Riding back to my place with Cas, I’m still feeling the adrenaline rush from spending an hour at the gun range. I’ve always been terrified of guns, truth be told. But even so, I can’t help but admit to myself how powerful it felt to shoot such a precision machine. Every time I hit the target close to the bullseye, I felt like cheering. I felt like a badass. Even though afterwards, I kept remembering why I was learning to do this, and suddenly wanted to throw up.

The vibrations from the bike calm me down a little, and I snuggle in tighter to Cas. Even though there’s a slight possibility I might be in danger, he makes me feel safe. The solid heat of him makes me feel protected. Calm.

When we get back to my apartment, Cas looks around until he finds a little cubby high up in my bedroom closet. He shows me how to store the gun there safely, so that I can reach it on a moment’s notice. It’s a good spot, far too high for Noah to get up to, even if he found the highest chair in our apartment.

I’m scared to have a gun in the house, in a way. It’s not something I ever considered doing before. But given that we don’t really know what’s going on right now, I’m also a little scared not to.

“That should about do it,” Cas eventually says, closing my closet door. “You did good today, girlie.”

“Girlie?” I snort. “Seriously?”

“Hey, nothing wrong with being a girl,” he says, drawing me to him. “Girls can kick ass. You just proved that out on the range.”

“Yeah, well, let’s hope I never have to prove that.” My heart starts to pound again with nervousness at the thought. But then Cas bends down and kisses me, and the pounding changes to a fluttering. “Cas,” I breathe as he presses me to him. “We still have a little while before I have to go pick up Noah.”

His lips graze against my neck. “I like the way you think, girlie.”

I’m about to protest again, but before I can his hand comes to my breast, his thumb sliding against the hardening nub of my nipple. “Oh!” I gasp, my hips bucking forward on their own power.

My heartbeat races beneath his lips, and before I know it I’m trembling with desire. My head falls back as he pulls open my shirt, then tugs down on the bra cups. A low moan comes from deep in his throat as his lips close over one taut bud. The vibrations from his voice tease me even before his tongue begins to flick and caress my desperate flesh.

Straining and mewling with pleasure, my fingers thread through his hair as he laps and suckles me. Between my legs, a low, almost painful ache has already started. I could never have believed it, but every time with Cas just gets better. The more our bodies know each other, the more I need what I know only he can give me. It feels almost like we were meant to be together. I’ve never believed in anything so cheesy, but the way our bodies respond to each other — the way he seems to know exactly what to do to make me scream in pleasure — it feels almost like this is what the two of us were made for. Each other.

As Cas flicks his tongue against my nipple, one hand slides down my skin, painfully slowly. Eventually, his fingers dip down inside my shorts. At first, they drift over my panties, just the lightest touch, and I strain toward him, desperate for more. Finally, he moves the thin fabric aside to find my wet, throbbing center. I gasp as his fingers find my slickness. Shivering, I wait in anticipation as he groans and reaches to unbutton my shorts and push them down.

Cas’s head comes up to kiss me again, drawing my bottom lip between his teeth to tug at it just a little. It makes me wild with need.

“Do you want this?” he whispers.

“Oh, God, yes…” I breathe. I open my eyes, lids heavy, to stare at him. His expression is hungry.

His fingers continue to slide against my slickness, slowly, so slowly. I move against them, shuddering as he brushes against my taut bud. He traces soft, maddening circles around it, pulling back as I push forward, chuckling deep in his throat. I know he won’t give me relief, not yet, and I try to keep my breathing even and hold on until he lets me have what I need. But I know what might make him change his mind.

I reach down and push my hand inside his jeans, finding the hard, hot steel inside. It pulses and throbs at my touch, and I’m rewarded with a deep groan from Cas. “Jesus fuck, it feels good when you do that,” he rasps. I continue to stroke, loving the feel of him. I can tell he’s working hard to restrain himself, and I’m doing my best to work him up enough that he can’t. Suddenly, he hisses my name. “Jenna. I can’t wait. I need to have you now.”

He slides my shirt and bra off me, then pulls me toward my kitchen table. I’m panting slightly with need as I watch him pull of his shirt and kick off his jeans. His pulsing shaft springs free, and my pussy clenches with want.

“Lie down,” he orders me, glancing at the table.

“You sure this thing will hold us?” I gasp.

“I’ll buy you another one,” he growls. He’s not taking no for an answer. With a thrill of excitement, I lie back on the table, putting my feet up where he shows me. A tiny part of me is embarrassed at being this exposed to him, but I’m too turned on to care. He looks down and swears. “Jesus, you are so fucking sexy. My Jenna. My fucking gorgeous Jenna.” He slides two thick fingers inside me, and I clamp down on him, my body acting on its own. He starts to stroke me inside, finds this spot he’s found before that I didn’t even know was there, and oh my God, all of a sudden I’m so close, and then everything happens at once as I start to shudder and quake…

“Come for me, Jenna,” he urges, and I spasm and clamp around his fingers as I explode into a million pieces. Then his fingers are gone and his mouth is licking and laving at my clit, and I scream his name as I come hard a second time.

I’m still shuddering as he enters me, his cock sliding deliciously against my swollen lips. It’s too much, I’m too sensitive, but even so I can’t help but want more. “Oh, God, yes, Cas,” I moan. “Yes, yes, come inside me.”

He slams into me, hard, and I hear him swear before pulling out and slamming into me again, raw and unrestrained. “Fuck, Jenna, I can’t fucking get enough of you,” he rasps. “I’m gonna fill you up, baby.” His muscled thighs flex as he begins to speed up, owning me as I start to spiral upward yet again. He plunges a final time, deeper than ever before, and as he groans and begins to shoot, a third climax rips through me, shaking me to my core.

Then Cas is lifting me up, with him still inside me, and carrying me to the couch. We stay like that, joined together, me wrapped around him and his arms engulfing me. He continues to devour my mouth as we pant and gasp for breath, our hearts racing next to each other.

“Holy fuck,” he breathes.

“I’m pretty sure they heard that downstairs,” I say, having recovered just enough to be embarrassed at the thought.

Laughter rumbles from his throat. “Let them hear. Gives them something to aspire to.”

He kisses me again, deeply, and then pulls away to look at me. “You’re one hell of a woman, you know that, Jenna Abbott?”

“That so?” I ask happily.

“Yeah, that’s so. Thank Christ you’re my old lady. Otherwise I’d have to fight someone for you.”

“Old lady,” I sigh. “Funny how that sounds so nice when you say it. Never thought I’d be happy for someone to call me old.”

He grins and dips his head down to nip at my neck. “You’re not fuckin’ old, baby. Shit, even when you are old, you won’t be old. You’ll still be the sexiest fucking thing on wheels.”

“You’re just saying that to get tail,” I smirk.

“No, I’m not,” Cas says, his face turning serious. “You are gonna be the hottest old lady any man has ever seen.” His thumb comes up to graze my lower lip. “And I plan to be around to see it.”

His eyes bore into mine. I try to think of something jokey to say, but the air between us has shifted. “You mean, even when I’ve got wrinkles and cellulite?” I manage to stammer.

“And gray hair and crow’s feet. The whole nine yards.” His lips brush mine. “I love you, Jenna Abbott. I told you you were mine. That means for keeps.”

It’s like the oxygen’s been sucked out of my lungs. I can’t breathe for a second. Cas Watkins — the boy I’ve been crazy about for years and years — just told me he loved me.

“Cas,” I whisper, fighting back a sudden lump in my throat. “I love you, too.”

“I think I knew that,” he says with a devilish grin. “But it’s nice to know for sure.”

I laugh, happy tears springing to my eyes, and fling my arms around him. We kiss, with an intimacy I’ve never felt before. This is us, I think dizzily. He loves me. We’re together.

He pulls away from me then, with an amused smile. “Sorry to wreck the moment, but we’re about five seconds away from leaving a giant wet stain on your couch.”

“Oh, shit!” I say, scooting to my feet.

Cas grabs the boxer briefs that are lying in a pile next to the couch and hands them to me. “Here, use these.”

“That was the shortest romantic moment I’ve ever had,” I complain, taking them from him to wipe myself.

“I promise to make it up to you,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

As we get dressed, Cas tells me he’s got some business to attend to at the club. “I’m sorry to have to leave you, babe. But I promise I’ll be back tonight,” he says.

“I hope so,” I sigh. I tug at the leather cut he’s just shrugged back on. I miss him already.

“Just as soon as I can get away,” he promises me. “And while I’m there,” he continues with a slight frown, “I figure maybe it’s about time to tell Angel about us. May as well get it over with.”

“Okay,” I nod slowly. He’s got a point. There’s really no point in keeping this a secret any longer.

The time for secrets is over.

It’s time to stop pretending, Jenna. A shadow crosses my face as I realize it’s time for me to come clean with Cas, as well. I need to tell him about Noah. Tonight.

Cas sees me frown and mistakes the reason for it. “It’ll be okay,” he murmurs, reaching up to caress my cheek. “I promise. Whatever happens won’t change anything between you and me.”

I hope you’re right, I think, suddenly feeling a little sick.

As I walk out with Cas, I notice that Charlie Hurt is outside in his driveway, hammering at something. When he sees us, he stops hammering and glances our way, watching to see what we do. A shudder of disgust runs through me, and I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him. I do stop and stare pointedly at him, though, and he quickly looks away and starts hammering again.

Cas gets on his bike, and I get in my car to go pick up Noah. As I watch him drive away in my rearview mirror, I have a moment of panic when I realize that tonight might be the end of everything. A wave of nausea and dizziness comes over me, and I have to sit in the car for a moment and breathe deeply. My stomach has been bothering me for a couple of days now. I chalk it up to anxiety, what with everything going on right now. I’m scared that something’s going on with my father that he’s not telling me. I’m nervous about Angel’s reaction when Cas tells him about us. But most of all, I’m scared that when I tell Cas he’s Noah’s father, he’ll hate me, and everything between us will crumble like a house with no foundation.

It has to be okay, I tell myself as I put a hand to my racing heart. It has to. If Cas loves me, he’ll forgive me.

Won’t he?

Putting the car in gear, I drive over to Jewel’s place, hoping all the way there that a mistake I made five years ago isn’t about to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to me.