Chapter 42
Zachariah
Red.
That one word caused my world to crash.
The one word caused my heart to fill with dread and lost hope.
My heart went straight to my stomach like a bowling ball.
I warned Kenna, but she didn’t listen. It was her own nature, but I knew the topic was upsetting my wife. I could see her from the corner of my eye as she fought back her emotions.
It was a topic I had told Avidya that would never be an option for me when I first met her. She knew that I didn’t want kids. She knew that I’d likely take the situation into my own hands if it ever did happen.
So why the fuck did Kenna let Travis bring it up? Now of all times?
Or ever.
“I’m sorry,” Kenna said. She actually seemed to be for once. “I was out of line.”
“We are done here,” I said, standing up and holding my hand out for my wife. Anger boiled in my veins.
Avidya silently followed me out of the club, hearing Travis and Kenna whisper yell at one another.
I open the car door, letting her into the car before closing it and going around to my side.
I have had the safe word called out before, but not often. It was normally when I was playing at the club, and people were watching. That…that I was able to handle.
It broke my heart that my wife called that word. I didn’t think she’d ever call it, least of all today when it was just a normal double date. Well, as normal as our kind of people could get.
“Do you want to talk?” I asked her before starting the car.
She shook her head, tears streaking down her face.
Those fucking tears.
“We will talk when we get home,” I stated. I knew we had to talk about it. Even though she called her word, we still had to get past this.
“It’s over with,” she muttered out, leaning her head against the headrest as I drove away. I’d deal with Kenna later. Right now, my wife needed me more. There had to be a way to make it better. A way to make her understand why I reacted the way I do when it comes to children.
If she’d listen to me, of course.
~oOo~
Once home, I helped a sleepy, teary eyed Avidya out of the car. She hadn’t spoken a word to me.
“We need to talk,” I demanded once we were in the bedroom.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she groaned out between her teeth.
“Avidya,” I said, kneeling down in front of her as she sat on the bed.
She refused to meet my eyes and I let out a harsh breath.
“You don’t have to look at me,” I said, hating that she didn’t want to. “But please listen.”
She swallowed loudly.
“I don’t like kids. You know that. I don’t want to watch my child be targeted because of who I am. I don’t want to put the loss of a child on you because one of my enemies uses it as a way to get to me. It’s fucking bad enough that you are used against me and you will continue to be without a doubt.
“I hate the fact that the idea hurts you, but I can’t let a child be born into our way of life. I refuse to let it happen. That’s why I have the rule of you staying on some sort of birth control.
“Please, Avidya. Please understand that.”
I begged. I fucking begged my wife, my submissive, to understand me.
“I understand,” she muttered out, her voice thick with tears. “Doesn’t change the fact that you’d kill a baby.”
“Are you pregnant? Is that why Kenna brought it up?” I asked as the thought popped into my head. Would I reconsider my options if she was?
“No,” she sniffed out.
“Good,” I sighed out. I’d have given it a chance if it got my wife to fucking not cry and hate me. Because I knew she would hate me, and I couldn’t stand that. “Is that why you called red? Because I’d force a baby that had no say to die?”
“You can’t kill everyone you don’t like,” she said, her chin quivering. “But to make you happy, if I did happen to have a kid, I’d give it up if it got to keep on living.”
I know she would. That was why with this girl right here, why I wouldn’t force her to have an abortion, despite my words.
“You’d tell me if you, were, right?” I asked, looking deeply at her.
“Yes,” she answered without a thought on the subject.
“Alright,” I sighed out. “Are you okay now?”
“Yeah,” she sniffed through a yawn. “Tired.”
“Take a nap,” I said gently.
Had I been taking too much from her to make her so tired lately? Was she still trying to figure how to live with me, and that alone was causing too much stress?
“Will you stay?” she asked, her watery eyes meeting mine.
“Always,” I smiled before pressing a kiss to the top of her head.