Chapter 14: Neil

Waking up with a woman in my arms was something I hadn’t done in a long, long time. It was honestly something I had tried very hard to avoid doing. It didn’t take long, or much experience with the opposite sex, for me to realize that women were a whole different kind of animal when you let them stay the night. It was better if you just ushered them quickly and painlessly out of your residence, so as to avoid the whole mess altogether.

It was always in the morning that they wanted to talk about what things meant. It was in the mornings that their “cool girl” exterior would fade away, and they would reveal to you that they one hundred percent expected you to explain to them what everything meant and where it was going. It was a good rule and an excellent way to avoid all of that crap to just get rid of them when it was still dark outside, every time, no exceptions. That way, when you woke up, the worst thing you had to do was field calls, and that was no big task for a guy who knew what he was doing.

“Morning,” Fay said with a sigh.

“Morning, babe. You all right?”

“Oh man,” Fay laughed sleepily, her eyes still closed against the early morning sun. “You’re still asking me that, huh?”

“I guess so,” I answered, trying to sound as light and casual as she did. I suspected I wasn’t doing a very good job. “I guess I am.”

“Well, I hate to break this to you, Neil, but I’m not as breakable as you might think. And I’m just fine. I’m lovely, actually. Best morning ever. The only thing that would make it better would be not needing to get up and get ready for work.”

As I watched, Fay opened her eyes and groaned as she forced herself to sit up. My insides screamed at me. I had a rule. I had a hard, fast, never to be broken rule that women didn’t stay the night, and yet, here she was, waking up beside me. That was bad, but the worst part about it was that I didn’t mind it.

More than not minding it, I was glad to have her there. I liked feeling the way her small amount of weight shifted the mattress. I liked watching the way her skin shone softly as the light spilled over her perfect tits. When she looked down at me, a shy grin spreading across her face, I liked that, too. With something a lot like real alarm, I realized that waking up with her next to me was the best I had felt in a long, long time.

I didn’t want her to go, and without thinking about it, I reached out for her. I pulled her back beside me again and wrapped my arms around her tightly. It was an uncharacteristic move for me, like I was trying to claim her or something. I couldn’t help it. I just didn’t want her to leave.

“Hey!” She laughed, making a show of fighting me without putting much of an effort into the gesture. “What did I just say?”

“I wasn’t listening. How do you feel about bacon?”

“I love bacon, and you know it, but I can’t. I need to get home, Neil. I need to get myself cleaned up and ready.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Oh, but I do. I have a job to go to, Neil. They kind of expect you to go to those.”

She wriggled out of my arms again as she spoke. I propped myself up on one elbow. She stood, stretched again, and started to get dressed. Even with her hair and makeup all messed up, she looked fucking gorgeous. My stomach did its weird new flip flop thing as I looked at her. Although she didn’t look in my direction, I could see her smiling a little to herself. It was like she could read my thoughts or something, which only made me want her to stay even more.

“Why do you keep doing it, babe?” I asked.

“What do you mean? Why do I keep working?”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “Nobody ever comes into that diner, right?”

“That’s not completely true. People come in. Sometimes.”

“But not really. Not a lot.”

“No, not a whole lot. That’s true.”

“So then why do you keep doing it? Why don’t you just quit? That way you wouldn’t have to leave.”

“Neil,” she answered in a chastising voice, one hand on her now fully dressed hip. “Come on. I’m not quitting. I work there because I like it there. That place means something to me, and it’s not just about the number of customers we get. Besides, just because I’m leaving now, doesn’t mean we aren’t seeing each other again, right?”

“Sure, that’s right.”

“So, when?” she asked. “When do you think I’ll see you?”

“I could come up and see you at the diner,” I answered thoughtfully, trying to answer her, and figure out why I was so bummed at the prospect of her leaving at the same time. “Or else you could come over again.”

“I work late today. I don’t think coming over would be an option.”

“You could come over tomorrow, then. Or like I said, I’ll come see you.”

“Good,” she said. “That sounds great, actually. Now kiss me, will you? And stop looking so cranky.”

I gave her the kiss, but I was pretty sure I failed miserably at the second part. I didn’t get up to walk her to the door, either. I just let her show herself out. I lay in bed for a long, long time after she was gone, letting the shock of how empty the house felt without her in it hit me in stages. I hadn’t ever realized how fucking empty the place was, but now that she’d made me see it, I couldn’t seem to make myself blind to it again.

There had been a time when I’d thought that I liked that feeling of hollowness around me, but after my night with Fay, I wasn’t so sure I felt that way anymore. It made me feel like I was suffocating, and after a while, it got to be so bad that I decided I had to get the hell out. I took a quick shower, and because there were very few places in Ashville for me to actually go, I drove myself down to the barbershop.

Eli was working on a customer when I walked in, but he gave me a wide smile. The kind of greeting that made you know you were visiting with a friend.

“Hey man! How the hell are ya? I was wondering when you were going to come down and see my place.”

“And here I am,” I said. “It’s a great shop, Eli. Really good setup you’ve got here.”

“Yeah? Thanks, man. Appreciate it. I’d ask you if you need a haircut, but I can tell by looking at you that you don’t.”

“Nah, just kind of needed to get out of the house, actually. If that’s all right. If I’m in the way, just tell me, and I’m gone.”

“Shit no! It’s all gravy, brother! Have a seat, why don’t ya? Tell me what’s on your mind.”

I sat in the chair Eli indicated to, wondering if it was really that obvious that I was thinking something over. I hadn’t told him I needed to talk about anything, and I was kind of hoping it was just something he said to say. After a couple of seconds of just sitting, I realized he was watching me in the mirror. When I made eye contact, he raised his eyebrows at me, making it clear that he had actually meant what he had said.

“What’s up?” I asked unconvincingly. Part of me wanted to be left the hell alone while the other part realized this was probably why I had come in the first place.

“You tell me, brother. You’re the one who’s got a look on your face.”

“A look? Please. Come on, man. There’s no look. I’m just really fucking tired is all.”

“Not getting any sleep?”

“No, it’s not that, actually. I’ve been sleeping like a baby. But Fay came over last night, and we weren’t too mindful of the clock. She had to get up super early, and I have a hard time getting back to sleep once I’m up.”

“No shit? So she stayed the night and everything?”

“Sure, no big deal or anything. I gotta say, though, I’m really glad we saw her in that bar.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, definitely. I forgot how great she is, you know? It’s been almost ten years. You would think that whatever it was that made me so obsessed with her when we were younger would have worn off, but it hasn’t.”

“I’m not surprised,” Eli commented, his face now impassive and trained on the hair he was finishing up. “She’s a good woman.”

“Yeah, except that she’s more than good, you know? She’s really fucking great. I forgot that, being away. I forgot how amazing she was. And it’s like she only got better while I was gone. With most people, it doesn’t work that way, but it really seems like that’s what happened with her.”

“You want to know my opinion, brother? And keep in mind, I’m nothing special myself. Just a small-town barber, you know?”

“I don’t care. Shoot. What do you think?”

“I think you might be starting to feel like Ashville isn’t the worst place to be, after all. That’s what I think.”

There was more conversation after that, but I would never remember what it was. Whether he had meant them to or not, Eli’s words had hit me like a ton of bricks. They had scared the shit out of me. Because there was no way I was going to let those words be true.

Fay was great. There was no bullshitting involved in any of that, but that didn’t mean I was suddenly ready to stick around in Ashville. I had worked too damn hard to get out, only to be sucked back in all these years later. And weren’t there great women everywhere? It might suck to have to leave her again, but was that enough of a reason to stay? Was I really prepared to stay in Ashville for a girl I’d loved in high school?

“No fucking way,” I whispered to myself fiercely. I was the only one who heard the words, but as far as I was concerned, it could have been the whole world. There was no fucking way I was going to let Fay get deep enough into my heart that I would choose to stay for her, great girl or not.