as you don’t deprive him of it.”
Clara reared back. “Me?”
“I know this isn’t fair. In fact, it’s massively unfair. But this is the reality we’ve found ourselves in. Walker and I got along very well before the pregnancy. There’s no reason to think we wouldn’t be able to fall into old habits again. Our relationship will only continue to strengthen, and together we’ll watch our son grow up. The only detriment to that future is you.”
“The reality of the situation is you waited too long. You’ve come back to a couple who is happy together and will raise your child with you, not in place of you. We want you to be a part of Hunter’s life, but you have to accept that I’m here, too.”
“Do I?” she asked. “Are these your words or Walker’s? Have you said all of this to him?”
The words died on her tongue. Veronica had a point. She didn’t even know if she had the right to argue. Maybe she really was the detriment here and Walker was going to say exactly what Veronica was.
But if so, she wanted to hear it from his lips, not this perfect woman who hadn’t thought twice about abandoning her child in a basket.
“He doesn’t know you’re here, does he?” Veronica said.
“It doesn’t matter. I’ve known him for ten years. I know what he would say right now.”
“Ten years and yet you’re only now becoming a couple? It took me less than ten days.”
“What does that matter?”
“Because, my dear, if he’d wanted you he had years to make a move. It only happened because he was sleep deprived and in over his head. Walker told me about your arrangement, and you will forever have my gratitude for caring for our son, but look at this clearly. You swooped in here like a savior and his attraction grew from that. You were convenient. You were a substitute wife when he needed one. But he doesn’t need that anymore. Now you are just standing in my shoes, and it’s time to return them.”
Fear erupted in her chest.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Do you really want to force this issue? Do you want to make a scene where you are shown to the door in front of Hunter instead of gracefully exiting his life with your dignity in tact?” Veronica shook her head. “This is an awful situation, but I am trying to do what’s best for everyone, including you. I owe you everything, and this is how I can repay you. Let me help you.”
“You’re not helping me, you’re replacing me.”
“As you have been replacing me for weeks.”
“I stepped in to help. There’s a difference, which you’d know if you’d bothered to check in on your child.”
Clara pushed to her feet, pacing to the rail of the balcony. Veronica followed like a graceful shadow. It was almost worse that she was so calm. So reasonable. Her words didn’t sound like they were coming from any place of malice.
And that made everything far more real.
“Who do you think is better for Hunter?” Veronica asked, her voice growing harder. “If this wasn’t a child you wanted for yourself, if you were outside of this situation looking in, who would you pick to raise him? His biological mother or a substitute his father bonded with out of desperation and exhaustion?”
Ice crept through her veins. She wanted to block out the reasonable words. Fight against the logic of Veronica’s argument but what could she say? The other woman was right. If she weren’t personally involved, she’d side with the biological mother, too. This wasn’t her baby. Her family. She had no legal rights here. All she had was a tenuous link to Hunter that existed only as long as Walker allowed it to.
If he decided Veronica was the better choice to raise his child, she’d have no power to fight him with. Once again, she’d be standing at the window watching the life she wanted go on without her.
“We can do this slowly,” Veronica offered. “Transition Hunter from you to me. And you’ll still see him. Even if you’re not a couple, you are still Walker’s oldest friend. I would never try to deny you that relationship. Just as long as you don’t try to deny mine with him either.”
“I—” The words died in her throat. It was a generous offer. One she wasn’t sure she’d have been able to make if their roles were reversed.
I’m the mistress. She realized with shock. I’m the other woman.
Not the girlfriend. Not the mother.
Not the wife.
She was the piece of the story that didn’t work. The barrier to the happy family riding off into the sunset. Without her, Hunter had both his parents, and Walker had a woman he’d clearly liked enough to have a child with.
She was the odd one out.
Stop it. Think about yesterday. He’d been so close to asking you to make all this real. To be a real couple.
But then Veronica had shown up and those words had died.
He was busy. There hasn’t been time to talk.
But he clearly hadn’t been too busy to arrange to have Veronica over today. He hadn’t been too busy to go to work. A place filled with phones he could easily have used to contact her.
If he wanted to.
“Why don’t you stay?” Veronica asked. “Walker will be home from work soon, and the three of us can sit down and iron everything out. We’ll order in and have a mature meal like adults. There has to be a solution that works for all of us and together we can find it.”
She’s being reasonable. And generous.
Her fingers curled around the railing. It would be so much easier if Veronica was the villain Clara had expected. If she were a vapid, spoiled woman who cared for nothing other than herself. But now she saw her rival as what she was. A woman who had never expected to have a child, certainly not alone, and had gotten in over her head. She’d panicked and made a bad decision, but she’d made it with her child’s best interests at heart.
And now she was back to correct her mistake.
Who was Clara to stand in her way?
“I need to talk to Walker,” Clara said. Dinner sounded excruciating, especially if it became Walker and Veronica siding together against her, but at least she’d see him. Straighten everything out.
“Of course, you do. Why not have a drink while we wait? You can tell me all about how Hunter has grown this past month. He seems so much bigger than when I left.”
She opened her mouth to decline the drink when Veronica’s phone rang.
“Excuse me,” she said, striding back to her lounger to grab her cell. “Hello, Walker,” she said when she answered. “How’s work going?”
Clara jerked as if she’d touched a live wire. Walker was calling Veronica?
Unable to help herself, she fished her own phone from her purse and looked at the notifications.
No missed calls. No messages.
“Hunter is beautiful,” Veronica said as she moved back to Clara. “We spent the day getting reacquainted. Yes, yes, we did all that. No, he’s doing just fine. Do you want me to put Emily on the phone to confirm? Good, I promise he’s in safe hands.”
Walker wanted an update on Hunter, and he’d called Veronica. How many times had she said all those same words? His daily check-ins had become routine. Only now it seemed the routine didn’t include her.
Oh my God. She’s right. About all of it.
Walker didn’t need her anymore. Neither did Hunter. They’d be fine now, even if she disappeared. They’d go on to have a happy life as a family. A real family.
The Christmas cards she’d get would be of the smiling couple holding their bouncing baby boy. But the woman at her lover’s side wouldn’t be her. She’d had ten years to catch his eye, and they’d never been more than best friends. Not until circumstances had forced them to adapt.
I’m temporary. Replaceable. Walker was right all along. This was just stress. Just a reaction to our circumstances.
And the real match for Walker had finally shown up. Just as Clara had always feared she would.
“Sounds great,” Veronica said into the phone. “I’ll be waiting. Hurry home.” She hung up the call. “Sorry about that. Where were we? Drink?”
“No,” she whispered, a numbness seeping through her limbs. “No, thank you. I should be going.”
Veronica’s eyes widened. “But Walker will be home in twenty minutes or so.”
“It’s all right,” she said. “You two should have some time together. There’s a lot you need to discuss.”
“That’s true but it doesn’t mean—”
“I think it’s better that I not be here,” she said, her voice growing firmer. “Excuse me. I need to get a few things from my room before I go.”
She turned to leave before her feet rooted her to the ground. Glancing over her shoulder she saw the worried look in Veronica’s eyes. “They are wonderful,” she said, feeling as though she was watching the scene play out at a distance. “Both of them. If you get the opportunity to love them, then treasure it. You’ll never find anyone like Walker or Hunter ever again.”
Veronica nodded solemnly. “I swear to you I won’t mess up again. I will protect my family with everything I have in me.”
“Good.” This time when she started walking she didn’t stop. Not when tears gathered in her eyes, not when she dragged her suitcase from her closet and started throwing all her belongings into it. It took practically no time to pack up her life at Walker’s. Further proof of how temporary a fixture she’d been.
Dumping her armful of toiletries into the suitcase she looked around the suite. That was everything. All her clothes, books, and necessities. The room was sterile once more, ready for its next occupant.
Opening the closet to double-check she hadn’t missed anything, her eyes landed on the shoebox filled with her emergency overnight items. Inside her chest her heart twisted in pain. Reaching down, she took the box with ginger fingers. She’d liked having a tiny mark on his home. A little piece of it that had been hers.
She ran her palm over the lid. Its time had passed. Just as hers had. Just as she’d always known it would.
Closing the closet, she pushed the shoebox into her suitcase. This wasn’t her home anymore, and despite Veronica’s promises, she knew her friendship was over. She didn’t have it in her to pretend they could ever salvage what they’d had. She couldn’t picture herself having brunch with Walker and Veronica. Seeing him look at the other woman the way she’d always wanted him to look at her.
No, better to make a clean break.
Leaving her suitcase at the door, she pulled a pad of paper from her nightstand and sat on the bed. If this was the end of everything, she wanted one last chance to say goodbye to the man she loved.
Before she walked out of his life forever.