Chapter Ten
Leah
I wake up slowly, feeling more rested and relaxed than I can remember being.
Enough that it takes me a good few minutes to realize that I’ve woken up naturally for the first time what feels like years - no alarm, no kid intruding—
I sit up with a bolt, glancing over to the bed on the other side of the room. The empty bed.
Where the fuck is—
I’m out of bed before the laughter and noise filtering through the thick door finally registers, my heart still racing in my chest. It takes a long moment for me to remember where I am - where we are -and work out the reason Maddie hasn’t disturbed me this morning. Apparently, there was someone else around to entertain her.
I take a deep breath, and try to calm down from the instant panic, letting my heart rate even out again.
So much for relaxation…
I glance back at the bed that my body was blissfully enjoying only moments before, and sigh. It’s so tempting to crawl back in there and pretend I never woke up at all, until Maddie or Alistair get fed up with each other and decide to disturb me. But that’s not exactly fair - and Maddie is my responsibility.
And his…
I pause at that thought. It’s technically true, but…I’ve raised Maddie for years. I can’t let go of that quite so easily - however much he’s trying to give me the chance to.
Let me show you…
The memory of last night hits me, and then I really do sit down on the bed.
Of course, that wasn’t quite what he was talking about showing me. Or, not that entirely.
God, that kiss…I never wanted it to end. I can still feel my body aching for him, calling out for the kind of satisfaction it hasn’t had in years. I thought I could kiss him forever.
And you’re the one that stopped it.
I sigh, running a hand over my face and shaking my head, wishing I could shake the feeling just as easily. Instead, that memory is enough to bring lust surging back through me.
I glance towards the door, still hearing positive, happy noises from the other side. Without conscious thought, my hand starts sneaking lower, playing at the edge of my panties, as I wonder whether—
I stop myself with a jerk. I can’t remember the last time I’ve done that, either. And there’s no way I can in Alistair’s apartment. His room. With him playing with my little girl just down the hall. It would be so wrong. So bad. And he would know in an instant.
The heat builds between my legs, and I wonder why that only makes the whole thing more attractive.
With effort, I stop myself. I get up again. I consider the fact I didn’t bring a change of clothes, and wonder whether I should shower now, or after I get back to Emma’s with Maddie.
All normal things.
And I don’t think about him. Not like that. Not at all.
We agreed we weren’t going to do that last night. We did the right thing - for Maddie.
And if I remember him telling me how different things are now…promising to show me…if I’m maybe, just a little bit glad that he did - just a tiny bit relieved that it’s a for now decision and not a forever one…well, is that so wrong? After everything I’ve seen with him and Maddie over the last couple of days…it’s almost impossible not to think about the what ifs. The possibilities. The idea of a real family.
Just don’t hope for it, Leah.
I try to convince myself that I’m not. That I’m not building myself up for anything that might end in disappointment - or risking Maddie’s security and stability. But if I’m honest with myself, Alistair is making it really damned hard not to.
Which, I guess, is what he wants. But that doesn’t mean it’s not fucking scary, too.
I sigh, and eventually tug on the clothes I wore yesterday - trying to shake off everything I’m wondering about the future, and enjoy right now.
A good night’s sleep, free childcare, a happy kid…and a pretty damned cool Dad.
Life is good. Better than it has been for a long time. And I’ve learned to appreciate little moments like these.
I glance around the room before I leave, appreciative that Alistair’s decor doesn’t include a mirror so I don’t have to see quite how bad I look - then run my fingers through my hair, accepting the fact I’m going to look a mess whatever I do, and eventually emerge from the bedroom.
I walk down the hall, following the commotion I hear coming from the large, open-plan main room and wonder how desperately Alistair will be wanting a break.
Only to see him on his hands-and-knees, bucking and springing about the place -with Maddie clinging onto his back and giggling, beaming with a grin as wide as any I’ve ever seen. I stop stock still, my hand rising to my mouth as I stare.
Alistair Sinclair. The Alistair Sinclair…
Premier business tycoon in the city. Wearing formal suit pants and a crisp - or a previously crisp - white shirt, crawling around on the floor with my daughter on his back, and making the strangest impression of horse noises I’ve ever heard…
I burst out laughing.
That startles them both, and Alistair looks over at me, a grin on his rugged, handsome face as well.
“I’m a unicorn.” He announces proudly, with absolutely no trace of shame.
That does it.
The laughter becomes uncontrollable. Deep belly laughs. Tears streaming down my face. Clutching my side as I try desperately to catch my breath. The whole thing.
“Hmph.” He turns away in a dismissive gesture, talking to Maddie on his back as he does. “I don’t know what she’s laughing about. I’m a damn fine unicorn.”
Maddie giggles, then copies his superior attitude almost perfectly.
“Me too.” She says decisively, nodding. “But you’re not a unicorn. You’re a horse.”
He twists around and raises one eyebrow at her. “Unicorns are better than horses.”
“No they’re no—”
“Unicorns can flyyyyy.”
He stands up as he does, catching Maddie’s legs and transitioning her to a piggy-back position as he starts swooping around the apartment, sending her into fresh squeals and giggles.
I’m biting my fist to try and get my breath back now, sucking air in and trying to ease the ache in my stomach as I force myself to stop watching. If I don’t, I might just die right here. I doubt either of them would even notice for a good few hours.
So much for needing a break.
Swooping and running around the apartment apparently requires more space than just crawling, and as Alistair diverts down the corridor to take Maddie on a flying tour of the whole place, I finally get my breath back.
I wait a few minutes until I feel stable enough that I’m not going to collapse to the floor at that flashing mental image, and then I walk over to the kitchen. I’m still wiping my eyes when they come back in, and this time I join in with the two beaming grins, just watching them.
“I’m making coffee.” I call. “Do horses drink coffee?”
Alistair gives a slightly more realistic snort, and looks over at me with that smug superiority I’m used to - this time, however, it’s not the slightest bit concerning. “Horses don’t. But unicorns most definitely do.”
“Can we do some jumps?” Maddie tugs on Alistair’s hair, demanding his attention again.
I doubt anyone else has ever dared do that to him. Not even me - or not like that anyway. Usually the hair-pulling was a slightly different way around…
I cut that thought off, and force myself to set about trying to work the coffee maker. Not too different from five years ago - just an updated model. Of course.
It’s strange being back here. I mean, I was never here before - the place is new, but the theme is pretty much the same…luxury penthouse apartment with an insane view. But it all feels both familiar and foreign. The kind of life I’ve never known - but glimpsed, for such a short time really, a few years ago.
Enough that I know how to work the fancy, high-end coffee maker. That I didn’t really feel intimidated entering the towering glass skyscraper yesterday. And that I can mostly shrug off the insane things Alistair does as standard as just…Alistair.
But not enough that it doesn’t feel like some weird through-the-looking-glass moment. Or that I don’t feel just a little bit like an imposter.
After the coffee finishes brewing and I’m pouring out a couple of cups, the game seems to come magically to an end and Alistair deposits Maddie into one of the high seats at the kitchen island.
“Breakfast, little lady?” He asks her with a smile, taking the coffee with an appreciative look in my direction.
She giggles and nods, looking up at him with something close to adoration - and my stomach does a little flip-flop. I have no idea how long they’ve been awake and playing together while I slept, but it’s obvious that even in just these two days…they’re bonding. The kind of thing I was hoping for, but never thought would happen this easily. But then, Alistair has been…just incredible.
I’m not sure I ever thought of him as father material, before. I think I struggled to think of him as anything other than a sophisticated, workaholic billionaire. But after this morning…
I look at Maddie again. At the light shining in her eyes. And I have to hold back the sudden, inexplicable wave of love I feel for her - my little girl.
She’s never had this before, and I don’t think I even realized how much it was missing.
But it’s what I want for her.
A Daddy.
“I’ve got pancakes.” Alistair announces with a grin
“Mommy, this is the best place EVER.” Maddie tells me, and I chuckle, ruffling her hair.
“I didn’t take you for a pancakes-for-breakfast kind of guy.” I say, as Alistair starts rummaging in cupboards.
“I might have called down to get some in after you decided to stay last night.” His eyes sparkle as he looks over at me, and I just shake my head.
Of course. That’s the sort of thing rich guys do, I guess.
“You’re going to spoil her so badly.” I mutter, but I can’t bring myself to stop him.
There’s a part of me that wants that for her - even if I can already see her turning into the most demanding little madam, with this kind of treatment.
But he’s missed out on four years of spoiling her…he can have a few free passes for a while.
“I’ve decided that’s the kind of d—” He drops the pan, and the clattering noise makes us all jump as he clamps down hard on that word.
Shit.
“Person.” He corrects, clearing his throat and picking up the pan. “That’s the kind of person I want to be.”
I look over at Maddie, but she’s still staring at the pan and clutching her chest in a sweet childish imitation of a heart attack.
“That was loud!”
“Yeah, sorry baby.” Alistair agrees, then looks at the bottom of the pan, then at the floor. “Looks like stone floor beats pan.”
He shows us the dent in it, and Maddie giggles, before rooting around for another one.
Neither of us look at each other, and I try not to notice the tug of guilt in my chest. He is her father. He should be able to say dad. And the way he’s been with her…he’s earning it in spades.
But…it’s still only been two days. And either way, that was not the way for her to find out - we can both agree on that. Even if I can practically sense how much he wants to tell her.
Soon.
I promise us both, even if I don’t say it out loud. We’ll tell her soon.
Instead, I help him with the pancakes and after a few minutes - and a fresh bout of teasing from Alistair - the air starts easing between us again.
Maddie and I linger longer over breakfast than we probably should, and then I give in to her request to play for just a little longer. We’ve stayed here far later than I was planning - but I don’t want to go, either. And from Alistair’s side - it seems the longer he can entice us to stay, the happier he is.
Eventually, though, I put my foot down.
They both look up at me with disappointed expressions, and I roll my eyes, wondering whether this is what it’s going to be like now - even if it does leave a smile tugging at my mouth. One I’m careful not to let them see.
It’s not until I turn back to the hall towards the room we stayed in, wanting to pack up everything we brought - that I finally notice the wall there. And the very obvious, very bright scribblings up the sides of it.
I almost drop the coffee I’m holding.
“Madison!”
Alistair and Maddie freeze in the middle of the room, where he’s entertaining her before we leave, and they both look over at me.
“Mommy?”
I can’t even answer her for a moment. She’s never done anything like this - and at someone else’s apartment. I can feel my cheeks burning up in embarrassment, but as I swirl to confront her - and start teaching her a lesson in respect for other’s property that she obviously seems to need - Alistair jumps up and walks over to me.
“It’s okay.” He says, glancing over at the pictures that caught my eye.
“It is not okay.” I say emphatically. “My god, I am so sorry Alistair.”
“Don’t be - I was thinking this decor was a little too stark for my liking, anyway.” He jokes, but I’m not in the slightest bit receptive. “It was my fault, anyway. I gave her the pens before I found the paper.”
I look at him, disbelieving.
“That’s absolutely no excuse for anything, Alistair. Really. I appreciate you being nice about this, but I can’t have Maddie thinking that she can—”
“Leave it, just this once, okay?” He says, bringing a hand up to my arm in a quelling gesture. “I talked to her about it - I told her that she shouldn’t do it again. And if she does, sure - we can let all hell break loose on her. But…this has been such a good time. Can we leave it at that? Please.”
I look up at him - meet the strength of his gaze. And take a deep breath. He doesn’t want to upset her, not when this has all gone so well for him.
For a new Dad, I get that. But as her Mom…
I glance back at the drawings - and sigh. He is her Dad. And he said he talked to her…he should be allowed a say in parenting her, I guess. I look between them and shake my head as I finally relent.
“Okay. Just this once, though.”
He smiles at me, a reassurance and warmth there that I can’t help but match.
“Mommy?” Maddie is still looking at me, an uncertain look on her face.
I walk over and crouch down beside her, tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Alistair said he talked to you about the drawings on the wall over there.” I say, speaking softly and pointing. “What did he say?”
She shifts where she’s crouching, looking between the both of us. “That…it’s a bad thing to do.”
“Mmhmm.” I nod. “So you’re not going to again, are you, sweetie?”
She shakes her head from side to side.
“Okay then. Mommy will forget about it this time - but I don’t want to see it again. Okay?”
She nods, and then I ruffle her hair again, still wondering what the hell has gotten into her.
But I exchange a small glance with Alistair, and then leave her to him as I get everything together. I’m ready far sooner than either of them probably hoped for - but we have to leave sometime.
A small part of me questions that, just to be contrary, but I shoot it down.
“Thank you, Alistair.” I say with a smile, stood with Maddie and hoping I’ve remembered everything. “We’ve had a great time.”
“So have I.” He smiles back at me, then crouches down next to Maddie and holds out the soft toy horse we were playing with last night. “Would you like to look after this one for me, Maddie? I think he likes you.”
I swear my heart just melts in my chest.
I’ve never seen Alistair so tender or affectionate in my life, and with my daughter, too? I have to swallow every feminine instinct to jump him right here and now.
Maddie looks up at him, suddenly shy again for some reason, and nods.
“Thank you.” She mumbles, leaning into my legs.
But the moment she takes the horse, she crushes it to her, and I have to swallow a slight lump in my throat.
This is ridiculous. But, hell, the whole pregnancy thing made me sentimental, and I haven’t been able to shake it since - not when it comes to Maddie.
And maybe not when it comes to her father, either.
He stands up and we share a look. The kind of look I didn’t think I’d ever end up sharing with someone…the joint feeling of ‘this is our kid, this is what we created’ - and isn’t it just so fucking special.
Then he goes and ruins it.
“And this is for you.” He hands me an envelope, and I frown.
“What is it?” I ask, opening it immediately to find a credit card inside.
It’s black. And it has my name on it.
“It’s unlimited - straight to my bank account. I want you and Maddie to have everything and anything you need, Leah.” He smiles at me, that same caring expression he’s worn this whole time together - but my heart drops into my stomach.
“No.” I say, before I even have a chance to think about it.
I push the envelope back against his chest and let go as if it’s burning me.
“I can’t take that, Alistair.”
His smile fades, and I can see the moment he works it out.
“Leah—”
“No.”
I don’t want to hear it. I’m not taking his fucking card.
The strength of my reaction surprises me - almost as much as it seems to surprise him.
“It’s for Maddie—”
“It’s too much.” I insist, then gesture around the apartment. “This. This was for Maddie. It was insane and extravagant and ridiculous, maybe, but that was okay. But…no. I’m not taking your money, Alistair.”
“Mommy?” Maddie looks up at me, hearing her name repeated and not understanding at all.
I try and give her a small smile. “It’s okay, sweetie. We’re just having a grown up talk.”
“Leah—”
I meet his eyes, and shake my head ‘no’. He looks like he’s going to object again - but neither of us want to argue in front of Maddie, and after a moment he sighs.
“I am going to take care of you.” He mutters.
I have a moment to feel a flicker of guilt - of uncertainty. I think about what I’m turning down - for my daughter.
And I don’t know why I refused point-blank.
It was what you came for.
Some support. Help. The kind of chance that I felt Maddie should have as the daughter of a rich-as-hell executive.
And it was right there - freely offered, the answer to every problem I’ve had over the last four years. And a week ago, it’s exactly what I would have taken.
But…I don’t know. Maybe I’m starting to see the other kind of support. The kind I hadn’t expected to get from Alistair at all. Maybe, suddenly, that matters more.
And after everything that happened last night - the way I feel now, the hope I don’t want to acknowledge…I don’t want it. I don’t want his money - and I don’t know what it would mean, for us. But however he intends it, I can’t leave here feeling bought.
There are already too many confusing things between us. I don’t want that to be another one.
“You did take care of us.” I say instead, softly. “Thank you for dinner, Alistair. And breakfast.”
Then I give Maddie’s hand a little squeeze, and turn around to leave.
* * *
“And you said no?!”
Emma doesn’t quite share my opinion. We’re sitting on the couch as she insists on hearing every little detail - and of course, I start with what’s right at the top of my mind. Maddie is playing in front of us, appearing content to make her new soft toy horse bounce all over Emma’s sitting room while she mumbles and hums to herself.
“I couldn’t do it, Em. It was too much - just think about it. It’s insane.”
“I am thinking about it. And yes, girl, it’s insane. You’re insane.” She gives me a pointed look, and somehow I feel like we’re not quite thinking of the same thing.
I sigh.
“It was all going so well, too. I was really starting to think…” I cut that off. “But then he goes and does that. Money and power. All over again—”
“He was trying to provide for your kid, Leah.”
“An unlimited credit card isn’t providing for my kid - it’s a dramatic gesture, a statement, something with so much more behind it.”
Emma shakes her head. “For an average guy, maybe providing for a kid means clothes and food and toys…a few hundred a month. But for Alistair Sinclair? Hell yes, Leah, maybe it means an unlimited credit card.”
I hesitate, her comments making me doubt my already questionable decision.
I look at Maddie again.
Am I doing the wrong thing?
Like I did when I refused to tell Alistair years ago?
We haven’t talked about it since that first, painful meeting - but every time I see the way he looks at her, I feel it.
Everything I spent years justifying to myself…was wrong.
He’s nothing like the overbearing, demanding father I was expecting. No, instead he’s giving Maddie everything I’ve always wanted for my little girl.
And I could have been here four years ago. Everything could be so different right now.
“Jeez, Leah…a black card. I’ve never even seen one of those. Which one was it?”
I blink at her. “I don’t know - checking it out wasn’t exactly a priority.”
“It really should’ve been.” She grins.
“Do you think I did the wrong thing?” I ask, sighing.
“Yes.”
Direct and unhesitating as ever.
“Thanks.” I say dryly.
“At the very least, you should’ve taken it and bought a house.” She points out. “You could always tear it up after.”
That startles a laugh out of me.
“I don’t think you can buy a house with a credit card, Emma.”
“Who knows - neither of us has ever had one of those cards. Nor will we now.” She says mournfully. “You could’ve at least let me see it.”
“Em. You are so not focusing on the right thing here. I need to work out what the hell to do about Alistair, and his crazy money, and all the things he keeps trying to do and…and just everything.”
She rolls her eyes at me.
“Okay. Let me get this right…you have a crazy-rich, hot-as-sin—”
“You’ve never even met him.” I interrupt.
“It’s Alistair Sinclair. I’ve seen the pictures.” She gives me a pointed look. “So, this smoking hot bazillionaire is offering to buy you and your kid anything you want. Yeah…um, sorry, what’s the problem again?”
“Emmmma.” I drag her name out, complaining, and she laughs at me.
Sometimes, it’s almost impossible to get her to take anything seriously. Or maybe this is just her way of trying to put things in perspective for me, just a little. She does that too.
And…maybe it’s working. Just a little bit. When she puts it like that, it does seem ridiculous.
But I’ve got this distinctly uncomfortable feeling for a reason. And I need to talk about it. With my best friend, damn it.
“Okay, okay.” She finally relents. “So go on, then. I’ll play the therapist for a bit. Tell me - why didn’t you take this too-good-to-be-true offer? And don’t give me some bullshit about thinking it’s a controlling a-hole move, because I know that you know better than that.”
She mouths the curses, the way we’ve gotten used to when Maddie is in the room, but the fact she’s using them at all tells me she’s not about to accept any deflection from me.
And she’s right. I know I’m over-sensitive as hell about the money-and-power thing - I just can’t seem to shut off that overriding need not to fall into the same patterns as last time - but I didn’t turn Alistair down because I thought he was trying to use that card as a way to control me. I’d have to be a complete idiot to think that was what it was about.
I’ve seen the way he looks at Maddie, the way he seems determined to take every opportunity to spoil her. Even if I told him to go to hell and did the exact opposite of what he wanted in every possible situation…he’d still be looking for a way to take care of her.
And, fuck it, I can’t blame him for that. Who the hell could?
But I refused the card anyway. And, honestly, I’m not even sure why. Especially after talking to Emma - it makes no sense…but I still feel the same way. And I can’t explain it.
I open my mouth to tell her that. But that’s not what comes out.
“I kissed him.”
Her head swivels around, and she stares at me - then the excitement that springs into her eyes makes me immediately regret saying it.
Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t seem to read complications and mess into that statement - no, I think she’s too caught up in the kissing a billionaire thing.
“Oh. Em. Gee. Leah, how was that not the first thing you said?” She pauses, then frowns. “Actually, a black credit card…you know, that’s a tough one. I can probably forgive you for that. So, go on, tell me everything. Was it stars exploding in your vision? Fireworks and magic? The moment of reunion you’ve been waiting for, for five years? And how was it only a kiss - if it’d been me, I would’ve been all over—”
“Emma.” I hiss at her.
Maddie is still in the room, even if she doesn’t seem the slightest bit interested in our conversation. Thank god.
“Aw, c’mon, Leah. You can’t tell me that and then expect me to behave. Especially since I haven’t been getting any since I’ve been trying to set up this damned business.” She grins at me.
“I don’t think I ever expect you to behave.” I mutter. “And no, it was nothing like that.”
That’s a blatant lie. Maybe Emma has a flair for the dramatic, but the weird buzzing feeling reminds me that all of that was exactly how it felt. Fireworks and magic, indeed. And Emma calls me on it - with nothing more than a skeptical, raised eyebrow.
“Okay, maybe it was a little like that.” I admit. “But it was a mistake - and we stopped.”
She blinks at me. “A mistake?”
“I didn’t come here to get back with him, Emma.”
“Sure, you didn’t expect to. You came hoping for a little financial help - which you’ve turned down, by the way - but if you could have the guy…”
I sigh, repeating what I swear I’ve said a dozen times now. “I already went there, remember? It didn’t work - which was fine when it was just me. But putting Maddie in that situation? Where the most likely outcome is the one that already happened?”
“It’s been five years, and you’ve got a kid. It wouldn’t be like it was back then.”
“That’s what he keeps saying.” I mutter.
She grins. “I’m liking him more and more. You gotta know that any guy who agrees with me is a keeper, right?”
I roll my eyes at her, but then she turns serious again.
“Seriously…I don’t get it. He’s the…well.” She glances over to Maddie. “You know what he is. And he’s good with her, he seems like a decent guy…no major red flags, other than your weird allergy to his money. You’re both still clearly into each other. I would’ve thought it was simple. Get together. Be a family. What could possibly be better for Maddie?”
I run a hand through my hair and sigh, staring off into the distance as I try to voice the doubt and fear that feels so deeply buried, it’s almost impossible to untangle. Except, I do know what it is.
I turn back to her, and from the way her expression closes off, I can guess what’s in mine.
“You know what’s worse than two parents who love you, but just don’t happen to be together? Two parents who are miserable and bitter because they ruined each others’ lives, and take it out on everyone around them.”
Emma pauses for a long moment, giving me a measured look.
“I take it you’re speaking from experience there.” She eventually says.
I shrug.
I haven’t seen my parents since they kicked me out, and honestly? I’m better off without them. Maybe I was hoping for a little support, but despite how hard it’s been…I’m glad Maddie didn’t have to grow up in that environment.
“Yeah. I was the kid they stayed together for.”
Ironic really, since they abandoned me in the end. The thing they tore their lives apart for…and now we don’t even speak. Or maybe it was just their values holding them back. The same values that meant they couldn’t let me raise a kid out of marriage. Fuck that.
I can see the sympathy in Emma’s expression, and try to shrug it off.
“Don’t worry about it. I stopped caring about them a long time ago - they made their own choices, and how their lives ended up was never my fault.”
It took a long time to believe that, but now it’s so deeply ingrained that I don’t even feel a flicker of the guilt I used to.
“But it’s why I’d rather keep this…whatever this is. The friendly, co-parent thing. A good relationship with him - instead of putting Maddie through something that crashes and burns. Because I won’t be like them - I won’t stay, if it all goes wrong.”
Emma nods, and doesn’t say anything for a long time. Long enough for me to get past the surge of emotions that were threatening to overwhelm me, until I’ve put them all to bed again.
“And…you really think it won’t work? That the chance is so small it’s not worth the risk?”
It’s a soft question, nothing like her previous exuberance, and I’m not sure whether I’m grateful for that or pissed off that she feels she needs to hold herself back.
I sigh.
That’s the problem.
That’s the dilemma.
It’s what I keep trying to tell myself - that the chance is too small, that the risk is too great…but the more I see him around Maddie, the more we talk and banter and start to share this parenting thing…the more that scale tips.
And I’m scared.
Scared it’s going to tip entirely in the other direction. That he’s going to convince me to go for it - and it will all end in devastation. Like before.
“I don’t know.” I finally let out. “I want to say yes. I want to say it’s possible. But…he’s so damn confusing. Everything he’s doing now…I don’t know. I don’t know whether it might be different. I don’t know whether I want to find out.”
Emma doesn’t say anything, just lets me continue talking, and I look over at her as I admit the other part of last night.
“He said it would be different, last night. Between us. He asked me to let him show me.” I pause, and my voice quietens as I finally add the last part. “And I agreed.”
She looks back at me, and even though she’s trying to be serious and sombre about this - trying to match my mood - I can see the sparkle in her eyes.
“Thank god.” She mouths at me, and I can’t help it.
I smile in response, my mood lifting just a little.
“I know, I know. You think I’m being completely stupid about it all. Making a drama out of nothing. But…” I shrug.
She gives a small laugh, shaking her head. “Maybe a little. But I’m not going to complain - everyone is going through their own stuff, Leah. Maybe I would’ve done this whole thing a little differently, but…hey, I didn’t lure a billionaire into my bed in the first place, I’m sure all this infuriating-ness is what he likes about you.”
“I didn’t lure him.” I object.
“No.” She grins. “He probably had to lasso you and tie you down, the way you’re acting.”
I blush, and her eyebrow rises instantly.
We only tried that once…
“Anyway.” I say, before she can start asking a million other questions. “That’s why I didn’t take the card. I guess. If I am going to seriously think about this…if we have a chance at something more…I don’t want the money getting in the way. I don’t want that to be part of it.”
It feels better to say it out loud, somehow. For all her objections and complaints, Emma really is good at listening to all my fucked up shit - and giving me the chance to work through it.
So maybe denying the card was the wrong thing, if what I’m looking for is a little financial support. But…I’m not sure that is what I’m looking for anymore. And maybe that’s fucking terrifying.
But it’s also something else, too.
I reach for my glass of water on the table, feeling like I need something after all of that.
“Hmm, okay.” Emma says, in a tone that immediately puts me on alert. “Good point. If you take the bazillionaire’s card, you get unlimited cash for as long as he wants. But marry him, well - then you’ve got it for life.”
I almost spit out my sip of water.
“Marrying him?!” I mouth the word at her, my eyes are bugging out. “I sure as hell didn’t say anything about that.”
Too far. Too far. Panic mode engaged.
“Weeell, I think that’s how it goes. First comes kissing - or, ideally, sex - then comes marriage…then here you come with the baby carriage.” She winks at me, then pauses. “Hm, wait. Maybe you got the order a little mixed up there, but—”
I push at her shoulder, trying to shut her up. I’m not sure whether I’m about to burst into fits of giggles, or have a mental breakdown - but I don’t stand a chance in hell of controlling myself if she continues like this.
She gives me an unrepentant smile.
“Some therapist you are.” I mutter. “I’m not sure children’s nursery rhymes are the epitome of professionalism.”
“They are if they provide sound life advice.” She says, her tone serious - before her expression gives her away with a grin. “But since we sorted you out, it’s definitely my turn. I need to vent about the ride Dylan is taking me on with this business. He still hasn’t shown me a single piece of evidence that he’s got any sponsors lined up, and we need to get a location confirmed as soon as…”
I sit back with a smile, settling in to listen.
Somehow, I think knowing that Emma has her own problems and shit she’s working through is almost as good therapy as talking about mine.