Sometimes in life when things are going so amazingly good, you have to stop and wonder, what’s the catch? How can this continue? I ask myself that every day when I wake up in Cal’s arms, those blue eyes staring at me with all the love in the world. He just said those three massive words to me last week, the magnitude of their weight so deafening that I couldn’t repeat them back, but showed him by making love. Every day I try to show him with some sort of action, but I keep holding those words back, understanding that saying them gives him the power of my heart.

Yes, I still have my doubts.

Yes, I still am guarded.

Yes, I am still so very fucked up.

He deserves better, I say to myself one too many times when he sits across from me on a romantic date he orchestrated for us.

He deserves better, I say to myself when I question why he even wants to be with me when I feel so plain compared to the women he works with.

He deserves better, I say to myself when he tells me he loves me and disappointment fills his eyes when I can only smile at him, the words stuck in my throat because I’m still so afraid he’s going to shatter my heart into a million little pieces.

Today is another one of those days, every single doubt being at the forefront of my mind. He’s scheduled to leave tomorrow to shoot his new movie, moving him to Dubai for two weeks, then to various locations around Europe. This will be the first time we’re separated for this long since his arrival in Chicago. We have agreed that Avery and I will try to fly out every two weeks to see him, but even then that might be hard to do.

What if he falls in love with his costar?

What if he falls out of love with me?

God, I am so annoying….so pathetic. This is exactly how I didn’t want to feel. I start getting angry with myself, telling myself to shut up and enjoy every moment I have with him. I look at the clock to see I have two hours before I’m supposed to meet him for dinner. He has a romantic dinner planned, having a beautiful dress delivered with a note that said ‘WEAR ME TONIGHT’ and him formally picking me up, even though he is now living with us in my apartment. He gave Mason the night off since I will be with him and he arranged for my parents to take Avery so that we can have tonight to ourselves.

I’m about to start getting ready for our evening when my cell phone rings and I see Robert’s name appear. He is scheduled to be in a meeting with one of our clients, so I pick up to see if everything is okay.

“Hey, what’s going on?” I immediately ask when I answer his call.

“I’m an idiot and was working on the client’s proposal on my personal computer last night, but I forgot to transfer it over to my work computer, which I have with me, but not my USB file. It’s still hooked into my personal computer, which is on my desk. Can you open up the file on my computer and email it to me so I can pull it up for them to see?”

“Sure, I’ll just email it to you from my personal account off the web so that way I don’t need to eject your USB.” I walk over to his desk and open his laptop, find the proposal and email it to him.

“You’re a life saver, thank you. I’m probably just going to go home once this meeting is done, if that’s okay with you?”

“Of course it is! Enjoy your evening, Robert.”

“Will do and I certainly know for a fact YOU will!” He laughs evilly, indicating he knows Cal’s plans for this evening.

“You’re so good at being a tease.”

“Ha, you love it!”

I laugh as I hang up the phone and am just about to close his laptop when a file labeled ‘JP’ catches my attention. Why would Robert have a file on me? Warning bells are going off in my head, screaming not to click on the file, but I ignore them. Robert is very organized and has sub folders within the main folder. I click on the folder labeled ‘Avery’ but only see important documents that I gave him access too. I click out of her folder and click on the folder labeled ‘Cal’. Inside this folder he has more folders labeled ‘Emails’, ‘Press’, ‘Travel’ and ‘Chase’. Intrigued as to why there would be a folder about Chase, I click on it. Inside there are two more folders, one labeled ‘Photographs’ and the other ‘Emails’. I click the one that says ‘Photographs’ and am surprised to see over hundreds of photos in it. I start clicking through them, images of me around the city, oblivious to the fact that I am even being photographed. There are tons of pictures of me the night the paparazzi surrounded me. Why would Robert have all of these photos from Chase?

I exit out of that folder and click on ‘Emails’. Numerous emails from Chase to Cal, copying Robert with images of me. The body content of the emails list where I was and if I was meeting someone, who I was with. What the hell? I click on some more until I open the email with the images from the paparazzi attack. I read Chase’s words to Cal that make me stop breathing:

“Tonight should never have happened, Cal! You pay me to follow her, not to be her bodyguard….”

He pays Chase to follow me? I think back to all those times Chase was the only paparazzi around and I was always in awe of how he would find me so quickly, but apparently there was a reason for that. I swallow down the sick feeling I am having and click out of the main ‘Chase’ folder and go to the ‘Press’ folder.

Inside are emails from Cal to Robert, instructing him to call numerous news outlets as an anonymous source and supply them stories about me. Stories exactly like the one that I thought were from my neighbors the first time Cal showed up. Stories about my break up with Jax, about Cal and I working on our relationship. All these stories that Cal was the mastermind behind.

I slam the computer shut and close my eyes as tears start leaking down my face. Any trust that I had for Cal is now gone. I am devastated from not only his betrayal, but from Robert’s as well. I don’t know if Layla is in on this as I didn’t see her name on any of the emails and I pray she isn’t as my heart can’t take any more surprises. I grab my keys, needing to get the hell out of here before Cal comes home, turn my cell phone off and flee the apartment.

I end up at O’Malley’s since I haven’t been back since the paparazzi attack and need large quantities of alcohol to calm me down and numb away the pain. I sit at the farthest end of the bar and our usual bartender, Nico, comes around to serve me.

“Hello there, lass, whatcha drinking tonight? Where are all your friends?” he looks around as he greets me.

“I want a long island ice tea and keep them coming when you see I’m getting low. As for friends, well, as of tonight, I have no friends.” I blink back the tears that are about to spill and look down to try to regain my composure.

“One long island ice tea coming up and of course you have friends, lass! I’m here for you!” He smiles at me while patting my hand and moves away to make my drink.

Two hours later and I am beyond drunk. I was sucking down those long island ice teas so quickly that by the time I had four, Nico cut me off and water is the only form of liquid I’m allowed to drink. He places a basket of French fries in front of me that I quickly devour.

“Lass, your ride should be here any minute,” he says as he brings me my check.

“My ride?” I raise my head from my hands, confused as to whom he would have called and then I remember that he and Layla have hooked up before. “No, I can make it home by myself. I’ll just walk.” I step off my barstool and immediately sit back down as the room starts to tilt.

“Jenna!” I hear my name and Layla and Robert come into to focus. I start shaking my head no, Robert being the second to last person I ever want to see.

“You,” I point my finger at him and spit, “are a fucking traitor!” I slam my hand onto the bar, not being able to control my movements whatsoever.

Robert’s eyes get wide with worry. “Jenna, what are you talking about? If this is about not telling you what Cal’s plans were for tonight, then I’m sorry. I was only trying to help.”

“Were you trying to help when you agreed to go to the press for him with stories about me, Mr. Anonymous Source?” His face pales and he quickly glances at Layla.

“Jenna, let’s get you home.” Layla says as she moves to my side to help me stand up.

“Are you one of Cal’s minions too?” I ask her in despair. She looks at Robert and I already see the guilt in her eyes.

“I knew what was going on, but refused to partake in helping. I am sorry I didn’t tell you,” she says, looking down at her hands with regret.

“How could you guys not tell me? WHY would you not tell me?” My voice starts to get hysterical as I feel my whole world collapsing around me.

“The stories were damage control, Jenna! Cal was only trying to protect your reputation from the nasty gossip that was being spread.” Robert tries to explain but I shake my head at him, refusing to believe that there is any excuse that would make his actions justifiable.

“I should have been the judge of that! It was MY reputation! I know what is the truth and what isn’t!” I yell and people start looking over at us.

“Jenna, please, can we talk about this at home?” Robert pleads as he looks around the bar.

“I am not going home until he’s out of my house. Text your new boss and tell him I want him gone.”

“You can stay with me, Jenna.” I look up at Layla and scoff at her suggestion.

“How can I trust any of you?” I ask, sadness lacing my voice as I realize everyone who I trust has been deceiving me. Out of the corner of my eye I see flashes of light bulbs going off outside and know Cal is here. “Of course, you would tell him that I’m here.” I turn to look at Robert. “Do you think about me when you suck his cock as well?”

“JENNA!” Robert shrieks in shock, his eyes starting to well up with tears. “I know you’re drunk, but there’s no reason to be so cruel!”

“Says the person who stabbed the knife in my back!” I laugh bitterly as I watch Cal walk in, scan the bar and see us. He is wearing a white dress shirt with the cuffs rolled up his forearms, nice dress slacks and dress shoes. His hair is disheveled from running his hands through it and his eyes are filled with worry. He stalks towards me and I curse myself for thinking he looks ridiculously sexy. If I didn’t hate him so much right now, I would demand we christen O’Malley’s bathroom.

“Jenna, it’s time to come home. We can discuss whatever you think is going on in the privacy of our home.” Cal grabs my arms, but I yank it out of his grasp.

“It’s MY home! I want you packed up and gone from it. We are DONE!”

“And why is that?” he asks calmly, but his eyes are hard as ice.

“Why? Because I can’t trust you! I found everything out, the stories you planted about me, how you pay Chase to follow me! How could you, Cal? Why would you?” The tears that I thought I had under control now fall loosely.

“Everything I’ve done has been in your best interest! I had Chase follow you to make sure you were safe before we got Mason and I asked Robert to plant those stories because you were getting shredded in the press. You say you don’t care about your reputation, but it would have affected your business, how people treated Avery. I couldn’t watch that happen.”

I shake my head as the tears continue to silently fall, not being able to believe a word he says.

“I will not apologize for my actions, Jenna. The only thing I will apologize for is not telling you sooner. Now let’s get out of here.”

“How many more things are there that you haven’t told me about that were done in my ‘best interest’ Cal? I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore.” I say with remorse, the pain in my chest so intense that it makes it hard to breathe.

“So that’s it? You’re going to cast me away for one mistake? I think you’re just grasping for any excuse in order to protect yourself because you are too scared to feel anything. You want me gone? So be it,” he says with fury. “Help me get her home,” he says to Layla. He and Robert form a shield in front of us as Layla wraps her arm around me to hold me steady. Even if I wasn’t drunk, I wouldn’t be able to walk straight from the tears that are blurring my vision. I shield my eyes with my hands when we get outside in front of the paparazzi. They start shouting our names, asking if I’m okay, if I’m drunk, if we’re having a lover’s quarrel. I smile at the latter as they will soon find out that we are indeed having a lover’s quarrel.

“Jenna, keep your eyes covered and I’ll guide you to the taxi that Robert has for us,” Layla says, and I try to concentrate on her hands that are firmly placed on my hips, helping me walk straight.

“Here, let me help you with her.” I hear someone say and look up to see Chase trying to cover me up with his jacket.

“Ah, well if it isn’t my own personal watch dog. You failed at your job miserably tonight, by the way. I think Cal should deduct from your wages,” I sneer, shock registering on his face.

“Jenna, I can explain…” Chase starts.

“It’s YOU! Get the hell away from her!” Layla screams and pushes Chase away from me.

Cal and Robert turn around to see what all the commotion. “What’s wrong?”

“This is the guy!” Layla points a finger at Chase and we look at her as if she’s gone mad.

“Yeah, it’s Canadian Chase. He’s the one Cal is paying to follow me.”

“He’s the guy who I told your story to in Las Vegas!”

“What?” Cal and I say in unison and in one swift motion, Cal punches Chase in the face. Chase stumbles back and covers his eye.

“You bastard, you never told me that!” Cal roars and goes to hit him again, but is restrained by Robert.

“Cal, get in the cab!” Robert pushes Cal towards the taxi as the paparazzi go furious with taking even more photos.

I stare at Chase in shock as Layla pulls me towards the cab. He shakes his head and then stumbles toward me, his free hand reaching out. “Jenna, I can explain! Please let me explain!” He screams as the door is closed in his face and the taxi speeds away from the bar.

I can’t help but start to laugh uncontrollably at the circus that is my life ever since Cal Harrington came into it.

“I can’t believe this is so funny to you.” Cal looks at me in disbelief.

“Oh, c’mon now, the irony of the puppet master getting played by one of his puppets is very funny,” I say in reference to Chase’s deceit.

“Cal, she doesn’t mean it, she’s upset and drunk.” Robert says loud enough for me to hear him.

“That’s right, traitor! I may be drunk and beyond hurt, but I’m NOT stupid. I’m done with all of you!” I slur, as I slash my hand through the air. “I’m also done with this smell. What is that god awful smell?” I ask, looking around everywhere in the taxi when my eyes stumble upon a box of pizza.

“Oh god,” I dry heave, trying to control the bile that wants to rise up out of my throat. “Sir, whatever you do, DO NOT open that box!”

The taxi cab driver looks at me with a questionable smile. “It’s my dinner. You should probably have a slice to help soak up that alcohol.”

“Please no! If you open that box, I’m going to throw up,” I burp, the smell making my stomach start to rumble.

“C’mon, it’s just pizza. Here, have a slice.” As he opens up the box, everyone in the car screams NO, but it’s too late as I empty the contents of my stomach all over his dinner and black out.