Twenty-Five
I kept the lashes on so I could drive, then took them off as soon as I got home. My place seemed shitty and dull after spending so much time at Brooks’s. I knew that was how things would be for the rest of my life. After finding that much happiness with someone, no matter how briefly, I’d never feel that way again. Maybe that’s how everyone feels after a breakup. Maybe not. Maybe I was being dramatic.
But I did know I felt so horrible I’d never recover.
I cried as I unpacked. I cried as I stood in the kitchen and stared at the knives. I cried even harder when I decided not to pay homage to my dad. That’s how upset I was. I was unbearably hurt, so hurt that I knew nothing would help, not even him.
Curled in a ball on my bed, I wished I never existed. That was really all I wanted.
My options of people to talk to were so limited. Aaron and Sadie were one hundred percent off-limits, and my mother was so out of the loop it wasn’t worth the humiliation to talk to her.
Maybe Brooks was trying to call? The thought stabbed at my heart so hard I checked for blood. I’d turned my phone off the second I’d gotten into my car and knew turning it back on would be a horrible idea. Was there honestly anything he could say or do that would change my mind?
Probably.
The real problem was I would forgive him. I would see him and he would look perfect and smell perfect and sound perfect and be perfect and I would forgive him. And he would have all the power to do what he wanted, and when he eventually wanted another woman, he’d have her. Someone as perfect as he was, unlike me. Because if I was being honest, that was what it was really about—my inadequacies.
I didn’t want to let love be my excuse for being treated like crap. We weren’t married, we didn’t have children, and I wasn’t going to turn a blind eye to his indiscretions. A flash forward came of me standing in the lovely bathroom with our son’s lovely girlfriend telling her how sorry I was my husband tried to seduce her.
I would not be that woman.
As I lay in bed, I pictured Brooks coming home. Or at least I tried to. I had no idea how he’d react.
The door would swing open and Boden would eagerly greet him. Would he hurry upstairs to find me in bed, but find that damn tacky-ass thong instead? Then he’d…what? Cry? Get angry? Try to find me?
I grabbed a bunch of crap I’d need for the next couple days and threw it into some bags, since my duffle was already stuffed. Then I scrawled some contacts from my phone on my arm and left my apartment.
Running like I was being chased, I jumped into my car and sped off. But even in my hurry, I was positive I passed Brooks’s Lincoln going in the opposite direction, and because of that I drove aimlessly for almost an hour to make sure I wasn’t being followed.
Eventually I ended up where I intended to: the Holiday Inn by my mom’s house. Brooks didn’t know where she lived, so it wasn’t like he’d drive through the area and spot my car. I calmed myself enough to not look like a crazy lady checking in and booked my room for one night.
Before I handed over my never-used credit card, I had to decide if checking into a hotel less than forty minutes away from my apartment was a good idea, but I needed to be away from everyone, but I didn’t want to drive anymore. I was too upset. I thought about spending the extra money I didn’t have to drive to another town, comforting myself by saying I could always borrow it from Karl. With that idea, I knew I was willing to do just about anything to not run back to Brooks.
I thrust my credit card into the unsuspecting clerk’s hand, then profusely apologized for my rough action.
My normal person façade was a total fail.
The nice enough cookie cutter room was peaceful and mind-numbingly lonely. I was dead tired, but I just couldn’t get in the king-sized bed. So instead I unpacked everything I’d thrown together. I lined all my toiletries up on the spacious bathroom counter, placing my new and bought just for the wedding false lashes front and center. At least they brought me happiness.
Then, when I realized the shampoo was the bottle Brooks bought me, I threw it out in the hallway. It was an appropriate reaction.
After that it was time for bed.
Falling asleep was much easier than I thought it would be. Sleeping was also my favorite form of escape. If I could manage to sleep after my dad died, I could sleep through this.
When I woke up, I had renewed energy and a plan. The plan came to me in such crystal clarity I was almost certain it was divine intervention. Can someone receive divine intervention for something so devious? Maybe it actually came from below, but all I know is when I woke up that morning I knew exactly how I was going to get my revenge.
It’s weird to be so vengeful so early in the morning, but not entirely unpleasant. Really, I was feeling proud of myself. They say once your worst fear is actualized you have nothing to lose anymore. I know what that feels like.
All I needed to do now was not chicken out.
I called the numbers I had written on my arm, Sadie and my mom, and just checked in with them so they wouldn’t worry and told them my phone was out of commission. Sadie said nothing about Brooks and neither did I. It was surprisingly easy to be civil to her on the phone. That’s how strong my desire for revenge was.
“I can’t believe I’ll be married tomorrow.” She was mostly talking to herself.
“I’m pretty excited.” It sounded like a total lie to my ears.
“I should’ve taken off this whole week. You’re sleeping over tonight, right?”
Damn. That was the last thing I wanted to do. “Yep.”
“Great, great. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m knocked up.”
“Kind of ruins that fancy honeymoon you planned, doesn’t it?” Just pointing that out to her felt good.
“Um, yeah. It does.”
“Well, I’ve got to go.”
“Okay, but before you go, thanks for everything you’ve done for me and for this wedding. You’re my best friend, Ollie. You mean so much to me, more than you know.”
She sounded so sincere I almost wanted to say it back. I hung up.
I went into the shop extremely early so I could leave early and acted like a fugitive the whole time I was there. My efforts were unnecessary, though, because Brooks didn’t show up like he did the last time I disappeared. And that was what killed me. I hoped that he would, I convinced myself he would, and when he didn’t, it meant he didn’t love me. It meant he was guilty.
It meant I was right all along.
I went home after checking out of the hotel, even though I planned on going straight to the rehearsal dinner. It was just as well, considering I hadn’t packed anything nice to wear and I needed my bridesmaid dress. It was fitting that I so wildly overreacted. I convinced myself I needed a hotel room to get away from Brooks when he wasn’t even trying to see me. I blew everything out of proportion, from how he felt about me to how he’d react to me leaving.
After strapping on my never-worn sky high heels, I spent forever applying my makeup even darker than usual. I was preparing for a role and had to look the part. This Ollie, out-for-revenge Ollie, wears midnight eyeshadow, skimpy clothes, and a push-up bra.
With my black dress and lack of tights, I sorely stuck out from Sadie’s cousins and college friends, who were also serving as bridesmaids and dressed like trendy yet tacky cupcakes.
Everyone was so happy and smiley as we waited for the bride and groom to arrive at the gloomy Gothic cathedral. At least the location reflected my mood if the occasion didn’t.
I felt like it was a funeral. And in a way I guess it was.
When they actually showed up, a half hour late, Aaron hugged every single person in the room except me. He wouldn’t even look at me, but I didn’t care one tiny bit. Sadie pulled me in for a hug after she eyed my outfit. With a smile that played across her lips and even made its way to her eyes, she seemed to like what she saw.
I gave Mr. and Mrs. Kim each a bear hug right in Sadie’s line of sight. They never quite warmed up to her like they did with me, and they weren’t exactly afraid to show it. I loved them for that.
I had the misfortune of being partnered with Aaron’s oldest brother, Drew. He was attractive enough, maybe even above average, but I knew someone who was exquisite. It didn’t matter anyway, though; he practically elbowed me out of his way to get a better view of Sadie’s scantily clad cousin, Mariah. Which made me feel great on top of everything else. There I was, all tarted up with my tits practically to my chin, and I couldn’t even get his attention.
The priest ran us through the ceremony once and told us we could go, but Sadie insisted we go through the whole ceremony two more times. No one seemed to mind except me. Weddings make people idiots.
I watched Aaron with a sharp eye as he stood on the altar with Sadie. He wore a gray suit with a pale pink pocket square that matched Sadie’s puffy rehearsal dress perfectly, and he looked great. My worries of how I’d feel seeing him tie himself to Sadie for life were unnecessary.
I felt nothing at all but a deep loss for Brooks and a burning hatred for Sadie. I couldn’t say I hated Aaron—I never would—I felt he was getting what he deserved: a life with sadistic Sadie. Even if the marriage didn’t last, they still would have a child together.
Unless the baby wasn’t Aaron’s. Just because I only found that thong once definitely didn’t mean they only did it once. They could’ve been having sex for weeks—hell, years. With that thought, I almost blacked out.