IF EYES WERE THE WINDOWS to our souls, I wished like hell Ollie would lower the shades because seeing him brace himself for my rejection was painful. I don’t mean a dull ache either; I’m talking my gut burned and twisted like I’d swallowed battery acid. As flattered as I was by Ollie’s attraction to me, I could tell his pain went much deeper and existed a lot longer than I’ve known him. So, even though I was aware I didn’t shoulder the burden of his despair alone, it did nothing to ease the acid burning me alive from the inside out.
“Here we go, boys,” Mamma said, busting her way through the swinging door with a smile for me that said, “don’t fuck this up.”
I should never have brought Ollie here, but it just felt right until my mom mistook my actions as bringing home a boy to get her approval. Damn, I’m pretty sure we both would have come out of the evening feeling better if I’d just found a secluded parking lot for him to blow me while I jerked him off. We both got so worked up after watching the silhouette of the guy getting worked over by his lover. Some might say a passionate exchange would’ve confused Ollie more than I already had but bringing him home to Mamma wasn’t any clearer. First, I gave his number to Henry, then, I show up at the bowling alley to watch him bowl. He might not have been my only friend on the team, but he was the one I couldn’t look away from. Everyone knew it, including him. I could’ve left and told him I’d see him later, but I invited him for pizza at my mother’s restaurant instead. Talk about giving a man mixed signals.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” Mamma asked, pulling my eyes away from Ollie’s somber ones and up to hers which were identical to mine in color and shape and all-knowing. I didn’t see recrimination in her eyes; I saw encouragement to take a fucking chance again.
“I’m good, Mamma. How about you, Ollie?” I softly asked when I looked back at him.
He shook his head. Mamma had never been one to withhold affection, and she wasn’t about to start then, even if Ollie was a virtual stranger to her. She gently cupped his chin and dropped a kiss on top of his head. “You let me know if that changes, love.”
Ollie’s expression changed from sorrowful to content at the gentle, brief touch. It moved me more than any words he could speak, and I was grateful he hadn’t pulled the shades down over his windows after all. It turned out I wanted to know his story. Mamma removed her hand and returned to the kitchen, leaving us alone once more. Ollie blinked and the yearning I saw moments before was gone, and he was back to bracing himself for bad news.
“Do you mind if we eat first?” He looked down at the calzone between us. “I don’t know. There looks to be at least two thousand calories there, so maybe you should drop the hammer and kill my appetite.”
I snorted. “I’m not dropping the hammer on you, Ollie.”
“You’ve had a change of heart then,” he said stubbornly. “I’m good at reading people, and your expression said you were about to let me down easy.”
“Wrong,” I said just as stubbornly. “It was more of like I didn’t know how to proceed because I’m not sure I can be just your friend, and a relationship isn’t something I want.”
“With me?”
I wanted to reach across the table and hold both of his hands, but I made tight fists beneath the table to keep from doing it. “With anyone.” He released a long sigh and looked slightly mollified by my answer. “I want to try being friends with you, Ollie. You bring something into my life that I crave.” A dark eyebrow shot up in silent question. “You give me lightness, Golden Boy. I didn’t know how much darkness and negativity had permeated my soul until you showed up and lit up my world.”
“I want to light up your world.” He blushed a bright pink which I found so fucking adorable. “I didn’t mean that to come out sounding suggestive.”
“Anything you say through those gorgeous lips is going to sound suggestive.”
Ollie ran his fingers over his lips, making me want to do the same. “You think my lips are gorgeous?” God, why did he have to sound so uncertain? He was so much easier to resist when he behaved boldly and shamelessly.
“I wouldn’t have said so if I didn’t think it,” I replied. “If we’re going to be friends, you need to accept I will not say things I don’t mean. I won’t blow sunshine up your ass to make you feel better. If you ask me if your ass looks big in something you’re wearing, I will give you an honest answer.” After I fantasize about stripping him naked first.
“Do these jeans make my butt look big?” And just like that, I saw myself kneeling in front of Ollie stripping the denim down his lean legs.
“No, they don’t.” My voice sounded raw and strained.
“Good to know.” Ollie took a big gulp of milk. “I appreciate your honesty and candor. Too many people are afraid to be themselves in my presence.” He didn’t give me a pointed look that suggested I was one of them, even though it was true. I wanted to think we were starting fresh.
“Let’s eat this beast of a calzone so I can take my friend back to his car since it’s getting late and he has many souls to save.”
Ollie shot me a wry smile then we tucked into our calzone, both of us moaning with the first bite of savory sauce, melted cheese, sausage, and peppers. Ollie licked sauce and cheese from the corner of his lips then went back in for another bite.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” I asked.
Ollie looked up just as I licked my lips. He paused mid-chew as lust danced in his eyes and turned his cheeks red. He blinked a few times then continued his chewing. “It’s the best I’ve ever had.”
I had so many comebacks but kept them to myself and resumed eating. The calzone was so big we couldn’t eat it all. Mamma boxed it up so Ollie could take it home with him along with the breadsticks we didn’t touch. He tried to pay for our dinner, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Instead, she hugged him tight and told him to stop in and see her anytime.
“I live upstairs if you happen to show up when I’m not around. I’d love to get to know you better.” I wanted to tell her she was barking up the wrong tree but saw the stubborn set to her jaw when I leaned in to kiss her cheek goodbye. She would have to learn for herself Ollie wasn’t meant to be mine in the way she wanted.
After scaring him to death with my driving skills earlier, I took it much slower to prove I did know how to keep all four tires on the ground. There were many cars still in the parking lot when we returned to the bowling alley, so the opening night of the bowling league must’ve run later than I imagined. I pulled to a stop behind Ollie’s sensible dark sedan and pasted a friendly smile on my face. I hoped it masked how badly I wanted to lean forward and kiss his lips once more. Were they as soft as I remembered? Would his breath hitch sexily in his throat?
“Thanks, Archie. I had a fun time.”
“Don’t be a stranger, Ollie. I’ve missed seeing you around.”
He smiled crookedly when he heard the sincerity in my voice. “I’ve missed you too, Arch.”
Ollie got out of the car and closed the door, but instead of driving off, I put my car in park and followed him. He spun around when he heard my car door shut. “Did you forget—”
“Yeah, I did.” I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tightly. “Friends hug when they say goodbye.” Friends didn’t get an erection, but maybe he wouldn’t notice mine straining against my jeans. I knew it wasn’t the case when I felt him harden in response. I held him tight enough to feel a delicious shiver work its way through him, and my body reacted in kind. “Ollie,” I whispered, unable to keep the want and need from my voice. He tried to pull back, but I kept a strong grip. I couldn’t let him look into my eyes until I could mask all the things he made me feel other than friendship. “Don’t move yet.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Arch.”
I ran my nose along the side of his neck, hoping my brain would remember the way he smelled. His scent was both familiar and foreign to me, a mixture of sexy and clean. It was like he’d tried to cover up his earthy sexiness with soap too pure to get the job done. Ollie’s hands fisted into my shirt as he traced his nose along my neck, sending jolts of lust and making my flesh pebble in his wake. We weren’t off to a great start at keeping things in the friend zone.
“Friends sniff each other’s necks,” Ollie said, reading my mind. “Be glad we’re not pretending to be dogs. I’d be sniffing something else.”
I couldn’t keep from groaning. Smelling wasn’t the activity I imagined when I thought of Ollie’s face pressed between my ass cheeks. I could almost feel the wet press of his tongue teasing my puckered hole.
I pulled back then and looked into his eyes. “Is that what we’re doing, Ollie? Are we pretending to be friends?”
“I think we’re grappling with feelings much stronger than either of us are willing to accept right now and trying to find a way to be in each other’s lives that doesn’t feel threatening. I want to be a safe place for you to land, Archie, not make your life more complicated. If this is too much for you—” I cut his words off with a chaste kiss on his lush mouth.
“Friends kiss sometimes,” I whispered while fighting the urge to do things that would forever obliterate the friend zone for us.
“What other things do friends do together?” Ollie asked breathily.
I opened my mouth to respond we could do all the things together, but a blaring horn saved me, and before I could turn around, it was honking again. Honk. Honk. Honk. I whipped my head around and couldn’t believe my eyes. “It can’t be.” It was the same boxy, silver car with rusted-out wheel fenders.
“Even if you don’t believe in God, you must believe in Karma,” Ollie said as we both stared at the same son of a bitch that sat through a green light so he could get a blow job. “I guess he doesn’t like being blocked any more than we did.”
“Get in your car, Golden Boy. I’ll take care of this.”
“And leave you to take him on by yourself?”
About that time, the passenger window rolled down, and the driver leaned over as far as he could. “Move your stupid ass.” Honk. Honk. Honk.
“What happened to your girlfriend?” I asked, guessing about the gender. “Did she go home to gargle the nasty taste of you out of her mouth?” Ollie snorted beside me. The driver’s eyes widened. “That’s right, asshole. I was one of the cars stuck behind you at the intersection. I have a message for you, little boy. Real men can multitask. We fornicate while driving. Now you stay right where you are and shut the fuck up while I say goodnight to my fella.” My fella? Oh fuck.
The driver returned to his seat and rolled up his window. I returned all my focus to Ollie and saw that his lips trembled with laughter. “You think his grandma knows what he gets up to in her Oldsmobile?” he asked.
“Probably not.”
“You going to show him how real men act?” Ollie challenged.
I cupped his face with both hands and slowly closed the gap between us. “I feel like we need to teach him a lesson.” I took my time pressing my mouth against Ollie’s pliant and eager lips. I left my eyes open for a few heartbeats, memorizing the content look on his face, the adorable freckle beneath his right eye, and how long his fan of eyelashes looked. When it got to be too much, I closed my eyes and focused on the kiss so I could teach the punk a lesson. Yeah, right. What happened to being honest? Ollie opened his mouth to breathe, and I licked the underside of his upper lip before sliding my tongue seductively against his. I felt Ollie’s pulse racing beneath my thumbs, and his hands tugged on my shirt like he couldn’t decide if our kiss was too much or not enough. This was nothing like the frantic kiss in the prop closet; it was hotter and even more devastating.
Ollie pulled away first then stared up into my eyes. “I think you taught the young man a valuable lesson tonight, Archie.”
All I did was make myself ache with wanting Oliver Knight, but I nodded my head as I agreed. “You won’t be a stranger, will you?”
“After that kiss?” he asked, eyes twinkling with pure mischief.
“Ollie,” I said with a sigh.
“I’m teasing, Arch. I’ll see you soon.”
He gave me a quick kiss then turned and got in his car. Honk. Honk. I flipped the driver off as I rounded the hood of my car and pulled open the driver’s door. I figuratively kicked my ass all the way across town because there was no way in hell I could go long without tasting Ollie again. I wanted to see him smile, hear his laugh, and most of all I wanted him to start talking dirty to me again. I was certain he felt the same pull I did and hoped he would show up at Queen City Divas, but my heart felt crushed when the night came and went with no signs of Ollie. I expected he would text me at some point because it’s what friends did, but two more days passed without a peep from him.
I was driving myself crazy wondering if he’d met someone else, someone who was willing to give Ollie the happily ever after he deserved. My mom didn’t bring him up when she called me Friday morning to invite me to bingo that night, but I knew she’d pepper me with questions if I agreed, so I told her I already had plans. “With Ollie?” she’d asked hopefully, and I had to let her down easy.
“There’s nothing between Ollie and me, Mamma.” There could’ve been if I’d only met him halfway.
“I’m sorry, Archie,” she said sympathetically. “You know what will cheer you up?”
“Chocolate cheesecake with fresh strawberries and real whipped cream?”
“Bingo night with Mamma. Please come with me.”
How could I resist? “What time should I pick you up?”
“Hell no,” she said, and I imagined she was shaking her head vigorously. “I’m not riding anywhere with you. I’ll meet you at the seniors center at seven o’clock.”
I laughed because it reminded me of Ollie’s reaction to my driving. “I’ll be there, Mamma.”
After I hung up, I recalled the happiness Ollie expressed when my mother showed him maternal affection. I wondered if it was something he lacked in life and was responsible for his sorrow. Before I could talk myself out of it, I googled Ollie’s name. I looked at the images the search brought up and tried my best to ignore the way my heart raced at seeing his smiling face. I nearly touched the screen the same way I caressed his face just a few days before. It was probably a really big sin to pop wood in my office while staring at Ollie wearing his clergymen’s dark clothes and stark white collar, but I couldn’t seem to work up a damn or talk my dick down. Both man and beast missed Ollie something fierce.
I returned to the main Google page and clicked on the link to his church’s website. His smiling face appeared in a small picture on the upper right corner of the screen. Beneath the photo was a link to his bio. I knew clicking on the link would tell me a lot about Ollie, but I realized I didn’t want to find out from any source other than his lips.
I closed my browser and returned to my lengthy to-do list until it was time to get cleaned up and meet my mother at the senior center where she occasionally played bingo. At first, I thought I’d just throw on a T-shirt and a pair of jeans but decided to wear my favorite lacy shirt that Ollie seemed to love so much. Once I had it on, my face looked too pale in my reflection in the mirror, making the circles beneath my eyes stand out more. I put a little foundation and concealer on my face to cover up my nights of sleeplessness and just kept going until I was full-on glam.
“Feeling it or faking it?” Mom asked when I walked up to her outside the senior center.
“Both,” I said honestly. “Ready to whip some bingo ass?”
“I’m always ready to whip some ass.”
When we walked into the auditorium, my breath snagged in my throat, and I came to an abrupt halt.
“Isn’t that Ollie behind the podium?” my mother asked from beside me. “It must be his turn to volunteer for bingo night.”
“His turn?”
“The local clergy take turns.”
“He’s been here before?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“You said you recognized him from some youth basketball thing,” I said accusingly, feeling the charge in the atmosphere the instant Ollie realized I was in the room.
“I only remembered yesterday that I also knew him from bingo nights. I probably don’t attend frequently enough for him to recognize me.” Her innocent act didn’t fool me, but it was hard to be pissed when I looked up into the most beautiful, soulful eyes I had ever seen. Then I noticed the dark circles beneath his eyes; they matched the ones hiding beneath my makeup. My heart squeezed in my chest. Was I the reason he wasn’t sleeping? I mean, part of me said “good” because he was the reason I tossed and turned and couldn’t sleep worth a damn, but the biggest part of me wanted to kiss away those shadows of discontent and make him feel better. For once, my physical attraction took a back seat to the emotional connection I felt with Ollie when I crossed the room to speak to him.