CHAPTER EIGHT
Carter
Jesus Christ. What the fuck was that? I don’t know what just came over me. Sure, from the moment I saw her, I wanted those lips on mine, I’ll admit that. But, never did I think I would act on those feeling. Never did I think it would actually happen. And never did I think it would make me feel what I just did. Fuck.
I’m well and truly screwed.
After she walks into the house I continue to stand there. I can’t seem to get my legs to work. My middle leg is working just fine. That fucker is standing proud. It’s so fucking hard it actually hurts. Why did I go there? Why?
When the blood eventually leaves my cock and flows back into my legs, I drag my arse towards the house. I don’t bother going through the front door. I head straight for my bedroom window. I can’t face my mum or Fuckwit right now. My head is all over the place. What am I going to do? As much as I’d like to, I can’t go there with her. I just can’t.
••••
After a sleepless night, I rise early and head for my car. I have no idea where I’m going, but I can’t hang around here today. I can’t risk running into Indiana. That kiss is still haunting me. What I need to do is stay the hell away from her. She makes me feel things. Things I don’t want to feel.
It’s taken me twelve long years to build this barrier around my heart. My protective shield. The one that blocks out all feelings. If you can’t feel, you can’t hurt. Right? That’s my logic anyway.
It has only taken her days to put a crack in the foundation I worked hard at erecting. Fuck her and her sunshine and rainbows. Fuck her and her light that’s trying to penetrate my darkness. I don’t need it, and I sure as hell don’t want it.
I end up at a park, miles from where I now live. I’m not even sure of the suburb. Who fucking cares? It gives me what I need: distance, time to think, time to process. Time to figure out what the hell I’m going to do about Indiana-fucking-Montgomery. Why is she worming her way into my heart?
Stubbing out my cigarette, I light up another. That’s not helping either. Reaching across to the passenger seat, I slide my hand underneath and pull out my sketchpad. It’s been months since I’ve drawn anything. Maybe that may calm me the hell down. It’s worked in the past.
Flicking through the pages, I study some of my other drawings. They’re pretty dark; skulls, demons and snakes, shit like that. It suits my personality I guess. Retrieving a pencil out of the glove compartment, I start to draw. When I’m done, I stare down at my work.
Usually I get into the zone and let my hand draw what it wants. Of course today it chose to draw her. Those big eyes framed with long, thick, dark lashes and those beautiful plump lips that taste like fucking heaven. Christ she’s beautiful. Damn her.
Tearing the drawing from the sketchpad, I screw it up and toss it on the floor. Grabbing my cigarettes, I get out of the car and walk across the park, eventually settling under a tree.
I open my pad to a fresh page. This time I make sure I control what my hand does. No fucking kid. It ends up being a picture of a skull with a snake coming out of the eye sockets and black roses wrapped in its tail. That’s more like it. Placing it on my lap, I light another cigarette and I sit back and admire my handiwork.
“Hey, buddy. Got a light?” someone asks. I look up to see a guy approaching covered in tattoos. He has a huge silver spike piercing through his eyebrow and one-inch ear plugs in his lobes. I don’t mind the odd piercing, but stretching your earlobe seems extreme to me. It’s not like you’re gonna be wearing plugs in your ears when you’re seventy years old. What are you gonna do with those huge-arse fucking holes then?
“Sure,” I say throwing it to him.
“Thanks. I left mine at the shop.” He leans forward and passes it back once his cigarette is lit. “Hey, did you draw that?” he asks looking down at my sketchpad.
“Yeah,” I answer.
“That’s pretty good. Mind if I take a look?”
“Sure. Knock yourself out,” I say handing it to him. I’ve never shown anyone my work before, but I don’t know this guy, so who cares what he thinks? I don’t.
“That would make a fucking awesome tatt. Ever thought of selling these?” he asks.
“Nah. I just do it for fun.”
“I own the tattoo parlour across the road,” he says pointing across the park towards the line of shops on the other side of the street. He flicks back through some of the other drawings. “Fuck, these are wicked.”
“Thanks man,” I answer. I’ll admit I’m pretty stoked that he likes my work.
“I’m serious. I’d love to buy some of these. I’m always looking for new designs. You wanna sell them?” I shrug. Do I? I’m not really sure. It would be kind of cool to know my drawings were inked on someone permanently. I’ve even considered getting a few myself when I can afford it. Tattoos don’t come cheap. “Do ya wanna come check out my shop?”
“Sure, why not,” I reply, standing. I’ve got nothing better to do.
“Jax,” he says extending his hand to me.
“Carter.”
I walk with him across the street. His shop’s pretty cool. It doesn’t look like much from out in the street, but inside the setup is wicked. My eyes dart around before landing on the girl behind the desk. She has a full sleeve tattoo on both arms and hot pink hair, but believe it or not it suits her. She’s pretty hot. She has a nice rack, too. I’m guessing she’s in her early twenties.
“Candice, this is Carter,” Jax says as we approach her.
She makes no attempt to hide the fact she’s checking me out. “Hi handsome,” she winks.
“Hey,” I say with a flick of my head.
“Check out these drawings,” Jax says giving her my sketchpad. I know my drawings are good, but I’m uncomfortable about her seeing them for some reason.
“Wow, these are amazing. Did you do these?” she asks making eye contact with me. I nod. “They’re great. Oh I’d love this one on my arse,” she says pointing to the image of a skull laying across a bed of roses. Her comment makes me smile. I bet she’s got a nice arse, too.
“I’ll give you a hundred and fifty dollars,” Jax says suddenly. I shrug.
“I guess.” I still can’t believe he wants to buy them.
“Alright.” He flips through the book and counts how many drawings there are. “Fifteen,” he says leaning over to pick up the calculator off the counter. He presses some numbers into it. “That’s … two thousand, two hundred and fifty dollars,” he adds. “You happy with that?”
“You’re paying me a hundred and fifty dollars per drawing?” I ask in disbelief.
“Yeah. Did you think it was one fifty for the lot?”
“I did.” I feel stupid now. Jax laughs and shakes his head at my naivety.
“These are good man. I’ll make more than my money back in one sitting. They’re going to sell well. I already know a few guys that are gonna love these.”
“Shit,” I say, smiling as I shake my head. Who knew a few little drawings could make me that much cash? I’ll be able to get those parts I put on hold for the car now.
“I’ve got a client coming in shortly. I’ve gotta go set up. Candice will fix you up with the cash. It was nice meeting you man,” he says shaking my hand. “If you have any more drawings you wanna get rid of, you know where to find me.”
“Thanks,” I reply. I’m still shocked. This is fucking awesome.
“No, thank you. Catch ya on the flip side,” he says walking towards the back rooms. I like him. He’s a cool guy.
Candice opens the register and starts counting out the cash onto the counter. “There you go, handsome.” She gives me a flirtatious smile when she hands me the money.
“Thanks,” I say, taking the money and shoving it into my pocket. I watch as she carefully tears out the pages with the drawings on them before picking up a pen and writing something inside the cover of my pad.
“Here. I wrote my number inside. If you ever want to hook up give me a call. I’d like to see what else you can do with those hands of yours.” I chuckle at her comment as I reach for my sketchpad. I like a woman who knows what she wants.
“Sounds like a plan,” I say with a wink as I turn to walk out of the shop. Usually I’d be all over that, but I need to sort this shit out with Indiana first. Fuck me.
I decide to get something to eat. Since I left the house so early I haven’t even had breakfast. There’s café a few doors down, so I head in that direction.
Once I’ve eaten I head back to my car. It’s not even midday and I have no plans to go home yet. If I can avoid seeing Indiana all day, I will. Now that I’m cashed up I guess I can do whatever I want.
••••
It’s dark by the time I sneak back into my room. Indi’s bedroom light is off. She’s probably already asleep. Fuck knows what I’m going to do about school in the morning. I’m not sure if I want to give her a lift. Having her near me isn’t a good idea. I need to get these feelings I have, sorted out first.
“Carter, are you in there?” my mum asks knocking on my door.
“Yeah, Mum. Come in.”
“Where have you been all day? I’ve been worried,” she asks, concern etched on her face.
“Just went for a drive. That’s all.”
“Are you okay?” she says, coming to sit beside me on the bed. I recognise that tone. She’s worried. I hate making her worry.
“Yes. I’m fine,” I reply, forcing out a reassuring smile.
“You’re not happy living here, are you, Carter?”
“I’m fine with it, Mum. I just wanted to get out for the day. Honestly.” That’s such a fucking lie. I hate it here, but the thing is, she doesn’t. I can tell she’s happy. All I want is to see her happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I’m not going to ruin this for her.
Pretending to be happy here is the least I can do for her. I’m sure I’ll be able to stick it out for a few more months. I hope.
“You sure? I’d hate to think that you weren’t.”
“I am, Mum. I like it here.” Another lie. I hate lying to her, but I’m doing it to protect her, so I guess that makes it okay.
“Okay. I’m glad,” she says placing her hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze before she rises from the bed. Leaning down, she kisses my forehead. “Night, baby. I love you,” she adds, gently caressing the side of my face.
“I love you too, Mum.”
After a quick shower I jump into bed. A few minutes later my phone dings. I reach for it in the dark. Fucking Jen. She wants to know if she can come over. If I knew losing myself in her pussy would help I’d say yes, but I know it won’t. Last time I was with her, all I did was think about Indiana. I place my phone on the bedside table, ignoring her message.
When I open my eyes, I look at the clock beside my bed. It’s 7:00am. Fuck I don’t feel like going to school today, but I have to. I think I’ll head off early so I’ll miss Indiana. I’m still not ready to face her after that kiss.
My mum has breakfast ready for me when I walk into the kitchen. I like spending this time with her. Fuckwit has already left for work, so it’s just the two of us. Just like old times.
“I’ve noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time with Ross next door,” she says placing a plate of bacon and eggs in front of me.
“Yeah. He’s helping me with my car. He knows all about that kind of thing.”
“That’s nice. I’m glad he’s helping you. I must thank him next time I see him. You know John would help you if he knew about cars, don’t you?” she says like she actually believes that bullshit. Who’s she fucking kidding? That arse wouldn’t help me. Christ he really does have her fooled.
“Yeah,” is all I say, struggling to swallow the food in my mouth. I guess I’d rather have her think he’s nice to me. The alternative would only upset her.
When I head back to my room to grab my backpack, I see Indi sneaking out the gate and hurrying down the side of her house. She must have the same idea as me. Why does that piss me off? I was willing to sneak off without her, but now I know she’s doing the same, I’m not happy about it. Not one fucking bit.