Chapter Five
Naomi
I get back from my first day at the new job feeling better than I have in…years.
Okay, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration - but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s true, either.
The staff were lovely, the kids were sweet and nice and had obviously decided to pretend not to be little terrors for at least my first day, and I actually felt like I could do this.
Not to mention - the cupcakes? A total hit.
Definitely worth embarrassing myself last night.
One of my best batches, actually. Enough that I’m wondering whether tripling the quantities does something to the flavor that means I should really do that more often…
Though I don’t actually have that many people in my life to give cupcakes to.
Not yet, anyway.
Based on today, that’s looking promising too. There were a couple of other teachers around my age and they made a real effort to show me around, get me comfortable with the school and how everything works, and spent most of our break periods checking in on me and chatting. My position might be temporary - but I wasn’t made to feel like it at all. In fact, they made more effort to welcome me than I got from filling a permanent position at my last school. I mean, maybe some of it is because Maria went into labor a month early and they weren’t quite ready to fill her position so they’ve all been stretched thin for the last couple of weeks and are no doubt relieved to see me - but even so, it’s not the kind of thing I remember from any of my short-lived teaching career before.
It’s the first time I’ve felt like I really did the right thing, coming here. All the doubts while I was applying to different schools and trying to work out whether I was ready for it - looking at different towns and wondering what it would be like to live in such a small place where everyone seems to know each other…
But, I guess that’s what makes everyone so friendly - it’s a community. Everyone knows each other and lives close enough that they almost have to try to get on with each other.
And after feeling so alone and isolated for so long…the idea of becoming part of that kind of large, overarching support network that I never had in Portland…that feels pretty damn good.
When I get home, I’m still buzzing from it all and I find myself with too much energy for my earlier plan of crashing out with a cup of coffee, some chocolate and a good book for the evening. Instead, I want to do something - I’m just not sure what. Today might have gone well, but it was never going to be good enough to give me a phone full of contacts to message and make plans with.
That’s the sort of thing that will come later - it will, Naomi, don’t think about that - but for my first evening? Nope, it’s just me. And I should be fine with that, too.
You’re enjoying your own company now, remember?
And I was fully expecting that after working for the first time in a couple of years, I’d be too exhausted to want to move. Yeah, I was planning on wanting to hide at home for at least a week.
This unexpected energy isn’t exactly a bad problem to have, but…hmm.
You’ll figure something out.
I unpack the shopping that I did on the way home, and set the coffeemaker going on instinct as I consider different options.
It’s beautiful around here - and while outdoors-type activities have never really been my thing, I promised myself I’d at least try new things now that I’m here. Maybe I do like walking through the woods and visiting lakes now?
But…it’s also miserable weather and misty gray rain, so…if I do want to start liking those things, it’s probably not the best time to test that theory.
I pull out my second pack of sugar and set it on the counter as I’m thinking - the one I bought for Mack next door. Then I pause.
I decided as I was making them last night that I’d take some of the cupcakes around as well, as a ‘thank you’ and to hopefully make up for any awkwardness in interrupting his evening. I do want to get on with my neighbors, after all, even if it feels more than a little difficult with ‘the hot stranger’ next door. And now seems like as good a time as any to go around, offer cupcakes and see whether I can alleviate some of the discomfort that I seem to feel when I think of seeing him out on the street.
I grab a tin from the cupboard and start packing them up, part of me wondering whether I’m doing this just because I like the idea of some conversation before I settle in for an evening alone.
But that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing and I did want to start getting to know my neighbors, after all.
Which gives me another thought - and I set aside some more cupcakes in another tin for Betty as well. I’ll take some around to her afterward to introduce myself, and be a little more persistent in getting her attention this time, too. After I deliver these to Mack.
And whatever he thinks about me, I’m sure Tyler will appreciate the cupcakes.
That thought makes me smile. He goes to the local school, obviously, so I saw him again today. Only during lunch, out in the playground, and I was a little sorry to learn that he’s not actually in my class. He seemed like a good kid when I saw him on Saturday, and there’s something about that mischievous grin he has that makes my heart flip a little.
Maybe that makes it a good thing that you’re not teaching him.
So far, being surrounded by a group of little children hasn’t been as hard on my poor, insistent bodyclock as I thought it might be. Of course, as I start getting to know all the different personalities in my class it might get a little harder.
Or, you know, maybe it’ll help. It’ll be like having twenty kids of your own.
I know that’s not true, but I let myself believe it anyway. Positive thoughts and all that, yeah?
I walk out the door with that in mind, and it almost works against the slight creep of nerves I get at the thought of seeing Mack again. I still don’t know what it is about him that does that - at first I figured it was just that intimidating presence, his powerful body making me think of the kind of rough, violent strength that leaves me paralyzed with fear, but…I’m not so sure anymore.
His obvious strength shouldn’t mean anything - especially as he’s nothing at all like Anton, who was thin and wiry and mean, with tightly knotted muscles and a cruel expression. Maybe it’s those dark eyes, and the way they stare right into me, like they can see far more than I want anyone to know? Only, I think I might be making that up.
I’m not even sure why I care so much - or why I keep thinking about it. Maybe it’s just because I’m trying to get away from this kind of nervous anxiety, so it’d be more than a little helpful to know what keeps triggering it.
I’m lost in thinking about that when I slip open the gate at the front of Mack’s house and start walking up the path—
To the sudden blaring of an ear-piercing alarm.
I freeze in panic, eyes wide as I glance around, my heart suddenly exploding in my chest.
The gate behind me slams into place, and I hear the automatic lock click on it - and then bright lights flood down onto me from where I hadn’t even noticed them in the roof of the house.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…
The only thing I’m waiting for is a huge, barking dog to come racing out to rip me to pieces and then—
Everything suddenly shuts off again. The noise dies, the lights disappear and it’s almost as if I imagined the whole thing…
Except I still can’t move. I’m frozen in complete panic, clutching the tin of cupcakes to my chest and struggling for breath.
Oh my god, I’m going to die, I’ve broken into his house and now he’s going to come out and kill me and…
“Naomi?”
I flinch.
I can’t help it. I think I’m shaking like a leaf.
“Hey, sorry about all that - forgot I left those on.”
Mack is walking down towards me from the front porch - and from the edge of my vision, I see him slowly come to a stop, a good distance away.
“Hey.” His tone softens, like I’m a spooked animal or something. Maybe I am. “Are you okay?”
I force myself to swallow. Force some of my muscles to unclench. And awkwardly jerk myself around so that I’m looking at that massive chest - not at all able to meet his eyes right now.
I take a deep breath, try to remind myself it was just some crazy alarm system and that nothing is wrong - I haven’t done anything wrong.
“I—I, yes.” I get out, taking some more breaths and trying to calm down, dimly aware that this is yet another time he’s seen me act insane.
What the hell is it about him?
Though, to be fair, this was all his alarm system.
His totally over the top, intimidating as fuck, stupid alarm system.
Who has something like that?
“Sorry.” I finally get out, though it definitely comes out in a defensive, this-is-not-my-fault tone. “That…startled me.”
He’s still giving me that long, silent look - but this time it’s less ‘what the hell are you doing on my doorstep’ and more ‘I think you’re about to freak out’. Which, if I didn’t feel like I got really super close to freaking out there, I might object to as well.
I take another deep breath, and my rattled nerves right themselves enough that I can straighten slightly and shrug at him.
“I, um…well, I just came to give you back that sugar - and, and some cupcakes. For you and Tyler. To say thanks, and…’nice to meet you’, I guess.” I look around the front yard again, a little suspiciously. “I didn’t realize you…didn’t like people entering your property.”
He chuckles, and it’s a surprising enough sound - deep and warm and something else entirely - that I finally make it all the way out of my own head and look up at him.
“It’s not that.” He shakes his head. “I work in security. So I have a lot of kit to play with - and sometimes I leave it on for Tyler. He has fun with it, too, it adds to some of his games if he gets to sneak around and set off crazy alarms.”
It’s the most I think I’ve ever heard from him, which might be distracting enough if I wasn’t totally absorbed by what he just said.
He leaves that on for his kid to play with?
I’m not sure whether to be impressed or concerned. If it hadn’t almost scared me to death a moment ago though, it probably wouldn’t be a question.
“And your neighbors don’t complain?”
It’s the first thing that comes to mind and it makes him laugh again. Which I like the sound of more than I want to admit.
“Well, as I said last night - I doubt Betty even notices. And up until this weekend, that house was empty. So…you tell me. Are the neighbors going to complain?”
I flush as I suddenly realize he probably thought I was talking about, well, me. A full half of his potential neighbor problem.
“Um, no.” I say instead. “I don’t think so. But…god, you did scare me.”
He offers me a brief smile and shrugs again, his hands going into his back pockets and the movement showing off the clear lines of his chest. The ones that I definitely don’t look at.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” He nods towards the tin I’m still clutching to my chest. “And when you come bearing baked goods, too.”
“Oh, right, yes.”
The comment reminds me and I hold them out, together with the packet of sugar, then frown as I feel them rolling around inside.
“Um, they might be a little…squashed. I think I shook them when those alarms came on.”
“They’ll taste just the same.” He smiles at me, and for the first time since I arrived, I feel that knot inside my stomach easing - just a little. “That’s all Tyler will care about about.”
“And you?” I ask, finding myself smiling back.
“Well…pretty packaging might catch my eye. But it’s still the taste that wins me over.”
His eyes hold mine while he’s speaking, and I suddenly find it hard to remember what exactly we’re talking about.
I swallow, and try not to let the blush creep up to my face again - especially as I’m sure that’s not the right response to a conversation about cupcakes. Not at all.
“Do you want to come inside?” He asks, startling me.
Everything he does seems to be so…unpredictable. And I’m not sure what to say.
Yes, I’d like that.
But I’m struggling to work out what’s going on here, or what he’s saying.
“Um, yeah. Sure. Thank you.”
It comes out before I can let the uncertainty incapacitate me, and I offer him a small smile.
You did want to do something this evening, right?
He turns and I walk up next to him, shooting another suspicious look at the yard around his house - half expecting something else to jump out at me.
“You know, you surprised me too - turning up at my front door last night.” He glances at me. “I wanted to apologize if I was rude about it. I felt like I upset you.”
“Oh.” I shake my head quickly. “No, it’s okay. I…I can be a little jumpy, sometimes.”
Shit. That’s not what I wanted to say.
I was going to mention that he’d been with Tyler and it was understandable. I’m trying to make a real effort not to talk about things like that.
Though I’m pretty sure he’d already noticed without me pointing it out - and I relax a little when he doesn’t say anything more about it.
Instead, he opens the door and gestures me inside. I step in and wait for him to walk past and lead me through the hallway I’d seen glimpses of last night.
He heads into the kitchen, putting the cupcakes down on the table and looking over at me as I join him.
“Do you want a coffee, or something to drink? I had it brewing.”
“Ooh, yes please.” That suggestion really does make me smile, suddenly remembering my brewing coffee back home. “I was going to have some before I came out - must have forgotten it.”
He pulls a couple of mugs out and starts making the coffee while I sit down at the table and look around the room. It’s a small enough kitchen that Mack’s large presence at the counter seems to fill the whole room - but it’s not in an oppressive way. Everything is obviously kept neat and orderly, too, far more so than the way I’ve packed my slightly-bigger kitchen with cooking gadgets and rows of herbs and spices along the counter tops.
He turns and passes me a mug a moment later, then leans back against the counter with his own as I pull it in toward me, inhaling the bitter tang of coffee and smiling again.
“Thanks. A day of kids running around usually has me craving something like this.”
“Heh, no argument there - bad enough with just the one sometimes. I’m not sure I could deal with a whole class of them.”
I give him a quick look up and down. Somehow, I can’t quite see him having much trouble…a guy like Mack, I think they might stop and listen. But I don’t say it as I take a sip of the coffee, letting it scald my tongue just a little.
He does the same and then reaches out to flip the lid of the cupcake tin off, revealing the mostly-okay cupcakes. A couple of them have the frosting smeared against the edges or each other, but they don’t look completely destroyed - which, considering my shock earlier, I count a success.
“Still pretty.” He says, and again, something about that tone of voice goes right through me. “I think I better try one before Tyler gets back and eats them all.”
He smiles at me as he picks one up from the center of the tin, and I raise an eyebrow.
“Aren’t you supposed to be the parent?”
I realize moments later - yet again - that it could be taken the wrong way, but this time I don’t care. For once, I’m actually starting to feel a little comfortable around him and I get the impression that Mack isn’t all that easily offended anyway.
I think I’m right, too, because his eyes sparkle back at me.
“Please do tell the kiddo that. He can be sneaky sometimes.”
That makes me laugh, and I just look at him. “You set up alarms and spotlights for him to play with, and then complain that he’s sneaky?”
“Okay, maybe you have a point there.”
He grins at me, taking a big bite of the cupcake.
“Where is he tonight?” I look around, even though it was obvious as soon as I walked in that Tyler isn’t at home.
“Oh wow.” Mack says instead, totally distracted between mouthfuls of cupcake. “This is amazing.”
I grin, a satisfied warmth spreading through me at the comment - half the fun I get from making cupcakes is in watching other people enjoy them.
“You have to have one.” He pushes them towards me with enthusiasm, as if I might not realize what I’m missing out on.
I laugh a little and shake my head. “I already did at school. I’m fine - they were for you guys anyway.”
I push them back towards the center and take a sip of my coffee instead, as he finishes the cupcake with a large bite and tosses the paper into the trash. Then he reaches over and takes the packet of sugar from the counter, placing it down on the table with a small thump.
“Well, I’m thinking you should take this back. I’m happy to trade sugar for cupcakes any day.”
He grins at me and I find myself giving a small smile back, my cheeks heating slightly from meeting the sparkle in those eyes. There’s just something about him that makes it hard to hold his gaze—
He rolls his shoulders back, letting out a deep breath as he drains his coffee.
“Thanks for those. After the day I’ve had, I think a little sugar rush was exactly what I needed.”
“Tough time at work?” I ask, curious.
The open, easy expression disappears in an instant, and I feel more than see his expression close off into hard lines again.
“Not as bad as it could’ve been.” He shrugs stiffly, and after a moment I realize he has no intention of elaborating.
Back to that again, I guess.
But then, I can understand having some things you don’t want to talk about. I’m just a little disappointed to somehow say the wrong thing and interrupt the casual, easy flow of conversation that we’d finally managed.
“Security, right? That’s what you said you do?” I try, reluctant to just let it slip away.
He nods, still looking off into the distance over my shoulder. I chew the corner of my lip, still curious about his job, but wanting to bring the conversation back around to something a little safer.
“Did you design the system outside yourself?”
He nods again, but this time his eyes flit back to me, and some of the preoccupation clears from his expression.
“Got most of the kit from work, but I set it up, yes.” His mouth finally cracks into a crooked smile again. “As I said, I just like to play with it - there’s not much other use for it, ‘round here.”
“At least until someone tries to invade your home with cupcakes.”
He chuckles, exactly the effect I’m hoping for, and the warm sound of it settles somewhere deep within me.
“True - there’s a perk I wasn’t expecting. If it hadn’t stopped you, you might have changed your mind and run off to keep them for yourself, and that really would have been criminal.”
That makes me snort. “More likely that it would have been the reason I ran off and didn’t come back with cupcakes again. Scared me half to death.”
Somehow, that’s not so hard to admit now.
“I’ll make sure to turn it off next time.” He says, though he doesn’t seem particularly apologetic. If anything, I’d say the whole situation entertained him.
Bastard.
But his good humor is slightly infectious, even as I give him a pointed nod. “Good - just imagine, it could have been Betty coming by instead. That might have caused an actual heart attack.”
“Old Betty? Nah, she’s made of sturdier stuff than that.” He laughs, shaking his head, and I have a moment to feel like he’s insulting me. “She probably would have stood there staring up at the cameras with an exasperated tolerance until I came to switch it all off. I have a feeling she sees me as as much of a kid as Tyler, just with slightly different toys.”
His self-deprecating smile takes away some of the sting of being told I’m not as steady as an old woman - that, and hearing the affection in his voice. It reminds me of how close-knit this town is, and I can’t help but appreciate that kind of warmth.
I make a mental note to bring Betty with me next time and stand her in between us, to match his intense staring with a little of her own. The thought of that makes me want to laugh, but I shake it off before I have to explain it, and point out something else I’ve been thinking about instead.
“You know, I think there’s a flaw in the design there. These things are meant to keep intruders out - the way you have it set up, it traps them inside with you.”
Which is the last thing I’d want, to be trapped in an enclosed space with someone dangerous.
Mack’s mouth firms into a hard line, though, and something glints in his eyes at the comment - not the sparkling amusement that I’d been enjoying, but something a whole lot…darker. The same thing that intimidated me when I first met him.
“Which is exactly how I want it - I’d want to know who’s trying to sneak around my property, and what they’re up to.”
“But—”
“When I find them? I’m sure I can deal with anything that comes my way.”
Said like that, I believe him. I’m not sure what’s changed, but I can almost feel his posture vibrating with deadly intent, and I have to repress the shiver that wants to run down my spine.
Of course. Mack isn’t the sort of man to worry about that threat of violence. I suddenly can’t understand how I forgot that he’s probably just as capable of it himself. The hairs on the back of my arms are standing up again, but…this time, I don’t have that panicked response to danger. Sure, the air is suddenly thick with… something…but it’s not directed at me.
If anything, that even feels…I don’t know.
Reassuring, maybe? In some fucked up way.
“I’m sure you can.” I murmur in response, and he blinks, that taut expression easing as he gives me a small shrug.
“Not that it’s an issue.” He shrugs, then collects my empty mug to place it with his own in the sink.
“Could you set up something similar for my house?”
It slips out before I realize what I’ve said, and then I bite down on my lip.
Damn.
Sure, it’s been almost all I can think about during this conversation - and with the easy atmosphere between us, it just slipped out, but—
“Why?”
Yeah, but that.
I can see him looking over at me, that gaze intensifying again, and there’s something in his tone—
“No reason.” I say hurriedly. “I mean, I was just curious. It looks…like a good set up.”
He cocks his head, and I can feel his eyes running up and down me as I flush. I know it doesn’t help that I can’t look back at him, but I just know if I do, he’ll see right through me.
“As I said, hun.” His voice is low, thrumming with something I can’t identify as he doesn’t let it go. “There’s nothing to worry about ‘round here.”
“Yeah.” I agree quickly, nodding. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. Just…you can never be too careful, right?”
I stand up, suddenly feeling like I should probably leave. Before I overstay my welcome or something.
Or something.
“Is there something in particular that you’re trying to be careful about, Naomi?” His brow is furrowed, and my heart skips a beat.
You idiot, Naomi.
I send a quick, reassuring smile in his direction, then shake my head.
“No, no, sorry. There’s nothing to worry about - I was just curious, that’s all.” I glance around the room, not wanting to meet the eyes that I just know will be all intent-and-smoldering-and-impossible. “But I should, well, I should probably be going. Thanks for the coffee, though - it was, um, really nice of you. To invite me in and everything. Thank you.”
I pick up the sugar on the table in a clear ready-to-leave-gesture and to my relief, he doesn’t stop me, despite the nervous chatter I don’t seem to be able to help around him. Instead, he walks me to the door without comment. I turn around with a little wave on the doorstep, ready to say goodbye.
“Yes.”
I pause as his voice stops me, blinking as I look up at him. He’s got that stoic, unreadable expression on his face again, but he repeats it for me.
“Yes. I can set up a security system for your house.” My breath catches in my throat, but I catch the glint of something else in his eyes as they bore into me again. “If that’s what you want.”
I hesitate.
There’s a huge part of me - the part that can’t forget, no matter how many breathing exercises or therapy sessions I do - that wants it. That wants that kind of security. That peace of mind.
But I also know I’ve said too much already - raised too many suspicions. I don’t want to give Mack more reason to think about it, to ask, to know. And I can’t explain it - I just made that totally clear to myself - I can’t explain my seemingly irrational desire for an over-the-top security set up in a small town with nothing much going on.
“I, er.” I take a deep breath, try to smile. “Thanks, but it was just curiosity. Really. If, um, if I change my mind, I’ll let you know.”
Then I really do wave, before he can say anything else - and retreat down the path through his front yard as fast as I can without being obvious about it.
When I hear the door to his house close behind me, I let out a deep breath.
God-damn it, Naomi.
But, as I slip back inside my own house, I’m not entirely sure it was all my fault.
There’s something about Mack that makes it hard to remember that I’m not ready to talk about any of it. Not now, and maybe not ever. This is my new life, and I don’t want to bring that stuff here. Once the demons start to fade, it might never be necessary anyway.
I’d rather none of these people know about all that, if they don’t have to.
I’m not ashamed. That’s not it - not really. Not anymore.
But I don’t want anyone’s pity, either.
I can still see the way some of those people at the shelter looked at me, as I was explaining my story…the way I looked at the others…
It’s almost impossible not to. Natural human compassion. Empathy.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck, though.
It’s bad enough that Mack has probably guessed more than I’d like him to know - I don’t want a few things I’d rather leave behind to become common gossip in this new town. That’s the not-so-good thing about a small place like this - I have a feeling that once someone knows something, everyone will.
And Mack is too damn perceptive by far.
I sigh, heading back to my kitchen to put the sugar back into the cupboard.
At least it’s not going to be as difficult to get along with him - in a purely neighborly way of course - as I’d thought at first. Sure, he’s big and intimidating when he’s being all serious…but when you actually get him talking, it’s different. I smile again as I think of the way his eyes sparkled, and that teasing expression as he laughed with me. Warmth floods through me, but I ignore that.
All I wanted from this evening was to be on slightly better terms with my neighbor, and…well, that seemed to work. But now that he’s not glaring at me, and I’m not wanting to hide whenever I see him…it would probably be best to leave it there.
He makes me feel vulnerable and strange, and it’s like I’m not fully in control of myself when I’m around him.
I’ve satisfied some of that initial curiosity. I’ve planted the basis for a good, simple, neighborly relationship.
Which is all you wanted, Naomi.
So now all I really need to do is keep a safe distance.
Mack is a good guy. I’m pretty sure of that, despite how I don’t really trust my judgment about these things anymore.
But I’m just a little bit too fascinated by him. A little too interested. And he’s a little too observant.
So until I feel settled and secure enough to deal with all that, I think too many evening coffees might get in the way of the new life I’m trying to create.
Polite distance it is.
Letting that resolution sink in, I look over at the remaining cupcakes and find another tin to place them in. Then I glance at the clock before I head out, nodding to myself.
At least Old Betty isn’t likely to give me any of those kinds of problems.