Chapter Nineteen
Ryder awoke to Savannah’s warm body pressed against him as monochrome tones of gray filtered in through the shutters. He pushed up and leaned against the headboard and glanced over at her; she looked peaceful and beautiful. It had been over six years since he’d spent the night with a woman, and here he was, spending his second night with her.
Ryder slid his hand through her silky blonde hair and brought several long strands to his nose. As he inhaled the sweet fragrance, the need to wake up every day like this overwhelmed him. Damn! I’m falling so fucking hard for her.
When he’d first exposed himself to her, he’d been convinced that Savannah would mumble some platitudes and feign acceptance, but she didn’t. She still saw him and not his disability, and it had blown him away, breaking down the hardened walls he’d built around his emotions.
“Savannah,” he whispered as he watched her sleep.
A small whine at the closed door drew his attention from her, and he pulled the crutches toward him and stood up. As Ryder gimped to the back door, Brutus sat there patiently and waited to be let out. Since the ensuite in Savannah’s room wasn’t handicapped equipped, he crutched over to his master bathroom to relieve himself and wash up.
Brutus’s barks signaled that he was ready to come in, so Ryder made his way to the back door and opened it. The German shepherd rushed over to his bowl and chomped down on his food. Ryder turned around and slowly headed back to Savannah’s room.
She was still sleeping, although she’d turned on her side, facing the window. He rested the crutches against the space between the nightstand and the bed, got back in and pulled the sheet over him, lying down on his good leg. Savannah stirred.
“Are you okay?” she asked drowsily.
“Yeah. Just had to let Brutus out. Go back to sleep—it’s early.”
“What time is it?”
Ryder glanced at his phone. “Almost six.”
A small groan escaped from her. “That is early.” She snuggled deeper under the covers.
He moved closer to her until her ass spooned up against him, then he ran his hand down the side of her body and smiled when her skin pebbled under his finger pads. Ryder couldn’t help but keep his hands on her anywhere—as long as he touched her, he was good.
“Feels good,” she mumbled.
Bringing his hand back up, he snaked it around her waist, resting it on the small pooch he loved so dearly.
“You smell good, baby,” he said and brought his lips to her shoulder.
Savannah craned her neck, and he pressed his lips on hers as his hand inched up to the most incredible tits he’d ever seen.
“Oh,” she moaned as his fingers flicked her nipples.
One of the many things he loved about touching Savannah was the way her nipples grew stiff under his ministrations. Wriggling her ass against him made his already hard cock needy as hell. I bet she’s wet as fuck. The thought seared through him as his hand glided down her body and covered her pussy. As he massaged it, her juices coated his palm, and her whimpers fueled his lust.
“The sounds you make, darlin’, drive me fucking crazy,” he rasped, grinding against her as arousal flashed hot through his system.
A grunt rumbled from his chest when Savannah reached behind her and grabbed his ass cheek, sinking her nails into his flesh. He ran a hand up the side of her rib cage and cupping her tit, his fingers pinching her taut bud until she gasped and opened her legs.
Ryder smelled her sweet arousal and reached between her legs. “So wet,” he murmured against her ear. Dipping two fingers between her folds, he coated them with her juices then brought them to her beautifully shaped rosy lips and fed them to her. Desire blazed deep inside him while he watched his fingers disappear in her mouth as she sucked them and curled her tongue around them—her eyes never leaving his.
“Do you like the way you taste,” he asked.
Nodding, she grasped his hand and placed it on her pussy. “I love the way you touch me,” she said.
Ryder propped up on his elbow and guided her upper leg back, hooking it back around his butt.
“Can you grab the condom on the nightstand?” he asked, his voice thick.
Once he was ready, he tangled his hand in her hair and yanked her head back, crushing his mouth on hers while he played with her nipples, and then her clit.
“Ryder,” she whispered.
Breaking their kiss, he ran his tongue down to the sensitive spot where her shoulder met her neck and sucked on the skin. Savannah tilted her head more, giving him better access, and as he marked her, his fingers slid between her wet folds. With the lightest touch, he stroked the side of her nub. Her hips bucked and her gasp faded out to a guttural moan.
“You like that, darlin’?” he asked.
Nodding, she thrust her hips against his hand.
Taking her hand, he placed it against the headboard then kissed her deeply as he pushed inside. Pulling out, he shoved back in, then began pummeling her rough and fast, each bounce of her tits fueling his desire even more. His finger rubbed her sweet knot as he fucked her deep and hard, the tension building to where he was barely able to hold back any longer.
Savannah balled the sheets in her fist and stuffed them in her mouth as a muffled cry escaped from her throat. She tightened around him like he was caught in a vise, her pussy gripping him as it clenched and spasmed with her climax.
It was too much.
“Fuck, Savannah,” he groaned, clutching her shivering and shaking body.
When Ryder regained his senses, he gently slid her leg off him then reached for the tangled covers at the foot of the bed. Savannah turned on her side, facing him, and burrowed into him as he draped the blanket over them. A small contented sigh came from her parted lips as her lids fluttered shut. Kissing the top of her head, he held her close, wanting nothing more than to stay like that forever. Savannah had sneaked into his life on a cold, snowy day and stirred emotions and desires he’d thought were lost to him.
Ryder dipped his head down and kissed her hair. “You’re the part of me that makes me whole, baby.”
And he had no intention of letting her slip out of his life.
* * *
“Mommy’s still sleeping,” Timmy said as he climbed up on the chair.
Ryder walked over and pushed the chair in for the young boy then ruffled his hair. “She’s been so busy with decorating and shopping that she probably wore herself out.” Pride coursed through him as he thought of the real reason Savannah was still sacked out at ten in the morning.
“I guess. Do you know what Mommy bought me for Christmas?”
Ryder held up his hands and laughed. “I’m no snitch. You’ll find out in a few more days.” He opened up the refrigerator and took out a carton of orange juice. “Are you ready for tonight?”
“Uh-huh. Braxton, Harley, and James are gonna be there.” Timmy picked up the glass of juice Ryder had given him.
“It’s a good party. There’ll be a lot of other kids there too.” Placing his hands on the island, he leaned forward, his gaze on the young boy. “Eggs and bacon good?”
Wiping his mouth with his pajama sleeve, he nodded.
“Don’t let your mom catch you doing that. I used to do that when I was your age, and it drove my mom nuts.” He bent down and pulled out the cast-iron skillet.
“You have a mommy?”
“Everyone has a mom, buddy.” The coffeemaker beeped and he reached over and shut it off.
“Where’s yours?”
“Right here in Pinewood Springs with my dad.”
“How come she never comes here?”
A pain of regret streaked through him. “I-uh … haven’t wanted anyone over for a long time.” With whisk in hand, he whipped the eggs in the bowl.
“Oh. Does your daddy come over?”
“Not so much. Are you missing your dad?” Ryder watched a small frown skate across Timmy’s face.
“I dunno.”
“It must be hard being away from him,” Ryder said.
Timmy shrugged. “I never see him—only Mommy.”
“Are you talking about me?” Savannah asked as she bent over and kissed her son.
“He’s giving me the scoop on you,” Ryder said, winking at her. A slight blush colored her cheeks, and he never thought she looked more beautiful than at that moment. That’s what I thought three hours ago, and then last night, and then the day before … Damn.
“You slept late,” Timmy said.
“I was worn out.”
Savannah’s sly smile and wink hit him right in his dick. Fuck. This woman was like no other woman he’d ever known. Her taste, her scent, her eyes, her everything intoxicated him. He craved her like an alcoholic coveted his next drink; she was his straight shot of whiskey—smooth and potent with a burn. He doubted if he could ever get enough of her.
Brushing past him, she squeezed his ass as she made her way over to the pot of coffee. Her fresh scent wrapped around him, the clean smell of soap and body lotion. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss and nibble his way down to—
“You’re burning the bacon again,” she said as she rushed to the stove.
Fuck! This woman’s killing me. He stood and rubbed against her from behind.
“See how you distract me,” he whispered in her ear. When she shivered, he smiled.
“Mommy never burns the bacon,” Timmy said.
Ryder looked over his shoulder. “I bet she doesn’t.” He patted her ass, then sliced more pieces from the slab and placed them in the sizzling pan.
After they’d eaten, Timmy trotted off to his room to play a video game, and Ryder sat at the table watching Savannah fill the dishwasher.
“Do you wanna tell me the real reason you were freaked out last night.”
A millisecond of a pause.
“Brutus went ballistic. It scared the crap out of me.”
“He’s gone ballistic before and you seemed fine.”
“But you were there to protect us.” She smiled sweetly at him, but he wasn’t buying the act for one fucking minute.
“We gotta be honest with each other and not hide shit.”
Folding the dish towel, she glanced at him. “Don’t give advice if you don’t take it yourself.”
Ryder jerked his head back. “What the fuck does that mean?”
“You have a lot of secrets you keep inside yourself, and they act as barriers to people who try to get close to you.”
“People?”
The dish towel unfolded in her hands, and she fixed her gaze on him. “Me.”
Frowning, he rubbed his hand over his face. “You’re changing the subject. I’m asking what you were afraid of last night.”
Savannah put the folded towel on the counter and shoved her hands in the pockets of her robe. “Someone followed me and Timmy when we were in town. It was the same guy who was staring at me a few nights ago.”
“The fucker at the tree lighting?”
Nodding, she pursed her lips.
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me that when I asked you? I could’ve gone out and tried to find him. That’s why Brutus went crazy.”
“I wanted to enjoy the night with you. I don’t think he’s going to hurt me” She kept twirling her hair around her fingers.
“How can you be so sure?”
“I’m not really. I’m pretty freaked out about the whole damn thing. What if he’s here to steal Timmy? I wouldn’t put it past Corinne to be behind all this. I can’t let him take my baby. Why don’t they just leave me the hell alone?” Savannah’s voice hitched.
Ryder stood up and walked over to her and drew her into his arms. Her body trembled against him and he ran his hands over her back, his heart squeezing when he heard her soft sobs against his shirt. “Shh … don’t cry, darlin’. No one’s gonna take Timmy, I’ll make sure of that. I’ll make sure I never leave you two alone. I’ll find out who this fucker is and take care of it.”
“I’d die if Timmy were taken from me. I love him so much.” More soft sobs. Sniffles.
“I know you do, and you’re a damn good mom. I won’t let anything happen.” He placed his two fingers under her chin and tilted her head back and her eyes met his. “I’ll make sure it’s all good, okay?” Savannah nodded slightly and he wiped the wet streaks from her face then pressed his lips gently to hers.
“One of the things that kills me is that Bret doesn’t even want Timmy in his life. The other is that my mom’s the one who told him where we are. I spoke to her before coming to breakfast this morning and she confessed.”
“Why the fuck would she do that?”
Savannah wiped her nose with a tissue. “Because she loves me and Timmy. She wants me to have the fairytale Disney marriage. And she wanted us home for Christmas.” Once again, she twirled tendrils of blonde around her finger. “In all fairness, my mom doesn’t know the whole story … only you do.”
As Savannah spoke, anger burned inside Ryder, and he tucked her hands in his and gently squeezed them. “Baby, I’m telling you that I’ll make sure you and Timmy are safe. No one’s gonna bully you to do something you don’t want to do. I swear that if the fucker comes back on my property, I’ll take care of him.”
A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her kissable lips. “I’ll admit I feel better knowing I have you on my side. I’m just not sure what I’m going to do.”
Ryder’s stomach clenched. “Are you thinking of going back to him?”
Savannah shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’m not going back to Boston either. I’m better off without the Carltons, and Timmy doesn’t deserve a father like Bret.”
A long pause yawned between them until Ryder let out a long breath. “Stay with me.”
Her eyes locked with his and he saw tenderness, compassion, and relief, but there was also fear in them.
“We’ve only known each other a short time,” she said.
“I know, and it’s fucking strange that I’m even asking, but I’ve been wanting a woman like you in my life since I can remember. I just didn’t know it, and it’s taken a lot of shit and pain to realize it.”
Savannah slipped her hands away from his and cast her eyes downward. “What about Brandi? I mean she’s so young—I know men prefer younger women.”
Ryder stared at her slouched shoulders; she looked so petite and vulnerable at that moment. The fucker really did a number on her. “You’re the woman I want. Brandi’s a nice girl who helped me out when I got tired of my hand doing all the work. It wasn’t like we had a romantic relationship or anything. It was just sex, and it wasn’t all the time. Maybe a handful of times in a year. Brandi’s age had nothing to do with us having sex—she was the only one who didn’t mind that I didn’t have a leg.” He picked up his coffee mug and took a sip. “I’m not a cheater—never have been and never will be. I’m loyal to a fault.” After a few seconds of silence, Ryder reached over and lifted her chin so her gaze met his. “I’m not Bret. The way he treated you and Timmy was fucking cruel, and he needs a good ass kicking for sure.”
Tears filled Savannah’s eyes. “I felt the goodness of your heart from the first day you came blustering into the trailer. I’m just afraid.”
“Of what?”
“My feelings for you.”
“I know what you mean. We’re still getting to know each other, but my gut tells me this is right. What’s yours telling you?”
“The same,” she whispered.
Silence stretched between them until the chair scraping on the floor broke it and Ryder stood up. “I’ll be right back.” He walked out of the kitchen and straight to the workroom where he took out the cigar box, and then headed back to Savannah.
The box made a small thud when he put it on the table in front of her.
“This is my past.” He sat back down on the chair.
For a second, her eyes just shifted between him and the worn-out box, then she placed her delicate fingers on it and opened the lid. She glanced up.
“Take the things out.” He balled his hands into fists and inhaled and exhaled a couple of times. “You can ask me anything you want.”
“Are you sure about this?” Savannah’s eyes stayed on his fists. “I don’t want to dredge up painful memories for you.”
“It’s about time I face the shit that’s been holding me prisoner, and I want to do it with you.”
After a slight nod, she picked up the photographs and browsed through them. Snippets of his past raced through his mind, and it seemed right that the woman who’d brought light into his life should be rifling through them—through all the darkness of his past.
Savannah cleared her throat and looked up from the last picture Dana, Colt, and Ryder had taken. It was before he went back over on what had become his last tour of duty in Afghanistan. I had no idea that was going to be the last time I saw you, Colt. I’d have told you I loved you more and held you tighter if I would’ve known. Ryder’s body grew more rigid.
“We can stop,” Savannah said, putting the photograph on the table and taking one of his fists into both her hands.
He just shook his head and stared at her.
“Okay … why did you break it off with your fiancée?”
“Dana broke it off with me after I lost my leg. She said she couldn’t handle it.”
Her eyes widened but she just nodded. “How long were you together?”
“Eight years.”
“Oh, Ryder,” she whispered, reaching over to stroke his face.
He jerked back. “Don’t pity me, Savannah. I’m not doing this for that reason.”
“It’s not pity, it’s compassion. I can’t believe that after all those years, she left you because of a physical disability.”
“She couldn’t handle it. I was livid and hated her for years, but through therapy, I got to the point where I could acknowledge that the challenge of being with an amputee may have scared the hell out of her.”
“Is that the reason she gave you?”
The inclination was to tell her yes, but he’d wanted her to know everything, even the shit that bruised his pride and made him feel less of a man for the past five years. “No. She told me it disgusted her, creeped her out, and she could never be sexually attracted to me again.”
“Fuck,” she murmured. “That’s horrible.”
“It’s the way it was. She took Colt and bolted. Never even gave me a chance to see my boy again—that’s what hurts the most.”
“Does she have any family?”
“Dana’s from Pinewood Springs like I am. We met at a party when I was twenty-one and she was twenty. Her mom, Maggie, was the only relative I knew of, and she disappeared along with Dana and Colt. I figured they changed their names.”
“Did you hire a private eye to try and find them?”
“Yep. Hawk’s been helping too, but so far nothing. I won’t give up though. I figure when Colt gets his first job, he’ll have to use his social security number. So far, Dana hasn’t used any public programs, unless she got fake numbers for them. Maggie wouldn’t do it because she’d be giving up her benefits when she turns sixty-five. I’m keeping track of all that.”
“What an awful thing to do. Her not being able to handle it is one thing, but to take your son away from you? What a bitch.” Savannah’s hand flew to her mouth and covered. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was muffled. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Ryder shrugged. “Why not? She is a bitch. Dana punished me for getting my fucking leg blown off just like your fucker punished you for getting pregnant. They’re both fucked up.”
For a few seconds, they held each other’s gaze, and Ryder’s fists slowly unfurled.
“Was Dana the love of your life?” she asked in a hesitant tone.
“I thought she was, but now I’d have to say no.”
Savannah picked up the Purple Heart and pressed it against her chest. “You fought for us. You’re a hero.”
Ryder snorted. “Fuck that … I’m no goddamn hero.”
“Yes, you are. My dad fought in Vietnam. I know how hard war can be on a person. He still goes to his VA group twice a month.”
Surprised at her revelation, he leaned back in the chair and stared at her.
“The camaraderie has stayed with my dad—he still has a few buddies from the Army—as well as the atrocities. My dad was lucky though. He came back without any injuries, but some of his friends and members of his unit came back in body bags. It still haunts him today.”
Chills ran up his spine as he shifted in his chair. She fucking gets it. Her old man’s a vet. Memories of her calm, reassuring voice bringing him back to reality when he’d had his nightmare raced through his mind. Can I do this?
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her calm voice touched him deeply.
Taking a big breath, he exhaled it slowly through his nose. “It was my third tour of duty, and my unit and I were engaged in combat against militants, driving them farther back into the province. After we succeeded, several guys in my unit, including myself, moved in to clear the compound—a cluster of old Afghani houses. We had to be sure there were no Taliban or mines there.” Ryder tilted his head back as distant voices echoed in his head.
The feel of Savannah’s hand tapping his arm pulled him away from the noise. “Stay with me. We’re in the kitchen in your cabin. Don’t leave me,” she said.
He nodded and took a gulp of coffee; it was lukewarm and had a metallic taste like blood. Get a grip. You can do this. “Right before I reached the compound, I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned quickly and started shooting, which triggered the other guys to shoot as well. My best buddy, Jeremy, started running toward me. I told him to stay back, but he thought I was in danger so he kept coming.” Another gulp of coffee. “I looked at who I was shooting at and … I saw a group of kids running and falling. For a second, it looked like I was playing a fucking video game.”
Savannah kept tapping his arm.
“Then I saw who I’d shot—it was a boy around Colt’s age. I ran toward him, forgetting about the war, forgetting about the mines, and all I saw was Colt on the ground bleeding with his guts spilling out. I just wanted to save him. When I was about twenty yards away, I heard Jeremy calling to me, and I turned around. That’s when I heard the bang. Jeremy was up in the air and chunks of him started to break away.”
“Stay with me, Ryder.”
For a second he didn’t recognize the woman’s voice, but then her scent enveloped him as she came behind him and draped her arms around his neck. He rested his head against Savannah, inhaling her familiar fragrance.
“That’s when I stepped on the landmine. There wasn’t a boom, and my ears didn’t even fucking pop. I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, I was upside-down and falling backwards toward the ground. I went to sit up and saw my knee coming off, and with the whole shinbone sticking out with no foot at the end of my left leg, I knew I was fucked. I looked over to find Jeremy, but I couldn’t see further than my weapon because there was this fucking massive dust cloud. The pain was horrendous and there was flesh everywhere. In that second, everything hit me, and I knew my life would be forever changed.”
“You were so brave,” she muttered.
“I lived. Jeremy’s the one who gave up his life. He’s the hero, not me.”
“You both were. Two young guys fighting under extreme conditions just trying to do the right thing. You were fighting for us. You wanted to save the young boy.”
“I’m the one who fucking killed him.”
“But it wasn’t under normal conditions. You know you would’ve never done that if it hadn’t been during wartime. You lost your leg by trying to save him.”
The ends of her hair brushed against his hands that were on top of hers. “I told Jeremy to stay back. If I hadn’t shot that kid, Jeremy would still be alive.”
“You don’t know that, and as hard as it is to accept, Jeremy made the choice to follow you, you didn’t make him. You have to forgive yourself … Jeremy would want you to.”
Ryder pursed his lips together and blinked rapidly. There was no way he wanted Savannah to see the tears threatening to stream down his face. As the seconds turned to minutes, a sense of lightness descended on him, and for the first time since that fateful day, the burden of what had happened didn’t weigh so much on his soul. It was as if some of the chains fettering him had broken away.
He reached behind him and slipped his hand under Savannah’s soft hair and cupped her neck, bringing her face down to his. He locked his lips on hers then swung her around as he pushed the chair back. Securing Savannah on his lap, he kissed her again as his heart hammered against his chest.
“I love you more than any other woman I’ve loved in my life. I want you and Timmy to stay and be a part of my life.” The rush of emotion surprised him, but he’d never met a woman like Savannah before.
“Oh, Ryder. For so long I’d longed for this, and now I can’t bear to lose it. Your affection, your love, your everything makes me feel so complete, but I’m scared to death that we’re rushing into this too fast. I keep thinking that maybe we’re just replacing the ones who hurt us with each other to make a patchwork quilt of a life together.”
“Do you love me?” Ryder held his breath.
“I do, very much.”
“Then we’ll sort the rest out, woman. I’m not asking to get hitched right away—we gotta grow together a little more before that—and I know that I’m not replacing Dana and Colt with you and Timmy. I’m fucked up, but not that much. I just feel this is right, and I know my love for you is real. I’ve never fell so hard and so fast with any other woman before, and the depth of the love and admiration and respect I feel for you is more than I’d ever felt for Dana. You’re the woman I’ve been looking for my whole life … Dana was just the detour.”
Savannah peppered his face with kisses then rested her head against his shoulder. “I do believe in wishes coming true and the magic of Christmas. You’re my wish come true, not just for me, but for Timmy too—he’s crazy about you. There was a reason we were stranded on your property.” She poked him in the ribs. “I know you’re rolling your eyes at me.”
He chuckled. “Damn, you’re good, woman.” The truth was he didn’t really believe in coincidences, but he had to agree with Savannah that it seemed like their stars must have aligned to bring her and Timmy to him. Christmas magic? Who the fuck knows? He turned his head and kissed her again.
“I’m still married to Bret—at least on paper. We’ve really been separated since Timmy was born, but I have a huge battle in front of me.”
“I’ll be there for you—even go to Boston with you.” He ran his hand up and down her back.
“I know. I’m meeting with that attorney Cara recommended to me on Monday morning. Cara looked up the statute, and in Massachusetts, grandparents don’t have a right to their grandkids. They may ask the court to order some visitation, but that’s only if I don’t let Timmy see his paternal grandparents, which I wouldn’t do. But I do want sole custody of Timmy.”
“And you’re going to get it.”
“I hope so. Corinne has a lot of money to fight me, and so does Bret.”
“You gotta believe in yourself, darlin’. Don’t worry about the money, I’ve got you covered. I get a share of the money the Insurgents bring in.” He ran his finger over her frowning face and chuckled. “It’s all legal.”
“Do you want to play with me, Ryder?” Timmy asked as he stood in the doorway.
“Come over here, honey,” Savannah said.
When Timmy was next to them, Ryder scooped him up and placed him on top of Savannah’s lap.
“Ryder’s asked us to stay. Would you like that?”
Timmy bobbed his head and wrapped his arm around Ryder’s neck. “Would we live here?”
“If that’s okay with you.”
“I like it here. I like my friends. Can I go to the same school as they do?”
“Sure,” Savannah said. She kissed her son and pressed against him. “I love you.”
“Is Daddy going to be mad that we’re not coming home?”
“Yes, but Mommy and Daddy haven’t been happy for a long time.”
“Daddy doesn’t like me.”
“Oh, baby,” Savannah said as she rocked Timmy on Ryder’s lap. “It’s not you. Daddy doesn’t like anyone but himself.”
“I like you very much, kiddo,” Ryder said.
Timmy smiled widely. “I like you too. Do you wanna play a video game with me?”
“Yeah. You’re gonna need to show me what to do.”
“I will,” Timmy said as he scrambled down and dashed into the other room.
Ryder kissed Savannah again then helped her off his lap.
“I know I’m gonna regret doing this ’cause I know he’s gonna kick my ass.” He chuckled and patted Savannah’s butt as he made his way into the family room.