Chapter 26

Tuesday

My throat made a weird squeaking noise and I quickly turned away from him. It felt like my heart was banging against my ribcage. The best kiss of my life? I should have rolled my eyes. Or laughed it off. But I knew he wasn't lying. I had dreamed of him kissing me when I was a little girl. And I had replayed the kiss we did share over and over again as we grew up apart. A new kiss with him would surely shatter that silly peck I held on a pedestal. He was still that same cocky boy, after all. Just older with more experience and a sexier jaw line.

God, what the hell am I thinking? I can't kiss him. But when I looked back over at him, my eyes seemed to travel down to his mouth. And that smile I loved so much. Why exactly can't I kiss him again?

The ice cream man set our bowls down on the counter and Miles picked them both up. I tried to focus on the fact that he was still an ice cream thief instead of the fact that I was craving his lips a lot more than I was craving mint chocolate chip. I followed him over to a booth and slid into the seat across from him.

I lifted up my spoon and stared down at my bowl. Usually I dreamed about going back in time. I'd be consumed by the idea of reliving our ice cream fight. I looked up at Miles. But I wasn't sure I wanted that anymore. Sitting across from him now, maybe that was where I was supposed to be. Maybe I could still have a normal life after all of this. I ignored the urge to touch my stomach. Normal might have been a stretch. But what if Miles and I were always meant to be? What if this could be real?

He smiled at me as he took a bite of ice cream. "What are you thinking right now?"

"That I'm happy when we're together."

He put his elbows on the table and leaned forward slightly. "Then why are you trying so hard to keep us apart?" He was looking at me like he genuinely wanted to know. Like he wanted to know my darkest secrets that always seemed to be threatening to tear my happiness to shreds.

"I've heard the rumors. About you being a player."

"Do you always believe everything you hear?"

I took a bite of my ice cream. "No, usually not. But when I've heard it from multiple sources...it makes it seem more likely to be true."

"Sources? Am I under investigation?" He flashed me the smile that made my knees feel weak.

"No. I'm just curious if it's true."

"Well, the short answer would be yes."

"So you only have one night stands?"

"That's one way to put it." He suddenly looked sad. He pushed some of the ice cream around with his spoon.

"How would you put it?"

He looked back up at me. "That's the long answer."

"I think I'd like to hear that one."

"Honestly, I don't see any reason to pretend that something could be more than what it is. Because for my whole life, my heart has belonged to someone else. I couldn't commit to anyone knowing that I wasn't all in. A casual hookup can numb that pain, but that's all it ever was."

I took a bite of ice cream to prevent myself from speaking, because telling him the truth was on the tip of my tongue. I understood what he said. My life apart from him had been terribly lonely. I didn't blame him for trying to numb the pain. Somehow it was better than him having been in love with tons of other girls. I still had his heart. That's what he was saying. Kind of. I had to remind myself that I wasn't Summer Brooks anymore.

I dropped my spoon in my bowl. "Is that what you want with me? Just one night?"

"I'm so tired of living in the past. Especially when the present it so sweet." He leaned forward and wiped his thumb underneath of my lip, removing a tiny trace of ice cream. He proceeded to put the side of his thumb in his mouth.

If I thought a spoon had been sexy in my memories, this was a million times sexier. I crossed my legs under the table. "So you want to commit to me?" I wasn't sure why I was asking him these questions. This was just supposed to be one night of normalcy. But I had a feeling I wasn't going to be able to tear myself away from him so easily.

"I think I've been committed to you since I bumped into you at the Corner Diner."

"Because you thought I was her?"

"No." He reached out his hand and placed it on top of mine. "Because talking to you gave me this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach that I haven't felt in years. Sadie." He rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand. "You feel it too, or else you wouldn't be here right now. I think we should see where this thing takes us."

A normal girl would find fault in his logic. He had been in love with someone else his whole life. And suddenly he was just willing to throw it all away? But I wasn't a normal girl. I was the girl. The one he still loved and the one he wanted to be with now. Really, I was more focused on the fact that my hand fit perfectly in his, just like it had back then. He didn't need to explain anything to me. I was in love with him too. But I couldn't exactly break off my fake relationship with Eli. Especially when the whole purpose of said relationship was to keep Miles away. "Are you done?"

"What?"

I put my spoon in his bowl before he even realized what I was asking. He probably owed me a hundred bowls of ice cream. He couldn't possibly be upset by this.

A smile broke over his face. "Are you seriously stealing my ice cream?"

"What are you going to do about it?" I had this overwhelming urge to be tangled up with him in a sticky mess on the floor again.

He pushed his bowl into the middle of the table and leaned forward slightly. "Actually, I don't mind sharing with you."

I was pretty sure my heart was melting faster than the ice cream. The more we talked, the more we had both started leaning closer. I wondered if he was thinking about the kiss he promised me. Because I sure was.

I thought he might push the fact that I hadn't really responded to his proposal of giving this a shot. But he seemed content with the fact that I was willing to at least share a bowl with him. To us, that's what love was.

"How are your parents?" The words poured out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I mean, you know, what are they like?" I had thought a lot about his mom and dad over the years. In a lot of ways, they were the closest thing I had left to a family. I had been at his house almost as much as my own when I was a kid.

He laughed. "They're doing well. I love my parents. They've been with me through everything, dragging me back and forth to soccer practice. They'll be coming to the homecoming game if you want to meet them."

I swallowed hard. I wanted to take him up on his offer. Honestly, I could really use a hug from Mrs. Young. She had cared that I had gone missing. She had tried to find me. I cleared my throat. "Yeah, maybe. That's kind of a big step isn't it? Meeting the parents."

He laughed. "You've gotten me completely off my game, it's true."

"So on one of your countless dates with random women, what would you be doing right now?"

"We'd probably already be in bed."

The way he said it was probably more provocative than the actual words. Or maybe it was just the fact that his eyes on me was making my heart beat uncontrollably. I laughed awkwardly. "I think you promised me a walk in Central Park first."

"We should probably get that out of the way then." He took the last bite of ice cream and winked at me.

I'm pretty sure my jaw actually dropped. "First of all, how rude of you for finishing the ice cream."

"You already finished your bowl." He slid out of the booth.

"But you owe me." Again, words were pouring out of my mouth that made no sense when he didn't know that I was Summer.

"I owe you the kiss that I promised. But beyond that..." his words trailed off as he studied me again. He shook his head, dumped our bowls in the trash, and then put his hand out for me. "And I promise I'm planning on being a perfect gentleman tonight."

I bit my lip so that I wouldn't be compelled to pout. If everyone else could sleep with him, why wasn't I allowed to? I had been waiting the longest. God, I had completely lost it. I put my hand in his and he pulled me to my feet. But instead of stepping back, he pulled me toward him until I was pressed against his chest.

"You're not like those other girls, Sadie," he said and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Besides, patience makes everything better, don't you think?"

"You're so full of yourself, Miles Young." I lightly tapped his chest and stepped around him. But he was probably right. He just didn't realize how long I had waited to have him. I looked over my shoulder. He had a playful grin on his face as he followed me out of the ice cream shop. As soon as we were on the sidewalk, he immediately slipped his hand into mine.

I didn't pull away. I didn't tell him the lie that I already had a boyfriend. I wanted to enjoy this one night. The truth was, we just fit. There was no denying it. We were meant to be together. We always had been.

I laughed as he started jogging, pulling me along with him. "Where are we going?"

"I want to show you something."

It didn't matter where we were going. I'd always been willing to follow him to the ends of the earth. But after several minutes I got a cramp in my side. It just proved that what I really should have been doing was training with V. I dismissed the thought. I didn't want to think about V when Miles was right here.

"I need a minute to catch my breath." I stopped, pulling back on his hand.

He smiled as he turned toward me. "Hop on then." He knelt down on one knee in front of me and tapped his back.

I wasn't going to protest. The thought of having my arms wrapped around him was enticement enough. I climbed onto his back and clasped my hands beneath his neck. He stood up, securing his hands around my thighs. I was pretty sure we didn't need a bed. He could have me right here right now.

The neckline of his t-shirt had shifted down slightly and I could feel the softness of his skin beneath the fabric. He laughed and I felt the vibration below his Adam's apple. I dropped my head slightly so that my face was adjacent with the side of his neck and took a deep breath. Home.

"What's your favorite constellation?" I asked. I remembered when I went to the observatory, the telescope I had looked into was angled at Sagitta. He had never told me whether it was him that was looking at it.

"I like the small ones. The ones you really have to look for." His head tilted up and I knew he was searching the sky.

I swallowed hard. "But is there a specific one?"

"Sagitta. It's brightest in the fall. But you still need a telescope to see it in the city."

I rested my chin on his shoulder. All those years apart, he had been looking at it too. It's me. I was so tempted to whisper those two words in his ear. I had to bite my lip to prevent myself from speaking.

He tilted his head toward me and my nose brushed against his cheek. His laughter vibrated through my hand again. "Close your eyes, Sadie."

"You're not going to do something weird to me, are you?"

"You'll just have to wait and see."

I closed my eyes. I felt him turn toward me again to make sure my eyes were closed. My hands slid further into his shirt. I didn't even care what he thought. There was no way I could stop touching him. One touch was all it took.

He placed a soft kiss against my forearm. The feeling of his lips against my skin made my arm tingle. Clearly he didn't mind what I was doing. I turned my mouth toward the side of his neck. I wanted to taste him. I inched closer.

But before I found the courage to kiss his skin, we stopped. I was disappointed when he let go of my thighs.

"Keep your eyes closed," he said.

I slid down his back and released my hands from him. The next thing I knew he had his hand over my eyes. I felt his body heat behind me.

"Okay. You can look now." He slowly lowered his hand from my eyes.

We were standing on a bridge. The water below us was reflecting the city lights. It almost looked like a reflection of the stars in the sky instead. Thousands and thousands of lights. "It's so beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you."

I laughed and turned toward him. "Did you seriously bring me here just to set up that line?"

"No, but it was a plus." He smiled out of the corner of his mouth. "They host events at the row house across the lake at night. Usually you can hear music and I had fun dancing with you the other night. It should start any minute."

As if on cue, light violin music could be heard flitting across the water.

"May I have this dance?" He took a step back from me and put his hand out.

I curtseyed and he laughed. I held my breath as I put my hand in his. For one second.

He pulled me close.

For two seconds.

"Sadie." His voice was low and seductive and it made my insides flip over.

For three seconds.

One of his hands drifted to my lower back as the other lightly touched the side of my face.

For four seconds.

"It feels like I've known you all my life," he whispered as he tilted his face down toward mine.

For five seconds.

I tilted my head up until my lips brushed against his. My world was dark and gray. But when his lips touched mine, it was like suddenly everything was in color again. Everything was alright. That was an understatement. Everything was perfect. I stood up on my tiptoes to deepen the kiss. All that pent up passion he had been holding on to for Summer, I could feel it. It reverberated from my head to my toes as we both clung to each other in the darkness.

It took five seconds for me to feel complete for the first time in ten years. And I knew in that moment that I couldn't run from this feeling. Screw everyone else. Screw the danger. I had to tell him the truth. He deserved to know. I pulled back. "I need to tell you something."

A big raindrop landed on my forehead as I looked up at him. That single splash of water was like a wakeup call. My life wasn't meant to be in color. It was dreary and dull. I lived in a nightmare, and this was a dream. And it was time to wake up. Tears started to well in my eyes.

"Tell me." His hand moved to the side of my neck as his eyes searched mine.

The rain started to pick up. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

"Tell me."

"I'm so sorry, Miles." I pulled away from him.

"Sadie don't..." his words faded away as I ran. But I swore I heard him say, "don't leave me." My throat seemed to constrict as I ran. My tears mixed with the rain until I was completely soaked in my own misery. Why did I have to wake up from my dream? I covered my face in my hands and collapsed in the muddy grass, letting the violent sobs rake through me. The last light in my life had just been extinguished. And I was alone in my darkness.