HE WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN any man had a right to be, and I wasn’t referring to his outer beauty. His earnest eyes, warm heart, and yearning to help others made him shine as bright as the sun and just as painful to look at without sunglasses. His lightness was a beacon, pulling me toward him. Fuck, I didn’t know how much I’d gotten used to his presence until it was gone. He took my words to heart and had stayed away. I should’ve been happy, but I was miserable. I missed his smoldering eyes and swarthy looks. He made me feel…cherished, but I didn’t realize it until I’d pushed him away. It had been a long time since a man, or anyone for that matter, made me feel so wanted.
The biggest problem was my fantasies of Ollie didn’t disappear with him. It seemed like his absence made them grow stronger, and my horny brain got more inventive. My need to see him, and be seen by him, grew to ridiculous heights. I tried inquiring about him without being too obvious, but Milo had little to say about Ollie. I doubted the pastor had told Milo about the way I treated him, so I suspected Milo was doing what he could to protect Ollie from mean ole me. I did learn from the other fellas in their little group they’d formed a bowling team in the Queen City Rogues Bowling League. I wouldn’t label any of the men rogues, but I couldn’t deny the way Ollie used to look at me was roguish. Of course, later that night, I’d dreamt of Ollie dressed as a pirate who plundered my body and was plundered by me in return.
I was almost desperate enough to form a bowling team of my own just so I’d have an excuse to see him, but the opportunity came to me when sweet Henry unburdened his broken heart to me that morning. Just because I no longer believed didn’t mean I wanted to deny others their beliefs. Henry was lost and hurt about so many things—losing his family, friends, and his faith. Faith was a powerful thing and having it ripped away suddenly felt like having a limb severed without warning and left you feeling just as bloody and battered.
Faith didn’t have to be all about religion either. There was faith in the universe, our friends and family, not to mention the faith we had in ourselves. Losing one was painful, losing all was catastrophic, and I worried Henry was on the verge of losing all hope and giving up. Ryan’s Place worked with several counselors in the city, but I instinctively knew he needed someone spiritual to talk with who might be able to restore a little of his faith. I honestly wasn’t thinking of myself and my desire to see Ollie again when I gave Henry his number. I wasn’t sure Henry would even call Ollie, let alone invite him here, but there he sat in my kitchen, shining brighter than the sun and looking at me with wide, hungry eyes which roamed my body from head to toe.
He swallowed hard then cleared his throat. “Hello, Archie.” Where my voice sounded formal and indifferent, his sounded warm, inviting, and more familiar than it should have. It folded around me like a warm blanket on a chilly winter day. His gaze, so full of longing and need, flickered like flames of lust better and brighter than any fire in a fireplace. Why, oh why, did he, of all people, have this kind of effect on me? I felt drunk at the sight of him because Oliver Knight was more potent than any hot toddy my mammy ever snuck me when my parents weren’t looking.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt you; I just wanted to pop in and say hello,” I said, needing to put some distance between us again.
“This is your home, so I’d hardly say you’re intruding,” Ollie pointed out.
“All the same, I’ll let you guys get back to it. Take care, Ollie.”
I meant for that to be it when I returned to my office, but I left the door open while I returned to work which I never did. I could hear Ollie’s soft, melodic voice but couldn’t pick out the individual words he spoke to Henry. I found his voice both calming and distracting since I should’ve been putting third-quarter figures together for my accountant instead of straining to hear what Ollie said to Henry. To give the government less reason to scrutinize my non-profit organization, I had someone else do my taxes. It galled me to have to pay someone to do something I was fully qualified to do on my own as a practicing, freelance CPA, but it was the right thing for Ryan’s Place. At one point, I heard Henry break down and cry followed by a chair scooting against the tile floor. I pictured Ollie kneeling beside Henry, offering him comfort through his tears while his shattered heart bled.
Jesus. Since when did I become so damn poetic? I sounded like I should be wearing a velvet smoking jacket and puffing on a pipe in between doling out pearls of wisdom cultivated over many decades. I had to fight the urge to creep out of my office and tiptoe down the hall so I could hear what exactly Ollie said to Henry. I mean, I could ask Henry later, but I wanted to be a fly on the wall to watch the way Ollie worked with people.
Esther suddenly filled the open doorway, watching me through knowing eyes. “Wishing and hoping gets you jack shit, Archie.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mrs. G.”
“I know a bullshitter when I see one, and right now, my bullshit meter is off the charts. If you want something in this life, then you go after it. Waiting for life to happen to you is a waste of precious time. Let me tell you,” she pointed her long, bony finger at me, “I have no regrets. I never waited for someone to tell me what I could or couldn’t do based on my gender. I went to college when people said I couldn’t. I married the man I loved even though everyone told me we were too young and stupid. I had fifty-two beautiful years with my man before God called him home. We didn’t have the family we dreamed of for so long, but we had each other, and it was more than enough. Who will you have, Archie? I don’t know why you deny yourself opportunities to live life to the fullest, but it reeks of self-punishment. Get over it before you find yourself old and alone like me but without beautiful memories of the man you loved to keep you warm at night.”
Esther turned and walked away as fast and as quietly as she arrived, leaving me to stare at the empty doorway in stunned silence. I heard Henry and Ollie’s voices getting louder and closer which meant they’d wrapped up their meeting and were heading down the hallway to the front door.
“Thank you so much for meeting with me, Ollie. I can’t say the hurt and betrayal are gone, but I do feel so much better.”
“I’m happy I could help you, and I hope you won’t hesitate to reach out to me again should the need arise.” I had needs arising. “My sermon on Sunday will be about honoring the chosen family. I’d love it if you could make it to the service, but I understand if you’re not ready yet or have trouble finding transportation. I record my sermons for podcasts in hope to reach LGBTQ+ members all around the world who need reminders they’re loved or wish to stay connected to God in a way that’s safe and healthy for them.” Ollie rattled off his website and how Henry could download his podcasts for free.
When they reached my open door, Ollie jerked to a stop and locked eyes on me. Henry stopped too; his gaze bouncing between us. He said something about heading up to his room, but neither of us acknowledged his remark before he left us alone.
Ollie took a deep breath and released it slowly then he entered my private domain, eyes searching the room for…what? Secrets? Answers to what made me tick? “I didn’t realize the address Henry gave me was to Ryan’s Place,” he said when his gaze met mine once more. “I wouldn’t have shown up here without warning if I’d known.”
“You wouldn’t have shown up here at all,” I corrected.
“You’re right. I would’ve asked Henry to meet me somewhere else.”
“I hate that you feel unwelcome here,” I admitted. “It was never my intent.”
“No?” Ollie asked, raising a brow. “You made it perfectly clear you didn’t want to see me.”
“I know what I said, Ollie.” The truth was, I didn’t expect him to listen. I mean, I knew he’d stop pursuing me, but I didn’t think he’d really disappear altogether. “How have you been?”
He looked shocked I’d asked. “Um, I’ve stayed busy, but things are going well.”
“They’re about to get busier from what I hear.”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
Did he think I meant his dating life? Had he met someone? “Isn’t there a bowling league starting tonight?” I prompted.
“Oh. Oh yeah. I’ve been looking forward to it.” He rubbed the back of his neck like he was nervous or something. Maybe he just wasn’t sure how to act around me, but who could blame him. “Do you bowl?”
“Oh, hell no,” I said emphatically. “I do many things well, but bowling isn’t one of them.”
“I bet.” A slight blush slowly spread across his face, letting me know he wasn’t thinking about my bowling skills. I couldn’t resist temptation.
“You bet I suck at bowling or that I suck well?”
He shuffled his feet and broke eye contact. “I’d never insult any of your…um…skills.”
“Are you any good?” I asked, discreetly adjusting the erection tenting my sweatpants. I was so grateful I had a desk between us.
Ollie’s head snapped up, and his dark eyes blazed. “Are we talking about bowling still? Wait! Don’t answer because I’m sure this conversation will lead us somewhere you don’t want it to go.” I was thrilled to know he still wanted to go there with me.
“Like a prop closet?” I suggested.
“Or maybe just a closed office.” He gestured to the door like Vanna White did the big puzzle board on Wheel of Fortune. “Why don’t you come and see for yourself how good I am? And yes, in this particular instance, I am talking about my bowling skills. We’ll be at Queen City Lanes tonight from eight to eleven.”
“Oliver, I don’t know. I don’t like to leave the house unattended…”
“I can stay,” Esther said from the hallway. “I don’t mind.”
“You stay late on Wednesday nights so I can emcee the drag revue,” I pointed out to her.
“Ollie, we’re not children who need constant supervision,” Reggie said from behind Esther, wearing white powder all down the front of his navy blue T-shirt. I’d overheard Esther giving him lessons on using the washing machine, and it looked like Reggie might’ve lost the battle in Man Vs. Machine: Transition Home Edition.
“What do you have to lose?” Ollie asked innocently. Fuck, I had everything to lose if I couldn’t keep my hands off the good pastor.
“Not a damn thing,” Esther added before guiding Reggie down the hallway.
“So, will I see you there tonight?”
“I don’t know, Ollie. I have so many things I should be doing. I need to place our weekly food order and put third-quarter figures together for my accountant, and—”
“Wash your hair?” Ollie said, offering another excuse I could use. “I promise to be good.”
“Define good.”
“I’ll try not to let on I’m imagining what you look like naked.”
“Ollie…” My dick throbbed.
“I’ll keep my hands to myself,” he promised.
“It’s starting to sound like a very dull night.”
“Well, there are other parts of me I can share with you if you’d like me to liven up your evening.”
“Ollie, shouldn’t you be preaching about the sins of the flesh or something?”
“I’m not that kind of pastor.”
“What kind of pastor are you then?”
“One who revels in the pleasures of the flesh.”
“I won’t make promises I can’t keep,” I told Ollie.
“Nor will I.”
“I meant I can’t say for sure I’ll be there.”
Ollie smiled serenely. “Think about it. That’s all I ask.”
“That I promise to do.”
“I’ll see you later,” Oliver said.
“Weren’t you just listening, Golden Boy?”
“Yes, but I wasn’t referring to the bowling alley, Archie. I was talking about my dreams.”
“Oh,” I said breathlessly.
Ollie offered a playful wink then left me staring after him with a pounding heart and throbbing cock. One would need to be dealt with before the other would return to normal, but I didn’t have time for a quick jerk-off session because I did have more than a dozen pressing things on my to-do list.
“Easy there, big fella,” I said, looking down at my crotch. “Good things come to cocks who wait.”
It wasn’t my first time walking into a bowling alley, but it was the first time I showed up on a league night. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t what I found when I strolled through the alley looking for Ollie’s team. There was trash talking going on between the lanes, and each team wore customized shirts with their team name embroidered on the back with a logo and their first names stitched on the front. The color and style of shirts varied from bold and brash to ugly and boring.
Ollie’s team was easy to spot due to Andy’s enormous height. Their shirts were a silky black button-up with the name Broken Halos embroidered on the back in gold with a crooked halo hanging over the “o” in halo. I had no doubt Ollie came up with the team name and design. I had to admit it was adorable, but not more adorable than the pastor who filled it out so nicely. The silk shirt draped over his shoulders and caressed his pecs. The hem of it ended above the curve of his denim-covered ass. I should’ve turned around and left as soon as my mouth started watering, except Ollie turned just then and spotted me. The smile spreading across his face was equal parts welcoming and wolfish and too fucking hard to resist.
“Don’t get the wrong idea, Golden Boy,” I said in greeting. “I’m just here to offer Milo cuddles when he makes a fool of himself.”
The remark got a snort out of Ollie, an eye roll from Andy, and knee-slapping laughs out of the Frat Boys, as Milo called them. Milo himself just looked at me with disappointment for a few seconds before he crooked his finger for me to follow him. He only went far enough to get us out of earshot which wasn’t hard to do since there was more noise inside this bowling alley than the last Pride parade I attended in NYC.
“What are you doing here?” Milo asked firmly. “Don’t give me any bullshit about supporting me and my pitiful bowling because I’m most likely the best bowler in this building.”
“Milo, come now,” I said, smiling sweetly at him. “I love your confidence, but there are times it’s misplaced.”
“I guess you’ll watch and see won’t you,” he said cheekily. “Don’t fuck Ollie over, Archie. He’s missed you like fucking crazy this past month, but he’d eventually get over his attraction to you.”
“He’s missed me, huh?”
“You have keen vision, so don’t pretend you didn’t see how he lit up just now.”
“I didn’t miss it,” I admitted, but I had missed him.
“Are you going to pretend you didn’t light up inside when you saw him too?”
That was much harder to admit, so I only shook my head slightly. “Why are you so adamant about this?”
“I feel responsible because I introduced you not knowing you’d freak out when you found out he was a pastor.”
“I didn’t freak out,” I protested, but it sounded weak.
“You bolted so fast sparks were coming from your stiletto boots.”
“You’re so dramatic,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“I learned from the best,” Milo countered, his eyes softening with fond memories. “I love you, Arch.”
“I love you too, Milo.”
“I also love Ollie, and I don’t want to see confusion or hurt in his eyes when you reject him.” Again, he left unsaid.
“I don’t think I can give Ollie what he wants from me.”
“Have you even asked what he wants from you? I mean beyond the obvious physical attraction.” I shook my head. “Then you’re making assumptions, and you know what happens when we do that.”
“We make asses of ourselves.”
“And maybe ruin something beautiful before it has a chance to start,” Milo said. He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “You deserve this, Arch. Take a chance.”
Milo returned to the team, leaving me standing there to contemplate what he’d said. He was right even if I didn’t want to hear it. I straightened my shoulders and approached the team again. They’d all gathered around Ollie to talk strategy rather than trash talk the team they were competing against that night. They all glanced up at me with varied expressions. I only had eyes for Ollie though.
“First round of sodas is on me. What are you fellas having?”