FEELING LIKE ROADKILL, Fliss let herself into the house. She’d checked her mirror and knew she looked like hell on the outside. The inside felt even worse. She felt as if she was torn and bleeding, her heart and her hopes ripped into shreds. Given that she seemed to have lost the ability to hide her feelings, she was hoping her grandmother might be having a nap. Or maybe even have ventured into town with one of her friends.
That hope was dashed when the kitchen door opened.
Fliss braced herself, but to her surprise it wasn’t her grandmother who stood there. It was her sister.
“Harriet?” No! She couldn’t do this. Not right now. Could today get any worse? She forced herself to smile, trying to remember everything she’d once known about hiding. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Spontaneous visit.” Her sister scanned her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong. I’m fine. Now tell me why you’re here.”
“I was worried about you.”
“Me? I’ve never been better. Why didn’t you just text me or call? I could have saved you a journey.” And maybe spared herself the exhaustion of putting on an act. She couldn’t do this now. She had no reserves left.
“Chase gave me a ride in the helicopter.”
“So you’ve joined the jet set.” Fliss dropped her purse, conscious of her filthy appearance. She’d been hoping to lock herself in the bathroom and let tears flow in the shower, but it seemed that indulgence would need to be postponed until later. “Where’s Grams?”
Maybe her grandmother could occupy Harriet while she vanished to the bathroom and pulled herself together.
All she needed was a few minutes. A few minutes to remind herself how to pull up that drawbridge.
“She’s upstairs. What have you been doing? You’re covered in dust.”
“I’ve been helping Seth clear out his parents’ house.” She walked into the kitchen and made herself a coffee, hoping the caffeine would restore her energy levels. “Now tell me why you’re really here. I know you. You don’t fly from Manhattan without good reason. Love the shirt by the way. You look great in green.”
“I’m worried.” Harriet looked at her steadily. “You’re seeing Seth again.”
Fliss sat down. “We’re friends, that’s all.” And probably not even that. It felt as if she’d been kicked in the chest.
“But Grams said—”
“You know Grams. She’s a romantic. She wants a happy ending.”
Harriet stared at her. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing. I’m telling you everything. Ninety/ten, that’s me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Nothing.” Fliss stood up, almost knocking over the chair. “I ought to go and shower.”
“Fliss—” Harriet reached out a hand, and Fliss brushed her away. She was so close to the edge that she knew that if her sister as much as touched her, she’d fall.
“I’m filthy. Need to wash off this dust.”
“You’re upset—”
“Truly I’m not.” And then she noticed the box, open on the counter. “I see Grams told you about Mom. A bit of a shock to the system. I always thought she was the one who loved Dad. Not the other way around. Poor Mom.” And poor her. What was she supposed to do with all these feelings? Put them in a box and shove them under the bed as her mother had done? If only it were that easy. “I’m surprised she kept a secret that big.”
Harriet held her gaze. “Why would you be surprised? Keeping secrets is a family trait.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You keep things from me.”
“That’s not true.” Her heart was pounding. She rarely fought with her sister. Even as a child, they’d fought only when no one else was attacking.
“You’re hiding things from me now. I came here because I was really worried about you getting involved with Seth again. I thought you might need someone to talk to.”
“Nothing to talk about.” There it was. The ability to hide it. She was starting to remember how it was done. Deny. Conceal. Smile. Rinse and repeat. She could do this.
Harriet leaned forward. “Something has happened! Why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you tell me?”
Because not in a million years did she want Harriet to know how bad she was feeling.
“Nothing happened.”
“Right.” Harriet thumped her mug down on the table and stood up. “Go take that shower. I’m going for a walk.”
“What? Why? No!” Fliss stood up, too. What the hell had just happened? “Don’t walk out. What is wrong? You’re not behaving like yourself.”
Harriet fumbled with the back door. “And you are behaving exactly like yourself.”
“Excuse me?”
Her sister turned, her eyes brimming with hurt. “Do you know why I came here? I came because I was worried. Ten years ago you were so badly hurt I was actually scared. Yes, that’s right. I was scared, Fliss.” Her voice shook. “I thought you were going to snap. Break.”
“I was—”
“Do not tell me you were fine, because we both know that’s not true. You were hurt, but you didn’t talk to me and I accepted that because I know that’s the way you prefer to deal with things—” She drew in a shaky breath. “But then a few months ago when Daniel told us Seth was back in Manhattan, I know what that did to you. You didn’t sleep. You didn’t eat properly. You pretended you didn’t care, because that’s what you do, but you cared. Knowing that you might bump into him at any moment pushed you right to the edge again. And the worst part of all that? Knowing that you still don’t turn to me. Even now, when something has obviously happened, you won’t turn to me. Once, just once in your life, why can’t you admit how you’re feeling?”
She’d been doing that. And where had it got her? “You don’t need to worry about me, Harry.”
“But I do.” Harriet’s voice cracked. “Do you think I don’t know when you hurt? Just because you don’t trust me enough to talk about it doesn’t mean I don’t know.”
“I trust you.” Her mouth felt dry. Her hands were shaky. “There’s no one I trust more in the world.”
“Then why don’t you share what’s going on inside you?”
“Because I don’t need to.”
“Oh, for—” Harriet bit her lip, turned on her heel and left the room, leaving Fliss staring after her.
“Wait! What the— I try and protect you—” But she was talking to herself.
“Maybe she doesn’t always want to be protected,” her grandmother said from the doorway. “Maybe, sometimes, she’d like to be the one doing the protecting. That’s what sisters do, isn’t it? That’s what you told me.”
Fliss felt her throat thicken. “I don’t want her to worry. I don’t want her to be hurt. Is that so wrong?”
“A person can’t get through life without being hurt. Hurting is part of being human. Feeling pain is part of being human. We learn to cope with it, just as Seth is doing. What makes it bearable is having people around us who care. Who love.”
“I care about Harriet. I love her!”
“And she cares about you and loves you. But do you ever let her do that?”
Fliss swallowed. “I try to be strong.”
“Maybe, instead of being strong, she wants you to let her in.”
You hide ninety percent and show ten.
It wasn’t the same thing, she thought. With Seth it had been all about protecting herself. With Harriet, it was all about protecting her sister.
Everyone, it seemed, wanted her to spill her feelings.
Her grandmother poured coffee into a mug and handed it to her. “Take a shower. Wash your face. You look terrible.”
“I feel terrible. I’ve messed everything up. I’ve upset Harriet and I’ve lost Seth.” The words tumbled out, and the next thing she knew she was being hugged by her grandmother. “I was hoping to talk to you about it, but I walked through the door and Harriet was here. And I tried to pretend everything was fine—”
“You can talk to me,” her grandmother soothed, “but I think it would be even better if you talked to your sister.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.” But Fliss knew she had to try.
Her head throbbed, but she took the shower her grandmother had suggested, changed into clean shorts and walked down to the beach.
Harriet was sitting on the dunes, Charlie next to her.
For the first time ever Fliss felt nervous around her sister.
“Harry?”
Harriet turned her head, and Fliss saw that her eyes were red from crying.
“I’m sorry.” Harriet pulled Charlie closer. “I didn’t mean to walk out, but you make me crazy sometimes. You think I’m so weak and pathetic I’ll break at the slightest pressure.”
“That’s not what I think!” Fliss sank down onto the sand next to her, the long grass tickling her calves. “I love you and don’t want you to be hurt. I can’t bear it when you’re hurt. I want to protect you from that.”
“And how do you think that makes me feel? Let me tell you it’s bad seeing your twin, your sister, the person you are closest to in the world, suffer. But what’s worse is knowing that you won’t share it with me.”
Fliss’s eyes filled. “I didn’t want you to feel bad.”
“So instead I was left to imagine how you must be feeling, which is worse. I’m not fragile, Fliss. I lived through the same childhood you did. And I know you protected me, so did Daniel, and I’m grateful for that, but the one thing I don’t need protecting from is your emotions. That’s totally different. And I know you’re also protecting yourself, but it doesn’t feel great to know you don’t trust me to be careful with your feelings. I’m hurt, Fliss, because even though we’re sisters, twins, you still don’t trust me enough to let me see you at your most vulnerable.”
Fliss saw the tears in her sister’s eyes and felt her own throat close. It was bad enough that she’d screwed up her relationship with Seth, but now she’d upset Harriet. She’d made her sister cry. Her sister, whom she’d always tried to protect from hurt.
It was the final straw.
“I’m sorry. I never thought I was hurting you by not telling you how I felt. I thought I was doing the right thing. And I trust you. I do trust you, but—” She choked on the words. “I hurt. I hurt so badly, Harry.” She felt her sister’s arms come around her and then she hugged her tightly, holding her while she sobbed and gave Harriet a hiccupping account of everything that had happened. She let it all spill out, telling her things she’d never told her. About Seth. About the baby.
Finally she sniffed and eased away. “I bet you’re wishing you’d never asked me to tell you what was wrong.” She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“I don’t wish that. Do I hate seeing you in pain? Yes. But I don’t want you to be in pain on your own. You’re my sister. You’ve always looked out for me.”
Fliss sniffed. “I’m older than you.”
“By three minutes.”
“Those three minutes came with responsibility. I feel like I’m never going to be able to smile again. These last few weeks—” She leaned her head on her sister’s shoulder. “It was magical. Magical. And I messed everything up. I love him so much and it terrifies me.”
They sat shoulder to shoulder, looking out across the ocean.
“Vanessa shouldn’t have called you.”
“I would have done the same. Everything she said was true.” Fliss scrubbed her cheek with her hand. “She loves her brother. I respect that.”
“Does he know you love him?”
“I never actually told him, but he knows. He said that if I was going to shut down when things got tough then it would never work, no matter how much we love each other.”
“And he’s probably right about that,” Harriet said.
Fliss winced. “You’re the romantic one. You’re supposed to tell me that it’s all going to be fine and that we’re going to live happily ever after. You’re supposed to believe that.”
“I do believe that, but I think you have to want it to happen. And make it happen. I never said it was easy.”
Fliss sniffed. “Isn’t he supposed to ride up here on his charger and sweep me into the sunset?”
“You’d get sand in your eyes. And you’d probably argue about who was going to sit in front, and the horse would get bored and stomp on you.”
“So what are you saying? I should ride over to him on my charger?”
“I think what I’m saying is that it’s time to make a decision. How much is love worth to you? What price are you prepared to pay?” Harriet stretched out her legs. “Plenty of people go through life and never find what you have. Mom. Me. You have found it.”
“And I’ve ruined it.”
“No.” Harriet scrambled to her feet. “You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and get over there and tell him how you feel. You’ve never actually said those words to him. Say them! You need to find out if this can work.”
“He already told me it wasn’t going to work.”
“Because he was hurting. He saw you scurrying back into your fortress. I know it’s scary, but you’re brave, Fliss. I’ve seen you stand up to people twice the size of you. Look at how you were with Dad! You’re brave when it comes to defending other people, so for once in your life go and be brave for yourself.”
“Whatever happened to sympathy?”
“That comes later, when you’ve tried and failed. But first you need to try. What you have is too rare and special to let it go without a fight.”
“You’re right, I’m afraid.” Fliss sucked in a breath. “I’m afraid to tell him how I really feel. I’m finding it hard to change the habit of a lifetime. I don’t think I’m very brave at all.”
“You’re the bravest person I know.” Harriet reached down and pulled her to her feet. “And it’s natural to want to protect yourself. You probably always will. But don’t do it from me. And don’t do it from Seth. Go and talk to him.”
“It feels like walking a high wire with no safety net.”
“I’m your safety net,” Harriet said, wrapping her in her arms. “I’ll catch you if you fall.”
* * *
SETH WAS SANDING paint in one of the bedrooms when he heard someone at the door. Even vigorous activity hadn’t improved his mood.
He dropped everything and pulled open the door.
She stood there, looking more demure than usual in a flowered sundress.
“Fliss—”
“No. I’m Harriet, so don’t kiss me or do anything that is going to embarrass both of us.” She stepped inside without waiting for an invitation, which made him wonder if it really was Harriet or if this was Fliss playing another game.
Harriet wouldn’t just march into his house uninvited, would she? And then he took a closer look at her face and realized it really was Harriet.
“What’s happened? Is Fliss all right?”
“Well, it’s hard to know, isn’t it? This is Fliss we’re talking about. She doesn’t exactly wear her feelings emblazoned on a T-shirt. I’m sure it would help us both if she did. I’m here because I assume you still care about her.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Of course I care.”
“If you care, why did you push her away?”
“Because she keeps her feelings in solitary confinement, under lock and key, and even I don’t have access.”
“So she got scared,” Harriet said slowly, “but before that phone call she opened up to you, didn’t she? She opened up in a way she never has in her life before with anyone. And that includes me. Do you have any idea how hard that was for her? Do you know how long I’ve been trying to persuade her to talk to me? It feels like most of my life. And finally, finally, she does it and it ends like this.”
He felt as if he’d been doused in ice water. “What phone call? I don’t know anything about a phone call.”
Harriet stared at him. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter now. What matters is that this summer you persuaded her to drop her guard. And then when she had a little wobble, and was feeling at her most vulnerable, instead of being patient and encouraging her, you hurt her.”
He frowned. “I didn’t—”
“I haven’t finished.” Harriet stepped forward, eyes sparking, and he wondered how he ever could have thought she was even-tempered and mild.
He might have been looking at Fliss.
“It’s uncanny—”
“What is?”
“Never mind. You were in the middle of explaining to me all the ways in which I’ve messed up.”
“That’s right. She opened up, and the result was that she got hurt. And instead of understanding that, instead of seeing that she’d fallen and needed time to pick herself up, you pushed her down again. You showed her that you couldn’t be trusted to be there for her, which is going to teach her never to open up again. And I am scared, really scared, of what that means for her future. If you can’t reach her, no one ever will.”
“Tell me who made the phone call.”
“Vanessa. But before you get all flinty-eyed, it was a good phone call.”
Harriet planted herself in front of him and Seth realized how much she’d changed.
They’d all changed, him included.
“I should have known something had happened. And you’re right, I shouldn’t have pushed her away. I was wrong, but then it seems I was wrong about a lot of things, including you. I didn’t know you had a steely side.”
“Well, now you know, and given neither of us knows how deep it runs or just how far I’d be prepared to go to defend my sister, you’d better not hurt her.”
He gave a faint smile. “From now on I’ll be sleeping with the doors locked.”
“Hurt my sister, and that’s probably a good idea.”
* * *
IT HAD TAKEN her two hours of walking on the beach to pluck up the courage she needed to drive to Seth’s. Two hours of going over it in her mind and in her heart and measuring risk.
And it was a risk.
When she finally arrived back at the beach house, Harriet was in the kitchen cooking with their grandmother.
Both of them glanced up.
Fliss looked at her sister. “Are you all right? You’re flushed. As if you’ve been rushing around.”
“The heat of the oven.” Harriet brushed flour from her fingers. “How was your walk?”
“Good. It helped me think. I—” She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to pull together the last strands of her courage. “I need to go out for a while.”
“No problem.” Calm, Harriet carefully arranged sliced apple in a dish and added cinnamon and brown sugar. It was only once she heard the front door close that she sank onto the nearest chair and looked at her grandmother. “What if I made a mistake?”
“You did the right thing, honey. And it was brave. I can’t believe you drove over there and confronted him.”
“I can’t believe it either. I shook the whole time.”
“No stammer?”
“No stammer. And it felt good. Protecting her for once felt good. Now we just have to see if she can stop protecting herself long enough to tell him how she feels.”
It took Fliss ten minutes to drive to Seth’s house, and all the way she had to stop herself turning around.
What if he didn’t answer the door? Or, worse, what if he answered the door but didn’t want to talk to her? He’d told her it was over and they had no future.
What if he’d meant it?
She hammered on the door before she could change her mind, hoping he hadn’t gone for a walk because she wasn’t sure she could put herself through this a second time.
He opened the door and the sight of him, so damn handsome in dark jeans and an open-necked shirt, glued the words to her mouth. They were in there somewhere, but she just couldn’t get them out.
Dammit, why couldn’t he have had paint in his hair or dust on his jeans? But she knew it wouldn’t have made a difference because it wasn’t the outside of the man she loved, it was the inside.
“I came to say some things.”
He opened the door wider. “Good, because there are some things I’d like to say, too.”
“I need to go first.” She paced into his kitchen and turned, keeping the island between them. “When I first heard you were in Manhattan, I was terrified. I dreaded bumping into you. I thought, I really believed, that I ruined your life. No—” she saw him open his mouth and lifted her hand “—let me finish. Let me speak. If I don’t do it now, I might not be able to do it. I’m telling you how it was, that’s all. I felt guilty, and I carried that around with me, and I carried around the thoughts about what might have happened if we hadn’t lost our baby. Back then, I couldn’t tell you how I felt. I felt so bad, there was no way I was sharing that with anyone. And I was still living at home, under my father’s scrutiny, and that wasn’t a good place to be. I had no idea how to open up to anyone. Not even you, or maybe I should say especially you because I knew that you could hurt me more than anyone. I didn’t see you, or hear from you, in ten years and then suddenly there you were.”
“Slow down. You’re talking too fast.”
“This is the only way I know to get it out there. I had no idea how to handle the fact you were in Manhattan, so I did the cowardly thing, took the easy way out, and came here. And then you were here, too. It threw me.” She stooped and petted Lulu, needing the comfort. “And what threw me even more was how persistent you were, and then hearing how you’d really felt all those years ago. And I realized how much I’d lost by not talking to you. By not being honest.”
Seth stirred. “I made mistakes, too. I should have thought about how you might be feeling, what you might be thinking, but even though I knew a little about your father, I used my own upbringing, and family, as a measure. In our family we talked and shared, even when it was loud and noisy. No one ever needed to hide. And I knew you found it hard to say how you were feeling, but I didn’t know how hard. And I had no idea what was going on in your head. If I’d known—”
“Let’s not do ifs. Let’s admit we made mistakes. And the important thing, and the reason I’m here—” she swallowed “—is that I don’t want to make that mistake again. This time I want to spell it out, so we both know. So there is no mistake. You want the ninety percent—I’m giving you a hundred. I’m telling you exactly how I’m feeling so that there is no misunderstanding.”
He paused. “So tell me.”
“I feel like crap, Seth. We’ve spent an amazing summer, we’ve laughed and yes, you made me fall in love with you, dammit, or maybe I never fell out of love, I don’t know—” She felt Lulu pull away from her and slink across the kitchen. She didn’t blame the dog for wanting to get away from all the emotion. She did, too. She was confused, mixed up and dizzy with love, but her overriding emotion was terror. “I thought it was all going great, I exposed my heart to you—”
“You didn’t. You didn’t expose your heart. You protected it.”
“I exposed my heart. Maybe I didn’t say the words, but I showed you. You knew. You saw. And then when I was about to tell you, you were called out. And that was all fine. But then Vanessa called, and she told me how badly I’d hurt you—”
“She shouldn’t—”
“No—” She raised her hand. “She was right to call me. She was protecting you, and I understand why she would do that. But up until that moment I hadn’t really thought about how what happened affected you. I thought you married me because of the baby, so it didn’t occur to me that you might be going through the same agony I was going through. And when Vanessa told me how it was, I felt terrible. So guilty. Just horrid that I’d done that to you. I had a little emotional crisis.” She paced toward Lulu, who backed under the kitchen table, knowing danger when she saw it. “I knew I never, ever wanted to hurt you again, and right then I lost all confidence in my ability to be the person you need me to be.”
“Fliss—”
“It wasn’t opening up and telling you things that made me vulnerable, it was opening up and loving you. That was the part that scared me. I was a crab without a shell, an armadillo without the armor. And it scared me so much that for a while there I wasn’t sure I could handle it. And I knew that if I couldn’t handle it, then you were gong to get hurt. And I thought maybe you’d be better off with someone like Vanessa’s friend Naomi.”
There was a pause. A silence and then he breathed.
“Can I talk now?”
Part of her wanted to just leave, but she remembered what Harriet had said about hearing him out. About knowing. So she’d listen. And then she’d know. Then she’d walk away. Then she’d fall apart.
She could get through another half hour, if that’s what it took, although she might have holes in her palms from the way she was digging her nails into her own flesh.
“First, I’m not interested in Naomi. It’s true that over the years she spent a lot of time at our house, she’s Vanessa’s closest friend, and yes, she and I were together for a while. She’s a good person. Not hard to like.”
Fliss shot to her feet. “You see? She’s perfect for you.”
“Sit down.”
“She sounds like a sweet woman.”
“And when have you ever seen me eat dessert?”
She thought about it. “I guess she might drive you a little insane after a while. She probably wouldn’t fight with you. And fighting keeps you young.”
The corners of his mouth flickered. “When I lost my father, I realized I didn’t want any more relationships where I didn’t feel enough. Relationships that felt like a compromise. Settling.” His gaze held hers. “The moment I worked that out, I ended it with Naomi. I was honest. I knew what I wanted. Who I wanted.” His gaze locked on hers, and Fliss felt her knees turn liquid.
“Dammit. Keep going and you’ll have me feeling sorry for her.” She stooped and hugged Lulu again, holding her close, taking comfort from her warm body. “Vanessa said you were looking for the same relationship your parents had. That you’d never find it.”
“I’d already found it.” His voice was soft. “I found it years ago, but I was stupid enough to let it go. There’s never been anyone but you, Fliss, and when my father died I knew, I knew, that I had to find you, and find out whether there was anything there. Life is too short and precious to fill a single moment of it with ‘what if?’ So I took the job in Manhattan.”
“Why didn’t you just bang on my door?”
“Because I knew that wouldn’t work. I’ve had ten years to think about what happened. Ten years to focus on all the ways I screwed up.”
“I was the one who—”
“We both screwed up. But we’re not doing that again. So here’s my hundred percent. I love you. You have to believe that I love you. You have to trust me on that one.”
Her heart was so full she could hardly speak. “I do believe you. I do trust you. I love you. One hundred percent, I love you. And I’m far more scared of losing you than I am of telling you that.”
For the first time since she’d walked into his house, he smiled. “Then how about letting go of my dog and showing me?”
Fliss kept her arms round Lulu. “I love your dog.”
“I love her, too. She will always be part of our family, but right now I’d rather she took a backseat. This isn’t her moment.”
“Our family?”
“Yes. That’s what we are. It’s what we’re going to be.”
Her head spinning, she gave Lulu a final kiss and stood up.
The next moment she was in his arms and Seth was kissing her.
“I’ve always loved you.”
“It was sex—”
“And then it was love. So much love I didn’t pause long enough to think about whether I was moving too quickly. Whether what we had was strong enough to stick. When I lost you, I didn’t know how to live with the pain. You say you felt guilty, I felt even more guilty. I got you pregnant, we lost the baby. I was hurting. I knew you were hurting, too, but I didn’t know how to reach you.”
“If I’d been braver and shared more, maybe we wouldn’t have broken up. But I really felt that without the baby there was nothing to hold us together.”
“A baby isn’t glue, Fliss. Plenty of couples have a baby thinking that will fix a rocky marriage, and then wonder why it never does. Invariably it makes things worse. Love is the glue. Love is what holds a relationship together through good times and bad.”
“I’ve spent my whole life protecting myself, and I never thought about the other side of that. That by not letting people in I blocked love as well as hate.” She eased away from him. “I had a fight with Harriet earlier. The first fight I can remember us having since we were kids. Actually it was less of a fight than her yelling at me. She gave me the full hundred percent. Told me how hurt she was that I wouldn’t confide in her, that I protected her. I hardly recognized her, but she got me thinking and I realized she was right.”
“Did she tell you she came here?”
“Harriet? What? No. When?”
“Earlier. She threatened me, and I can tell you your sister is scary when she’s angry.”
“Angry? You must have that wrong. Apart from the one fight we had earlier, Harriet is the kindest, gentlest person on the planet.”
“That’s what I thought and I’m sure that’s true, except in certain circumstances.”
“What circumstances?”
“When she thinks her sister is in trouble.” He tightened his arms around her. “She stepped in front of you. She stepped, and she wasn’t moving until she’d made me promise I wasn’t going to make you cry. In the interest of full disclosure and the one hundred percent, I thought I should mention it. She probably doesn’t want you to know she came, so don’t tell her.”
“And Vanessa probably doesn’t want you to know she called, so don’t bring that up either.” She leaned her head against his chest. “I want to know what you’re thinking. I want to know what’s in your head. All of it.”
“I love you. That’s what’s in my head. And in my heart.” He stroked his fingers over her chin, and her eyes filled.
“I love you, too.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks, and he brushed them away with his thumb.
“Don’t cry. For pity’s sake, don’t cry. Harriet will kill me.”
“These are happy tears.”
“I don’t want tears at all. I never want to see you cry, and I definitely don’t want to make you cry.”
“Not even when it’s in a good way?”
“Never. I just want to see you happy. I’ll move back to Manhattan if that’s what you want.”
“You’d do that for me? Even though you love it here?”
“I want to be with you. I’ll do whatever works for you.”
“What if it worked for me to stay here? To build up a business here. It’s not as if it’s far from Manhattan. I can hitch a ride on Chase’s helicopter whenever I need to get back.”
“Or Todd’s.”
She gasped. “He’s buying the house?”
“Seems likely. He called earlier. He’s bringing his family to see it this weekend. Wants us to join him for dinner.”
“Well, look at us, mingling with the wealthy. I might have to change out of my shorts.” She grinned up at him. “I could get used to living here, in your house by the water, with Lulu.”
“Are you sure? But if you’re going to stay here, what about Harriet?”
“She doesn’t want me to protect her.” Fliss let out a breath. “I think that’s going to be hard. Maybe it will be easier if I’m not breathing down her neck all the time.”
“It wouldn’t drive you crazy living here? The Poker Princesses will want to know every detail.”
“I was thinking I could distribute a monthly newsletter, to save them the trouble of asking or listening to rumors. You could pin it to the bulletin board in your clinic. We could call it Straight from the Horse’s Mouth.”
He laughed. “If you’re going to be living here, you’ll need to bake cookies.”
“I’m an expert, although I’m not telling anyone how many batches were abandoned before I reached that lofty status.”
He lowered his forehead to hers. “You’d be prepared to stay here? Live here? With me?”
“Always.”
He lifted his head and glanced around him, a smile on his face.
“Before today it was a house, and now it feels like home.”
“Because you’ve sold Ocean View. Because you’ve finally moved in properly.”
“No.” He shook his head. “Because you’re here. You make it feel like home. I love you.”
“I love you, too. I thought I was the wrong woman for you, but that’s because for a very long time I saw the woman my father saw. Deep down I believed all the things he said about me. It was like looking into one of those mirrors that distorts everything. And that was partly the reason we never would have made it the first time around. Because I really did believe I wasn’t good enough, that I was Bad Fliss, that I’d ruined your life.”
“And now? Do you believe that now?”
She shook her head. “No. I spent most of my life proving to him that I wasn’t that person, and somewhere along the way I proved it to myself, too. I just didn’t realize it until recently.”
“I want to marry you. Again. As soon as possible.” The look he gave her did strange things to her insides.
She felt excitement and a sharp twist of desire, but most of all she felt love. “I want that, too.”
“This time it’s not going to be Vegas.”
“I don’t care where it is, as long as you’re there.” She kissed him, happiness overflowing in generous waves. “But please don’t tell me you’re thinking of the Plaza in June. Because I might have to hurt you.”
“I was thinking beach wedding. Lobster bake. Dancing in the moonlight. Matilda will probably spill champagne, and you probably won’t wear shoes. How does that sound?”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I think that sounds perfect.”
* * * * *