I’ve become very good at trying to juggle all the balls in my basket of life over the next month, but as with real juggling, balls will start to drop. Before the start of filming for Cal’s movie, he did spend almost every waking hour that he could with us. The routine became normal as he comes for breakfast, goes to school with us, then he works out or makes business calls. After, he meets me at Avery’s school to come back home with us, where we eat dinner, play games and read bedtime stories together. I’ve gotten so used to having him around that I have found myself stocking my refrigerator with his favorite beer and snacks. Now that filming has begun, he still manages to make it to drop her off at school, but sometimes we don’t see him until bedtime. One night, he even fell asleep with Avery and I didn’t have the heart to wake him and kick him out. She needs to start getting used to sleepovers with him anyway, I kept telling myself as I tossed and turned that night, not knowing why I was expecting to see him in my doorway.

While the stories in the magazines have seem to simmer down, the paparazzi have stuck around, still hounding me any chance they get. Chase always keeps his distance, but his warning of Danny Salari came back to mind when he called me a bitch for not smiling for them. Since then, I still won’t say anything to them, but I have started to smile more and sometimes wave, hoping that will start to appease them enough to leave us alone.

Tonight is the last game of the season for Jax and I am letting Cal watch Avery by himself while I go. Robert will start off the night babysitting since Cal will still be working, but as soon as Cal arrives, Robert will leave. I’ve been going to every single one of Jax’s home games, trying to be the supportive girlfriend, but with him not being a regular in the lineup, his mood swings are more frequent and he’s less fun to be around.

Four hours later, not only was Jax not in the lineup, but the team lost their last game. Missing the playoffs by two points, the players were devastated. I drove Jax to his favorite restaurant, but he barely ate and conversation was at minimal. We get back into the car and head back to his hotel. Maybe a night full of sex will cheer him up.

“You can just drop me off instead of parking,” he says, his voice monotone, his eyes emotionless. I know he’s upset about the loss and how the end of the season went, but I’m still surprised that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

“You don’t want me to come up?” I ask, confused and hurt by his lack of attention.

“I can’t do this anymore, Jenna. Let’s stop pretending that we are in a real relationship for once, okay?”

“What do you mean?” I ask, suddenly very confused by what he is talking about.

“You’ve never once invited me to stay at your apartment. We’ve been together for almost a year and I am not allowed to sleep over?”

“Jax, I told you that I didn’t want to make Avery uncomfortable if she woke up and saw you in the house. You said you understood!” I explain, getting annoyed that we’re going over this again.

“Yet, it’s okay for Cal to sleep there, who hasn’t even known her that long?” he asks bitterly, his voice so filled with jealousy that I’m finding him quite unattractive at this moment.

“That’s her father, Jax! There’s no comparison!”

“Does she even know that he’s her father yet?”

The car is filled with silence as he’s just proven his point since she doesn’t and he’s absolutely right.

“Jax, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I plead, not wanting this to end like this.

“I know you didn’t mean too, but you did.” He opens the door to the car and looks back at me with longing and sadness in his eyes. “Goodbye, Jenna.” I jump when the car door slams and watch him walk into his hotel with tears streaming down my face.

I drive back home in shock that my relationship with Jax has ended and ashamed of how I treated him. I realize that Robert may have been right - I used Jax and not only did I use him for sex, but I took advantage of his feelings for me without giving them right back to him. All Jax wanted was for me to love him back and I didn’t. The realization makes me cry harder and I truly feel horrible for any pain I’ve caused him.

I get back home, exhausted and disgusted with myself. I open the door to see Cal and Robert sitting on the couch, talking softly so they don’t wake up Avery.

“Jenna, what’s wrong?” Robert asks, noticing right away how upset I am.

“Jax broke up with me tonight,” I whisper, not able to look at either of them. “If you both will excuse me, I’m going to bed now. Please see yourselves out if you don’t mind.”

“I’m sorry, Jenna,” Cal says, and even though he sounds sincere, I don’t believe him.

“Somehow, I quite doubt that.” I say and shut my bedroom door.

* * *

The hits keep on coming the next day, but this time it’s News Channel 3 calling, saying they’re canceling our monthly news segment.

“Why?” I ask angrily, knowing the answer before the producer needs to say it out loud.

“Right now, Jenna, the owners feel your current situation is a little too scandalous. While the ratings have been through the roof, they want to pull the plug. I’m so sorry, Jenna, as there’s nothing I can do.”

I hang up the phone, mad as hell at the unfairness of it all. Now Cal Harrington has affected my personal AND professional life and I am sick of it all. I need a release. I need to go have some fun and be around people I trust.

“We’re going to O’Malley’s tonight!” I say to Layla on the phone.

“Really? We haven’t been there in almost a year!” She says, her voice sounding excited.

“I know, but this has been a really shitty week and I need some time with my best friends. I’ve got to release some of this stress.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, I’m game!”

I hang up with her, call Robert to confirm and secure a babysitter since Cal will be working very late tonight and won’t see Avery until the morning.

After I pick up Avery from school, I make sure to feed her and get her ready for bed. The babysitter arrives and I get myself ready. I decide on skin tight jeans, with a red low-cut v-neckline blouse and a black blazer to go over it, paired with mesh black peep toe ankle booties. I wear smoky eye make-up and paint red lipstick on my lips. Feeling good with how I look, I kiss Avery goodbye and make my way to O’Malley’s.

The paparazzi follow my taxicab and get pictures of me as I exit the cab. Once inside the safety of the restaurant, I find a booth away from the windows and wait for Layla and Robert to arrive.

O’Malley’s is exactly what everyone needed as three hours later, I’m feeling better from being in the company of my best friends. They made me laugh, we ate bad food and I was feeling buzzed from the many ciders I ingested. Robert and Layla decide to stay behind as they both started chatting up people while I want to go home and snuggle with my girl.

I walk out of O’Malley’s and am pleasantly surprised to find it empty with no paparazzi insight. With my apartment only being a couple of blocks away and other pedestrians on the street, I decide to take advantage of this beautiful evening and walk home like I used to do.

As my apartment complex comes closer to view, I suddenly hear a car screech behind me and a door close. I start to feel uneasy and quicken my pace, my intuition telling me that the paparazzi just found me.

“Well, well, well, look who decided to take a nighttime stroll. Did you enjoy your time at the bar?” Danny Salari walks in front of me and flashes the camera in my face. I stop and close my eyes to readjust them as I was not prepared and forgot to wear my sunglasses.

“Yes, thank you. Please move out of my way,” I ask politely as I walk faster around him. Two more paparazzi follow me on my side and continue taking pictures with their flash. I pull my hands up and try to shield my eyes from the side.

“I don’t think so, lady, as you owe us a good quality photo,” he says, as he flashes his camera again at me, this time lower since my eyes are downward. The flash makes me stop again, the blindness making me unsteady on me feet. I keep walking forward, my building seeming so close, yet so far.

“We’ve been here for almost two months, every day spending our hard earned money, hoping for one quality shot of you, yet you just won’t cooperate with us.” Another flash in my face, and I try to shield my eyes and just walk forward watching my feet, but they now have boxed me in, inching closer to me.

“Okay, I’m sorry. How about I give you the photo now?” I pull down my hands and smile, but with the flashing of the bulbs, I can’t seem to keep me eyes open. And as more paparazzi arrive, the more blinding the flashes become.

“No, your eyes are too squinted. We need you to open your eyes for us.”

“Well if you would stop for a second and let my eyes adjust, they will open!” I snap, getting irritated with them.

I hear them stop and I keep my eyes close, giving them a break before I open them again. They give me two seconds to look around to see my bearings. I smile and then the flashes begin. But this time, they become relentless.

“Stop, I can’t see where I’m going!” I cry, but no one seems to care as the clicking keeps going. I try walking forward by only watching my feet, but someone puts their camera down low again, the flash back into my eyes. I lose my balance and fall to my knees.

“Look boys, she’s on her knees where she belongs!” They laugh at Danny’s crude remark and continue taking photos of me. I start to crawl forward, scraping my hands on the concrete, but they have me surrounded and won’t move.

My anger has vanished and is replaced with utter terror. I push my knees and legs to the ground and huddle down, covering my head with my hands, hoping one of them will soon see how wrong this is and call the police.

“Look, she is too drunk to even get back up.” I flip them my middle finger and the taunting continues. Scared for my life and not knowing what to do, I start to panic and cry silently, my night turning into a nightmare. I start to tune the taunting out and go inside my own head, rocking back and forth to try to soothe myself.

I have no idea how long I’m on the ground for, but suddenly I hear yelling. A male’s voice is shouting, telling them to get back.

“You fucking assholes, what the hell is wrong with you!” I hear someone say. I feel hands on me and I start to shrink inward, my hands hitting their fingers off of me.

“Jenna! Jenna, it’s Chase. I’m here to help you! It’s Chase, Jenna! I’m right in front of you. Look at my black converses.” I hear his panicked voice get closer and closer as I start to tune back in. There are two black converses in front of my knees.

“This is my hand waving to you, Jenna, can you see it?”

My vision is blurred, not able to focus from all of the flashes to my eyes. I see a blurry hand in front of my face and nod.

“Grab my hand, Jenna, grab my hand! I’ll get you home!”

I grab his hand and he immediately helps me to my feet.

“Get the fuck away from her, Salari! You’re going to pay for this!” Chase lifts me up under my knees and continues to carry me the rest of the way to my building. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my head into his chest, wishing the noises of the flash bulbs and the clicking of the cameras would stop.

“I didn’t do shit - I can’t help it if she has had one too many drinks tonight and can’t walk. You’ve got nothing, Canada!”

“What the hell is going on? JENNA! Oh my god, what’s wrong?” I hear Robert’s worried voice come next to me as Chase continues to carry me.

“She was attacked by the paparazzi. I fucking thought you were with her tonight?” I hear a ding and my mind registers we are in my elevator.

“We were with her, but we thought she took a taxi home, not walked! Oh my god, she’s shaking. Is she okay?”

“She’s in shock. Why the fuck does Harrington not have a bodyguard on her? This is so fucking typical. Selfish asshole!” I whimper out loud, Chase’s anger making me scared.

“You’ve got to lower your voice, Chase, once we get off this elevator. We don’t want to wake Avery and scare her, not to mention these nosy neighbors.”

I’m trying to fight against the darkness that wants to overtake me as I try to stay conscious while Chase walks us off the elevator, onto my floor. I hear Robert open the door and tell the babysitter to not say a word.

Chase walks briskly into my room and lays me on my bed. I so want to go hold and sleep with Avery, but no words will come forth and before I know it, I lose the fight and complete darkness enfolds me.