Katia
I was all alone again. I couldn’t believe it. Devin had left me – he’d actually left while I was sleeping like a fucking coward. I was torn between being more pissed off than I’d ever felt in my life and bitterly upset. I wanted to cry and scream. I wanted to rip the cheap, paper-thin sheets off the motel bed and throw them down on the floor and wail until I was blue in the face.
But none of it mattered. Nothing mattered. Devin was gone, and I had a feeling I’d never see him again.
I wanted to ask him why. Why now? Why had he chosen to make me vulnerable, to make me believe that I was safe and then run out like a coward?
Setting my lips in a thin line, I walked into the bathroom and flicked on the light. My reflection in the mirror was about as haggard and unattractive as I’d ever seen it. I was pale and wan with little color in my cheeks. The fluorescent lighting didn’t help, but I knew I couldn’t just blame it on that. There was more to it. It was like something had changed inside of me, deep down, and I’d never be able to bring it back to the surface again.
Oddly, I couldn’t will myself to cry anymore. I’d been crying so much in the past month, but right now, I was too angry. My hands were shaking, and I gripped the bathroom counter and leaned close to the mirror, staring at my green eyes.
“Of course he wouldn’t want me,” I muttered to myself, eyeing my bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes. There was a weird dry patch on one of my cheeks, and my hair was greasy and lank. I looked about as far from a beauty queen as ever. Shit, I’d probably looked better when I was a little kid with leukemia.
Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw Devin approaching me. He was wearing that infuriating cocky grin and reaching out to touch me. Goosebumps broke out over my skin and I wrapped my arms around myself, holding myself together. I didn’t want him to affect me like this.
I wanted to call Anya. Shaking my head, I walked out of the bathroom and flopped down on the bed. As I picked up my phone, I took a deep breath. I knew what she was going to say: “I told you so.”
Thinking about her with Troy was bad enough, but what if she and Troy decided they actually wanted to date? What if it wasn’t just a one-night stand? What if it was something more?
I saw myself, months in the future, forcing a grin and watching as Anya and Troy strolled down the aisle of a church together. Devin was standing across from me, he was grinning too. But his eyes weren’t on Anya and Troy, or even on me; they were on some girl in the pews. Some blonde who was staring back at him with rapt adoration. She wasn’t a complicated girl or a beauty queen, even though she was pretty enough to be one. But she wasn’t me, and that’s what stung the most. Maybe she was someone Devin had picked up in a bar, or maybe she was Wicked Bones groupie, but it didn’t really matter. The only thing that mattered was that he’d chosen to be with her.
The call to Anya went straight to voicemail. In a fit of anger, I threw my phone down on the floor and watched with a disgusted kind of satisfaction as the screen cracked. I couldn’t believe she was still ignoring me! She couldn’t still be with Troy. It had been hours! Ugh. I rolled my eyes. Why is she still him while I’m alone?
I wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, especially not Anya, but I was feeling seriously jealous of her at the moment.
With a sigh, I picked up my phone and shoved it in my purse. My clothes were scattered around the motel room, and I picked them up and slowly got dressed. My legs felt like they were disconnected from my body, and it took a long time to get my clothes all the way on. When I was done dressing, I perched gingerly on the edge of the mattress.
I didn’t know what to do. The car was still in the parking lot, but Devin had taken the car keys with him. I figured I could always call for a cab and go home. A small smile of satisfaction crept across my face when I realized that whatever happened to me was Devin’s fault. He wouldn’t be getting paid now that he’d basically abandoned me in the grossest motel I’d ever seen.
I decided that I was going to go home and take a long bath. I knew I wouldn’t be able to forget about this easily, but I didn’t care. I had to make Devin see that I didn’t really care about him. Hell, it wasn’t even that late. I could still go out to a club and meet a guy or two. The thought filled me with dread and turned my stomach, but I was determined to prove to myself and Devin that I could survive without him.
He’d left me. That had been his choice, and now I was going to make him pay for it. I knew it was fucked up. I should have crying curled up in a ball. But that wasn’t how Katia Reynolds had operated. Katia Reynolds had always been mercenary. Katia Reynolds had always made sure that she was number one and that all her needs were taken care of.
I wasn’t going to let some scruffy biker break my heart.
Hiking my bag over my shoulder, I walked into the cool, dark night. The air was like a balmy kiss on my dry face, and I sighed, breathing in the disgusting scent of motor oil, engine grease, and the unmistakable odor of fried food. I bet this cab fare is going to be huge, I thought with a sigh as I walked down the motel corridor and into the parking lot.
After calling a local LA cab company, I decided to wait by the road. I waited under the dim glow of the only streetlamp that was still working. The road was broken and cracked with blades of grass and greenery showing through the ruined asphalt. I’d always gotten a kick out of how plants could grow through concrete. How could something so small, so delicate thrive in such a harsh world?
But then, I might have been talking about myself.
“God, take a little longer why don’t you,” I said softly, glancing down at the cracked screen of my phone. The time was just after three in the morning. I closed my eyes and listened for the cab, but the only sounds around me were a soft hooting in the woods and the low buzz of the fluorescent motel sign staked into the roadside.
Finally, I saw twin headlights bouncing down the road. As they turned into the motel parking lot, I felt a strange rush of relief. I ran a hand through my knotted, greasy hair, already starting to feel just a little better about my situation. This place is creepy, I thought.
The car slowed to a stop. when I stepped closer, I noticed that it wasn’t a car at all. It was a van. Immediately I rolled my eyes. Of course. I’d called for a cab so early they probably thought I was going to the airport. I hated riding in vans, especially when they were crammed full of other smelly people going to the airport in the middle of the night. It had been my least favorite thing about traveling to pageants before I’d made enough money to hire a private driver.
Glancing up at the van, I twisted my face in disgust. There weren’t even windows in the back. How the fuck was I supposed to watch the road if there weren’t any windows?
Stepping closer, I cleared my throat. I had to explain to the driver that there had been a mistake, that I wasn’t going to the airport, and could they please send a regular cab? I was sure the cabbie would grumpy, but I didn’t give a shit. I was Katia Goddamned Reynolds, and I wasn’t riding in the back of some utility van like a migrant worker.
“Hello?” I said sharply, stepping closer to the van. The headlights shone brightly in front of me, capturing particles of dust and dirt in their rays.
“Hello?” I tried again.
The cabbie still hadn’t rolled down the window. The windshield and windows were tinted dark, so I could barely make out the shape of a man behind the wheel.
Great. He’s going to make me open the fucking door. What an asshole. I’m never using LA Cabs again. They’re going to hear about this!
Rolling my eyes, I stalked over to the passenger side of the van and yanked the door open. When I saw who was sitting in the driver’s seat, I screamed.
It was Ryan Winters.
His scruffy, scraggly hair was pushed back behind his ears, and the bald spot on his head was even larger than it had been when I’d met him at the pageant. He grinned when he saw me.
Startled, I let out a yelp and darted backwards from the van. My heels caught in a crack on the pavement, and I screamed as I crashed painfully to the ground. Bits of gravel and glass dug into the soft flesh of palms, and my ankle throbbed.
Ryan moved with surprising speed for such a porky man. He leapt out of the driver’s side and advanced on me, grinning evilly. There was a glint in his dark eyes, and I could practically see drool falling from his mouth.
“Hello, Katia,” Ryan said. “I was hoping to find you here. I didn’t expect you to be waiting on the road for me.”
I let out a wild scream as I tried to climb to my feet. My heel was firmly wedged in the crack of the asphalt, and I screamed again as a white-hot pain shot up my leg. Finally, in desperation, I kicked the shoe away from my foot and took off limping back towards the motel.
My blood was pounding in my ears as I bolted up the cheap metal staircase. I could tell that Ryan was in hot pursuit. His body thundered up the stairs with three times as much noise as I’d made. I let out another ear-piercing scream and started banging on all the motel doors, desperate for someone to save me.
“Help me!” I screamed as I ran down the hall. “Please, someone! Anyone, help! Help me!” My voice was a high, unintelligible screech. As I reached the end of the hall, I dropped my bag and frantically dropped to my knees to dig for my phone. I had almost finished dialing 9-1-1 when Ryan wrapped his grubby fingers around my arm and pulled me back from my bag. I skidded along the metal floor like I weighed nothing at all. As I let out another loud shriek, Ryan slapped my face. It stung, and for a moment I was silent.
“Shut the fuck up,” Ryan said. He was breathing hard, and his fat body was heaving with every gasp of air he took. “I’ve got a fucking gun, Katia. You’re coming with me.”
“I don’t believe you. Help!” I screamed, pounding on a door with my fists over and over. With a wail of panic, I realized it was my own room at the motel, and Devin wasn’t going to answer the door because he’d already left me forever.
“Come on,” Ryan said. He snapped his fingers. “Get the fuck up; you’re coming with me. Come on!”
Trembling, I climbed to my feet. Just as I was deciding how to make a run for it, Ryan held up a gun and pushed it towards my temple.
“Katia, hurry the fuck up,” Ryan snapped under his breath. “Come on.”
I yelped in fright as Ryan slapped the side of my face with the gun. It hurt, and I screeched as pain radiated through my face. Whimpering, I put my fingers up to my temple. They came back sticky and red, and I began trembling as I realized I was bleeding from a cut to the head.
“Keep your goddamned voice down,” Ryan grunted. He dug his sausage fingers painfully into my arm as he began dragging me down the hall and the metal staircase.
God, no, please, Devin come back! I closed my eyes as hot tears leaked out of my eyes. Suddenly, I was struck with the horrifying thought that I was never going to see Devin again. When I remembered how I’d felt back in the motel room, lying in bed next to Devin, I wanted to vomit.
For a moment, I’d actually thought about sleeping with Ryan, just to get him to leave me alone. I’d curled closer to Devin and put all thoughts of Ryan’s slimy persona out of my mind. I didn’t want him; I didn’t even want to look at him.
I wanted Devin. I wanted the man that I loved. I wanted Devin to come back and protect me.
As Ryan dragged me across the parking lot by my hair, I let out a terrified whimper when the van was in sight. I let out another shriek when Ryan whacked me over the head with the gun again.
“If you can’t keep your fucking mouth shut, I’m going to shoot you,” Ryan said through gritted teeth. “And trust me, I don’t want no dead beauty queen on my hands.” He laughed like he’d just made the joke of the century.
“I hate you,” I sobbed. Tears dripped down my face as Ryan forced me across the parking lot, towards the utility van. The headlights were still shining brightly over the motel parking lot and for a desperate moment, I craned my neck and looked around, hoping that some stunned bystander was watching everything and was able to help me.
“Don’t even think about opening your yap again,” Ryan grunted. He shoved the barrel of the gun against my neck, and I flinched at the sensation of cold metal against my delicate skin.
“I hate you,” I repeated. The tears had finally stopped, but I was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread as Ryan guided me into the back of the van.
“I don’t give a shit about that now,” Ryan said. He seemed to have calmed down. “You’re not going to hate me forever, Katia.” He glanced up at me and smiled. “Someday, you’re going to love me because you’re going to realize that I’m the only one in the world who can understand you.”
I swallowed hard. A nervous lump had formed in my stomach, and I shifted uncomfortably, trying to get away from Ryan. He kept his fingers securely wrapped around my upper arm, even after I’d climbed into the back of the van. I winced; I knew I was going to have a bruise there.
“What are you talking about?” I asked slowly. “You’re kidnapping me, Ryan.”
Ryan snorted. “I don’t see it that way,” he said. His eyes gleamed with a dangerous light. “I’m helping you, Katia. This isn’t bad, it’s really not.”
I stared at him. Before, I’d always assumed that he knew what he was doing was wrong. But this made everything different. Did he actually think that I was going to fall in love with him because he’d kidnapped me?
“I’m telling you,” Ryan continued. Finally, he relaxed his grip on my arm, but he still didn’t let go. Instead, he stroked my bare skin with one of his greasy, fat fingers. “This is a good thing, Katia. You’re going to realize that you were really missing out on me all those years.”
I blinked at him. “Ryan, this is illegal,” I said softly. Suddenly, I was hit with a burst of inspiration. “And if anyone catches you, which they probably will, you’re going to prison for a long time. I have a bodyguard, you know,” I said, trying to look tough. “And he’s not going to be very happy when he realizes that you’ve kidnapped me.”
Ryan burst out laughing. I stared at him in horror.
“Honey, that doesn’t mean shit to me,” Ryan said calmly. “This is just between you and me now. No one knows that I’ve got you.”
I blinked. “You’re kidding,” I said uncertainly. “I think a lot of people know that you’ve got me, and it’s only a matter of time before they come to get me.”
Ryan laughed again. He stroked my arm again, and my skin tingled and itched under his unwelcome touch. I longed to yank my arm away from him.
“Honey, you’re going to see that this is all for the best,” Ryan said calmly. “Just trust Daddy.”
I stared at him in revulsion. “I’m not calling you that,” I muttered. “No fucking way.”
In a split second, Ryan’s demeanor changed from sickly-sweet to furious once more. When he slapped me across the face, I cried out in pain.
“You’ll do exactly what I tell you, you little cunt,” Ryan spat. “Don’t forget. I’m in charge now.”
Tears oozed from my eyes as I leaned against the cold metal wall of the utility van. Oh, don’t worry, I thought bitterly. I could never forget. Not even if I wanted to.