Sazar tried to think how to phrase his apology all the way back to the ship, which was still parked in the dusty field where he’d prayed to the Goddess. But there was no eloquent way of putting it, he realized. He would have to lay his heart bare and hope that Sarah would accept his words instead of turning away.
He took her to the ship but didn’t open it. Instead, he set her down carefully on her feet and then dropped to his knees in the long grass before her.
“Sarah,” he said, taking her hand in both of his. “I broke my word to you. I took your virginity, which is extremely important to my people. I thought it was important to yours too, and that you would hate me for taking it when I promised I would not.”
“It is important to some people,” Sarah said quietly. “I was raised to think it was all important because someday I would…” Her face twisted as though she’d tasted something bad. “Would give it to The Prophet—to Father Caleb.”
“That old bastard…” Just thinking of what Father Caleb had wanted to do to Sarah made the Rage start to return. He had to blink hard and take a deep breath to prevent the red curtain of fury from dropping over his vision again.
“He didn’t get me, Sazar.” She cleared her throat. “He would have if you hadn’t gotten there right when you had. Well, after he finished dealing with the effects of the brown chample.”
“Is that what was wrong with him?” Sazar frowned. “I thought he was having some kind of a fit.”
“He was, I guess—in a way.” Sarah’s eyes turned fierce. “I hope they haul him down to the police station just like that with his pants all stained! I want everyone to see his shame!”
“You saw to that.” Sazar looked at her with fresh admiration. “How did you trick him into eating it?”
“Told him it tastes like chocolate cream pie and that it was a delicacy only for rulers and leaders,” Sarah said promptly. There was a twinkle of mischief in her large hazel eyes that made Sazar bark out a laugh.
“So you appealed to his vanity and his gluttony at the same time. So devious! You amaze me, sweetheart.”
“I had to be devious to avoid Father Caleb for so many years. And you amazed me too, showing up like that,” Sarah said softly. “I…I didn’t think you cared. I thought you wanted to get rid of me after you had sex with me—the way Father Caleb always passed on the girls he was finished with to someone else.”
“Never,” Sazar swore hoarsely. “I would never do that, Sarah.”
“So…you pushed me away because you thought I would hate you?” She frowned.
“That was…only part of it,” Sazar said heavily. “There was more, which the Goddess made me see when I prayed for help to find you.”
Her eyes widened. “You spoke to the Goddess? She talked to me too!”
“She is merciful to her children,” Sazar said gravely. “She made me see that I was pushing you away because I was afraid to lose you…the way I lost my wife, Malinda.”
“What…what happened to her?” Sarah asked softly. “I’m sorry to ask but—”
“A blood vessel burst in her brain.” Sazar said the words quickly, wanting to get them out. “I believe you humans call it an aneurism. She was young and apparently healthy but such things can be invisible—hidden for years—until they finally…” He shook his head, unable for a moment to go on.
“Oh, Sazar…I’m sorry.” The look on her lovely face eloquently expressed the sorrow he’d kept locked inside for so long. “So sorry…”
“When you lose someone like that…so suddenly and for no apparent reason…” He looked up at her, his throat tight. “It makes you aware that we’re all living on borrowed time. That anyone you love can be taken at any moment. And that…is a difficult realization to live with.”
“It's a really scary thought,” Sarah agreed softly. “But Sazar, you can’t live in fear.”
“I know that now.” He nodded. “I know I pushed you away because I love you. The same reason I’ve been pushing Tsandor away.” He bowed his head. “You were right, Sarah—I have been a bad and neglectful father since Malinda died.”
“You were grieving,” Sarah murmured and he felt her soft, small fingers carding through his hair soothingly. “At least you made certain he was in a safe environment with people who cared for him. And Sazar, it’s not too late. Tsandor still loves you—he still wants to be with you.”
“I’m grateful it’s not too late to be part of my son’s life.” He looked up at her. “Please tell me it’s not too late to be part of yours too. Please forgive me for the wrong I did you, Sarah.”
She nibbled her lip, uncertainly.
“Are you asking me to come back to the Mother Ship and be your assistant again?”
“No.” Sazar shook his head firmly and her face fell.
“Oh, I just thought—”
“Sarah, I’m asking you to come back to the Mother Ship and be my wife—my mate,” he said earnestly. “I know we haven’t known each other long but so much has happened between us. And the Goddess…”
“The Goddess put us together,” Sarah murmured. “You know, Tsandor told me he had dreamed of me before he ever met me?”
“Did he? It was his dream of you that let me know you were in trouble.” Sazar smiled. “I think the two of you already share a special bond. Will you come back with me and be a mother to Tsandor and a wife to me? Please, Ladara, say you will.”
“Yes…” Sarah whispered the word but it had the intensity of a shout. Her eyes were shining and her lovely mouth was curved in a trembling smile. “Oh Sazar, yes!”
“Ladara!” He rose from the ground and took her in his arms but to his surprise, Sarah pushed away from him. “What is it?” he asked anxiously. “You haven’t changed your mind?”
“No, of course not!” She tried to laugh but it turned into a wince. “It’s just these…these damn Alquon nipple bands I’m still wearing. I’ve had them on for over twenty-four hours now and they’re killing me!”
“Ah…” Sazar shook his head. “I have to confess, I didn’t even think of those. What a bastard I am, letting you leave the Mother Ship without helping you get them off.”
“You can help me now,” Sarah murmured, looking up at him.
Sazar felt his shaft harden in his flight leathers.
“I’d be more than pleased to do that, sweetheart. But can you wait until we get up to the Mother Ship? I’d like to take you to my suite and take my time about it.”
Sarah’s eyes went wide and her breathing quickened.
“Yes,” she murmured. “Yes, I can wait. As long as we go right up.”
“Immediately,” Sazar promised and opened the door of his small shuttle to help her inside.
He was going to take his sweet little human back to the Mother Ship and claim her completely.
And he intended to take his time.