“So, can I ask you about the club?” I say as we lie in the dark.

“You’re my old lady. You can always ask.” Cas pauses. “Old habits die hard, though. I’m not used to telling anyone anything about the Lords. What do you want to know?”

“Just… what’s it like, being in an MC?”

“Being in an MC, or being in this one?”

“This one, I guess.”

Part of me expects him to just brush me off, but he doesn’t. “Huh. It’s… like a family. Although the club doesn’t feel much like a family these days,” he says darkly.

“How so?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Everything’s tense. Seems like everyone’s out for themselves instead of a brotherhood like it’s supposed to be.”

Cas mentions a few names and how some of them are getting pissed about money issues. He talks a little about how the club is starting to have pressure from outside for the first time, with a rival club moving into territory south of town, too close to Tanner Springs for comfort. In a voice tinged with bitterness, he says that Rock doesn't seem to notice, or if he does he doesn’t seem to care.

I’m feeling awkward and nervous about bringing up what I have to. But I also recognize that Cas just gave me the best opening I’m likely to get.

“So… the deal you voted on yesterday,” I say slowly. “About the loan to my dad for the development. Is that part of the tension?”

Cas sits up and looks at me sharply, his eyes gleaming in the dark. “How do you know about that?”

I freeze for a second, trying to think of a good excuse, but I realize I can’t lie to Cas. “My dad came by to talk to me,” I admit. “He asked me to try to convince the club to change their minds.”

Cas frowns. “It’s already been voted on.” His expression is frank. “I was one of the ones who voted against it. I’m sorry, Jenna, but it didn’t feel right.” He sighed. “Angel voted against it too, by the way.”

I nod. “I know.” Shit. I’m feeling like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to try to push Cas in a direction he doesn’t want to go. I don’t know the details of this deal, but I trust Cas’s judgment. If he feels like there’s something off about it, he might be right.

Hell, knowing my father, I wouldn’t be surprised.

Still. I told Dad that I’d try to help him.

So I do.

“Was the vote close?” I ask.

Cas lets out a breath. “Yeah.”

“Well…” I murmur, hating myself a little, “Can you put it up to a vote again?”

Cas is about to respond when there’s a noise at the door. I look over to see that the doorknob is turning. “Holy shit!” I whisper, clutching the sheet to me, but Cas stops me.

“It’s okay,” he says. “I locked the door.”

“Mommy?” Noah’s little voice comes from the other side.

“Yes, bug?” I motion for Cas to put something on. He reaches down and grabs his boxer briefs from the pile of clothes on the floor.

“I’m scared!”

“Okay, honey, just a second!” Looking around frantically, I find my panties and put them on, then in desperation pull Cas’s T-shirt over my head. It hangs down almost as long as a dress on me.

Cas looks over and gives me a low whistle. “Nice,” he says appreciatively.

“Mommy!”

“Coming!” I unlock the door and open it to find Noah clutching Chip-Chip, his eyes wide and frightened.

“I heard noises. I heard people talking.”

Oh. We woke him up, I guess. Apparently we weren’t whispering as softly as I thought we were.

“It’s okay, baby. It was just Cas and me talking.”

The words slip out before I really think about what I’m saying. I still hadn’t figured out whether I was going to have Cas stay tomorrow to be here when Noah woke up, but I guess that problem’s solved now, for better or worse.

But if I thought having to explain to Noah why he stayed was going to be difficult, it turns out I was wrong. Without a word, Noah toddles over to the bed and gets in, curling up to Cas for protection.

I freeze, and wait for Cas’s reaction. I’m not sure what I’m expecting, but I watch in amazement as he puts his muscled arm around Noah and settles him in so he can sleep between us.

The two of them look so natural like that that I freeze for a moment, just watching them together. My God, it’s so obvious they’re father and son to anyone who looks closely. Noah has Cas’s eyes, and his dark hair. Even his jawline looks like a miniature version of Cas’s square one.

“That’s because we’re buddies, right?” I can hear Cas saying to Noah earlier tonight. Buddies. Suddenly, I want to cry. How will I ever tell Cas Noah’s his son? How will I ever manage to explain to him why I didn’t tell him right away? How could I have left it so long? I think in desperation. Things are going so well between us. Somewhere along the way, I think I’ve fallen in love with him. Now, I can’t see any way to tell him about Noah that won’t ruin everything.

I watch as Noah snuggles into the pillow, his thumb sneaking toward his mouth. My God, what will I do — what will we do — if I’ve ruined the possibility of a future with Cas? What if telling Cas that I kept this a secret from him for almost five years makes him so angry that he leaves us?

“Cas!” I blurt out, even though it’s impossible, I can’t tell him now with Noah here between us. But he puts a finger to his lips.

“Sshhh!” he whispers, motioning for me to come over. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

So, because there’s nothing I can do right now, I get into bed and watch as Cas calms Noah until he falls asleep.

When finally Noah’s breathing begins to even out, Cas looks up to find me staring at him. “What?” he says.

I’m seconds from telling him. If Noah wasn’t between us, I would do it. But I just can’t. Not when everything feels so right. I can’t bear to wreck everything right now.

Instead, I give him a little smile. “It’s just crazy to see you like this. The big bad MC man. I never pictured you as the family type.”

He shrugged. “I never had much of a family growing up. My dad and my grandma raised me, but I was kind of an afterthought. A family is something I always wanted. That's why I joined the MC.”

I knew his grandmother and his dad growing up, from seeing them around town, but I didn’t know much else about Cas’s family life. I resist the urge to tell him I’m sorry.

“But brotherhood has nothing on this,” he continues with a grin. “C’mon, we should go to sleep. I wore you the hell out already tonight.”

“Do you want to move Noah?” I ask him.

“Nah. Let him sleep here. He’s not hurting anyone. Though,” he smirks, “you could do with a bigger bed.”

We pull the covers over us, and I lie in the darkness for close to an hour, my head a swirl of conflicting emotions. I listen to Noah’s and Cas’s deep, even breathing and tell myself to remember this, to record every second of this, and how it feels. Because I’m afraid it can’t last. And even though it will be painful as hell to remember it after it’s over, right now it’s the most beautiful moment of my life.