CHAPTER FIVE
Carter
As much as I hate being back in this house, I think walking away tomorrow, leaving my mum and Indi behind again, is going to be just as hard as it was the last time. For Indi’s sake it’s probably for the best, or is it? I’m not sure about that anymore. Especially after meeting that wanker she’s dating.
Once I would’ve said she was way too good for me, but in the past few years I’ve grown up, a lot. Sure, technically I’m still a bastard, but Indi’s words that night, all those years ago, have stuck with me. I’m not the same person I was. I no longer try to let that word define me. I still have my moments, but as a whole, I’ve come a long way. I’m a good, hardworking, and honest guy. That’s what I try my best to remember. Not all the other bullshit.
Going over there tonight, drunk, may not have been my smartest move, but I’m glad I did. I think she needed it just as much as I did. Being with her again was nice, but it only reinforced how good we are together, and how much I’ve missed having her close. She’s the only girl I’ve ever felt comfortable with. The only one who I can completely be myself with around.
••••
When I wake the next morning, she’s still on my mind. My head hurts like a bitch from all the alcohol I consumed. I finished off the bottle when I got back home. My heart was hurting after saying goodbye to her. Because it was more than words, it truly was a goodbye. That doesn’t sit well with me for some reason. I have this feeling in my gut that if I walk away again I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life. I’m going to lose her forever. If I haven’t already.
After showering and eating breakfast, I decide to head next door. I don’t know what I’m going to say when I get there, but I feel compelled to see her one more time before I leave. Jax called me this morning to see when I’d be heading back. I told him today. I have a great team, so I’m not really worried about the shop. I know I also have Jax and Candice if anything goes wrong, but either way, I still need to get home. I need to sort out what I’m going to do. To figure out a way I can come back here more often. Well, if Indi wants that of course. I got mixed messages from her last night. She said she loves that wanker, which was hard to hear, but I also get that feeling in the pit of my stomach there’s still something between us. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part. Who fucking knows?
“Carter, my boy,” Ross says with a smile when he answers the door. “Come in.”
“I was hoping to speak to Indi before I leave,” I divulge as I follow him down the hall towards the kitchen.
“She’s already left for work. Sit.” Disappointment consumes me. I take a seat at the kitchen table as he sets about making us a cuppa. Is missing her a sign, or just rotten luck?
“Oh.” I hear my own displeasure in my voice.
“Tell me something?” he asks as he stops what he’s doing, turning to face me. “Do you still have feelings for Indi?” Whoa. Where did that question come from?
“What?”
“Come on, Carter. Don’t pussyfoot around with me. Do you still have feelings for my daughter, or what?” I try my best to remain calm and not give anything away.
“Why do you ask?” He exhales in frustration. I know he knows I’m avoiding answering.
“I’ll tell you why,” he says in a stern voice, walking towards the table and taking the seat opposite me. “That dick, Mark. Indiana’s boyfriend.” I can’t help but smile when he refers to him as a dick. My sentiments exactly.
“What about him?”
“He called me last night …”
“He did? Why?” My first thought is, fuck, he’s dobbed me in for accosting him in the driveway, and Ross is going to chew me out about it.
“He asked for my permission to marry Indiana.” Hell no. By the way his shoulders just slumped, I’d say he’s not too happy about it. That makes two of us. “To be honest I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I’ve never been able to completely warm to that guy, if you know what I mean.” I sure do. I only met him for a few minutes and I didn’t like him. Under other circumstances I might, but as long as he’s associated with Indiana, I know that’s not going to happen.
“Did you give him permission?” My heart starts to race as I wait for his reply.
“Not in so many words, but I told him if it’s what my daughter wants, and if it makes her happy, than I’m fine with it. What else could I say? I’d never stand in the way of her happiness. I just don’t think she’ll get that with him.” He rubs his hands over his face as he contemplates everything. “I still can’t believe the coward rung me instead of asking me face to face. Christ, I hope she doesn’t say yes.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Sure,” he replies.
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I don’t think Mark is the right man for her. Indi seems happy enough with him, but there’s something missing. That spark. I just don’t see it when they’re together. Maybe I’m just being an overprotective father. She’s all I have left, but I want her to be truly happy. I want her to experience the kind of love I shared with her mother. Is that too much to ask?” I feel my lips turn up. I couldn’t agree with him more. It still doesn’t explain why he’s telling me this.
“Do you want me to rough him up?” I ask. Maybe that’s why he’s sharing this with me.
“No. I want you to get your shit together and decide what you want.” Hold on a minute.
“You want me to be with Indi?” I look at him in disbelief. Surely he couldn’t want that.
“Yes. If that’s what you both want, of course.” My lips turn up into a smile. I like the fact he thinks I’m good enough for his daughter because I know how much she means to him. He exhales before looking me in the eye. His expression is serious. “If you still have feelings for her, which I get the impression you do, this may be your last chance. You can both deny it all you want, but I’m not stupid, Carter. I saw the way you two looked at each other all those years ago. It’s the same look I saw yesterday if I’m not mistaken. You only get one chance at true love, son. Believe me, I know. I also know my daughter. She’s as loyal as they come. If she marries him, it will be for life.”
Uneasiness settles over me with every word spoken. I swear my heart’s beating so hard I can hear it thumping in my ears. The thought of losing her to him, forever … It doesn’t sit well with me—at all.
“I don’t know what to say,” I confess, making eye contact with him as I shift around in my seat. This whole conversation is agitating me. Of course I have feelings for her. I don’t know what he expects of me though. Does he want me to marry her? He’s got rocks in his head if he thinks that’s what I want. I’m not the marrying kind. Even for her. Fuck no. Girls like her don’t marry guys like me.
“You don’t have to say anything. Just think about what I’ve said. I thought it only fair to tell you. I just wanted to make it an even playing field,” he says smiling. Cunning old fool. I fucking love this man.
“Thanks. I’ll give it some thought.” What else can I say? As much as I hate the thought of them together, is it fair to come between them when I’m not even sure I can give her what she wants? What she needs? Fuck it. Yes I can. Even if it’s just to get her away from him. She deserves better. Standing, I reach for Ross’ hand. “I’ll catch you next time I’m in town,” I say. “Can you do me a favour and keep an eye on my mum until I get back?”
“Sure thing. Are you leaving already? We didn’t even have a coffee.” He clasps his hand in mine.
“I don’t have time. What’s the address of Indi’s work?” His face lights up at my question.
“It’s just off Tuckers Road, the second street on the left. A big horse-shit coloured building. You can’t miss it.” His description of the building makes me chuckle.
“Let us know you got home safely. And don’t worry about your mum, I’ll keep a close eye on her.” He reaches out and grips my shoulder. “Remember, I’m always here if you need anything, son.”
“I know,” I reply smiling. I love that he always says that. I love that he gives a shit.
••••
As I drive towards Indi’s work my head is all over the place. This place hasn’t changed much in the five years I’ve been gone. Well, the buildings haven’t. I wish I could say the same for Indi and I. I contemplate turning around and heading back home at least ten times. I know how I feel about her, but can I really come between her and that wanker? Chasing after another guy’s girl is not my style, but this isn’t just any girl, it’s Indiana. My Indiana. She was mine first.
A song comes on over the radio. It’s one of those mushy love songs. I hate that shit. Reaching out, I go to flick the station when the chorus cuts in. The guy sings about having a hole in his heart. Why does this resonate with me? Because that’s exactly how I feel. There’s been a piece of my heart missing since the day I drove away five years ago.
Instead of changing the station, I turn it up. I listen as he sings about starting again. Is this a sign? Can we start again? Are we too far gone to get back what we once shared? Once I’ve parked, I sit in the car until the song ends. “That was Start Again, by Conrad Sewell,” the DJ announces. I rest my head on the steering wheel as I inhale a deep breath. I know in this moment, this hole will never mend until I have her again. I have to try. I’m going to regret it for the rest of my life if I don’t.
Doubt settles in. “What am I doing here?” I mumble under my breath when I exit the car. What am I going to say to her? I have no fucking clue. All I know is from the minute Ross told me that wanker was going to propose, I knew I had to see her before I left. She can’t marry him. She just can’t.
I shake my head as I walk towards the building. One thing’s for sure, Ross was right. The colour of the building does resemble horse shit. I’d say this guy has taste in his arse, but he has Indi, so that couldn’t possibly be true.
My hand rises, pushing open the glass door. “Here goes nothing,” I mutter to myself as I step inside.
Time to work on getting my girl back. Well, at least try to.