Chapter 11
Beverley
I had the radio on full blast as I drove back to my apartment, hoping that the music might help in drowning the thoughts in my head. All those years of yearning for Grant…and when it happened, it was even better than my fantasies. Grant was gentle and thoughtful and knew exactly how to make me feel good. And then the thought occurred to me that, he was probably just as gentle and thoughtful with all the women he slept with.
I arrived at my apartment building and ran up the stairs, and slammed the door shut behind me. I realized that I was panting and thirsty. As I poured myself a glass of water, flashes of Grant shook my mind. I could see him naked, and standing in front of me, his cock in his hand…I wanted him inside me. I still did, even though I’d put a stop to it. The truth was that I was afraid of going any further with him, I was frightened of how that might change my life.
In college, when my feelings for him were the strongest; I expelled those thoughts from my brain by trying to hate him, by trying to compete with him. I tried to find faults with him, remind myself that he was just another jock…that he wasn’t good enough for me. But now I knew that none of that was true. He was smart and immensely successful and he had actually beaten me to the game. I was the one selling my company to him. In the long run, he had won.
Other than the fact that he was immensely good looking and the object of every woman’s affection, I couldn’t fault him for anything else.
I emptied the glass of water into my throat and sat down on my couch. Had the kiss, my orgasm…all been another display of his victory over me? I couldn’t stop thinking about how he tasted, how his tongue slid into me, how he stroked me right where I needed it. My orgasm had been strong, shook my body and had now overtaken my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. How would it feel if he was actually inside me? Had I imagined all this?
I shook my head. I regretted the decision now. I’d thought it would be a good idea to go to his house, to try and see what else he wanted from me. Before I went there, I was sure that I would be able to handle another kiss, if that was what he wanted. But now I knew that any physical contact with Grant meant disaster for me. It was like I was falling down a hole, deeper and deeper. It would be so difficult for me to move on from this, to find someone else who could even compare. This was all my fault.
I rushed towards my laptop and switched it on to compose an email to my lawyers. I wanted them to initiate the handing over of the company to Lonex as soon as possible. I wanted to get it over with. Grant was right, as was Sasha. This was the best offer I could get, and Lonex absorbing the company would mean that my code, my programs and my work might actually have a chance to survive. It would also mean that my employees would be taken care of. And also of course, the money was better than I could hope for.
As long as I could get past the fact that I’d seen Grant naked. That his mouth had made me come, I’d be able to move on with my life.
I composed the email and sent it off, only to realize that my fingers were shaking. I was still reeling from the shock of nearly sleeping with him.
I could move away? I thought. I could move to a different city, try and start over. I entertained the thought in my mind for a while, before I figured that alcohol might help.
I had a bottle of whiskey stashed away, which I found and poured myself a large one. It started off as a few sips, but eventually turned into one large gulp. I poured myself some more. What did I have to worry about? It wasn’t like I had to get to work the next day. I had nowhere to be. With that email to my lawyers, I had begun the process of officially being without work. So, what was there stopping me from getting all out drunk and spending the whole day in bed the next day? When was the last time I’d taken a vacation or even a day off?
My thoughts wandered to Grant and I imagined him vacationing in the Bahamas or the Swiss Alps. His arm around a supermodel, or maybe two. Once again, Grant Jennings had overtaken my life. I wish I’d stayed away from him. That I hadn’t gone to that meeting, so that he couldn’t kiss me and mess up my brain.
Within half an hour of starting to drink, I was already drunk. I stripped myself of the blue dress and kicked off my heels. I’d have to wash those clothes, take a shower…hopefully that would get rid of Grant’s smell on them. I could still feel his hands gripping my waist. The weight of his head between my legs. Now I was beginning to wish that I hadn’t stopped him. That I hadn’t pulled away.
There were too many conflicting emotions running through me, and I couldn’t settle on a single one. I’d sold my company. I’d nearly slept with a man who I had feelings for but no future with. I was considering leaving the city I had settled down in. Nothing was going my way, and I felt more miserable now than I’d ever felt before.