Chapter 43
Avidya
Just breathe, I kept repeating. Just keep breathing.
No one could change my mind, even if I gave them a chance. I once thought I could see how my life would be. I knew what was going to happen, with or without children.
I knew without a doubt what Zach’s view of marriage and children was and yet, here I am, fearing the worst now that I was standing here, staring at the stick with a plus sign.
How could everything be okay now? He was going to be so disappointed in not only me, but himself too. It was both of our faults, but more so mine.
I wanted to be a parent, even after everything my own had put me through. I wanted to know what it felt like to have a baby grow within me.
He didn’t. Zachariah would rather have me dead than bring a child into this world.
His words echoed in my head once more. The same words that he had spoken louder than he ever intended to as he spoke to his father in the kitchen. The same kitchen where he had roughly made love with me in against the countertop just days ago.
Growing up, I had learned to expect many things. Becoming a wife and mother was just one of those many things. It took years for that idea to be acceptable, and now that wasn’t what was expected of me anymore.
Not with Zachariah. Not with my husband that I had married willingly.
Now, here I was, lost in my own thoughts, my own pain, for what was to come.
I knew what would happen if Zachariah found out. There was no when, because I’d do everything in my power to make sure he never, ever found out.
Even if I had to do something that tore my heart in two to do it.
It was the only way to keep not only me, but also the life inside of me, alive and safe.
Wiping my tears off my face, and burying the stick in the garbage can as deep as possible and wrapped up in a pad to hide it, I knew what had to be done. There was no other way around it. Thanks to Kenna stopping by after Zachariah went to work to drop off the pregnancy test, I wouldn’t know for sure until it was possibly too late.
Finding my phone on the nightstand, right where I had left it, I called Carlos. It would be the only time I ever called my father-in-law, as normally Julia was the one that would find out any information needed from me.
“Avidya,” he answered, surprised more than anything else. I didn’t blame him.
“I need your help,” I said, willing my emotions to stay hidden as long as possible.
“Alright,” he said, alert as ever. “I’ll be there soon.” With that, he hung up. Was he expecting me to call, asking for his help? Was I doing the right thing? I had to be, even though I felt like I was killing everyone around me.
Knowing what needed to be done, I packed a bag full of a few things that I would need. Having been raised without much, I knew I could do it again. I had no plans to come back here, least of all on my own free will once I left this house. I wouldn’t need much of the stuff that was here, knowing if I took anything of value, Zachariah would track me down way too easily.
Carlos showed up not ten minutes after the phone call. He stopped me mid pace through the house. I was sure I looked like a mess. I felt like it. My emotions were everywhere.
“Avidya?” he asked, laying his hands on my shoulders. “What’s going on?”
“I’m pregnant,” I cried out softly, wrapping my arms around my middle. “He can’t know.”
“Are you sure?” Carols asked, looking at my intently.
“If I don’t get out now, I’m not going to. I can’t force parenthood on Zach. I can’t,” I said, letting my tears fall freely, giving up on trying to keep in all in. There was no point.
“Are you sure he wouldn’t be okay with it?” Carlos asked. “He could change his mind after finding out.”
“He’s made it clear that he’d do anything to make sure I didn’t have any children,” I stated plainly, despite the tears. “I can’t take that chance. Not as long as I’m able to make sure of it.”
“Alright,” Carols said with a nod of his head. “If you’re sure.”
“Nothing else has been as sure as this,” I said, even as I felt my heart breaking in half.
“Okay, then,” Carlos said, stepping back and picking up my bag that was sitting in front of the door. “I know the perfect place. I’ll make a call and keep that husband of yours busy for the next few hours.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, following him out of the house.
“I said I’d help if you ever wanted out. I helped your mom and I’ll help you,” he said before ushering me quickly into the car, giving some sort of order to one of the guards that wanted to know where I was going.
“How far along do you think you are?” he asked.
“At least three months, I’m guessing. I may not have kept up on my birth control since the wedding,” I answered.
Three months to the date of our fast wedding. Three happy months, for the most part. Three months of memories that would now have to last me a lifetime.
Once in the car and driving out of the driveway, Carlos picked up his phone.
“Yes, I’d like to report a sex trafficking ring that is going on downtown. Anonymously, please,” Carlos said without second thinking his motive.
I watched in a daze, lost in thought as Carlos drove away from the one place I could truly call home. I watched as the trees passed by and blurring along the land.
Was I doing the right thing? Were there any other options? I really didn’t think there was anything else I could do. All I could do was run to save my life, and the life inside of me.
“I know the safest place you can go,” Carlos stated quietly. “I have everything ready for you.”
“Thank you,” I said, my voice breaking as the words passed my lips. “Am I doing the right thing?” I couldn’t help but ask. I needed someone to tell me that I was doing the right thing. If not, I don’t know what I’ll do. Really, I don’t.
“I think so,” Carlos answered after a moment of thought. “I know my son is very anti-children. I certainly wouldn’t put it past my son to take measures into his own hands.”
“He’d make me get rid of it.” I knew in my heart that he would do just that.
“Most likely,” Carlos grimaced out. “I’m truly sorry, child. I never expected you to become pregnant. At least not right now. Given a little time, Zach might come around to the idea.”
“He can’t know,” I stated with a shake of my head.
“I’ll do my best to make sure of it,” Carlos stated with as much truth as he could. “At least until you tell me otherwise.”
I knew he would. Carlos would do everything to keep me safe, no matter what. Zachariah would tear the whole entire world apart to find me, but he would never be able to. I wouldn’t be found until I wanted to be.
At this point, I knew I wouldn’t want to be found.
Leaving was the only option. Leaving everything behind me, never to return, was the only thing I could do. There was no looking back.