I WOKE LONG BEFORE MY alarm went off because I wanted to watch Archie sleep while the sun chased the shadows out of my room. I wished the sun could chase away the shadows inside our souls and the doubts in our minds just as easily, but that wasn’t how life worked. Archie reached for me in his sleep like maybe his subconscious needed reassurance I was still there. His hand clumsily bumped into my upper arm before it closed around my bicep, holding me there in case I planned to run. I wasn’t the runner in the fledgling relationship though; he was. Would he regret what happened between us? Had things progressed too quickly since Friday night?
“A man can’t sleep when you’re thinking so hard,” Archie said. His voice sounded rough, sleepy, and somehow humorous at the same time. He opened an eye and regarded me. “What has you so worried, Golden Boy? Afraid I’ll bolt when you’re in the shower?”
“No,” I said too quickly for it to be believable. “You don’t have a car, so you wouldn’t get very far. I was worried you might check out emotionally after such an intense night.”
“No way,” Archie whispered, scooting closer to me. He trailed his fingers down my arm until he reached my hand. Archie linked our fingers together and lifted my hand to his lips. The innocent kiss on my flesh sent an electric current straight to my balls. The semi-erection I’d sported while watching him sleep quickly became hard and throbbing. Archie dropped my hand then reached between us and fisted my shaft. “What do we have here?”
My eyes rolled back in my head when he stroked upward and twisted his wrist before sliding back down. “It’s m-m-my morning d-d-devotional,” I managed to stutter.
Archie tucked me up against him then rolled so I was on my back beneath him and he lay between my spread legs. “There’s so much of you I want to worship.” Then he kissed me like there was no place he’d rather be, and we had all the time in the world to make love.
We touched and kissed, licked and sucked until my bedroom filled with early morning light. I opened the bedside drawer and handed Archie the condoms and lube. He looked more beautiful than I’d ever seen him as he rose above me, filled me, and completed me. Archie’s eyes glittered like jewels, and his expression was so intense it robbed me of the ability to breathe. He wanted me, and he was done running.
Afterward, I held Archie’s pliant body against mine and ran my fingers through his hair until I couldn’t put off getting out of bed any longer. “Shower with me?”
“Of course.”
We brushed our teeth together while waiting for the shower to warm up. I was too busy staring at Archie in awe to notice the hickey he’d left on my collarbone until Archie pointed it out to me in my reflection.
“I got a little carried away,” Archie said, not sounding a bit sorry. “I like knowing you’ll wear my mark beneath your clergy collar.”
“I like you wearing my scruff marks on your chin and neck,” I countered.
Archie studied his reflection with a crooked smile. “So do I.”
Once inside the shower, we worked together like we’d done it for years. I began washing my hair while Archie started on his body. As soon as I tilted my head back to rinse my hair, Archie asked, “Do you need me to give you some space so you can prepare for your service? I don’t want to be in your way and be a distraction.”
“You could always help me sacrifice the goat,” I suggested once I was done. “Ow,” I said when Archie tweaked my nipple.
“That’s not funny,” Archie said, trading places with me so he could wash his hair while I washed my body. “I’m serious. Maybe you have a routine like athletes and performers have before giving each sermon. I don’t want to mess anything up.”
“I don’t have a routine,” I said, “but I want to hear all about yours.”
Archie tilted his head back to rinse the shampoo from his hair. “Not me, Golden Boy. I know plenty of queens who do though. Dated a few athletes too. I swear baseball players are the worst. There was this one who—” His words died off when I pressed my lips to his for a quick kiss.
“Can we not talk about other men you’ve dated? Especially, considering the weekend we’ve shared together.”
“Works fine for me,” Archie said happily, and I knew I’d been had.
“Except Ryder,” I said. “You already agreed to tell me about him.”
“Fine, but there’s nothing really to tell,” he said stubbornly.
I knew better. I saw the look of determination in the man’s eyes backstage. “Then it won’t take long, and we can move on.”
“We’re not discussing it now though. You need to get your game face on.”
“Game face?” I asked.
“Preaching face then.”
After our shower, I made us both real oatmeal with fresh bananas and blueberries. “Okay, maybe I do have a preaching day routine,” I confessed. “I make oatmeal every Sunday just like Millie did for us every week.”
“Millie?” Archie asked.
“Millie Givens. She’s Pastor Randall’s widow. They’re the ones who put me on the right path after I got out of jail. Pastor Randall saw something in me worth saving and wouldn’t let me give up on myself. They became my family, and the message in my sermon today. I’m really glad Henry is coming because I think he can benefit from hearing my story.”
We dressed together after breakfast. Archie surprised me by slipping on silk stockings before he put on his dress pants. “How am I supposed to behave knowing what you’re wearing beneath your pants?”
He rose seductively from the bed and crossed the room to where I stood to lean against my dresser. “You can strip them off me with your teeth after church,” he offered. “Pastor Ollie, will lightning strike me for having naughty thoughts about you in church?” Archie ran his hand up my shirt and stroked his finger over my clerical collar.
“Have you ever been struck by lightning for having naughty thoughts about anyone?” I asked.
“Not yet.”
“Then you won’t get struck for lusting after me, Arch.” I pulled him closer for a kiss. “I am just a man. This collar doesn’t change who I am beneath the clothes.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be held to a higher standard? Aren’t you supposed to sacrifice your wants and needs to serve the Lord?”
“Serving the Lord doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my happiness. What’s going on here? Are you worried my being with you will risk my eternal soul? Worried my congregation won’t approve? Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn who approves or disapproves.” Archie smiled when he recognized the line I’d borrowed from Gone with the Wind. “Only your thoughts on our relationship matter to me, Arch.”
I knew I’d hit the nail on the head when he looked down at his feet. “You might feel different once people start losing respect for you because of our relationship. I want to be with you, but I don’t want there to come a day when I see resentment in your eyes when you look at me. I couldn’t handle that with you.”
I lifted his chin so he looked into my eyes once more. “Never going to happen, Arch.”
“Never is a long time.”
“Do you have any idea how much it means to me that you’re standing here talking to me about this instead of running away from me?” I released his chin to run the back of my fingers over his cheekbone. “Other men have let you down and made you feel insignificant, but they’re not me. I adore everything about you, Arch. If you want to wear makeup to my church, then do it. If wearing silk stockings beneath your pants gives you confidence and makes you feel powerful, then wear them. I want you as you are; no exceptions. Well, maybe one.”
“What?” he asked suspiciously.
“Please don’t give me a boner when I’m standing behind the podium. Don’t lick your lips or trace the lacy edges of your stockings beneath your slacks or do anything else that will make me linger behind the podium longer than I need to.”
“You mean you don’t want me to come up there and assist you like I did Friday night?”
“Please don’t,” I begged, loving the devilish smile curving his lips. “It’s hard to believe bingo night was just two days ago.”
“Not quite two,” Archie countered. “It feels longer, doesn’t it?”
I pressed a lingering kiss to his soft lips before pulling back to look into his eyes. “It won’t be long before neither of us can remember a time when we weren’t in each other’s lives.”
We walked hand in hand to church, and I wasn’t surprised to see Millie had already arrived. She was setting out the weekly devotional pamphlets she printed each week once I identified the message I was going to deliver in my sermon and the songs our musical guests would perform. It was something she did for Pastor Randall each week and continued to do for me. She wore a peach skirt and jacket with a floral scarf around her neck and cream-colored hat on top of her immaculately coifed hair.
“There’s my boy,” she said, opening her arms wide to hug me. “Good morning, Son.”
“Hello, Mama.” Oh, how I loved this woman. “Millie,” I said, stepping back so I could make introductions. “I’d like you to meet someone special.”
“My, oh my, aren’t you handsome?” Millie asked extending both hands toward Archie. “I’m Millie, and I’m this beautiful soul’s mother.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Millie. I’m Archie. I’m this beautiful soul’s boyfriend.”
Hearing Archie refer to me as his boyfriend made me want to do a happy dance, but I managed to maintain my dignity and only slid my arm around his shoulders. “Why don’t you find a seat and make yourself comfortable while Millie and I greet the congregation as they arrive?”
“Sounds good to me,” Archie said, preparing to sit in the front row on the right side of the altar.
“You might want to move back a row,” I mock-whispered. “We’re dealing with new snake handlers this week. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”
Archie laughed. “Surely sarcasm is a sin.”
“I like him, Son,” Millie said as we walked away. I glanced over my shoulder and found Archie watching us. I winked at him, earning a huge grin and a flirty finger wave. I was glad his doubt from earlier had temporarily been laid to rest. I vowed to be ready the next time it reared its ugly head.
I couldn’t keep the smile off my face when Maria, Esther, and Henry got out of their car and walked toward the front of the church. “I’m so happy they made it.”
“I can tell one of them is Archie’s mother,” Millie said. “Who’s the other lady and the lost lamb?”
“Archie runs an HIV transition home, and Esther is his right-hand lady. The lost lamb is Henry; Archie introduced him to me.”
“Good morning, Ollie,” Maria said, opening her arms. I couldn’t help hugging her longer than usual, because I hated all the pain she’d suffered in her past. I wouldn’t squander the trust she was giving me.
“Good morning, Maria. You look lovely.” She’d chosen to wear a suit in an amethyst shade similar to the throw pillow on Archie’s bed. The purple hue made her eyes look even greener, and I wondered if Archie had a shirt in a similar shade. If not, he would have one soon. I turned to Esther and offered her a hug also. “It’s so lovely to see you again, Esther. Thank you for joining us this morning.”
“Hey, Pastor Ollie,” Henry said, sounding as nervous as the first time he called me.
I placed a hand on his shoulder which seemed to calm his nerves. “Everyone will make you feel welcome here, Henry. We’re all as gay as you are,” I said sheepishly, earning a slight smile.
“Okay,” he said. “I’m glad Archie told me about you, Pastor Ollie.”
“So am I.”
“Mama,” I said when I realized she was waiting patiently for introductions, “this is Maria, Esther, and Henry. Everyone, please meet my mother.”
Mama hugged all three of them because that was her nature. The trio went inside and sat beside Archie in the front row while I continued saying hello to members as they arrived.
We closed the doors when it was time to start the service and made our way to the altar. I took my seat off to the side so the congregation could focus on the performers. Millie sat behind her piano while Regina and Abby Thompson and their kids, Sophie, Jack, and Michael, joined her to perform “Love So Great” to open our service. I chose that time each week to thank God for the miracles in my life and ask he give me the strength to reach the hearts of those struggling.
I rose from my seat and approached the podium when the song finished. I could feel Archie’s attention on me, so I looked his way and smiled. “Good morning,” I said into the microphone, earning the same in return from the congregation. “Thank you, Regina, Abby, Sophie, Jack, and Michael, for such a moving performance to start off our service. Let us bow our heads and pray.” I closed my eyes, lowered my head, and recited the words I’d memorized from the prayer I wrote specifically for this service.
“Father, thank you for bringing each of us safely to this place. As we gather, we remember those who aren’t here with us today. For those who are ill, we ask for your healing. We invite your Holy Spirit into our hearts. Equip us, challenge us, comfort us, and teach us to be the best version of ourselves. Remind us to love and cherish those entrusted to our care. Let us only evoke your name to spread love and light, not hate and intolerance. As we gather here today, Father, bless us with your love, beauty, and grace. We ask this in your son’s name. Amen.”
“Amen,” the congregation said collectively.
I lifted my head and opened my eyes. I saw that Millie had chosen to sit with Archie and company. Her arm was around Henry, her lost lamb, and he didn’t know it yet, but he’d found the mother he never knew he needed.
“Today’s message is about family,” I said, “and more specifically, I want to focus on the chosen family. The role of family is defined in many verses throughout the Bible, and I firmly believe nothing is more sacred than one’s family. Many of us here today grew up in homes where the unconditional love described in the Bible wasn’t extended to us when we came out to our families. Some of us found ourselves suddenly alone in a cold and unforgiving world. All of us, whether we know it or not, have found our chosen family.” I smiled wryly. “And sometimes they find and choose us, adopting us when we’re not even sure that’s what we want.” I looked over at Millie, and she gave me the same warm smile as the day I showed up on their doorstep following behind Pastor Randall. “Our chosen families are just as sacred, and for some of us, more so than our biological ones. These are the people that see us as we are, warts and all, and love us anyway. How beautiful and sacred is that gift? I know how hard it is to find yourself alone and uncertain, but I also know what it feels like when the family you were meant to have finds you. It opens an entirely new world, everything clicks into place, and you see things in a better light. Your troubles won’t magically disappear, but you find people with whom to share them with.”
I’d always made it a point to make eye contact around the room when I gave my sermons because I wanted to make sure my message was being received and heard. I hoped that my words gave people optimism and strength, especially those who were so good at hiding their sorrows. I saw tears on the faces of many. While making my congregation cry wasn’t an actual goal of mine, I saw it as a sign that my message resonated with them. I received many smiles and nods, as I looked around the room. I saved the front pew on the right for last because their reactions were the ones that mattered the most to me that morning.
Millie looked at me with pride and love, Henry sniffed and wiped his eyes with one of the tissues Millie kept stashed in her pockets, Esther smiled approvingly, and Maria wiped tears and leaned into Archie when he lifted his arm to wrap it around his mother. Then there was Archie. His beautiful eyes glistened with unshed tears, and he looked at me with…adoration and understanding.
I briefly closed my eyes and said a silent, grateful prayer for his presence. I understood at that moment I was looking at my hope, my future, my whole world.