Less Than Ten Years Earlier
Hannah Michaels
THE KNOCK ON my door might have been unexpected, but the loud pounding was annoying.
Deep in thought, I was working in my dorm room and didn’t really want to be bothered.
Sitting comfortably on my bed with the lights down low, my legs were perpendicular to the mattress with my books piled all around me. I was reviewing the design base layout Jace had created for his thesis.
As a senior he had to take basic computer engineering classes along with advanced ones. With his late major declaration, he wouldn’t graduate in May beside Ethan and Nick. He had summer classes to take before he was done, but he didn’t seem to mind.
“Come in,” I called as I set the laptop down I’d been staring at for almost an hour and wiped my eyes.
The knob turned but the door didn’t open, and the pounding started up again. Crap, I must have locked it.
Clearing the way, I quickly got to my feet and rushed to the door wondering if there was a fire or something.
Swinging it open wide, Jace and I nearly smacked foreheads as he came charging in like a bull. He had on a baseball cap turned backward. His faded jeans hung low and were ragged at the hems. And his ski jacket was slung over his shoulder along with his backpack.
“Hey, what are you doing here?” I asked.
Not that I wasn’t happy to see him. I was. It was just that when he dropped me off at my room after class, he said he’d see me tomorrow. And with Ethan’s clerkship, and all the studying he had to do around it, I hadn’t spent the night at their house all week.
Flinging his jacket and backpack on my roommate’s bed, Jace whirled around, and that’s when I saw his brooding grim expression.
My voice crackled a little when I asked, “What’s wrong?”
His mouth opened. Then shut. Jace straightened, his shoulders going impossibly broad as he put his hands on his hips. “Ethan asked me if I was going to be around tomorrow night.”
“O . . . kay,” I said, drawing the word out, not at all understanding what the problem was.
His eyes flashed in the light from the window facing the parking lot. “He asked me because he wants the three of us to fuck again.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him I’d let him know later.”
I sat down on the edge of my bed feeling slightly confused. “Ethan hasn’t asked me yet, but the fact that he’s thinking about it is good, isn’t it?”
Jace’s expression grew stormy as he unzipped his backpack and then thrust some papers in my direction. “He gave me these and asked me to look them over. He thought maybe we should be more prepared next time.”
The pictures on the printed pages were pretty descriptive and left little to the imagination. Once I’d perused them, I shoved them aside and glanced up. “That looks like it might hurt.” I said it with a slight laugh because seriously there was no way I was allowing that to happen.
Jace crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s not funny. It’s fucking insane is what it is. What the fuck does he think you are, a rag doll?”
The truth of what he said stung. I didn’t know what Ethan thought I was, but I knew he didn’t think of me as his girlfriend. I was fairly certain he never had. But ending things with him meant ending things with Jace, and I didn’t want that.
I got to my feet and crossed the room to stand in front of Jace. “Breathe,” I soothed, running my fingertips along his arms.
He leaned back against the door and frowned more fiercely. “I can’t fucking breathe, and I can’t fucking go through that again.”
“That’s four fucks since you got here and it hasn’t even been four minutes.”
Shaking his head, he allowed his frown to ease a little, which was almost like smiling for Jace. “Sorry, it’s just that I’m all worked up. He’s my best friend and I hate that I want to tell him to fuck off. I don’t like being in this position at all.”
The time had come to end things, and they hadn’t even really started yet. “I think I should break things off with Ethan.”
We both stood quiet for a few minutes because we knew what that meant.
I went back to sit on my bed. “He doesn’t even consider me his girlfriend anyway, it’s not like he’ll be crushed or anything.”
Jace uncrossed his arms and shoved his hands in his pockets. “That’s not true.”
The smile I gave him was weak. “Come on, Jace, he didn’t even ask me to meet his parents when they came last weekend.”
His features seemed to soften. “That’s because he’s a dufas.” And when he said it, he actually smiled. “The truth is you’re his first real girlfriend and he has no idea how to treat a girl, but he talks about you all the time. I know he really likes you, and it kills me.”
The sound of a text pinging on my phone had me getting up and going over to my desk to get it. After I read it, I glanced over at Jace. “It’s from Ethan. He wants to know if I can come over tomorrow night.”
All broody-like, he was still leaning against the door. “What are you going to tell him?”
I flopped in the chair at my desk and tied my long hair in a knot behind my head. “What do you want me to tell him?”
Jace scrubbed his face. “I don’t know, Hannah. On one hand I want you to tell him to fuck off. You’re his girlfriend and he shouldn’t want to share you with anyone, not even me. On the other hand there’s no way we can be together if you break up with him. I can’t do that to him.”
“I know,” I said softly. “But you don’t want to be with me while I’m with him either.”
He sighed and turned harsh. “That’s not fucking true.”
My breath hitched on his words. “You just told me you don’t want to do what we did last week again.”
“God dammit, Hannah, that’s not what I meant at all.”
Everything about him seduced me, and I couldn’t look away. “Tell me what to do, Jace? I’ll do whatever you want.”
For the first time in our conversation, he dropped his gaze.
“Jace?”
Those gray eyes burned when they lifted. “Tell him you’ll be there.”
“And you’ll join us?”
He nodded.
“You promise?”
He nodded again.
“Okay,” I said.
“Come here,” he ordered.
If I thought about not doing as he commanded, I don’t remember. I was on my feet and moving closer to him within seconds. We’d spent the week together, the days anyway, and hadn’t so much as touched. I think we were both afraid to. It was wrong to want him the way I did.
Hesitantly, I put my hand on his chest. The muscles beneath his shirt were hard and firm, and when I pressed a little deeper, I felt the fast beating of his heart.
When he leaned closer, I didn’t step back. If he tried to kiss me, I already knew I was going to let him.
It was wrong.
He was forbidden.
Off-limits.
My boyfriend’s best friend.
But he had also become my lover.
He spoke instead, and his tone was soft. “Tell me what you want, Hannah?”
“You, Jace, I want you.”
Much to my surprise, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him. “I know,” he whispered.
Whether he didn’t want to say it back, didn’t feel it, or couldn’t say it, I knew I would never know.
That was why I preferred to stay light around Jace, because the heavy was almost too much to bear. So, light it was. I stepped out of his hold and pointed to the pages of sexual positions he had brought. “That is never happening,” I said.
“Throw that shit away,” he hissed.
Grabbing my laptop, I turned it around. “Speaking of shit.”
Like a lion after his prey, Jace strode my way and took the computer from my hands. Then he stepped closer and started to tickle me. I stepped back. He stepped closer still and went into full out tickle mode until I fell back on my bed.
I snorted softly. “What are you doing?”
He leaned down closer, his gray eyes intense and smoldering. “Did you just call my design, shit?”
I pushed at his shoulders when I thought he was going to kiss me. It’s not that I didn’t want him to grab me and pull me to him, I did, but I knew he’d hate himself after, and eventually hate me. So instead, I cleared my throat and then pinched my fingers together. “The test plan could use a little work.”
Flopping on the bed, he tossed his baseball hat to the floor. His hair was a sexy mess as he rested his back against the wall and pulled the laptop over to him. “Show me.”
The energy that flowed between us when he talked platforms and interfaces was the only thing that could help alleviate the sexual tension between us, and we both thrived on it.
I sat up and scooted beside him. “Right there,” I pointed. “I think the AB variations could be stronger.”
One eyebrow lifted and amusement twisted his lips. “Do you now?”
Squaring my shoulders, I sat up even straighter. “As a matter of fact I do.”
Something primal entered his eyes. It made me feel extremely vulnerable, and I tried to shake the sensation off.
I never could.