“Oh, do you really have to go so suddenly?” Chandra was standing with them at the tuve station—by the numbered tuve leading back to their ship. She was still wearing her own pink and purple breeding gown and it was clear from the way she walked, she also had a stay-tight tucked up inside her.
“I’m afraid we do,” Sarah said and suddenly she was fighting back tears. It wasn’t just that she was sad to say goodbye to her friend, it was the way everything seemed to have gone wrong so suddenly. It had seemed to her that she and Sazar had shared a moment together while he was breeding her. The pleasure had been intense—overwhelming—and she’d been certain he felt it too—the sense of connection…the oneness…the rightness.
But apparently not.
He was angry and terse—wanting nothing more than to just forget about what had happened between them and go.
“Well…I’ll miss you.” Chandra looked like she might cry. “I had so many other activities planned for us to do together. So much more of Idd I wanted you to see.”
“We’ve seen all we care to,” Sazar snapped. “Sarah, finish saying your goodbyes.”
“All right!” Sarah snapped back, her temper rising at his rough treatment. “Just give me a minute—I’ll probably never see Chandra again.”
“Oh dear, never?” Now Chandra really did begin to cry and Sarah felt her own tears rising as well.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a trembling voice. “But it seems like…like a trade between the Kindred and the Alquons isn’t going to happen after all. But thank you for everything you’ve done for us.”
“Oh Sarah, I know I haven’t known you long but I’m really going to miss you!” Chandra threw her arms around Sarah’s neck and hugged her hard.
Sarah hugged back and then pulled away to swipe at her tears. She was aware that Sazar was standing there scowling at her, waiting impatiently so they could go.
“Good bye,” she told Chandra. “I’ll never forget you or the adventures I had here.”
“Adventures,” Sazar muttered savagely as though the word tasted bitter in his mouth.
Sarah looked up at him but the big Kindred didn’t say any more. So she kissed Chandra on the cheek and left the weeping Alquon girl behind.
She stepped into the tuve which whisked her upward and out of the city of Idd forever.
* * * * *
“Get strapped in,” Sazar ordered as soon as the hatch had closed and Sarah had stowed her pink carry-all cube in the luggage hold. “We’re going home to the Mother Ship—at least I am.”
“What…what does that mean?” She turned to face him, her eyes stricken.
“It means I’m sure you won’t be on the Mother Ship for long,” Sazar growled. Because why would she want to be near her violator? She would probably wish to go back down to Earth, to the shelter where she’d been safe.
“You…you’re getting rid of me?” she asked in a quavering voice.
“You’re going, aren’t you?” he demanded. He didn’t want to talk about this—didn’t want to draw it out. “Unless you prefer to press charges against me once we get to the Mother Ship,” he added. “Which is perfectly within your rights. I did, after all, violate the bounds of our professional relationship in the worst possible way.”
“I…” Tears were spilling over the edges of her lovely hazel eyes—tears he had put there, Sazar told himself savagely. “No,” she choked out at last. “No, I…I don’t want to press any charges.”
“You should,” Sazar growled. “I won’t fight them if you do.”
“You…I…” She shook her head and then looked away, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs.
Sazar felt like his heart was being torn out. He wished like hell he could go back and change what he had done—wished he could give back her innocence and the virginity he had taken from her. But there was no way to turn back time—what was done was done.
He hated himself and he didn’t blame Sarah for hating him too.
* * * * *
Why is he pushing me away? Why does he hate me so much? Sarah thought despairingly as she tried to control her sobs. At least Father Caleb kept Sister Hope around until she started to show. But Sazar doesn’t even want to wait that long. Maybe he figures I’ll get pregnant for sure since the attendant put the stay-tight inside me. And he doesn’t want the baby. Hell, he can’t even take care of the child he already has—let alone one by me.
The thought made her sorrow turn to anger. Poor little Tsandor! She’d wanted so badly to be there for him, even if Commander Sazar wasn’t. She’d promised herself he wouldn’t spend Christmas alone and now he would do exactly that, because Sarah was going to be leaving the Mother Ship—sent back down to Earth with no way to contact the lonely, love-starved little boy.
Sarah brooded about that and wiped at her eyes with the long sleeves of the red sweater she’d pulled on after taking off the Alquon breeding outfit. It wasn’t fair—wasn’t right. Not just to her but to Tsandor too.
As her anger built, Sazar placed a terse call to the Mother Ship to fold space for them. Before Sarah knew it, they were entering the fold in space—which looked like a bloody red gash in the endless blackness. When they came out on the other end, an incoming call from Commander Sylvan came up on the viewscreen.
“Commander Sazar,” the blond Kindred said, looking slightly perturbed. “You are back more quickly than we anticipated. May I ask how your mission to Alquon Ultrea went?”
“Regrettably not well,” Sazar said, scowling. “I did not see anything that would help us in our war against the Hive. And The Lord Magnate, ruler of the Alquons, has elected not to make a trade with us on the basis that we Kindred mate for life and object to trading partners and living a polyamorous lifestyle.”
“Ah, I see.” Sylvan’s pale blue eyes were sharp. “I perceive that there is more to this than you are telling me now, but you can unburden yourself further during your debriefing, Commander Sazar.”
“Thank you.” Sazar stared to cut the communication but Sarah spoke up.
“Commander Sylvan, I have a favor to ask.”
“Yes?” Sylvan raised an eyebrow at her. “Sarah, isn’t it? My wife Sophia and her sister Olivia and their friend Kat will be glad to see you again. Would you like me to have them come meet you at the docking bay?”
“No thank you,” Sarah said, although her throat got tight at the idea of leaving yet more friends behind, never to be seen again. “What I’d like to ask is that someone take me back to Earth as soon as possible.”
“What?” Sylvan looked genuinely surprised. “Did you leave something there that you need to bring back to the Mother Ship?”
“No.” Sarah looked straight ahead at the viewscreen although she could feel Sazar’s eyes on her. “I just need to go home. I won’t…” Her voice almost broke and she had to swallow hard before she could continue. “I won’t be working for Commander Sazar anymore.”
“And may I ask why not?” Sylvan asked, raising one pale blonde eyebrow.
Sazar started to speak but Sarah beat him to it.
“Just like the Alquon mission,” she said, shrugging stonily. “It didn’t work out.”
“I am sorry to hear that,” Commander Sylvan said gravely. “More sorry than I can say. But I know Sophia and the rest will at least want to come and say goodbye to you.”
“Please don’t let them.” Sarah was losing it now, the tears filling her eyes. She blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. “Please, I…I can’t take any more goodbyes right now.”
“All right.” Sylvan sighed. “But know that you’re welcome back aboard the Mother Ship at any time.”
“Thank you.” Sarah lifted her chin. “I appreciate that, Commander Sylvan. And please thank Sophie and Liv and Kat for all their kindness to me.”
“I will certainly pass on the message,” Sylvan said gravely.
“And please tell…” Sarah took another deep breath. “Please ask Sophie to give Tsandor a hug for me.”
“Tsandor? You mean…” Sylvan’s eyes cut towards Sazar whose face was like stone.
“Commander, I must cut the com-link now,” he said, his deep voice absolutely inflectionless. “We will see you in the docking bay.”
Without waiting for an answer, he cut off the communication so that the viewscreen showed the huge white side of the Mother Ship instead of Sylvan’s face. He turned to Sarah who mentally braced herself.
“Why did you ask someone else to convey affection to my child?” he asked in a low, dangerous voice.
“Maybe because you never convey it to him yourself,” Sarah flared. She knew she was feeling angry and hurt and this wasn’t the right time to discuss Tsandor but then, when was the right time?
“What is that supposed to mean?” Sazar spoke in a low growl as he began the landing procedure.
“It means I have something to say to you before I go, Sazar. And you’re going to listen.” Sarah stabbed a finger at him. “And no, it’s not about what happened between us on Alquon Ultrea, which you seem to want to forget and sweep under the rug as fast as you can. It’s about your son.”
“What about my son?” His eyes flashed from pale to red, a sure sign he was upset but Sarah refused to back down.
“You need to go see him. You need to be a dad,” she said, voicing her true feelings on the subject at last. “He’s a sweet little boy and he’s starving for love—the love of his father.” She glared at him. “I had hoped while I was working for you that I could go and see him often and try to fill that gap. But since my employment is apparently terminated, I’m telling you that you need to fill it yourself.”
“You are speaking of things you do not understand.” His voice was low and dangerous but Sarah was too upset to worry about his feelings.
“Oh yes I do understand,” she flared. “About a year after my parents joined The Brotherhood of Peace and dragged me along with them, my dad decided he’d had enough. I begged to go with him—even then I knew it wasn’t right, what we were being subjected to. So what did he do?” She clenched her fists in frustration. “He left, Sazar. Left in the middle of the night and never looked back. He abandoned me the same way you’re abandoning Tsandor by never going to see him, by not giving him the love that he needs.”
“That…is…enough.” Sazar’s voice was a low roar and the ship set down in the docking bay with a harsh metallic clank, as though to emphasize his words. “You will not speak to me so about my son. He is my blood—not yours. You know nothing of him.”
“I know he loves you,” Sarah said quietly. “But he won’t forever. Kids grow up fast, Sazar. Spend time with him while you have a chance.”
Then she unbuckled the flight restraint straps and grabbed her pink carry-all cube.
“Sarah,” he began but she ignored him and climbed out of the ship. She was damned if she’d listen to one more word from the big Kindred bastard.
Sarah had had her say and she was leaving—for good.