Chapter Twenty-Two
Riley
I was sitting at home and working on one of my drawings. When I’d first started the project, I’d been excited, but lately I wasn’t so sure if it was what I wanted to do. I took a walk to the local bookstore and tried to imagine my name on the spine of the books. It was a good thought, but it didn’t full me with passion like it thought it would. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I now so confused about what I wanted to do with my life? My illustrations were good, and even though I had never shown anyone my stories, I was confident that they would be liked. But did I really want to hole myself up day in and day out while I produced more and more books for the public? Why did the thought make me feel lonely? I sighed as I looked at my little character. He had changed since my first illustration of him. He now had so much more personality, and so much more detail. I loved that my tattoo served as a constant reminder of a dream I had always had. But something was nagging at me. I just couldn’t figure out what it was. I was so lost in thought that I barely noticed Silas walking into the room. When I did, I looked up at him in surprise.
“Wait, what time is it?” I asked. “Is the day really over already?” How long had I been sitting there? It had only felt like an hour or two.
Silas chuckled. “It’s still early. I was told to come home.”
“Oh really? Don’t tell me they still haven’t figured things out on site? Your boss could’ve told you before you went in, at least.”
“Oh, no, the project is back on. I . . . I sort of don’t work there anymore.”
“What? What happened? Did you quit? I know you didn’t get fired. Your boss likes you way too much for that.”
“We need to talk,” he said and took a seat down at the table. He noticed my drawings and smiled. “Wow, Riley. These are incredible. You’ve done so much! I love them.”
I sighed. “Thank you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just not as excited as I was when I first started them. Anyway, enough about me. What’s going on with you?”
“Well, Garren called.”
“Garren?”
“The agent.”
Realization dawned on me, and my heart rate began to increase. The look on his face said it all. He had an agent now. I knew it.
“Oh Silas . . . it’s good news, isn’t it?”
He grinned. “He wants to sign me. He wants to record an album with me. He called me up this morning when I was in the meeting with my boss. Which is kind of ironic really because my boss had literally just offered me a permanent position within the company.”
I chuckled. “I take it you didn’t take his offer.”
“I couldn’t. As much as I like the guy and as much as I actually liked the job, I just couldn’t give up on my dream. I still can’t believe this is happening.”
“Oh, I knew it would. Didn’t I tell you to stop worrying?”
He smiled. “You sure did,” he said. I noticed that he kept looking down instead of keeping eye contact with me. I knew that something was going on. He seemed happy but hesitant at the same time.
“Why do I get the impression that something else is going on?”
He sighed. “Because there is. So, like I said, he wants to create an album with me. But he wants me to move to an apartment near him to record it.”
I should’ve known something like this was going to happen. I felt a wave of disappointment and sadness wash over me. I wanted him to tell me that he wasn’t going to go because of me, but at the same time, I knew I couldn’t expect that of him. Even if he did say that to me, I wouldn’t let him stay. This was his dream, and I had to be happy for him. I was happy for him. It was me that I was sad for.
“Wow. So you’ll be living the big city life. That’s so exciting, Silas. That’s huge news!”
“I know! It’s massive. I’m excited, obviously, and still extremely shocked. But there is a huge part of me that wishes I didn’t have to go. I love it here.”
“I love having you here too,” I said honestly. “But this is your dream, Silas. It’s not that far anyway. And plus, it’s not like we won’t stay in contact. I’ll have you know that I happen to be an excellent correspondent.”
He laughed. “I expect letters daily.”
“So, looks like I’m going to have to find another housemate,” I said. “Any idea when you’ll be going?”
He shook his head. “No idea. They’re calling me back soon, and I have a feeling it’s all going to happen quickly, but right now I have no clue. But please don’t rent out my room!”
“What do you mean? I can’t afford this place on my own,” I said.
“Yeah, I know, but I will continue paying. I don’t think I’m going to be away too long, Riley. And when I come back I want to come back here.”
“You do? Won’t you want to stay somewhere else? I mean, you’re going to become a famous artist now.”
He laughed. “Or I could crash and burn. But let’s say I do become famous; wouldn’t this be the sort of house you’d expect a famous singer to live in?” he said and gestured around the room.
I chuckled. “Well, it certainly is extravagant.” I looked back at him and smiled. “You really want to come back here?”
“Are you kidding me? I don’t even want to leave here in the first place. So, I do think we should celebrate though. How about dinner tonight?”
I sighed. I wanted to go out for dinner with Silas more than anything, even more so since I had limited time with him. But I’d promised Paisley that I would see her and I didn’t want to let her down. I hadn’t spent nearly enough time with her lately.
“I wish I could, but I’m seeing Paisley.”
“Tomorrow night?”
I smiled. “Tomorrow night is perfect. I actually have the weekend off as they’ve asked me to work a few more shifts next week instead. I’m not complaining!”
“It’s a date then,” he said and grinned at me.
“You do realize I demand a bottle of champagne when I go on dates, right?” I teased. I felt both happy and sad that we were going out on a date just before he was going to leave. I would have to stop myself from getting too close to him in order to avoid too much sadness when he left, but it wasn’t going to be easy. I probably shouldn’t even go on a date with him, but I knew there was no way I was going to say no.
“Well, I hope you know that I kiss on first dates,” he teased back.
“We’re in luck then. Champagne and kisses go a long way,” I said and smiled at him. We locked eyes, and I gulped. Why was this feeling between us so strong? Did he feel it too? I quickly looked back down at my drawings and started babbling about how frustrated I was feeling with my artwork at the moment. I was desperate to change the subject.
“You’re so good at this though. Are you sure you don’t just have cold feet? Because I am certain that other people are going to love your work as much as I do.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m certain. I love it, but I feel like there’s something else I should be doing.”
“What did you want to do when you were younger?”
I was surprised when a memory came back to me that I had almost forgotten. “I wanted to help teenagers that had a tough life.”
“Really? That’s what you wanted to do? That’s an unusual dream for a kid to have.”
I shrugged. “Yeah. It’s what I wanted to do when I was a teenager, myself. I . . . well, the thing is, I didn’t have the greatest childhood. My parents were never there for me. I didn’t really understand it as a child, but it was very difficult for me as a teenager. That’s not the best time to realize that your parents are not like all the other parents out there. I used to be so jealous of my friends, especially when they complained about their parents. I used to look at them and wonder how they could be so ungrateful. My parents did nothing for me. The only thing they cared about was themselves. They had a lot of problems, and I know they didn’t like having a kid.”
“Riley, I’m so sorry to hear that.”
“Ah, it’s okay. I mean, I’m an adult now. I’m over it. I guess I always wanted to help teenagers that were going through a hard time. I always wished that I had someone that I could talk to. My friends at school just didn’t understand what I was going through. I tried to tell them, but it was no use. In the end, I just kept it all to myself.”
“Have you ever thought of incorporating your illustration and your writing toward this?”
I looked up. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. But maybe starting a school using art and language to help with troubled teens. Obviously, it needs a little more thought than that, but wouldn’t that be such a great way to help people? Some people just need a creative outlet to get them out of their problems. They need a place that they can escape to. A safe place. A fun place. You would be amazing at something like that.”
And just like that, I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I stared at Silas in complete shock as the idea began to formulate in my mind. The more I thought about it, the better the idea became. There was still a lot to consider, but the basic outline was now planned in my mind, and I was surer of it than anything.
“That’s it,” I said to him. “That’s what I want to do.”
He grinned. “Really?”
I nodded. “Really. I can’t believe I have never thought of something like this before. You’re a genius.”
“Well yes, I am,” he said and chuckled.
“The only problem is that it’s going to take money to start a school. A lot of money. I don’t have that sort of cash on me.”
“But it’s a dream to work toward at least. That’s something.”
“Yeah, you’re right. That’s something. So, this is what it’s like to feel passionate about a career? I like this,” I said and giggled. “Thank you, Silas.”
I generally didn’t talk about my childhood, and very few people knew about my parents. It wasn’t something I liked to think about, much less talk about, and I didn’t ever want anyone to feel sorry for me. I had raised myself, and because of that, I had always felt like I didn’t need anyone. But speaking to Silas had felt good. I didn’t realize how good it was to open up to someone. I felt a lot closer to him than I did with some people that I had known for years, or even my whole life. I hated the thought of him going, and I knew without a doubt that the house would not be the same without him. I looked at him and smiled. Despite this, I was happy for him. Nobody deserved a lucky break more than he did.