My reaction to my pregnancy might mirror what one’s reaction would be to the news that they have a terminal disease - horror and denial. I refuse to believe that I’m pregnant and I demand that Layla and Robert not even talk about it to me, let alone anyone else. I go about my days pretending that all is right in my world, but then become horrified when I can’t fit into any of my pants. I can already tell that my wardrobe will consist of dresses until winter. The nausea has started to subside, but the constant fatigue forces me to take daytime naps, which are completely inconvenient for my professional life.

Is my reaction to all of this messed up? Absolutely!

Should I be grateful that I can even get pregnant when I thought I couldn’t? Yes!

Do I feel guilty every time I feel ashamed of being pregnant? You bet!

As I walk home from my 12-week doctor’s appointment, the souvenir ultrasound photo of what looks like a little alien safely hidden in my purse, I realize that I need to start facing my future. I need to start making a plan for myself…and for my unborn child. It’s still hard for me to be excited about the fact that I will be a single mother, but I need to accept my fate. I also need to decide when I’m going to tell my parents. Oh yeah, and the father of my child. I groan out loud and decide to do what I do best right now - ignore the situation.

It’s too gorgeous of a summer day to go back inside, so I make a beeline for the beach to get some vitamin D and people watch. I sit down on the stairs, take my shoes off and inhale the fresh air off the lake. I close my eyes and smile, basking in the warmth of the sun’s rays. Ahh, this is exactly what I needed right now. I almost start to nod off when I hear a baby squeal with laughter. I open my eyes to see the cutest little boy running in the sand, his parents chasing after him. He’s wobbly on his adorable chunky legs, and his smile reveals two top and two bottom teeth. His father catches up to him, scoops him up and throws him high in the air, making the boy laugh even harder. Both parents look adoringly at him, kissing him every chance they get. They are the perfect image of what a family should look like.

Will I look at my child like that? Will Cal be happy to hear he is going to be a father? While I can’t answer the first question yet, I can get the answer to the second question. It’s time to rip off the band-aid and call him. I look at my watch to see that it’s early afternoon. If he’s in Los Angeles, then it’s lunchtime. If he’s in back in London, then it’s nighttime. Either way, this would be the perfect time to make the call. With a sigh, I put my shoes back on and take one more look at that perfect family I was watching before. The little boy is now sitting on top of his father’s shoulders while the mother strolls next to them along the shore. I need to give Cal that option of wanting to be in his child’s life. I get up and walk back to my apartment.

When I arrive, Robert is packing up his bag to leave. “There you are! I was starting to get worried about you. Everything okay?”

“Yes. I spent a couple of extra minutes thinking at the beach.”

“What did the doctor say?”

“He said I was pregnant,” I say sarcastically, but with a smile. Robert just rolls his eyes at me as he shuts down his laptop. “He said that everything looks good so far, and I have to see him every month for the next four months for an ultrasound and to check my cervix due to my abnormal uterus. After that, I won’t need any ultrasounds until the last month to make sure the baby is in Operation: Get Out of Uterus position. Oh, and I got my first photo of the baby.” I take the photo out of my purse and hand it to Robert. “It’s apparently the size of a plum.”

He looks at the photo, looks at my belly and then places the photo against my belly and shakes his head. “That is just freaky. Crazy how you can see it is starting to look like an actual human and not a tadpole. What are you doing to do with this photo?”

“I don’t know. Put it away? Why are you asking? Do you need to keep it to remind yourself not to knock anybody up?” I joke, not really understanding his question.

“I think you should put it on your refrigerator.”

I look at him strangely. “Why would I want to do that?”

“So you’ll finally get it through that head of yours that this shit is real! Jenna, we need to start planning the future!” He throws his hands up in the air with exasperation.

“I know this is real, Robert. I just needed some time. In fact, I was going to call Cal right now.”

“Really?” His expression filled with shock. “Good! It’s like if you have an STD, your partner has the right to know. He really needs to know about the baby, Jenna.”

I blink my eyes at him and stare as my brain tries to digest what he just said. “Did you just compare a baby to an STD?” I shake my head and rub my forehead, concern taking over my confusion. “Is there something you aren’t telling me, Robert? Did someone give you an STD?”

“Nope, I’m clean as a whistle! Just horrible at analogies!” A blush colors his cheeks from embarrassment. “On that note, wish I could stay for this but I have to run by the storage unit to pick up the decorations for next week’s news segment… and I have a hot date tonight.” He smiles slyly.

“You do? With whom?” A pang of jealously jolts me, wishing that I had places to go and people to meet.

“Oh, some guy I met at the gym.” He waves his hand downward as if this wasn’t a big deal.

“The gym? Since when do you go to the gym?” I look at him closely and notice that his face does look thinner, his clothes fitting him looser.

“Since the day you came back from the hospital saying you were pregnant. I need to get healthy so I can be around a long time for our baby,” he says with sincerity as I start to tear up from his words. I walk toward him and hug him tightly.

“Thank you, friend. I love you so!” I kiss his cheek before pulling away.

“I love you too. We told you that you’re not going to be alone and Layla and I mean it. Now go call Cal, then call me after to tell me what happens. Good luck!” He squeezes my arms and leaves the apartment.

I take a deep breath, square my shoulders and march into my room. I sit down on my bed next to my nightstand and pull out his card from the drawer. I wondered why I felt the need to keep his card after we stopped talking, and now I’m grateful that I did. I close my eyes and pray that this will all go well.

I dial his number and once again feel disappointment when Valerie’s voice comes through the other end. “Hi Valerie, it’s Jenna Pruitt.” I say with a business-like tone.

“Hi…Jenna, how are you?” Her voice is mixed with reluctance and surprise.

“Is Cal around? I really need to speak with him.”

“No, he’s not available right now and Jenna, I really hate to tell you this, but Cal has started dating someone serious. I thought from our last phone conversation that you were moving on as well?” Her voice gets slightly condescending, which only adds fuel to my anger.

“That’s fine. He can date whomever he wants, as I don’t care. Something has happened that I really need to speak to him about.”

“Jenna, with all due respect, why would he call you back when he has a new girlfriend? I just don’t…”

“Valerie, I am fucking PREGNANT, so that is WHY I need to talk with him NOW!” I snap into the phone, my temper gone from her excuses.

“Wh-WHAT?!” She stammers loudly, shock registering in her voice.

“I’m twelve weeks pregnant and I’m just calling to let him know about it,” I say calmly, reminding myself that she is not to blame for his actions and I shouldn’t be taking my anger out on her.

“No offense, but how do we know that it’s his? Hollywood actors are always having women falsely claiming that they are pregnant with their child.”

I laugh bitterly at her and choose to ignore the fact that she is implying I might be lying. “I am one hundred-percent positive it is his, as I have not had sex with anyone else since then.”

“We can’t prove that until a paternity test is done, which we will demand to do once the child is born. Did you not use protection? Were you not on birth control?” she asks, her voice laced with disgust.

“Not that any of this is even your business, Valerie, but we did use protection. Condoms can tear without your knowledge. And I had no reason to be on birth control at that time,” I say bitterly, wishing even more that this was being discussed with Cal and not his assistant. I take a deep breath to calm down before continuing. “Valerie, I’ll be more than happy to do a paternity test when the baby is born. This has been a shock for me as well, and I’m being honest when I tell you that I do not want ANYTHING from Cal. I don’t want his money, I don’t want to be in the tabloids, nothing. I just wanted to do the right thing by letting him know so he can decide if he wants to be in this baby’s life or not. That’s all that I want from him.” I sigh with resignation, hoping she understands.

She is quiet for a few seconds before responding. “I understand. I’m sorry, Jenna.”

“Yeah, so am I,” I say softly, tired from the emotions and the headache that is pounding my temples.

“I’ll talk to him as soon as I reach him. You should be hearing from him soon.”

“Thanks, Valerie.” I hang up the phone and lay back against the bed, completely drained from that phone call. If this phone call was emotional on me, I don’t want to imagine how it’s going to be when Cal calls me back.

* * *

I stare at his email in absolute shock. I read his words over and over again, each time is another slash to my heart. Not because he is rejecting me, but because he is rejecting his own child. I can’t fathom how someone would not want to be part of their own child’s life. I recall him mentioning to me his desire for kids in the future - was that all a lie? I roughly brush away my tears, determined to never shed a tear over this man again. My heartache turns to immense hatred and I vow to never waste another moment, thought, or even breath on Cal Harrington ever again.