Chapter 34
Grace
“So I hope that your family enjoys this recipe as much as mine does,” I tell the camera, wearing a super-sized grin. “See you next time on Gracie’s Kitchen.”
Faith leans excitedly over the counter and ends the recording with a tap of her finger. Her eyes bounce up to mine. “Now, can we eat it?”
I chuff and shake my head. In some ways, she’s never grown up. She’s still the annoying little kid who used to steal my makeup, annoy my friends and generally be a pain in the butt while we were growing up. But I love her like crazy.
Waving my hand in the direction of the pie dish, I give her my blessing. “Dig in.”
“Oh, yeah!” Lily says, rubbing a hand over her belly as she stretches a fork out to Faith and they dig into my gorgeous triple chocolate no-bake cream pie like animals.
I giggle and my heart swells with pride. I love that they can’t resist my cooking. And it seems that they aren’t the only ones. I’ve had hundreds of people subscribe to my YouTube channel this week alone and I’ve been getting messages every day from people who have tried and loved my recipes. It’s a good feeling.
The backdoor groans loudly as it swings open and Daniel appears in the doorway. “I’ve got to oil those damn hinges,” he grunts as he toes off his shoes on the mat.
“Mmm…is that a double-entendre?” Faith teases, jabbing me in the ribs with the stem of her fork.
Daniel pads into the room with a huge box propped up under each arm. “Babe, make sure your sisters know that your hinges get oiled daily.”
I fling a kitchen towel at him. “Would you all stop embarrassing me!”
These days I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. My husband is moving back home. One box at a time.
We made it!
Life threw a couple hundred gallons of bullshit at us and we survived. We’ve got the scars and the dry cleaning bills to prove it. But we’re still standing strong.
He kisses me on the cheek as he hustles by me, headed for the stairs. “How many boxes do you have left?” I ask him. “Dinner’s ready and I’m about to throw these two scavengers out onto the streets.” I gesture at my sisters who are too busy stuffing their faces to protest.
“I’ve already moved everything out,” he shouts over his shoulder. “I just need to meet with the landlord and turn in my keys. I’ll be back before you know it.” He’s already stomping back down the stairs with his arms swinging.
As he rushes out the backdoor again, I promise that me and Sebastian will be waiting at the table for him when he gets back.
Faith slumps a hip against the counter with a heavy sigh. “I am so damn relieved that the two of you patched things up.”
I bite the corner of my lip and a serene energy flows throughout my body. “I am, too. That yoga retreat really helped break down the walls between us.”
“Oh, yeah?” Lily asks with a contented expression on her face as she plucks an Oreo out of the dessert and pops it into her mouth. “How so?”
I take spoon and scoop up a chunk of the pie. “There were a lot of things that I didn’t want to admit to myself. A lot of the responsibility was on my shoulders and I didn’t want to see that…”
Faith eyes me with an arched brow. “Vague much?”
I laugh. I need to get some of my secrets off of my chest. These are my sisters and we’re here in my kitchen, huddled over a delicious pie. I finally feel empowered to share this part of myself with them. I remind myself that it’s safe to open up to them. I can trust that they won’t judge me and that they’ll love me all the same.
“Guys – I can’t have any more kids.”
I say the words and it literally feels like a thousand pounds just rolled off of my shoulders. “Gracie!” Lily gasps, covering her lips with her fingers.
The shock on Faith’s face is obvious. Her jaw hangs loose but nothing comes out.
I fill my lungs with a shaky breath. “For all these months, I didn’t realize that that was the root of our arguing and fighting. Somewhere deep inside of me, I didn’t believe that Daniel would love me anymore if I couldn’t give him more babies. I thought that he would leave me – the way dad left – so I started pushing him away. To beat him to the punch, I guess.”
I drop my head and the tears spill down my skin. Not big, ugly, melodramatic tears. Tears of quiet acceptance. I probably can’t have any more kids. But I have a gorgeous little family. A husband who loves me and a son who’s healthy and smart and precocious. And finally, that’s enough.
I vaguely sense my sisters approaching. Their arms come around me as they soothe me with soft words and affectionate caresses.
“Daniel is nothing like our father,” Lily murmurs, her voice cracking. “He loves you and Sebastian so much.”
“I know…” I pull out of the suffocating embrace and sniffle.
Faith wipes at my tears with her fingers. “And I will so fucking carry your baby if that’s what you want,” she assures me. “No questions asked!”
“Jeez, lady…” is all I manage to say to that because I’m so knotted up with gratitude at the fact that she would even suggest such a thing.
Not wanting feel left out, Lily chimes in, “I’d offer too but, as you can see, my uterus is currently occupied.” She motions to her round stomach.
The three of us burst out laughing. Wow, I never realized that opening up would feel so refreshing and that I’d be swept up in such a wave of acceptance and affection from my sisters.
“I love you bitches so much, but I can’t accept your offer.” I sigh. “I’m cool with the fact that it’ll be just me, Daniel and Sebastian. That works for me.”
Faith grabs her fork again and leans over the remnants of the pie. “Well, if you change your mind, my womb is yours for the taking. I don’t have any use for it.” She tilts her head haughtily. “As you know, Maxwell and I don’t want any kids.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I mutter just as I hear a car door slam in the driveway. I glance out the window and Daniel is back already. “Okay, you two take this pie and get the hell out of my house. My husband’s home and we’re in need of some family time!”
Knowing how important this moment is for my family, they don’t put up a fight. They just shower me with kisses and steal the pie dish on their way out.
Within minutes, my husband and I are at the kitchen table, fully entertained watching our toddler make a mess with his mashed potatoes and gravy. After cleaning up the kitchen. We take Sebastian to his room and put him to bed together. He’s asleep in no time.
We scurry down the hall and burst into our room, giggling like we just got away with something. I lean against the door and peer at Daniel with wide eyes. “Oh my gosh – I haven’t gotten that child to fall asleep before 8:30 since…since…well, ever.”
He smiles at me. “I’ve been sleeping well too since I got back here. I guess we all feel like we can exhale now. Finally.” He comes up to me and places a soft kiss on my lips. His voice drops to a rumble, the richness of his baritone making my stomach clench. “Daddy’s home…”
His smile feels like sunshine on my skin after months of hibernation. I want to bathe in it all day. With no sunscreen. “Daddy’s home.”
He tickles my ribs before grabbing my butt through the thin fabric of my leggings. I know exactly what time it is.
His lips spread from one side of his face to the other and his eyes twinkle as he says, “So, can I get a blowjob or what?"
I squeal as he tosses me onto the mattress.