Chapter Four
Rachel
When a car that could only be Jason’s drove up to the front of the house, Nathan and I both heard it. The engine sounded too low, and most of the cars that ever came to the ranch were big cars or trucks. The sound of Jason’s engine was so low; we heard the tires driving up first when most trucks could be heard from quite a distance away.
And then, the front door was opening, and I heard his voice.
Jason…
How long had it been since I’d heard his voice? Longer than since I last saw him, and that had only been at a distance when he didn’t even notice I was there because I’d wanted it that way.
So why the fuck am I here, waiting for him to show up? Get up and run away, Rachel! He’s too close!
It was a little too late just to run away, though. I knew I wouldn’t make it, even if I went for the back door just a few feet away. Because I could hear his feet as he walked across the living room.
My body turned on its own the closer he got. I was nervous and afraid, but a part of me still very much wanted to see him. Even just a glimpse, though I’d probably be getting more than that. And then, he was there.
The moment I saw Jason in the doorway to the kitchen, it was like everything went still for me.
He looked no different from what I remembered, besides the fact he was wearing a suit with a trench coat over it, all in black, except for the white shirt and blue striped tie. His hair was styled to the side, and I couldn’t help thinking he looked good.
He was, however, not happy to see me. Like I’d expected.
Nathan stopped him from leaving, and they went into the living room to have their chat instead. Again, as expected, Jason left like it was nothing.
With Nathan’s last words to him still ringing in my ears, and the sound of his car driving away long gone, I got up.
My body had been trembling, but I was completely calm at that moment. I ignored the squeezing of my heart in my chest and went out to the living room, where Nathan still stood by the open door.
“He’s still the same jerk as always,” I muttered. “I guess some things just don’t change.”
Nathan didn’t even try to argue with me. He sighed, and I walked over to him. I wrapped my arm around his and tugged him with me as I went to sit down on the couch. He followed with steps as heavy as my heart.
“I’m sorry you had to hear that,” he said gruffly.
I just shrugged. “It’s not something I wasn’t expecting, Nathan. Don’t mind it. I just realized something that I should have been clued into already.”
He looked at me with sad eyes. “I always believed he didn’t deserve you, with how he was treating you.”
I laughed lightly, even as my heart gave a suspicious squeeze. “That’s fine, Nathan. I don’t remember what I ever saw in him if there was anything at all. This was bound to happen, but…I believe I’m better off.”
When Jason walked out of my life…it had been cruel, but in a way, it was also the best thing he could have done for me. I’d known we were over long before he told me, and there had been a part of me that had been relieved. Because I really hadn't liked how he was treating me in the weeks before he left. If I’d had to put up with it for the rest of my life, I would have gotten sick of it at some point.
After how he’d acted when he came here, clearly, those feelings weren’t wrong.
“I think it’s best if I leave now,” I said reluctantly. “I don’t want to leave you alone, but…”
He shook his head. “No. I know you have responsibilities yourself, and unlike my bastard grandson, you take yours seriously. It was fortunate he came so soon, so you don’t have to take too much of your time here. I’m sorry for whatever inconvenience I’ve caused you.”
“Not at all, Nathan,” I complained. “I wanted to come here. And it was good seeing you again. Maybe, next time I come over, I could bring company with me.”
He smiled, and I couldn’t help but think how tired and sad it looked.
“I would love that, Rachel,” he said patting my arm, then giving a light squeeze.
I was a bit reluctant to leave him, but he was right. I had other responsibilities I was putting off. I would be needed elsewhere. I was hesitating because it looked like Nathan needed me as well. But when he saw my hesitation, he put on a brave face, nodding his head as he pulled his arm away from me.
“You can go and get your things packed,” he prompted. “I’ll have someone come and drive you into town.”
I sighed, then leaned forward to leave a peck on Nathan’s cheek. Then I stood up and headed for the stairs, and up to the room I’d been offered for the night. I’d assumed I would be staying a while, and had other outfits packed. I changed out of the one I was in, feeling disgusted with myself.
“What did you expect to happen,” I muttered out loud as I took off the earrings, necklace, and ring I’d put on. “That he’d go ‘oh, Rachel. I was wrong. Take me back?’” I scoffed. “Yeah, right. If it were anyone other than Jason…”
I stopped for a minute, taking a deep breath and blinking back the tears that wanted to spill out.
Why hadn't I just trusted my instincts about him? That he hadn't changed, and thinking otherwise was only a fantasy?
I hadn't lied when I told Nathan I didn’t remember what I saw in Jason when we first got together. One more time, all I got to see was his back as he walked away from me. I should have been better off without him that first time, but he wasn’t someone so easy to forget. When he was nice, he was… Amazing. But, he was too much of a jerk that I should have given him up a long time ago already.
With my things packed, I picked up my bag. I’d changed into my usual jeans and t-shirt. I had a jacket in my bag, but I had to remind myself that it was daytime and the sun was pretty hot. I was feeling cold, but that was probably more emotional than anything to do with the weather.
When I was sure I wouldn’t break down crying, I left the room.
“Nathan?” I called out. “I’ll be leaving now.”
I hadn’t heard someone come for me yet, but I could just as well wait outside for someone to come by with a car to take me home. I didn’t get a response from Nathan, though, and I slowly went down the stairs.
“Nathan?” I called again, thinking he just hadn't heard me the first time.
He might have stepped outside to the front porch to make the call because I couldn’t hear him in the living room. I just shrugged and jogged down the remaining steps.
It was then that I heard it. The front door opened, and I concluded I was right, he had stepped outside for the call. But then, there was something strange. I heard the door slam against the wall; then something makes a loud bang as it hit the floor hard enough that I could swear I could feel trembles on the floor.
I rounded the staircase in a rush, already knowing what I would see, but not wanting to believe it. I couldn’t deny it when I saw him lying on the floor, though, half in and half out.
Nathan had stumbled through the door, and he lay down, passed out, the phone dropped some feet away. My heart went completely still in my chest as I dropped beside him. I couldn’t hear myself shouting his name over the beating of my heartbeat, in my ears, but I was sure that I did it.
He didn’t answer…