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Longing for the Impossible by Tiara L Giles (1)

1

Serena

“MONDAY’S OVER, BABE!” MY FRIEND Sven patted me on the back as he beat me to the exit. I could hear excited chatter coming from the hallway. I tried to pack my things as quickly as I could to catch my bus in case the driver decided to show up early. The sooner I made it, the better chance I had at making it home at a decent time. I zipped up my winter coat and slipped my gloves onto my hands.

I threw on my backpack and began following after him.

“Ms. Richards!”

My AP English teacher, Mrs. Tricia, beckoned me over. Her expression was flat and she folded her arms. Sven let out a low whistle. “Oh, you’re in trouble.”

I punched his bicep. “Shut up.”

Sven feigned pain and laughed when I rolled my eyes at him. “Later, Serena.” He gripped my shoulder for a brief moment before leaving the classroom. I walked over to Mrs. Tricia with my hands clasped together, sweat appearing on my forehead. Only the bad kids were called after class and who knows what I had done wrong.

“I’m really looking forward to reading your response to our previous assignment. You write excellent papers.” Mrs. Tricia clasped her hands together. Her eyes seemed to smile while her lips remained tight and stern. I expected her to scold my material. Not look forward to it.

“Oh. Um. Thank you.”

I had already been having a bad day, but getting a compliment from the teacher who never complimented anyone made everything a little bit better.

“Now, that’s not to say I won’t expect hard work from you.” Her lips loosened into a small smile, and I felt myself smiling in return. She motioned for me to follow her out of the classroom and down the wide hallway. A handful of students were still hanging out at their lockers and talking to their friends. The doors to the main entrance were propped open to allow for a free exit. So far there were only a few buses entering the bus lane surrounded by students. I had a few minutes before they all appeared and took off in a single file line.

“Oh. Absolutely. I’ll do my best.” I gave her a bright smile hoping to signal my intent to not fail her. I wasn’t a straight A student, but my grades were good. I did better when I enjoyed the subject, and I loved English. The better I did in school the higher chance I had at getting a scholarship. The higher chance I had at getting out of the house.

Mrs. Tricia took a quick look outside of the building before returning an intimidating gaze on me. “Seeing that the bus lane is filling fast, I will let you go. Don’t forget to do your homework, Ms. Richards.”

“I won’t!”

I took off towards the bus lane. I could see a raggedy, old yellow vehicle with the numbers 2313 painted on the side. I squeezed my way through crowds of students, my breathing short as I kept my eyes on the numbers.

“Excuse me.”

I felt a body ram into my shoulder, throwing me off balance. Ugh. Like this day could get any worse. I had to keep my mind focused on the positive though. I was doing well in AP English, the only silver lining to today’s dark cloud.

“Sorry.”

Another body slammed into my other shoulder. This time I fell onto my hands and knees in the cold snow. Laughter filled my ears, and I noticed the cheerleaders smirking at me. Great. I was doing well in AP English, but everything else was still horrible.

“Assholes!” I glared at the laughing girls with their stupid perfect lives. I used to be one of them. It was funny how some of them treated me like crap as soon as I left.

The buses began to pull out of school grounds and I knew I wouldn’t catch mine no matter how fast I ran. I would be getting home late once again.

“Need a ride?” I looked up to see Sven. His brown eyes surveying me with amusement. He stuck his hand out at me and I grabbed it, letting him pull me up.

“No. I’m fine I can walk.” I brushed the snow off of my black tights and shoved shivering gloved fingers into my pockets.

He folded his arms and narrowed his eyes. “You’re not walking.”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. Let’s go.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the student parking lot. I tried smacking him in protest, but he wouldn’t budge. He opened the passenger door and motioned for me to sit. I flopped into the seat and folded my arms, poking out my bottom lip. I could handle myself. I could walk home. The trek was long, but it wouldn’t be the first time I did it.

“So, how was your day?” Sven extended the last word as we backed out of the parking lot.

I laughed, leaning my head against the passenger door. “You know how my day went. You were there for most of it.”

Sven and I shared a few classes together and had the same group of friends. “Yeah. Well . . . just trying to make small talk.”

“You suck at that.” I grinned and he stuck his tongue out.

We sat in silence for most of the ride. Snowcapped houses and trees whirred by as we passed through by neighborhoods. Sven took a left onto a road with a familiar red house. My fingers began to feel prickly as we neared my half of the street. The muscles surrounding my chest grew tight and the space in the car seemed to shrink. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t erase the thought of getting my ass beat for being in the same car as a boy. I clutched my knees in an attempt to steady myself. She wouldn’t be home yet. I needed to get a grip, but what if she did get home early? I felt needles stabbing my lungs. Oh god.

“Stop!”

“What? Why?”

I gripped the door handle, feeling sweat in my gloves. “Just pull over, please.”

“Okay.”

He pulled over, putting the car in park. I felt my shoulders loosen. I could finally breathe, but I still needed to go. “Unlock the door.”

Sven stayed put and eyed me. His brow was covered with concern as he moved blonde hair from his face. “What’s going on, Serena?”

I leaned against the door and groaned. “You’re a boy, remember? My mom has eyes everywhere and she’ll kill me if she found out I was riding in a car with you.”

His mouth formed into a big circle as he unlocked the door. My mom wasn’t too happy the last time she saw him. “Shouldn’t she be glad you made it home alive? It’s not like I’d kill you or anything.”

I shook my head. “I know, Sven. Just… Thanks for the ride.”

I gave him a tight-lipped smile, grabbed my backpack, and sprinted towards my house. I had to beat my mom inside. My mother had already woken up with anger towards me. Last time it was the bathroom, which was pretty spotless in my opinion, but this time it was the trash. I had forgotten to take it out and forgetting to do so made me useless.

I noticed her black car sitting in the driveway, and my heart sank. Great. She was already home. I walked into my too-big-for-two-people home. The living room was large with beiges, dark-browns, whites, and dark woods spilling through the house. The dining area was big as well and the only color change was the silver from the neatly placed forks and spoons. We could barely afford to live here after my father had left, but according to my mom the house made us look good in the eyes of others. We could pretend everything was fine. That nothing was missing and that my mom didn’t have negative feelings towards me. I hated pretending.

“Hello, Serena.”

“Hi, Mom.” I placed my backpack on the floor and removed my coat. My mom was sitting in the chair facing the entrance with dark eyes and a clenched jaw. She had short, thick curly black hair with dark skin and an even darker expression contrasting with the beach white color scheme of the house. I was a bit lighter than her and my hair was more wavy than curly. My hair reminded her of my father.

“You know when I decided to come home early, which by the way was a much needed break.” She flattened her hand on the arm of the chair and began to drum it with her fingers. “I expected my well behaved and loyal daughter, obviously not you, to be at home to welcome me and possibly make dinner. I guess my wonderful daughter isn’t here right now.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” I lowered my eyes to the ground.

“Why’d you missed the bus, Serena?”

Come up with a good answer, I thought. Apologizing again was usually the better option but a question like this was like walking into a lion’s den. Any answer could bring hell behind it.

She spoke slow through her teeth. “Answer the question.”

“These girls at school pushed me and-” She snapped her fingers and I clamped my mouth shut.

“Oh please. Other people can’t make you miss the bus. Only you can. You know better. I don’t know why you can’t just be good at behaving. At least be good at something. You know the rules.” I nodded, not wanting to see her blood boil. “Look at me. How’d you get home?”

I looked over her head as I calculated my response. “Um. . .”

“Talk faster, Serena. I don’t have all day.” My mother’s lips seemed to poke out whenever she closed her mouth. It seemed as if something was stuck inside and it gave her a bad taste.

“A friend dropped me off.” Her lips turned down and she rolled her eyes. “But I’m safe.”

“Of course.” She threw her hands in the air and scoffed. “Right. You have friends. How could I forget? Do I know this friend, Serena?”

I shook my head. She clicked her tongue and tsked as she walked towards me. My mother could handle me having friends. A daughter without friends wouldn’t seem normal. It wouldn’t look good. However, she couldn’t deal with not knowing the names of all of my friends. She needed to know who they were and what they posted online to decide if they were the type of friends she would want me to talk to.

“A boy?” She moved her head around like a snake searching for the answer in my eyes. She stood straight and sighed at my silence. I gulped and trembled when she grabbed my shoulders. “You know I don’t trust your little friends, Serena. Friends can get you in trouble. Friends can turn on you. Use you. And boys are the worst. You could’ve gotten pregnant and I would’ve had to take care of you. Why are you so pitiful and naïve? I taught you better than this.”

I further deflated as a look of disappointment and disgust crossed her face. Her tone held fatigue when she spoke again. “Go to your room. And give me your phone. I need to make sure you aren’t sharing embarrassing things on social media again. I’m too old for this.”

She snapped her fingers for me to hurry and I pulled my phone out of my pocket. She snatched it from my hand and waved me away. I walked quickly towards my bedroom and shut the door with a gentle click. I dropped my things on the floor and stared at the window towards the bricked house across the street. My room was small with a bookshelf, a desk, and my bed. I pulled my homework from my backpack and threw it onto my desk. She didn’t yell at me, but that didn’t mean I was safe.

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