Chapter 3: Fay

“Where the hell is the waiter?” Courtney asked. “Can’t he tell I’m going to die here if I don’t get my drink?”

“I’m pretty sure what you need is a glass of water, by the look of you.”

“And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

I laughed. “Are you really going to make me say it?”

I took a sip of my coke and mentally thanked my lucky stars that I wasn’t suffering from the kind of hangover Courtney clearly was. I was well aware that most people thought I was a bit of a goody-goody, but that was something I was definitely okay with. Especially if it meant that I didn’t have to feel as shitty as Courtney did during one of her legendary hangovers.

One of those hangovers had her so terribly cranky at the moment, cranky enough that she poked her lip out at me, like she used to do to her parents when we were little and she wasn’t getting her way.

“Fine, go ahead and make fun, Fay. At least I know how to have fun.”

“Do you really consider this fun, though? You don’t look like you’re having fun. You look like you feel terrible.”

“You may be right,” Courtney answered with a sly little smile, something I was glad to see. It meant that any chance of us getting into a fight had most likely passed. “But I had a hell of a good time last night.”

“Did you now?”

“Yeah, I did!” Courtney practically shouted, taking a moment to nod appreciatively at the waiter who had finally brought her an impressively large glass of wine. “We were all at Rocco’s place. You’ve been there, right?”

“You know I haven’t,” I smiled, totally used to Courtney’s attempts to draw me into her world. “But I’m glad you had fun.”

“Things got really wild. You know they always ask about you, right?”

“Sure,” I laughed, already completely sure of where this conversation was going. “I think you’ve told me that before. I find it hard to believe, seeing as he’s never spoken to me. Not even in high school. But you’ve told me.”

“He hasn’t spoken to you because he thinks you’re hot!”

“Shh! Come on, Courtney, keep it down, will you? You’re embarrassing me.”

“It’s not like the five people in here need me to tell them that you’re hot. Everyone thinks you’re hot. Most of them also happen to believe you should stop being so uptight.”

“Courtney, come on. You know I’m not going to change everything about the way I live my life because some guy named Rocco thinks I’m cute.”

“Not cute. Hot. But okay, fine. I get it. All I’m saying is that you should at least think about letting your hair down a bit.”

“I know,” I said, sighing. “You’ve told me. Believe me, if I ever decide to conduct a complete overhaul on the way I live my life, you’ll be the first one to know.”

“Oh, I better be! Or else I’ll have to kill you.”

The two of us lapsed into silence for a couple of minutes, each of us concentrating on our appetizers and thinking our own individual thoughts. It was something I was sure would have made plenty of people totally uncomfortable, but for me, it didn’t seem like any kind of issue whatsoever. Courtney was like a sister to me, had been since before I could even remember, according to my late mother. There was nobody in the world I knew better and nobody who knew me with that same kind of depth.

There wasn’t a whole lot to our little town, and I knew that was something that really got to Courtney sometimes. For me, a town that not only had the beauty of Alaska but also had a friendship like the one I had with Courtney was a pretty great place. This was what I was busy thinking about when Courtney spoke again and totally derailed all of my thoughts for the rest of the night.

“You know, there was another pretty interesting topic of conversation last night.”

“I’m sure there always is,” I said, trying not to take the bait.

“Right, but I think this was one you might find of particular interest.”

“Okay, I’ll play along. What was the topic of conversation?”

“Neil Driscoll.”

It was pretty clear to me that Courtney had been going for a dramatic effect with the way she delivered her news. If that was the case, it totally worked. She delivered the news right as I took a bite of my salad, and I almost choked on a leaf of lettuce. It was so noticeable that our waiter actually approached our table, apparently prepared to thump me on the back until I stopped choking.

“No!” I managed to get out, completely mortified at the thought of him drawing even more attention to the scene I was making, “No, I’m fine, really. I’m sorry, it just went down the wrong way, I guess.”

“Are you sure?” he asked uncertainly, looking from me to Courtney and then back to me again. “You were turning pretty red.”

“She’s good,” Courtney interjected, taking mercy on me and doing the talking for me. “I just said something at the wrong time. You know how it goes.”

“Sure, sure, I know. Still, just wave if you need anything ladies, all right? Seriously, anything.”

I gave him what small smile I could manage. Courtney thanked him before the two of us fell silent while we waited for him to be totally out of earshot. Once I was reasonably confident that he wasn’t paying attention to us anymore, I looked at Courtney closely, trying to figure out if this was some kind of a weird joke, or if what she was telling me was the truth. When she didn’t crack at all, didn’t even blink, I knew she was telling the truth. For whatever reason, the conversation at her party last night had turned to Neil, the only boy I had ever said “I love you” to.

“Sorry, Fay. I honest to God wasn’t trying to mess with you. I just thought you would want to know.”

“But why were people talking about him? He hasn’t been back here in almost ten years, Courtney.”

“He came up because of his dad.”

“What about him?” I asked, trying to ignore the little shiver that went up my spine at the mention of Neil’s father. Neil and I had dated for most of high school, and by the time he left, we were pretty hot and heavy. His father had never been anything but cold when it came to our interactions.

The Driscoll family was beyond wealthy, and my mother had always told me that it was their wealth and our lack thereof that made him that way. But that didn’t make his chilly treatment of me any easier to take. I never had trouble getting along with people and getting them to like me. Neil’s father was the exception. Even after Neil was gone, the weight of his father’s dislike had been heavy on my shoulders.

“What about his dad?” I asked again. “I’m surprised that anyone at Rocco’s place would have much to say about Mr. Driscoll. I don’t think he ever had much to say about many of us.”

“He definitely won’t now. They were talking about him because he’s dead.”

“Dead? What the hell? How, Courtney?”

“I guess he had a heart attack. I’m not really too sure, but I know he’s gone. Neil just kind of came up because of that.”

“Is he okay? Where’s the funeral going to be held?”

“In Texas, I think,” Courtney said. “At least that’s what I heard.”

“That would make sense. That’s where most of Neil’s family lived while we were together. I would be surprised if they’d left. Jesus.”

“You all right?”

Courtney looked genuinely concerned now, and I assured her that I was just fine. In my heart, I wasn’t too sure. In my heart, I felt like I was being torn in half. I tried hard not to think about Neil too often, especially since I was sure that he wouldn’t even know me now if he saw me. Hearing him brought up this way made it so that he was the only thing on the planet I felt capable of thinking about at all.

Part of me was sure that I should just pick up and make my way to Texas. I should figure out where the funeral was and go there to be his support. His mom had died when he was a baby, and even though he hadn’t come back to visit his dad, I knew he was the only family Neil felt he had left. Now he would be alone in the world, with nobody to stand by his side and grieve with him.

On the other hand, it was entirely possible that I was the biggest idiot in the world for even thinking something like that. It had been eight years since Neil and I had seen each other. He was both incredibly good looking and unbelievably rich. The idea that he wouldn’t have found a girl to stand by his side was stupid and naïve. I knew it full well. There was nothing to be done by me, nothing but lie awake that night and think about Neil and the life the two of us might have had if the world had been a different place when the two of us had still been young.