Chapter 13
Zachariah
Leaning my hands against the countertop, letting them curve around the edge, I took a deep breath. My thoughts swirled around like a zig-zag loop in my brain.
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it sure as fuck wasn’t that, whatever that was in the living room. I wasn’t expecting my wife to take to the boy like that. Heck, I wasn’t even sure the boy would even take to my mom of all people!
I knew Avidya was able to handle kids. I’d seen her work with them for many years before she fell into my lap. I just never saw her so willing to put herself out there to make a kid comfortable. I hadn’t expected my wife to do what she did.
Avidya had a heart filled with love to share with everyone.
“What’s going on?” my dad asked as he stepped into the kitchen.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” I growled out, dismissing his questioning.
“Seeing her acting like a mom affecting your thoughts?” he guessed.
I wasn’t going to let him see how right he was on that thought. Seeing Avidya, the one woman I loved more than anything else in the world, acting like a mother went straight through me. It beat inside my heart, knowing that I was unwilling to do the one thing she probably wanted the most out of life.
She was a natural at being a mother. I just hadn’t realized that until now.
“Fuck off,” I said through gritted teeth, trying, and failing, to get my emotions under control.
“It’s to be expected, you know,” he said, almost singing the words.
He knew my stance on children, and yet he still pushed the subject way too much for my liking. I was making sure that the issue would not happen. At all. Avidya would stay on birth control until she was unable to carry a child.
“No,” I stated, lifting my head up. “Children are not an option, and you know exactly why. I’ll damn well make sure of it.”
“I thought that at one point in time, too,” he went on as though I hadn’t spoken. His voice was soft as he remembered back. Remembered back to a time that was just as tough as it was now about raising a family with children in the line of work that we did. “But things have changed since then.”
“For the worse,” I muttered. Changing the subject, I asked, “What will happen with the boy?”
“Well, Melio and Violet are looking to adopt, and haven’t had any luck yet in finding a child to do so with,” my dad said. “I’m sure they would be willing to take Toby in.”
“And if not?” I bit out. I didn’t want that boy anywhere near my wife. The farther away, the better.
I admit, I was jealous. How could I not be when she took to him so fucking easily. Much easier than she had taken to me at first.
“Oh, they will. I can guarantee that they will,” my dad, sounding amused that I thought otherwise. He saw something in my expression that prompted him to continue on. “It’s not like you have to be part of the boy’s life.”
It wasn’t me that I was worried about.
What would I do if Avidya wanted children of her own? I couldn’t deny her, but this—this was not something that would ever happen.
“I’ll give Melio a call,” Dad said with a sigh. Was he hoping I’d offer to take the child in? Fat chance in Hell for that to happen.
While my father stepped out into the back yard, I made my way to check on my wife. I knew Toby was tired. He was just a child, brought into this world, this life, because of the man that was now dead and being tossed into a river to float downstream.
I knew that Shemoli wasn’t the smartest, but I never thought he’d be stupid enough to kill himself. Let alone right in front of me. Guess it saved me the trouble of killing him myself, that’s for sure.
Walking into the living room, I found Avidya and Toby both asleep. The sight of them there, the boy with his head against my wife and covered with a blanket, make me grimace. I hated the fact that I knew my wife wanted children, and she would never be able to do so.
She knew I didn’t want any, and I would make sure that stuck. Keeping Avidya safe was enough of a task to do most days. Adding a child into the mix was just not in my plans.
How had my father taken such measures to keep me and my brother safe? Even my mother?
I had no idea. It just wasn’t possible. Not with the threats that are out there.
I desperately wanted to tell Avidya how sorry I was. Sorry for not being the man that could give her anything she wanted. Money? She had that, and always would. She’d have any gadget, clothing items, or car that her heart desired. But a child?
Nope. Nada.
She’ll hate me, but even if she were to get pregnant, I’d force her to have an abortion. Even if I had to drag her to do so.