Eloise

I stood behind the curtain, waiting for my turn. I was scheduled to go on stage in approximately five minutes. Was I ready? Fuck if I knew. The more I thought about it, the more anxiety set in. I’d made note cards like a school kid giving a presentation in front of the class. I stood there and studied them. Christian and I met for breakfast this morning and he gave me a pep talk. It helped. He always helped me. Even when he was Mobile Man, I instantly felt better after talking to him.

“You’re on, Eloise!” Talia smiled. “Good luck.”

“Thank you.” I gave her a nervous smile.

My name was announced and I stepped on stage. I introduced myself, looked at my cards, and froze. Suddenly, my mind went blank and I couldn’t comprehend what I had written down.

“Get hold of yourself!” I silently yelled in my head. “All these people want to hear what you have to say! Don’t let them down!”

I stared at the massive crowd of women who sat proudly in their seats. Women who have, at least once in their lifetime, dealt with men behaving badly. I set my cards down on the chair at the end of the stage and then I took center and welcomed everyone in the theater as I started over.

“My name is Eloise Moore and I’m here to talk to you about a concept called #Delete. This concept applies to girls/women who are single and a part of the dating scene. I’m going to show you what to be on the lookout for when newly dating a guy. I’m going to teach you about the red flags, ghosting, benching, zombie-ing, breadcrumbing, and all the other signs of men behaving badly early on in dating. We as women spend far too much time and energy waiting for the guys we’re interested in to text or call us, and then when they don’t, we freak out, cry, wonder what’s wrong with us, what did we do wrong, why don’t they want us, how can I fix them, etc. The truth behind that is, it isn’t us. We did nothing wrong. It could be as simple as the guy wasn’t feeling it, which is okay. You’re not going to mesh with everyone you meet.

But when a guy shows interest and behaves badly, then it’s up to us to take action. That’s where #Delete comes in. The moment he starts showing signs of all the millennial dating terms I previously spoke of, it’s time to get rid of him and not play his games. Women today are too busy for games and we don’t deserve to be treated like that. The most important thing I can’t stress enough is for a woman to have standards. Once you know exactly what your standards are, you’ll be able to spot the red flags instantly. For example, you meet a man and you both show interest in each other. You go on a couple of dates and then suddenly the text messages and the calls stop. No warning and no explanation. Two weeks go by since your last date and still nothing. That guy ghosted you, disappeared without a trace. You’ve been glued to your phone 24/7, staring at a black screen, hoping and praying he’ll call. Your stomach is a nervous wreck and you keep replaying your last date over and over again, wondering what went wrong. You finally break down and send him a message. He doesn’t respond. Your self-esteem is broken. Then a week later, he sends you a text, and you beam with excitement. Then you don’t hear from him again. You try to pick yourself up, but you can’t get him out of your mind, and why? The question you need to ask yourself is this: Am I really into him or is it the rejection that hurts me the most? Really stop and think about that. You’d only gone out with the guy a couple of times, sent a few dozen text messages, and maybe had a phone call or two. I can guarantee you that through all the nonsense you put yourself through over this one guy you barely knew, it was the rejection aspect of it.

It’s very important that you, as a high valued woman who knows her self-worth and standards, give the same investment as the man you’re trying to date does. If he’s giving low investment into getting to know you better, you give low investment back. Nobody is ever too busy, and if a guy really likes you or wants to get to know you on a deeper level, he will make time to do it. I don’t care if he’s held up in meetings from nine to five. It takes as little as thirty seconds to type a message and hit send. Does he not go to the bathroom all day? Does he not get a lunch break? What about when he gets home from work? If a man can’t take thirty seconds out of his busy day to say hi or that he’s just thinking about you, then he’s not thinking about you at all and it’s time to #Delete and stop wasting your time. Same goes for a guy who takes three days to respond to your last text message. Is that really the kind of person you want to date? Now I’m not saying to #Delete him if he has an excuse and lets you know ahead of time, such as he’s going camping and won’t have reception or something. The important thing to remember is, if he ghosted you once, he’ll do it again.

Now, let’s talk about the guy who shows he is interested in you via text messaging but never actually takes you out or has any intention of actually getting serious. Let’s say you’ve been talking to this guy for a week. You’re getting to know each other and you’re wondering why he hasn’t asked you out yet. After all, he seems really into you. You make the bold move and ask him out for coffee or maybe for dinner. He makes an excuse as to why that weekend won’t work for him. Another week goes by, and suddenly, the text messages become scarce. He’s not texting you as much anymore. Your mind starts to go crazy. You talk about it with your friends. Your phone never leaves your sight just in case. Another week goes by, and out of the clear blue, he sends you a text saying ‘Hey, what’s up?’ or ‘Hey, how are you?’ Instantly, you perk up and respond back to him immediately, which by the way, is one of the worst things you could do. You tell him how you’re doing and how good it is to hear from him. You sit there and wait, watching your phone for a reply because he had just texted you a minute ago. But a reply doesn’t come. You’re devastated and the cycle starts all over again. He’s doing what we like to call breadcrumbing. He may have been bored, feeling a little lonely or down and needed an ego boost. There are guys out there who like to keep a woman they’ve previously been talking to on the backburner for those instances, and by giving him an instant reply, you just showed him that no matter how sporadic or dick-like his messages are, you’re still interested. Which leads me into the term ‘benching.’ He’s not sure about you yet or someone else grabbed his attention while the two of you were still talking every day who he thought may be more interesting or a better fit for him. But instead of cutting you off completely, he sat you on the bench just in case he needs to come back to you some time in the future. He’ll throw a text out there or maybe a phone call, just to make sure you’re still interested. I like to call this emotional manipulation and it’s not okay.

So what happens after you’ve been ghosted and then all of a sudden, a few months later, you get a text message from the guy asking what’s up? Now, he’s Zombie-ing you, or haunting you. Maybe the relationship he got into with the woman he ghosted you for wasn’t working out, so he came across your number in his phone and thought he’d reach out because maybe you were still thinking about him. My advice, do not reply to the zombie at all! If he did it once, he’ll do it again. Obviously, there was nothing there for him a few months ago when the two of you were talking, so why would there be now?

When do you #Delete a guy out of your life?

1.          He doesn’t respond to your text messages in a timely manner. If he waits five or six hours, that’s not a good sign. Like I stated before, it only takes thirty seconds to type a text message and hit send. If you aren’t worth thirty seconds of his time in a day, #Delete.
2.         He asked you out, you went on a date, had a great time, and then he disappears. #Delete and don’t give him another thought.
3.         He’s cancelled dates on you two or more times in a row. #Delete.
4.         His text messages become scarce and you start receiving one here and there over a two- to three-week period. #Delete, especially when he doesn’t offer an explanation for his lack of messaging.
5.         He ghosted you, you #Delete him and then he returns a few months later as if nothing happened. Do not respond and #Delete again.”

The guys who do these types of things aren’t the guys for you and it’s not the end of the world.

By accepting their behavior and stressing over why he hasn’t called or texted, you’re blocking the right person who was meant for you from coming into your life. I believe there is a special man out there for each and every one of us, and sometimes, we have to go through many douchebags in order to find our Prince Charming.

So, ladies, know your self-worth, set your standards, love yourself first, #Delete when necessary, and watch your life change. I promise you, it will.”

The crowd applauded and stood from their seats. Tears filled my eyes as I took a bow and exited the stage.

“OH MY GOD! You were amazing!” Talia hugged me. “They loved you, Eloise.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re a natural at this. I believe this is your calling.”

“I don’t know about that.” I blushed.

“I think the standing ovation spoke for itself.” She smiled.