CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Indiana
I wake in the morning to Carter’s beautiful face between my legs. It’s a wonderful sight I can tell you. This is the second time since we’ve reconnected that I’ve awoken to him doing this. It’s something I could easily get used to. Mark wasn’t a big fan of oral sex. I, on the other hand, love it. There’s something so erotic about it.
“Good morning,” he says against my sensitive flesh when I moan and thread my fingers through his hair.
“Morning,” I whimper breathlessly.
After the incredible sex we had when we arrived at the hotel last night, Carter carried me into the shower when my legs threatened to give out. After he washed every inch of me, he took me up against the tiles. I know it’s only been a few days, but it’s like we can’t get enough of each other.
He seemed concerned about me when we got out of the shower. He said I looked tired and pale. He had no reason to worry. Although my headaches are still playing havoc, they don’t seem to bother me so much when I’m lost in him. He’s all the medicine I need.
Even though I told him I was fine, he wrapped me in a towel and sat me on the edge of the bath and dried my hair. It was very sweet. When he was done, he ordered me to bed. I’ll admit I was a tad disappointed when he wrapped me in his arms and demanded I get some sleep. I was hoping for round three.
I’m surprised I’m not feeling apprehensive about my doctor’s appointment later this morning. Maybe that will come after. Right now, I’d be lucky if I could remember my own name. Thanks to Carter and his magical tongue, I’m overwhelmed by the magnitude of feelings pulsing through me. If eating pussy was an Olympic sport he would win the gold medal, hands down.
He pushes two fingers inside me, hooking them to reach my G-spot, at the same time sucking my clit into his mouth. “Oh God yes,” I moan, pushing my hips up towards his face while my head sinks further back into the pillow. When he groans loudly, the vibrations sends me over the edge. My body convulses as my orgasm hits hard.
He’s smiling as he kisses his way back up my body, his eyes locked on mine. His bed hair is sticking up all over the place, but he still looks as gorgeous as ever. My heart starts to race as his lips meet mine. I’m overcome with love for this man. I wish I could tell him how I feel. I want him to know just how much he means to me, but I don’t want to scare him off.
I can’t lose him again.
“Can you be my alarm clock every morning?” I ask as my fingers smooth back his hair.
“If I could be between your legs every morning, I’d be a happy man,” he chuckles as his lips move along my jawline and down my neck.
“That could be arranged,” I say jokingly. Removing his mouth from me, he raises his head. His expression is serious as his eyes meet mine.
“Well arrange it,” he deadpans. I start to laugh. “What’s so funny?”
“You,” I say. “You know if you were to be between my legs every morning, we’d have to spend every night together.” Well I suppose he could always sneak in my window before dawn, but that’s going to be near impossible since he lives two hours away. I dread him going back home, but I don’t even want to think about that right now.
“And your point?” he replies, raising one of his eyebrows. Surely he can’t be serious. As much as I’d like to spend every night with him, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want that. I thought he was joking, but the serious look on his face tells me he’s not.
I turn my head to the side. For some reason I’m suddenly finding it hard to meet his gaze. I don’t want to get my hopes up. This is Carter Reynolds we’re talking about. Mr. I-don’t-do-commitment.
“Hey,” he says, placing his finger under my chin and turning my face back towards his. “Wouldn’t you like to wake up with me every morning?” I can clearly hear the hurt in his voice. The uncertainty on his face tugs at my heart.
“Of course I would,” I reply, trying to reassure him. “I thought you were joking.”
“Well I’m not. I’m in love with you Indiana. I want this. I want us.” I feel the corners of my lips turn up. Did he just say he loved me?
“You love me?”
“I don’t just love you, sweetheart. You own me, completely. It’s crazy how much. I never thought anyone could make me feel like this, but fuck me, you do. You make me feel it all. I loved you when I walked away five years ago, and I’ve never stopped. It’ll only ever be you.” His hand comes up to brush the hair back off my face. Tears sting my eyes from his sweet words.
“I love you too, Carter,” I admit. My heart is singing right now knowing he feels the same way about me as I do him. I’ve never said that to a guy before. Well except my dad, but that doesn’t count. Carter’s face breaks out into a huge smile. Before I get to say another word, his mouth crashes into mine.
He nudges my legs open with his knee as he settles between my thighs. I can feel his erection pushing against my leg. His hand reaches out to the side while his lips remain on me. I know he’s feeling for the condoms he left on the bedside table last night.
When he retrieves it he pulls back, leaning on his haunches as he rolls it on. His eyes never once leave mine. “I can’t believe you love me,” he whispers. Well believe it. When he settles between my legs again, the smile I see on his face melts my heart. Despite what he thinks of himself, he’s an easy person to love. He laces his fingers through mine, pinning them above my head.
No words are spoken as he ever so slowly slides inside me. His lips meet mine as he gently rocks his hips forward. This time he doesn’t fuck me, he makes sweet and passionate love to me. He gives me every piece of him, and I do the same as our hearts merge as one.
I love him right down to the depths of my soul.
••••
We crawl out of bed an hour later. I feel like I’m floating. I’ve never felt this happy, this whole. Carter runs me a bath to soak in while he orders breakfast. He hasn’t stopped smiling since we’ve told each other how we feel. Being with him just feels so right. It always has. I know that’s why I never completely moved on. Why I couldn’t give myself fully to Mark. My heart has always belonged to Carter. It always will.
When I get out of the bath I wrap myself in a towel and pick up my crumpled dress off the floor. I guess I’m going to have to wear this home. We’ll have to call to the house on the way to my appointment. My stomach churns when I think about that. I pray that we’re going to get some good news today. Surely life couldn’t be that cruel. We’ve only just found each other again.
“Hey,” Carter says coming into the bathroom and snapping me out of my thoughts. “You okay?” His hands slide around my waist from behind as he places a soft kiss on my cheek.
“I’m fine,” I reply turning my head to meet his gaze. “We’re going to have to call to my place so I can get some clothes.”
“I packed some. They’re laying on the bed.”
“They are?” You can clearly hear the surprise in my voice.
“Uh huh,” he replies like he’s proud of himself.
“They better not be skimpy.” He chuckles at my comment.
“I did consider it, but I knew you had your appointment, so I packed jeans and a sweater thingy, or whatever you call them.”
“And underwear?”
“That too,” he says, turning me in his arms and planting a kiss on my nose. “Get dressed, breakfast has just arrived. I bought you a new toothbrush as well. It’s in the toiletry bag on the vanity. Oh, and some girly deodorant. Can’t have my girl stinky.” I release a small laugh, playfully punching him in the arm. I’ll give him stinky.
“Thank you,” I say wrapping my arms around his waist, squeezing him tight. “For everything.” I feel tears sting my eyes again. I’m feeling so overwhelmed right now.
It’s like this thing between us is too good to be true. I pray that’s not the case.
••••
My leg won’t stop bouncing as we sit in the doctor’s room waiting to be called. I’m trying my best to act cool, but I’m failing miserably. I cross my legs at the same time Carter reaches for my hand. It’s just the two of us today. My dad called before we left the hotel, but Carter talked him out of coming with us. Knowing my dad, he wouldn’t have been impressed, but Carter did promise to call him the minute we had the results.
Carter brings my hand up to his mouth, placing a kiss on my knuckles. I smile at him trying to let him know I’m okay, even though my stomach is churning inside.
“The doctor will see you now, Ms. Montgomery,” the nurse says from behind her desk. Carter stands first pulling me up with him. He laces his fingers through mine as we walk down the small corridor towards the doctor’s room. I’ve given up on trying to stop him from coming with me. Secretly I’m glad. I need him. He’s quickly becoming my rock.
“Whatever the doctor says, we face it together,” Carter whispers in my ear as his hold on my hand tightens. I’m not sure if I could get through this without him. He’s been wonderful. I give him a tight, nervous smile when his eyes meet mine. I’m afraid if I talk right now, I’ll cry.
The doctor greets us at the door. He shakes both our hands before offering us a seat. As soon as we’re seated, Carter reaches for my hand again. My eyes dart towards him. His eyes are planted firmly on the doctor. His brow is furrowed, worry clearly visible on his face. This time, I squeeze his hand as calmness settles over me. I suddenly realise that whatever the doctor is about to say is irrelevant. We have each other. For how long, who knows, but in this moment that’s all that seems to matter.
My eyes leave Carter when the doctor speaks. “I have your results from the MRI, Indiana.” I hold my breath as I wait for him to continue. “I’m pleased to say there’s no secondary cancer present.” My cheeks puff out as I release my breath slowly. My eyes move to Carter, and the relief on his face is evident. His gaze meets mine and his lips turn up into a beautiful smile.
“That’s great news,” Carter says turning his attention back to the doctor. “What happens from here?”
“Well, I’d like to put Indiana on a course of steroids for the next two weeks to relieve any swelling around the tumour, then we can get started on the radiation therapy. I have some information I’d like you to read through in the meantime. It will answer any questions you may have. It also outlines the benefits, risks, and side effects that may arise, things of that nature.”
“What are the risks and side effects?” Carter asks. I’m glad he’s got it together enough to ask questions. My mind is on overload at the moment.
“The risks are minimal. That’s why I’ve chosen this avenue instead of surgery. The tumour is small so you’ll be receiving small doses of radiation over a six-week period. Longer if required, but I’m pretty confident it won’t be needed. The radiation will kill off any cancer cells and hopefully prevent it from growing or spreading. As for the side effects, you may not experience any. People react quite differently to the treatment. You may feel nauseous, or have a loss of appetite. It’s important you eat correctly whilst undergoing the radiation therapy. There’s a list of foods and things you should avoid in the package. You may experience fatigue and some hair loss, but again, every case is different. Your skin on your head may become dry and itchy, but there are creams that can help with that. All in all, nothing too serious. The benefits far outweigh all of that.”
There’s so much to take in it’s making my head spin. If this radiation therapy is going to cure me, then I’ll take any side effect they want to throw at me. In the grand scheme of things, if it’s going to save my life I don’t really care.
“Everything you should and shouldn’t do is clearly outlined in the pamphlets inside the envelope. Please read up on them. It’s best if you know everything going into this.”
“We will,” Carter assures him. I’m feeling very overwhelmed by it all.
The doctor must see the indecision on my face because he adds, “You’re young and healthy. You have everything on your side, Indiana.” He gives me a reassuring smile as he passes me the envelope. “I’ll get you that script for the steroids.” I watch as his fingers move over the keyboard in front of him before he reaches for the printed script in the tray. “If you have any concerns after reading through the information, don’t hesitate to call me. It’s pretty straightforward and should answer any questions you may have.”
“Thank you,” I say as he leans over the desk handing me the script.
“I’ll get you to make an appointment with me for one week’s time, and we can discuss any of your concerns and get you prepared to start the treatment the following week. What type of work do you do?”
“I’m between jobs,” I admit. I still can’t believe Mark fired me, the arsehole. It’s not like I could’ve kept working there under the circumstances, I suppose, but I’m eager to find something else. I love what I do. I miss my animals.
“Well maybe that’s a good thing. You’re going to need plenty of rest during the course of the treatment, so maybe you should put that off for a few months. Or at the very least, find casual work.” Thankfully I live at home with my dad, so I can survive without money for a little longer. I do have savings I can dip into if needed.
When he stands, Carter and I follow. Carter reaches for his hand first before I do the same. “Thanks, doc,” Carter says as we’re leaving.
As soon as we exit the building, Carter pulls me into his arms before swinging me around. “I’m so fucking happy,” he says before placing me back on my feet. “Well I’m happy things aren’t worse than we thought. I still hate that you have to go through this.” He cups my face, giving me a sad smile. “You’ve got this in the bag. You know that right?” he adds confidently as he pulls me into a crushing hug. “I’ve gotta call your dad. He’s waiting to hear back from me.”
I smile as he releases me and pulls out his phone. Although what lies ahead is daunting to say the least, his happiness is infectious.