Hannah

 

Hannah knew it was risky to take the hitman with her. But she felt like she had no choice. If she left him to die, she was no better than Salvatore, was she? Doing whatever it took to survive, stomping on anyone and anything to make the process easier. Maybe that was necessary. Maybe to live on your own terms you had to be that way. Maybe you had to be selfish to survive.

 

But Hannah wasn’t ready to believe that. Not yet. Not while there was still a single drop of hope left in her body.

 

And besides, he was right. An empty motel room would create more questions than answers, and it’d buy her time. But still, she’d have to get rid of him at some point soon. I have to get rid of this car, too, she realized. I’ve had it for too long. The cops might be looking for stolen vehicles in this area.

 

The cops. Hannah had this nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she should’ve just gone to them from the beginning, told them everything about Salvatore and his crime syndicate. Maybe they could have protected her and Alex. But Salvatore had at least some of the cops in the area in his pocket, and there was no way for her to tell which ones were trustworthy ahead of time. Better to just handle things on her own, the way she always had.

 

Alex started whining, the kind of small little noises he’d always make before he started wailing. “Shit,” Hannah whispered under her breath. “Come on, Alex, don’t do this, please.” She couldn’t comfort him, get far enough away from the motel to shake off Salvatore’s goons, and find a new vehicle all at once. It was times like this that made her wish she wasn’t a single parent. Even when she’d lived with Salvatore, it was like this, always doing everything by herself. She loved Alex more than anything in the world, but she couldn’t deny that it got exhausting after a while.

 

Alex started to whine louder and louder. “Shit, come on, please no,” Hannah quietly prayed. Maybe she could pull over and hold him for a bit until he calmed down.

 

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted a black SUV in the lane next to her, trailing her by a few yards. Hannah felt her tongue go dry immediately. Maybe it’s nothing, she tried to reassure herself. But maybe it’s Salvatore’s men, using one of their cars to track you.

 

The baby started crying louder, but Hannah had bigger fish to fry right now. Without turning on her blinker, she quickly made a sharp turn at the closest exit, speeding down the ramp until she hit the main road, then turned again, and again, and again, trying to make herself as hard to follow as possible. She’d stay on backroads for a bit, find another car, and then get back on the highway later. You’re not stealing my son today, she silently vowed. Not today.

 

While Hannah was looking out the windows, scanning for parked cars, Alex began all-out wailing. Hannah sighed, wishing she could just snap her fingers and make Alex snap out of it. But there was no easy fix. Still, she tried one of her old tricks, one that used to work when he was a tiny little newborn.

 

“Hello, my love, hello, my darling, my sweetheart,” Hannah sang. “Hello, my sweetie, my baby, my angel mine.”

 

Alex went back to whining under his breath, whimpering a little instead of crying.

 

“My love, my love, my darling love, don’t you know you’re safe? Don’t you know I’ve got you? My love, my little love, don’t you know you’re mine?” Hannah made up the lyrics and the melody as she went along, singing in the sweetest, most calming voice she could manage under the circumstances.

 

Alex went silent. Hannah kept on singing, a little softer now, hoping to lull him back to sleep. “My little sweetheart, my little gumdrop, my little baby doll, don’t you know you’re mine?” She could hear Alex smack his lips a little, a telltale sign that he was about to fall asleep. “My little angel,” she finished, just in time to hear his breathing become deep and regular.

 

Well, I’m still good at one thing, she told herself. Sometimes she felt like the shittiest mother in the entire world. She couldn’t protect Alex, let alone help him be happy and healthy. He deserved better than her.

 

“You’ve got a nice voice.”

 

For a second Hannah’s entire body tensed up, before she remembered the idiot in the trunk of her car. “Shut it,” she said back, clenching her hands harder on the steering wheel. He was probably trying to manipulate her, get her to let her guard down while he broke out of his restraints and choked the life out of her.

 

“I’m just saying. It was nice,” the hitman said.

 

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t for you, so can it,” Hannah shot back as they rode over a pothole.

 

“Ow!”  He must have hit his head or something.

 

“Don’t be a little bitch,” Hannah taunted him. “Aren’t you supposed to be a big tough guy, Mr. Sal’s Best Hitman?”

 

“My name is Evan,” the guy said.

 

“Okay, Evan,” Hannah said. “New rule: no talking while the baby is asleep.”

 

“You didn’t gag me, you know,” Evan said from the back. “You really should have done that.”

 

The hairs on the back of Hannah’s neck prickled with irritation. “I can still pull over and do it, you know.”

 

“Nah, can’t do that, can you?” Evan said. “You gotta put as many miles between this car and the motel as possible. You can’t stop yet.”

 

“You know, you’re awfully fucking cocky for someone I’ve got tied up in the back of my car,” Hannah reminded him. His attitude was really grating on her nerves.

 

But there was a long pause before the guy spoke again. “You’re right,” Evan said.

 

“I am?” Hannah said back, feeling a little bit shocked that she had won the argument that quickly.

 

“Yeah, I’m fucked,” Evan admitted. “But it could be worse.”

 

“Oh, yeah? Enlighten me,” Hannah said. She really couldn’t imagine how things could get more fucked-up than they were right now.

 

“Well, you’re not going to kill me. We’ve established that already.”

 

Hannah rolled her eyes. Mind games. Great. Just what she needed right now. “How do you figure that?”

 

“You would have left me for dead already if you were capable of it,” Evan said, his voice casual and light, like it was just obvious.

 

She flexed her fingers around the steering wheel, trying to get some feeling back in her hands. Who the hell did this guy think he was, taunting her like this? Where did he get off belittling her when he was the one without the power in this situation? “You’ve got a lot of nerve, you know,” she said, “thinking you’re at all aware of what I’m capable of.”

 

“Yeah, well, I’m pretty sure you couldn’t do it. I’ve spent a lot of my life around killers and frankly, you’re just not one of them,” Evan said in that same self-assured tone of voice.

 

Hannah took another sharp turn, smiling a little at the sound of Evan’s body hitting the side of the trunk, followed by Evan cursing under his breath in pain. Usually she’d feel bad and apologize for something like that, but he was a murderous dick, right? She could take out her anger and frustration on him without feeling guilty.

 

“You still sure about that?” she yelled back at the hitman. She didn’t know why she felt like she had something to prove to this asshole. She knew what she was capable of. But for some reason it just rankled her nerves, having this guy basically tell her that she wasn’t tough. He had no idea what she’d lived through, what battles she’d seen.

 

“Yeah, I am,” he responded. “You didn’t leave me tied up in the motel room. That says it all.”

 

“Well, don’t be so sure about that,” Hannah replied. “When I find a new car, I’ll just dump this one and leave you in the trunk. But hey, maybe you won’t starve to death. Salvatore’s boys might find you before that happens.”

 

Evan was silent for a long moment. Hannah shifted uncomfortably in her seat, bothered by the sudden return of the quiet. Her own words hung in the air, hovering over her ominously. Why did it bother her so much, saying stuff like that? She didn’t have any reason to feel guilty. This guy was a murderer. He’d admitted it. He would kill her at the first opportunity just to steal her son and bring him back to a life of mayhem and madness. He didn’t deserve any of her sympathy. But still…somehow her stomach turned over and over at the realization of what she’d said, how coldly she’d said it. My time with Salvatore changed me, she thought to herself. I’m not the person I used to be.

 

But maybe the person she used to be was weak, she argued back to herself. Hannah from ten years ago wouldn’t have been able to survive tonight. She’d been through hell and the flames had forged her into something new, something a little terrifying.

 

Sometimes to live you have to die inside, she thought. And living would have to be good enough.

 

***

 

Evan

 

Evan tried to quietly pry the duct tape off his wrists with his teeth, but it was no good. He sighed deeply, letting his arms fall back down in defeat. If he was being honest with himself, the girl had scared him, really scared him. He’d never been close to death before. Not really. But tonight, it was bearing down on him like a vulture, and he was the roadkill.

 

What can I say to her to make her change her mind? Come on. Come on, think. You can do this.

 

But really, he wasn’t so sure. He’d already tried and failed at one tactic. Intimidation clearly didn’t work on her. She was hyper-aware that she had the power in this situation, and from what Evan could tell, she was enjoying it.

 

He’d have to come at it from another angle, leverage her fear to his advantage.

 

“Salvatore won’t stop, you know,” he said. “With anyone else, he might, but you have his son. He’ll never let go of you. You know that.”

 

Maybe Hannah hadn’t heard him, for Evan couldn’t make out any response from the front seat. He decided to keep trying anyway. “Salvatore told me to name my price, you know. He wants his son back more than anything in the world. He’ll never stop.”

 

“Why—why are you saying this?” Hannah said from the front.

 

Evan licked his dry lips. “You need help. Even if you’ve gotten them off your tail for tonight, Salvatore’s got eyes everywhere. He’ll find you. Maybe he’ll even put out an Amber Alert on your son, have the cops out there looking for you. You’re really fucked, Hannah.”

 

Out of nowhere, Hannah slammed on the brakes, sending Evan crashing into the cage separating the trunk from the backseat. “Jesus fuck,” he muttered under his breath, wishing he could rub his head to get the pain to fade.

 

“What the fuck are you playing at?” Hannah said, her voice elevated. She sounded more than annoyed now. She sounded angry.

 

“I’m just being direct with you. You deserve the truth,” Evan said. “Look, Salvatore thought it would be best to send one guy after you, right? That way it’d be clean, simple. I’d come in, do the job, and you’d just be one more dead girl nobody knows in a motel room that nobody cares about. But I fucked up. You know what that means?”

 

“You’re an incompetent prick?” Hannah suggested.

 

“Besides that,” Evan said. He got the sense it wasn’t smart to argue with her about his competence right now. “I’m the best guy in his network. He knows that. He won’t send just one guy after you again. He’ll send a dozen; he’ll send a hundred. You won’t be able to fight them all off. You won’t get lucky every time. Eventually…”

 

Evan could tell that Hannah’s brain was speeding up, rolling faster and faster with each passing second. She was terrified.

 

“Eventually they’ll find you, Hannah,” Evan said. He needed to keep pushing. The more desperate she felt, the better his chances were. He needed to knock her off-balance as much as possible. Goddamn, I’m a piece of shit, he thought to himself. But oh, well. You do what you have to in order to survive, right?

 

“So what? What’s your point?” she finally said, but her voice was softer than before.

 

“How do you think you’re going to survive here? The odds are stacked against you.”

 

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Hannah said. “But Salvatore’s not as big as he thinks. He doesn’t have shit going on outside of this country. Soon enough me and Alex won’t even be on this continent anymore, and he won’t be able to touch us.”

 

Evan considered what she said. It wasn’t a bad plan. He almost laughed at the realization that they had the same dream. He wanted nothing more than to leave all of his crime connections behind forever and find paradise on a South American beach. “Smart,” he said. “You’re smarter than you look.”

 

“Yeah, well, you’re dumber than you look,” Hannah shot back.

 

“You’ve still got problems, though,” Evan continued, ignoring the insult. “How are you gonna get out of the country without anyone noticing you? Do you know how to do that?”

 

Hannah said nothing but took another sharp turn, causing Evan to slide into the side of the trunk again.

 

“You need help,” Evan said. “You need someone that can recognize the guys Salvatore’ll send after you. You need someone that can help you in a fight, because it will come to that. You need me.”

 

Hannah cackled loudly in the front seat, but there was no humor in the sound. She grumbled under her breath after she finished laughing.

 

“What was that?” Evan asked, starting to feel more annoyed himself.

 

“Why the fuck should I want your help? Like you said, you fucked up. For all I know, you’re useless. I can’t afford dead weight.”

 

She’s right, Evan thought. She has no reason to think I’m useful. “Just give me a chance,” Evan said. “Think about it, Hannah. What do you have to lose?”

 

“Um, you could fucking kill me and steal my son. No, thank you,” she shot back.

 

Evan’s stomach dropped. She really was smarter than she seemed. He was still biding his time, thinking of ways he could get her to let her guard down so he could finish the job. She was right not to trust him.

 

Except…he was struggling to picture how he would do it. The Christmas lights were gone, and somehow without that detail it didn’t seem worth it anymore. He used to think of himself as an artist, controlling every last detail of his crimes, molding every aspect of his murders with his hands. Most of the time, they were utterly immaculate. But now…Hannah had ruined it. There was no way he could kill her now and feel any sense of satisfaction from it. He’d already failed.

 

Rule number three of killing: if you’re not having fun, what’s the point?

 

So much for one last job before his retirement.

 

But if I don’t kill her…Salvatore will have my head, he argued to himself silently.

 

Unless I get out of the country before he finds me, he answered himself.

 

Evan almost laughed out loud. He’d made himself an escape route without even meaning to. Somehow in bullshitting Hannah, he managed to make a real alternate plan.

 

“You need help,” he repeated himself. But this time he meant it. “You need someone who’s used to this shit. I can protect you.”

 

Hannah was quiet in the front seat. A second later, the car slowed down and then rolled to a stop. Evan heard the front door open and then slam shut. Hannah had gotten out of the car. For one beautiful moment, he thought she was about to walk around the car and let him out of the trunk. But instead he heard her walk past the car and continue onto the gravel on the side of the road.

 

Evan breathed heavily, his entire body tense with anxiety. What was she doing?

 

A minute later, Hannah returned to the car and pulled Alex out of his car seat. “What are you doing?” Evan asked loudly, trying to get her attention.

 

“I found a car,” she said. “Alex and I are gonna keep going.”

 

“How did you—how did you find a car with keys in it that quickly?” Evan asked, completely confused.

 

He could see Hannah shrug through the open spaces in the cage. “I guess you could say I’ve got a secret talent. I’m adaptable.”

 

“And what about me?” Evan asked, his heart pounding in his throat.

 

“Well, I don’t know. I guess that’s up to you,” Hannah said, cradling Alex in her arms.

 

Evan bit his lip, using the pain to anchor him. He couldn’t afford to panic. He had to be calm. He had to be smart. He had to talk his way out of this situation.

 

“You know that if you leave me here, you’re leaving me for dead,” he said softly, trying to keep his voice steady and still.

 

Even through the metal bars of the cage, he could see Hannah frown. “Look, you keep saying you’re the number one hitman, right? Fight your way out if you’re so badass.”

 

“I’m a sitting duck like this, you know. Can’t defend myself. They’ll shoot me in the head, just as soon as they pump me for information on you.”

 

“And I’m sure you’ll be happy to tell them,” Hannah said bitterly.

 

Evan sighed deeply. This wasn’t working. She was too distrusting, for very good reasons. He couldn’t get her to believe him. So he’d have to try a different approach. “You’re right, you know,” he said. That made her lock eyes with him, those deep eyes staring at him through the cage. “You don’t have any reason to believe that I’m not still trying to kill you. And hell, maybe I am. But the longer it takes, the more pointless it’d be for me to try. If I kill you twelve hours from now, it won’t save me. Salvatore will kill me for being incompetent. You were supposed to be dead hours ago. I was already supposed to be on my way back. The longer you keep me alive, the more Salvatore will want me dead.”

 

Hannah shrugged again, rubbing the back of Alex’s head. “So?”

 

“So, my incentive to kill you shrinks and shrinks every second. And every second, Salvatore gets closer and closer to finding us.” Hannah flinched a little at that, so Evan pushed forward with it, capitalizing on her emotional reaction. “Yeah, that’s right. Us. We’re both in danger here.”

 

“Why should I help you? You deserve to be killed by Salvatore,” Hannah said, but her voice shook a little.

 

“I do,” Evan admitted. “You’re right. So I guess it’s up to you.”

 

Hannah cleared her throat and left the car with Alex in one arm and the car seat in the other. Evan flinched as the door slammed behind her. So that’s it. That’s the end, Evan thought to himself. Here’s where I die, in the back of a shitty stolen SUV. So much for South America. So much for a life worth living.

 

***

 

Hannah

 

Hannah inhaled deeply, trying to get her arms and legs to stop shaking. Evan’s words had disturbed her somehow. She didn’t even know what it was exactly that had her so shaken up, but his voice echoed in her head. “I guess it’s up to you.” Why was that so terrifying, having control over a man’s life?

 

She hurriedly opened the door of the new car and secured Alex in the car seat in the backseat. What do I do? Do I leave him? Salvatore’ll kill him. But if I bring him, he might still kill me, no matter what he says about the timeline.

 

He offered to help me, Hannah thought. She wasn’t sure how useful he’d be in a fight. She’d overcome him easily enough with the frying pan. But Evan was right that he’d be better at recognizing other hitmen at least. Hannah didn’t know that many men in Salvatore’s employ. Any random guy on the street could work for him and she wouldn’t be able to tell. For instance, she’d never seen or even heard of Evan before.

 

Salvatore had tried to hide things from her when they were together. She never really knew the extent of everything that was going on in his organization. Whenever she asked about his business, he’d get angry. Sometimes he’d just yell, but other times… Hannah shook her head, trying to dislodge the bad memories from her mind and focus on the matter at hand.

 

Evan had to be a good hitman, she realized. Alex was worth too much to Salvatore. He wouldn’t fuck around and send an unqualified guy after Hannah and his son. Hannah wasn’t sure what to think about that. On one hand, that meant that Evan might be able to hurt her later on if she let her guard down. But on the other hand, he could actually help her if some of Salvatore’s other men found them. Hell, maybe he’d even be valuable to Salvatore. It could buy her some time if Salvatore didn’t want to send other goons after them right away.

 

Okay, Hannah decided. I can always dump him later on if I need to, if he gets too suspicious for my taste. But for now, I’ll take him. Maybe I can use him as a human shield if things get dicey.

 

But deep inside, she knew that reason was bullshit. I’m just too much of a pussy to kill a guy, she thought as she shut the door of the new car and walked back over to the SUV. It’s ridiculous how weak I am. She opened up the door to the backseat first, taking out the bag that held her few belongings and grabbing the frying pan with her other hand. Then, she walked back around the car to pop the trunk, revealing a red-faced, panting Evan, who looked like he was in the middle of a panic attack. “You all right?” she found herself asking before cursing herself for showing any sign that she cared. I have to be tough. No bullshit allowed. He should be scared of me.

 

Still, Evan nodded in response, wiggling his body to the front of the trunk until Hannah grabbed his arms and pulled him out of the car and onto his feet. “Come on,” she told him. “Hop over to this car. Hurry up, already. We don’t want anyone to see us.”

 

“Can you untie me, please?” he asked as he hopped up into the trunk of the new SUV.

 

“Don’t push it,” Hannah replied, shutting the trunk and rushing around to the front of the car, quickly turning on the engine. She pulled out onto the road, hunting for the nearest entrance ramp back onto the highway.

 

“Why did you take me with you?” Evan asked from the back. Hannah was keenly aware that there wasn’t a cage in the back this time to keep him from sliding up and trying something. She kept checking the rearview mirror, trying to see if he’d moved at all, but so far he hadn’t budged.

 

“I don’t—I don’t want to leave an obvious trail,” Hannah said. “You’re a big fucking clue and I’m not letting them find you. Not yet.”

 

“So you’re going to dump me later?” Evan asked.

 

“Depends,” Hannah said without thinking. Dammit. I should’ve just said yes. I don’t want him getting too comfortable.

 

“On if I’m useful?” Evan suggested.

 

“Yep, and if you’re not annoying the shit out of me,” she said in a warning tone. Hannah sighed deeply before taking a ramp to return to the highway. They were dozens of miles away from the motel now, but she needed to keep going and get as much distance as possible. Still, her eyelids were starting to get heavier, and she could tell her reaction time was dulled. She needed some way to stay awake, stay alert for another few hours until she could find a safe place to stay.

 

“So why’d you run away?” Evan asked from the back.

 

Hannah scoffed. “Do you really think I’m going to tell you?” Where did this guy get off, thinking he deserved even a modicum of trust?

 

“Just trying to pass the time,” Evan replied. “Must have been hard, though, being married to that guy. He’s not fun to hang out with.”

 

“How would you know?” Hannah snapped. She knew she was stupid for ever being with Salvatore. She didn’t need some asshole hitman scolding her for her poor relationship choices. She should have run away years ago, really.

 

“He would take us out for drinks sometimes,” Evan explained. He sounded unbothered by her harsh tone. Maybe he was getting used to it by now.

 

“What, after a successful heist or murder or whatever?” Hannah asked. She felt weirdly curious. She was never allowed to know about stuff like this.

 

“Yeah, or just on a random day. He’s the type of guy that likes to have an entourage around him, you know. He likes to be surrounded by guys…and women.”

 

Hannah clenched her fingers tighter around the steering wheel, feeling all the blood in her body rush to her hands and feet. She knew Salvatore was a womanizer, but it still wasn’t fun to be reminded of it. Back in the day she thought he was just a flirt, one of those guys that enjoys talking to women without ever actually doing anything real. But it was more than that, obviously. Hannah felt so stupid for ever thinking otherwise. “Yeah, well, Salvatore is who he is,” Hannah finally said.

 

“Which is a piece of shit,” Evan said. “I didn’t know he had a girl, you know, until a few days ago.”

 

“Really?” Hannah asked. She looked in the rearview mirror to see Evan nod.

 

“Yeah, he always had chicks around him, all the time. Used us to wingman for him, you know, get girls to talk to him and…go back to his room.”

 

“What’s your fucking point?” Hannah finally snapped. Did Evan get off on making her feel embarrassed and hurt?

 

“Just wondering if you knew,” Evan said.

 

“Yeah, I knew,” Hannah admitted, feeling the burn of shame crawl up her back and neck.

 

“And…so, were you okay with it, or what?” he asked.

 

Hannah scoffed and laughed a little, shaking her head. “Uh, no, not so much. Just couldn’t get him to stop. After a few years, you figure, eh, what’s the point in trying?”

 

“Is that…is that why you ran away?” Evan suggested.

 

She shook her head again, biting her lip. She really didn’t want to talk about this, but the words still sat in her mouth, begging to be released. She’d never talked to anyone about it, ever. Hannah had no friends she could trust with the information. Salvatore had made sure of that, isolating her any way he could. “No, no, that’s not why,” she finally said. There was a long pause where neither of them said anything. “It’s not like I was all right with it or anything. But given everything else that Salvatore did, everything else that he was, it honestly doesn’t feel like that big of a deal in comparison.”

 

“What do you mean? The crime shit?” Evan asked.

 

“No, no, I never really knew what he was up to with that. I worried, you know, but I never got confirmation of anything. Till today,” she explained. She didn’t know why she was being so forthcoming with Evan. The guy had tried to kill her after all. But goddamn, it was such a relief to talk about it to someone, anyone, that it didn’t really matter that she was saying it to a killer. He was a captive audience and she was going to take advantage of that.

 

“So, what, then? What made you run, knowing how dangerous it’d be?” Evan asked.

 

Hannah bit the inside of her lip. Should she say it? She’d never said it out loud before, to anyone, ever. She’d never had the opportunity. But somehow she was keenly aware that if she said it, there was no going back. She could no longer bury it deep inside of her. It would be real.

 

It’s already real, she told herself. You can run, but you can’t hide from it forever.

 

“He, um, he got…physical, you know,” she said, trying as hard as she could to keep her voice steady and casual, like she wasn’t saying anything that really mattered.

 

“What, like he hit you?” Evan asked from the back.

 

Hannah swallowed, trying to dislodge the huge lump in her throat. “Yeah.” It was so simple, putting it that way. He hit her. That’s what happened. But it was more than that. It was more than just the physical wounds, as much as they might have hurt. For years, she lived in terror, afraid to say or do anything wrong that might set him off. He made me into a shell of a person, Hannah thought to herself. He made me shrink up inside myself. He made me weak.

 

Evan was silent in the back. She wondered if he thought she was being dramatic. He was a killer, after all. Why should he care about some mobster knocking around his woman?

 

***

 

Evan

 

In all honesty, Evan didn’t know why he was so shocked. He made his living out of violence. His entire life was built around it. But…there was something about the mental image of Salvatore hitting Hannah that made his blood rush faster inside his veins. It was more than that, though. He felt sick to his stomach, like there was some giant insect inside of him fighting its way out. He felt…guilty. He actually felt like he was somehow responsible.

 

Why do I give a fuck? Evan asked himself. He’d never felt guilty about anything he himself had actually done on the job. He never thought back on his targets and felt sad or sick about his actions. He never even thought about them at all.

 

Rule number four of killing: let it go. Never look back.

 

But right now, maybe because he was stuck in the back of this car, with nothing else to distract him, he couldn’t shake the image of Hannah, shrunken in and terrified, cowering below Salvatore. Evan’s heart pounded in his ears, his blood rushing so hard under his skin it hurt. “So, um, how long did that go on?” he asked.

 

Hannah was quiet a moment, and Evan worried that he’d crossed a line he shouldn’t have, pushed too far into something that wasn’t his business at all. But then she cleared her throat and spoke again. “A long time. It’s…it’s hard to remember exactly when it started. But… for most of our relationship, yeah, he was hitting me.”

 

Evan clenched his fists out of habit, his nails digging into the exposed skin around the duct tape. There were times when Salvatore would come into the bar where his lieutenants and hitmen gathered with open sores on his knuckles. Evan would notice them but not say anything. He just figured Salvatore had gotten into a bar fight to let off some steam. But maybe the whole time…the whole time he was pounding on Hannah. Again, a hot flash of guilt hit Evan right in the stomach. He felt like he might throw up.

 

“The worst thing,” Hannah said in the front seat, but then she fell silent again. Evan didn’t know whether or not to verbally nudge her to finish the thought, but then she sighed deeply, heavily, like an old dog does. She’s seen a lot, Evan realized. More than I could imagine. He thought back to how surprised he was when she overcame him earlier with the frying pan. When did she learn to be that strong, that ruthless? Was it Salvatore? Evan wondered what Hannah had been like before her time with Salvatore—if she was ever a softer person, a simpler person. And again, he felt his stomach contract with the sick sensation of guilt.

 

“The worst thing,” Hannah began again a minute later, “wasn’t that, though.”

 

Evan was silent a moment, wondering if she was going to explain herself further. Eventually he decided to push a little. “What was the worst thing?”

 

“He, um, you know, he hit me a lot. Scared me. You know how he is,” Hannah said. “I got used to it. I thought, this isn’t the life I want but it’s the one I’ve got. You know? I could put up with it. But I…” She cleared her throat again, but when she spoke again it was clear she was fighting off tears. “I made a promise that nothing would ever happen to Alex. He’d never have to grow up scared. So…you know, I really had no choice, did I? I had to run.”

 

For a long moment, Evan didn’t understand. His mind couldn’t grasp the truth, maybe because it was too terrible to accept. No, no, it can’t be. He’s just a baby. Salvatore couldn’t have… “He…the baby?” Evan stuttered out.

 

“Yeah,” Hannah replied. “He hit him.”

 

“H-how?” Evan didn’t know why he couldn’t seem to keep his voice steady and confident. It was just impossible to wrap his mind around the truth.

 

Hannah huffed out a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, I know, it seems ridiculous, right? Hitting a baby. But he did it. Alex was crying, you know, the way babies do. They cry, sometimes for no reason. Anyways, one night about a week and a half ago I couldn’t get him to calm down. Salvatore was furious. I think he had some shady deal to make in the morning or something. Anyway, he wanted his precious beauty sleep and Alex was getting in the way. He…he snatched Alex right out of my arms, took him over to the changing table...” Hannah trailed off. A second later Evan heard her sniffle a little. When she spoke again, it was through a clogged throat, like she was choking back sobs. “He, uh, he pinned Alex down and smacked him across the face.”

 

Evan exhaled deeply. So there it was. That’s why she was so desperate to get away. That’s why she was willing to risk anything, do anything—to protect her son. “Wow.”

 

“Yeah,” Hannah said in agreement. “Wow, right? I…I put up with his shit for years, but I never thought he was capable of that. I guess…I guess I thought maybe there’s a tiny piece of good in him, you know? Something to salvage. Something to hold onto. But there’s nothing. He’s just…a black hole of a person. He sucks in everything in sight and he doesn’t care whether or not he spits you out again.”

 

Evan was at a loss for words. But no matter how shocked he was, he couldn’t shake the mental image. That sweet little baby, being hit by a grown man with considerable strength. “Is…is the baby okay?”

 

“I think so,” Hannah whispered, her voice barely audible above the sound of the car’s engine. “He seems fine, at least. If I had my way I’d have taken him to a doctor right away, but Salvatore would never allow it. I’ll have him checked out as soon as I can.”

 

“When will that be?” Evan thought out loud.

 

“I don’t know,” Hannah replied. “I really don’t know. I’m just…I’m fighting here, Evan.” He almost flinched at the sound of his name, but it sounded…nice, coming from her mouth. He hadn’t heard a woman say his real name in years. It made him feel a little warm inside, despite the circumstances. “I’m fighting really hard for my family. Can you understand that?”

 

“I don’t know,” Evan responded honestly. He didn’t know if he could understand that. The only family he’d ever had fell apart when he was six years old, when his piece-of-shit father finally walked out once and for all. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much, to think about what Hannah went through, Evan realized.

 

Salvatore sounded too much like his dad, pushing people around, controlling people, cheating on them. Evan swore, even as a little kid, that he’d never be in a position to let someone hurt him, ever again. He wondered if that’s how Hannah felt. Somehow that prospect made him feel cold inside, like all of his organs were transforming to ice. He didn’t want to see Hannah become what he was. He didn’t want her to become strong like him. He didn’t want her to be a killer.

 

But maybe I can do it so she doesn’t have to, Evan thought.

 

“Listen,” Evan began. “I know that you’ve got no fucking reason at all to trust me. I’m just a piece of shit hitman you’ve never seen before. But...I’m not going to betray you. I swear, I swear on my mother’s grave.”

 

“Is she really dead?” Hannah asked, but her tone was humorous, almost teasing, like they were buddies on a road trip together instead of captor and hitman.

 

Evan laughed, the feeling of it almost painful, like his throat wasn’t used to the sensation anymore. It had been so long since he’d laughed at anything honestly, instead of mocking people before he hurt them. “Yeah, she’s really dead, really fucking dead. I swear, okay? I don’t know what I can say to convince you. Maybe nothing I say can convince you, and I gotta just learn to live with that. But I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not like him.”

 

“How…how can I believe that?” Hannah whispered.

 

“Maybe you can’t believe it,” Evan said, just thinking out loud again. “I probably can’t convince you. All I can do is repeat myself. I’m not going to hurt you or your son. And I guess if you want to keep me tied up, I understand.”

 

Hannah was silent for a long time. All Evan could make out was the sound of the back wheels scraping against the gravel of the highway.

 

After several silent minutes, she finally spoke. “Do you believe me?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“About Salvatore, do you believe me?” Hannah asked.

 

Evan’s brow furrowed in confusion. Of course he believed her. Why wouldn’t he? “About him hitting you and the kid? Yeah, why not?”

 

He heard Hannah exhale shakily, so heavily that he could hear it clearly even from the trunk. “I always…I always thought that everybody would take his side, you know? Maybe everybody else would, I don’t know. But I just thought…nobody would believe me, or if they did, nobody would care.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she cleared her throat again, clearly fighting against her emotions.

 

Evan shifted a little, his left side going numb from lack of movement. “I care,” he said, his voice low and careful. It felt like he was walking a tightrope, suspended over an abyss, and if he made one wrong move he’d knock himself off forever. He needed to say this right. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to hurt Alex. I promise. I just want to live. Just like you,” he said softly. He realized after the words left his mouth that they were true. He believed them. He wasn’t going to betray her. He did care what happened to her.

 

He felt sick, he felt guilty, he felt sad, he felt a thousand things he thought he’d shut off from his brain and his body forever. But more than anything, he felt angry. His stomach burned with it, acid bubbling up inside of him like a volcano. He wanted it gone. He wanted to exorcise all of this emotion the only way he knew how. He wanted to wrap his hands around Salvatore’s neck and squeeze and squeeze until there was no air left inside his miserable body. “I can help you,” he said. “I can…I can protect you both.”

 

“How?” Hannah asked, her voice strained and thin. She sounded a little incredulous, but there was something else hiding in her voice. It took Evan a second to realize what it was. Hope.

 

“Well,” Evan began, “for starters, I gotta have my hands free.”

 

Hannah laughed, loud and full-throated. Evan twisted in the trunk to stare at the back of her seat, watching her throw her head back on the headrest. “Yeah, you’re right about that,” she said. “That might help, huh?”

 

Evan found himself smiling for the first time in a long time. It almost hurt, using his facial muscles that way after letting them go unused for so long. But it felt good at the same time, warmth seeping down into his stomach, calming his nerves for the first time that day. He craned his neck to see out the backseat windows, watching the first purple streaks of dawn paint themselves across the early morning sky.

 

“If I let you out of your restraints…” Hannah began, pausing to clear her throat again. “If I do that and you try something, I’ll leave you without a second thought. You understand?”

 

Evan nodded before he remembered that she couldn’t see his face. “Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. I’d do the same thing.”

 

Hannah laughed again. “I’m pretty sure you’d have killed me hours ago if you were in my position.”

 

In any other situation, on any other day, Evan might have laughed at that, but now he felt a slight burn of heat climb up his back and shoulders and neck. Shame. He felt ashamed. Why? He’d always done his job without a second thought. What the hell was happening to him?

 

“You’re right,” Evan said. “I would have. You’re better than me.” He thought he could see Hannah’s shoulders tense up in response to his words. “That’s why…that’s why you deserve to get out. You and your son, you need to get out of the country. And I’ll help you, I promise.”

 

Again, Hannah kept him on edge, taking a long pause before answering. Evan felt the car turn as she took an exit ramp off the highway. “If you try anything…”

 

“I won’t blame you for whacking me so hard with the frying pan my brain turns to mush,” Evan suggested, causing Hannah to cackle so loudly that Alex whined in complaint.

 

“I’m serious, though. You can’t say that I didn’t warn you,” she said.

 

Evan tried to sit up in the trunk, thumping his head painfully on the roof of the car. “Fuck, ow.”

 

“Sorry about that,” Hannah said, and her voice sounded legitimately apologetic.

 

“It’s okay,” Evan said, offering her a smile that he hoped she could make out in the rearview mirror.

 

A minute later, they rolled to a stop in an empty parking lot, just outside of an abandoned strip mall. Hannah parked and popped the trunk, quickly exiting the vehicle to walk around to Evan. Her hair was a tangled, frizzy mess, and her T-shirt stuck to her body, clearly slick with sweat despite the winter cold. She looked tired, worn-down, like the last several hours had drained the last little reserve of her energy.

 

It made sense, Evan realized, that she would be so worn-out. It wasn’t just the last day, really. It was the last several years, all bearing down on her like the heaviest storm cloud Evan could imagine.

 

Hannah reached into her bag, ruffling through various items before pulling out a pair of scissors. “Hold out your hands and feet for me,” Hannah said, blinking rapidly. She was probably fighting to keep her eyes open.

 

Evan did as instructed, pulling his hands as far apart as possible to give her room to cut the tape. Hannah made quick work of the wrist restraints before going down to free his feet. Evan’s brain calculated how he could hurt her, just out of habit. His brain just operated that way after so many years. He had ample time to kick her in the face, or reach forward with his unbound hands and slam her into the car. But he didn’t. He just slinked back into the trunk, folding his hands and feet nicely rather than putting them to use. He didn’t even want to, he realized. Instead, he flexed his fingers and toes, trying to will sensation back into his extremities. He’d only been tied up for a matter of hours, but it felt like several days.

 

“Thank you,” he said softly, looking up into Hannah’s eyes. The dawn light hit her eyes just right, so that he could see every color within.

 

“You’re welcome,” she murmured back to him, beginning to pick at her fingernails. “I’m sorry, you know, it’s not like I enjoyed it or anything.”

 

“No, no, don’t apologize,” Evan rushed to say. “I deserved it.”

 

“Yeah, I guess you did,” she said, a small smile spreading across her face. It was peaceful, seeing her face relax like that. It was almost like Evan had already won, like he’d already escaped the life he hated and made it to the outside. Maybe I have, Evan thought to himself as he and Hannah stared at each other. Maybe this is what retirement feels like.

 

“You can, um, you can go up to the backseat,” Hannah said. “Just…behave yourself, okay?”

 

Evan nodded and began to shuffle over the back of the seats to settle in next to Alex. “Thank you, thank you.”

 

Hannah slammed the trunk shut after him and went back around the car to the front seat, shifting the car into gear to pull out of the parking lot and get back onto the road. “Hopefully nobody saw us.”

 

“Nobody did, I’ve been keeping watch around us,” Evan said, checking both windows for cars or figures trailing them.

 

He heard Hannah sigh deeply and then saw her run her hands through her hair. “Okay. Okay, that’s good. That’s good. Now I just gotta…” Hannah trailed off, her breathing going steady. It was nice, seeing her calm down a little.

 

Alex started fidgeting in his car seat next to him. Evan leaned over to look at him, searching for any resemblance to Salvatore. He couldn’t see any, thankfully. The baby opened his eyes and stared up at him, a curious look on his face. A moment later, his tiny hand reached up and brushed against Evan’s face, lightly touching his chin.

 

Evan flinched backward, settling into his seat. He cleared his throat, pretending that nothing had happened even though his heart was pounding. He didn’t know why he felt guilty. He hadn’t hurt the kid at all. But he still felt scared, like he’d gotten caught doing something wrong. I shouldn’t let him touch me. He’s innocent. Pure, Evan thought. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and wiped his face with his hand, trying to get the leftover sensation of the child’s gentle touch off his skin.

 

“You all right back there?” Hannah checked in a minute later.

 

The sun was burning a hot circle in the sky, bright and pure.

 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Evan said, and he realized after the words left his mouth that they were true. Maybe for the first time in a long time, he was okay.

 

So ends the worst night of my life, Evan thought, but somehow that didn’t feel exactly right.

 

This was the start of something new.