Chapter Fifteen

Chrissy

“If I could, then I would,

I'll go wherever you will go

Way up high or down low,

I'll go wherever you will go” - The Calling

The lockdown has been in effect for a few days now and I’m about to lose my mind. There are screaming kids all over the damn place. Rock got sent on a run and I’m worried, especially because I know something big has to be going on the way everyone is acting. It’s almost like every guy in here has one eye on the door, waiting for something to come charging through. Anyone who goes near the door is given the third degree. I tried to step out for some air yesterday and you would have thought that I had asked for the club secrets.

I didn’t think I would miss him like I do and it makes being here so much worse. He calls but it’s usually quick and I can barely hear him because wherever they are the service is really shitty. Sleeping in his bed alone, in a place that I’m not comfortable in is getting old too. I want to be home in my bed.

Today I had to go to work and had one of the prospects up my ass the whole time. Every time I moved, he moved. My boss was looking at me like I was crazy. I told her he was a cousin who was interested in the field and wanted to shadow me for a little while. She seemed to buy it until she saw him.

“How’s it hanging?” Megan walks up to me and I just look at her.

“There isn’t enough alcohol in the world.” I shake my head as Nikki’s son runs by us stepping on my foot and not even noticing. I’m really not a total monster. I’m just not a kid person, and right now the main room is crawling with them

My phone rings and I look down to see that it’s Rock. “Hey, I was beginning to think I wouldn’t hear from you tonight.”

“Yea, well we’ve been on the road for a long ass time.” His voice sounds tired.

“Any idea when you guys will be getting back?” I try not to sound too desperate. He doesn’t need to worry about me when he is out there and could be in danger.

“Next couple of days. Can’t say for sure when.” I hear some yelling in the background. “Gotta go. Love you, babe.”

He hangs up before I can say anything back. His voice sounded like he hasn’t slept since he left. Great, another thing I have to worry about, him riding his bike tired as all hell. My hands wring together as my imagination works overtime.

“You gotta distract yourself or you’ll go crazy.” I look over to see Lucy standing next to me.

“How do you do that?” I can’t think of anything at this point that could get my mind off the fact that there could be someone out there going after him. I’ve heard whispers, ends and beginnings of conversations. There is some other club they’re worried about. I know I shouldn’t be eavesdropping but it’s hard not to when no one wants to tell you anything.

“I spend time with my kids.” She shrugs.

I laugh. “Well I don’t have any and not to sound like a bitch, but I’m glad for that being the way you girls are running around here.”

“They’re exhausting but totally worth it in the end. I always swore I’d never bring kids into the world but things change, you’ll change.” A silence falls between us as I think about what she said. A couple months ago you wouldn’t have convinced me that Rock and I would be where we are right now. “There is another thing that might be my favorite distraction.” I arch an eyebrow in question at her. “Girl’s night.”

“Did I just hear you say girl’s night?” Nikki walks up next to Lucy. “Hell yes, we are way overdue for one of those. I’ll gather the troops and we’ll have one tomorrow. This will be a good initiation for you.” Nikki slaps me on the back before heading across the room to where Tracy and Izzy are standing.

“So, I guess you’ll get to see for yourself.” Lucy laughs.

I’m still getting used to being around all the girls so a night of fun might be just what we need. “Anything I need to do?”

“Oh, trust me Nikki will start assigning tasks, although since it’s lockdown she’ll probably just give one of the prospects a shopping list.”

“I feel bad for them.” I look over immediately able to tell who they are in the room. Their cuts are different, and they’re not allowed to drink or really relax.

“I used to until I really understood the meaning of it.” She waves over to the guy behind the bar and grabs us a couple beers before sitting down at the nearest table. I follow her, thankful to have someone to talk to that isn’t Megan. “They are basically auditioning while proving that the club comes first no matter the task. These boys are expected to drop anything and everything when needed for club business. They don’t question, they just do what they’re told and that’s learned when they’re a prospect. Sure, they get the shit jobs but it’s like pledging a sorority or fraternity, you gotta prove how much you want it.”

“I guess that makes sense. I’m the kind of person who hates asking people for things, so for me it’s uncomfortable when Rock tells me to order them around.”

Lucy laughs. “Oh, that used to be me. You’ll get more comfortable the more you’re here. That means you actually have to come around though.” She shoots me a look and I instantly feel guilty.

I have been avoiding being here a lot. Since the party I felt a little embarrassed about the way I acted when Rock handed me my jacket. Megan and I had talked the next day and she told me what a huge thing it was. I really had no idea, but the damage had already been done. “Yea, sorry about that. I guess I felt like I made such a shitty impression and I didn’t want to show my face again.”

“Girl, you are gonna screw up. We all have. It’s how you recover from that shit that makes the difference. You either stick your head in the sand and hide or you walk around with your head held high.” She shrugs like what she just said is black and white. “You’re an old lady, that shit means something here. You need to own it.”

I think for a minute before looking up at her. “I guess it’s time to learn to hold my head high here.”

“Hell yes.”