Chapter Eighteen

Chrissy

“There's nothin' where we used to lie

Conversation has run dry

That's what's going on

Nothing's fine, I'm torn” - Natalie Imbruglia

Tears stream down my cheeks as I drive around with nowhere to go. I can’t go back to my place because it’s only a matter of time before Rock figures out I was full of shit. My parents are blissful and on vacation right now. I couldn’t stay there after seeing him with her.

Opening the door, I almost want to run down the hall to see him. It feels like he’s been gone for weeks instead of days. I’ve missed him more than I thought was possible.

A few steps out of the room and I stop at the sound of the voices I hear. They aren’t loud enough that I can really hear what’s being said. I can recognize that it’s Rock, but I don’t think I know the girl. I can see them just around the corner. He’s leaning against the wall and she’s tracing her finger across his arm. He isn’t pushing her away or telling her off and a sharp pang hits me in the chest.

She takes another step toward him, their bodies are almost touching at this point. It’s clear from her body language that she wants him and the fact that he hasn’t pushed her away yet is all I need to see.

I turn, my heart cracking more with each step that I take.

As I throw my things in my bag as quick as possible, I almost kick my own ass when I feel myself start to cry. I cannot do this here. He can’t know anything is wrong. There’s no way he’ll let me walk away.

“Going somewhere?” he says leaning against the door frame.

Yea, I’m getting the fuck away from here. I need to think of a lie fast. “Yea, I need to go up to my mom’s for a few days.” I can’t look him in the eye because I know he’ll see everything I’m trying to bury. “She hasn’t been feeling well, so as much as I don’t feel like it, I need to be there. I’ll be far away from here so whatever you guys are dealing with shouldn’t be an issue.” Zipping up my bag I reach for the keys. Quick exit. Get out of here before he has time to think this through. “I’ll see you in a few days.” I give him a quick kiss on the cheek not able to bring myself to kiss him on the lips and not break down.

He said he wouldn’t hurt me.

He said he loved me.

Lies.

All fucking lies.

I knew better than to let someone in. I knew I’d get screwed in the end. This is everything that I’ve been running from all these years. I let him blind me and I fell for his crap.

Now I’m driving around in my car, unable to go home. I can’t call my best friend because she’s with the enemy. I have no one I can talk to. Nowhere to go.

Passing a hotel I make the quick decision to pull in and grab a room.

I need time to think.

I need time to rebuild the wall he convinced me to take down.

I need time to forget how much I loved him.

Walking into the hotel I’m that girl, the one with mascara running down her face, cries coming out in sobs. The girl you feel bad for but at the same time feel embarrassed for. The concierge doesn’t even bother with small talk when I ask for a room. He just takes my ID and credit card before handing me them back with the key.

I make my way upstairs thankful that I’m in the elevator alone. Once I get to the room I collapse on the bed letting out a loud scream into the mattress.

I’m such a fucking idiot.

***

Bang. Bang. Bang.

A loud noise makes me jolt awake. I must have passed out mid hysterics. My face burns from running the tears away, pissed off that they were there at all. My head feels like a ton of bricks and my eyes are about double their normal size.

Walking over to the door I look in the peephole and see the last person I expect. Rock.

I tiptoe backward hoping I can pretend like I’m not in here.

“Open the goddamn door, Chrissy!” his voice booms from the other side of the door. “I know you’re in there so stop the fucking games.”

“Go to hell. Actually, go wherever the fuck you want, just go away from here!” I yell back, the screaming almost therapeutic.

“You open this door or I’ll fucking kick it in. If you think I won’t, try me. I’ll pay the damages and not even blink an eye.” His fist bangs on the door again.

Would he really kick it in?

I don’t want to see him.

I don’t want to hear his bullshit excuses.

I don’t want to be the weak, naive woman.

“Fine, you got three seconds, babe. One…”

He starts to count.

He can’t be serious.

“Two…”

Shit.

He is.

I take the few steps to the door and pull it open. Rock is standing there in full crouching tiger hidden dragon position. “Jesus Christ, you were really gonna kick that shit in? You’re psychotic.” I don’t move out of the doorway because I have no intention of inviting him in.

He stands in front of me as if he’s waiting for me to. “You gonna move out of the way?”

“You weren’t invited in and you won’t be. Say what you need to say then leave.” I try to keep my voice strong and force all the shakiness back inside.

“I’m not airing my business in a damn hallway. Now stop being a child.” He pushes the door open and walks past me into the room.

The room is fairly big with two queen beds and a small sitting area but with him here it feels like a prison cell. “What?” I look over at him standing on the opposite side of the room.

“Mind telling me why I had to spend the last few hours tracking you down when I’ve been on the road for days and I’m tired as fuck?” He sounds annoyed, he has a lot of nerve.

“You don’t have to do shit. I didn’t ask for you to come storming in here. In fact, how the hell did you even know where I was?”

“When I figured out your story was bullshit I had Wrench trace your cards. You don’t want to be found next time use cash, babe.” Hearing him call me that makes me sick right now. “Why did you leave and make up that story?”

I look away from him, I don’t want to do this.

“You need to talk to me because right now none of this shit is making sense.” He takes a step toward me and I hold my hand up.

“No, you need to stay over there.”

“Okay, that’s enough. Tell me what the fuck is going on.” His voice gets louder.

“What’s going on is that next time some whore comes onto you, maybe you could push her off instead of letting her put her hands on you.” My voice cracks and I hate myself for it.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now? That’s the reason you left? Did you even think to ask me about what happened?” His arms are waving around.

“Ask you what? I saw that shit with my own eyes!”

He takes a few steps and this time my halting hand doesn’t phase him. “What you saw was some chick I used to mess around with at my old club coming on to me. What you saw was the fact that she’s desperate for a patch and she thought I could be her in. What you didn’t hear was me tell her to leave me and you alone or she’d be out on her ass.” Another couple steps. “What you didn’t stick around to see was me pushing her off of me before coming to see you. You have been all I could think about these past few days. Not some random girl, you.” He closes the small distance between us and his hands cup my face. “You gotta learn to talk to me. If we’re in this together you have to trust me, babe.”

I breathe a sigh of relief at his explanation and I’m embarrassed that I let it get this far. I shouldn’t have just assumed but it was like all my worst fears in front of me. “I’m sorry. I should have believed in you more.” I lean my head against his chest.

“So you know, you have this hotel room, it’d be a shame if we let it go to waste.” I can hear the smile in his voice.

I lean up and kiss him. “I think I’ll take you up on that indecent proposal.”