“SO IF I were a character in your book, how would you fix me?” Fliss lay on the sand next to Matilda, who kept shifting positions on the blanket.
“Do you need fixing?”
“There are days when I wish I was more like Harriet.”
“I think it’s wonderful that you’re different. I envy you having a twin. I would have done anything for a sibling. That was part of the reason I wrote stories. For company. You were born with company.”
“Yeah, that part is pretty cool.” Fliss stared out across the ocean and then realized Matilda was still wriggling next to her. “What’s wrong? Do you need to pee or something?”
“I always need to pee, but no, it’s not that. I’ve had this backache for a few days and I can’t get rid of it.” Her phone rang, and she rummaged in her purse. “Do you mind if I take this? That will be Chase telling me what time he’ll be home.” She answered the call, and Fliss watched as her friend’s expression changed from delight to disappointment. It was like watching a light go out. “Of course I don’t mind. Don’t be silly! I’m totally fine here… It’s not even due for another month, and that’s if it arrives on time—and everyone says first babies are always late. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll have a lovely indulgent evening watching Netflix. Are you having dinner with your father? Don’t let him upset you. I’ll see you tomorrow and we can talk about everything then. Love you, too.”
Fliss felt a stab of envy and dismissed it.
Talking about everything sounded like her idea of an evening of horror.
She waited for Matilda to end the call. “Chase not coming home?”
“Buried under work and he has an early meeting scheduled tomorrow. It would be crazy for him to come home. He’ll grab a quick dinner with his father while he’s there. That’s more duty than pleasure.”
“They don’t have a great relationship?”
“It’s complicated.”
Fliss knew all about complicated. “You shouldn’t be on your own.”
“I’ll be fine.” Matilda shifted again. “I’ll take a bath.”
“Should you see a doctor or something? I can drive you to the hospital.”
“I’m pregnant, not sick.”
“Then I can drive you to the maternity center.”
“I’m fine, honestly.” Matilda shifted again. “Just another of those Braxton Hicks contractions. I’ve been told all about them. They can feel real but they’re not.”
“I don’t want to leave my grandmother alone for the night, or I’d offer to stay.” Fliss pondered. “You could come and stay with us.”
“That’s kind, but nothing is going to happen.” Matilda shifted again, and Fliss stood up.
“We should go back to the house. Whatever is going on, sitting on the beach is hardly comfortable for you.”
“I like the ocean air, and Hero likes playing with Charlie. And being with you takes my mind off the fact that I feel like a whale. Tell me more about being a twin.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Did people treat you as individuals? Did you wear the same clothes?”
“Not unless it was a school uniform. And I cut three inches off the hem of mine, so even then we didn’t look the same.”
Melissa laughed. “Keep talking. You’re giving me the most wonderful idea for a book.”
Fliss recoiled. “I don’t want to be in a book.”
“You won’t be. I use the elements that suit me and make up the rest. Real life is never as interesting as my stories.”
“Unless it’s my life. And we’ve definitely talked enough about me.”
“You don’t like talking about yourself, do you?”
“Not much. And it’s your turn. How did you meet Chase?”
“At a very glamorous event on a rooftop in Manhattan.”
“Wow.” Fliss stooped to pick up a shell. “You hang out with some seriously cool people.”
“Not true. I was a waitress. I had no idea who he was. In fact I didn’t even see him at the party. I spilled a bottle of very expensive champagne, and I was fired on the spot. I was leaving the building when this superhot guy stepped into the elevator with me.”
“And you introduced yourself?”
“Not exactly. At that moment I was a bit disillusioned with being me, so I pretended to be someone else.”
Fliss was intrigued. “Who?”
“The heroine I was writing in my book. I’d given her all the qualities I would have liked to have myself. She was confident and never clumsy…” Matilda’s voice trailed off and she stared at the water for a moment. “Anyway, we had this amazing night. And then real life intruded. He found out who I was. I found out who he was.”
“Wait a minute,” Fliss said slowly. “So you’re telling me you pretended to be someone else? I thought it was just me who did that.”
“At least you pretended to be a real person. Mine was fictional. That was worse. Before I met Chase, all I knew about him was that he was a collector of rare books and that he had a library in one of his houses. A library! My idea of book storage was to push them under my bed.”
Fliss thought about Matilda’s beach house. The space and luxury. And her interest was the library. “So you were after him for his books?”
“Not exactly. His brother owned a publishing company, and I was desperate to send him the manuscript I’d been working on. I had a cunning plan, but like most of my cunning plans it didn’t quite work out the way it was supposed to.”
Fliss looked at the diamond sparkling on her friend’s finger. “Seems to me that it worked out perfectly. Fairy-tale ending.”
“It was. And the weird thing is, it was more romantic than anything I’ve ever written.” She took a sip from her water bottle. “I should probably be getting back. I have to finish my proofs before this baby comes.”
Fliss ignored the tug of envy and walked with her back to the house. “Call if you need me.”
“I won’t need you. Hero has had two walks today. We’ll both be fine.”
“I hope you’re right because delivering babies isn’t one of my skills.”
* * *
SETH STROLLED AROUND the empty master suite of his new house. Without furniture to absorb the sound, his footsteps echoed on the oak floorboards.
The room was light, with high ceilings and glass doors opening onto a balcony, and he already knew where he was going to put his bed. Against the wall, facing the view. He was on the edge of the ocean, close to the nature preserve. When he opened the windows, all he could hear were the birds and the soft lap of the water on the sand.
The house might be empty, but already it felt like a home.
Chase had done well.
And there was something to be said for living somewhere new, with no history or memories clinging to the walls.
He’d had his furniture shipped from his house in California and it had been sitting in his parents’ home for six months.
It was time he had it moved.
His phone rang, and he smiled as the caller ID flashed up.
“Chase? This is a coincidence. I’m admiring your handiwork. The house is looking great. I’m moving in on the weekend.”
“Sounds good.”
“I need to think about furniture.” He’d walked through every room and decided that many of the things he’d brought with him from his place in California weren’t going to look right here. “I need to think how to fill the space.”
“Fill it with people. It’s a family house. Maybe it’s time you thought about a family.”
“Have you been talking to my sister?”
“No. I just believe in marriage.”
“This from a guy who was determinedly single until last year.”
“I was single for a reason. I hadn’t met the right person. Once I did, everything seemed different. I’m a convert.”
Seth strolled to the window. The setting sun sent shafts of light over the ocean. “Want to come over and share a beer?”
“That’s why I’m calling. I’m in Manhattan and I’m worried about Matilda.” Something in his tone made Seth pause.
“Is there a reason to worry?”
“I’m not sure. She’s not answering her phone. She’s probably left it somewhere, or dropped it in the bath, but I can’t stop worrying. I was meant to be home tonight. I don’t like leaving her alone this far into her pregnancy.”
“Do you want me to go check on her?”
“Would you? Thanks.” Chase sounded relieved. “I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me anything. I’ll call as soon as I get there.” He scooped up his keys, checked that the doors to the balcony were secure and whistled to Lulu.
* * *
FLISS SAT ON the beach, watching as the setting sun spilled golden light across the sand.
She’d left her grandmother engrossed in a TV show while she’d taken Charlie to the beach for his final walk of the day.
On impulse, she called Harriet. “Grams knows I’m me and not you.”
“Good. So it’s all fine? I knew it would be.”
Her sister was always so calm. Nothing seemed to ruffle her. She said it was working with animals that soothed her, but Fliss knew it was her nature to be calm. It was as if after living with their father, nothing could ever stress her again. Nothing could ever be that bad.
“I’m sorry I did that.”
“Don’t apologize.”
“Don’t be so understanding.”
“All right, I won’t.” Harriet was laughing, but Fliss felt a twinge. She thought about what Matilda had said about being an only child.
Harriet was her best friend.
How would she have gotten through life without her sister?
“I still have to unravel the whole Seth thing. Haven’t worked out how to do that yet, but I need to do it before I get roped into more cookie making for the sake of everyone’s digestive systems.”
Harriet was still laughing. “I’m glad Grams helped you with that.”
“Yeah, it was pretty cool. She’s a good cook.” Fliss rubbed her toes in the sand. “She’s been teaching me a few things.”
“And you hate every minute?”
“That’s the weird thing. No.”
“It’s not weird. I used to love cooking with her because she always listened to me. Didn’t matter how long it took me to get the words out, she was never impatient. After living with Dad it was heaven. Did you talk to her about Seth? Did you tell her how you feel?”
She didn’t know how she felt about Seth. And she certainly didn’t intend to talk about it. “No need. I’m fine.”
“You should talk to her. She’s very wise.”
“Did she ever talk about Mom with you?” Fliss frowned. “She said something.”
“What?”
“It was weird.” Fliss watched as Charlie chased across the sand in front of her. At this time of day he was allowed off the leash, and he weaved in great loops, as if he was tracking something. “She said it was hard seeing your daughter in love with the wrong man.”
“What’s weird about that? Dad was the wrong man for Mom. She was too gentle for him. Too compliant. She spent her whole life twisting herself into pretzel-like shapes trying to please him. And I empathize. He had the same effect on me. Every time he yelled, I couldn’t force a word out. Do you remember?”
“Trying not to.” She remembered her sister crouched under the table with her eyes squeezed shut and her hands over her ears. She remembered her father growing more and more angry when Harriet couldn’t speak smoothly. Vicious circle, she thought, with the emphasis on vicious.
And she remembered Daniel intervening. Standing firm between his father and his sisters, as he always had, and incurring his father’s wrath because of it. And when he’d left home to go to college, she’d taken on that role.
Would they be as close as siblings if it hadn’t been for their childhood?
If they’d grown up in a happy family, would they have flown the nest and spread out? Or would they still be living close to one another, looking out for each other?
“Well, Mom was no different. We all tried to keep a low profile. Apart from you, of course. You goaded him.”
Fliss lay back on the sand, watching as the sky darkened. “I still think there was something else. Grams looked at me in a funny way. Like I was missing something.”
“You’re imagining it.”
“I don’t think so. I’m not the one who digs around for emotional stuff. That’s you. I try to pretend it isn’t happening.”
“It’s unusual to hear you admit that.”
“Yeah, well, nothing that’s happening around here is usual. And Grams was definitely hiding something. And now, of course, I need to know what it is. Because that’s human nature. Did Mom ever talk to you about her and Dad?”
“Not really. Only that she got married quickly.”
“Because she was pregnant with Daniel. But we already knew that. Mom told me about it once when she was lecturing me on contraception. She told me that you never want to get married unless both of you feel the same way.”
And she’d ignored that advice, of course. The way she ignored all advice.
As a teenager she’d done the opposite of everything anyone had suggested.
“Poor Mom. Still, she’s happy now. Did you see the photos she posted of Antarctica?”
“Yes.” Fliss brushed the sand from her legs. Maybe Harriet was right. Maybe she was imagining things. And if there was something in her mother’s past, that was her business.
People had a right to secrets. They had a right to keep their thoughts and feelings inside if that was what they wanted.
It was exactly what she did.
“So when are you going to tell Seth the truth about who you are?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I won’t need to. You had lunch with him, by the way, at the beach café.”
“I like that place. What did I eat?”
“You had the Thai salad.”
“Did I enjoy it?”
Fliss grinned. “It wasn’t bad. A lot of people came up to me and said how pleased they were to see you. You’re loved, dear sister.”
“I hope you didn’t do anything to ruin my reputation. What were you wearing?”
“Nothing. I dined naked.”
“I’m hoping you’re joking.”
“I thought your reputation needed spicing up a little. I did wear sunscreen.”
“So you’re telling me I had lunch in the beach café, and all I wore was factor twenty?”
“And a smile. A big smile.”
“Fliss!”
Fliss grinned. “Calm down. I wore a sundress. It was almost decent.”
Harriet choked on laughter. “Well, that’s punishment enough for teasing me. I can’t remember when I last saw you wear a dress.”
“Yeah, it felt weird.”
“And what are you wearing now?”
“Well, since Grams knows who I am, and I’m not likely to bump into anyone else tonight, I’m wearing my ancient cutoffs with a crop top. My abs are on display.”
“Disgraceful, Felicity.”
Fliss was about to respond when she noticed another dog speeding along the beach.
It looked like—
No, it couldn’t be. Not out here on the beach on his own.
But—
“Crap.” She sprang to her feet, the phone still in her hand. She could hear Harriet’s voice asking her what was wrong. “I need to go. Hero seems to have escaped. Matilda must have forgotten to close the kitchen door. Talk to you later.” She slid the phone into her pocket, put her fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly.
Hero skidded to a halt, sand flying, and turned his head in her direction.
She cupped her hands to her mouth and shouted his name, relieved when he changed direction and sped toward her.
“Whoa. What are you doing out here all on your own? And what’s the hurry?” She made a fuss over him. “Does Matilda know you’ve escaped? You’re supposed to be baby-sitting her tonight.”
Hero turned away, but she grabbed his collar.
“Oh no, you’re not running off again.” She was almost pulled off balance as the dog strained and tugged. “You run away and suddenly you want to go home?” She adjusted her hold and braced her legs.
Hero whined and nudged her thigh.
“I have no idea what you want me to do, but you need to calm down. All this energy, and you’ve already had two long walks today. You’re the reason I can wear a top that shows my abs. I’ll call Matilda to let her know I’ve found you. She’ll be worrying.” Keeping one hand on Hero’s collar, she called Matilda’s number.
The phone went to voice mail.
“That’s weird.” She frowned, and then remembered that this was Matilda. She’d probably lost the phone. Dropped it in the bath? Maybe she was taking a bath. Did she even realize she’d left the doors to the house open? “I’m beginning to see why Chase wanted her to have security. I guess I’m going to have to take you home myself.”
She whistled to Charlie and walked briskly until she reached the part of the beach that was private. Because the tide was low, she was able to walk straight onto the stretch of sand that fronted the Adams property.
As she’d suspected, the glass doors that led to the kitchen were open. She stepped through them and saw the cup on the tiled floor, lying in pieces in the middle of a pool of liquid. Next to it was Matilda’s phone. Also in pieces.
Fliss paused. Why had she dropped everything?
And then she heard a sound upstairs, a dull thud, and the hair rose on the back of her neck.
Intruders?
Her mouth tight, Fliss grabbed a heavy iron skillet from the stove and nudged Hero away from the broken mug with her toe.
“Find Matilda. Go! Fetch. Seize. Whatever.”
The dog shot off without any more encouragement and Fliss followed, the skillet in one hand, her phone in the other.
She was about to dial 911 when Hero barked and she heard Matilda give a howl of pain.
She took the stairs two at a time, followed the noise and found Matilda on her hands and knees in the bedroom. “Did they hurt you? Where are they? Are they still in the house?”
Matilda looked at her, her eyes glazed with pain, unable to speak.
Fliss dropped to her knees in front of her. “What happened? Oh God, what did they do? Say something.”
Matilda shook her head, but no words emerged.
They must have attacked her. Winded her. “Did they push you? The doors were open downstairs. I saw the broken cup. And your phone. Are the intruders still in the house?” Fliss brandished the skillet like a weapon. “Because I’ll tear them limb from limb. They will be so damn sorry they—”
Matilda grabbed her wrist and gasped out one word. “Baby.”
“I know you’re worried about the baby, but I’m sure she’s going to be fine. We’re going to—” She yelped as Matilda gripped her arm more tightly.
“Now!”
Now?
Fliss froze, every muscle in her body paralyzed. Her arms and legs wouldn’t move. Neither would her mouth. With immense difficulty she forced the words past stiff lips. “You mean the baby is the reason you’re on the floor in agony? But it’s not due yet. It can’t come now.”
Matilda gave another moan of pain and Fliss moved, her need not to be left to deal with this galvanizing her into action. She put the skillet down.
“Who do I call? The hospital? Chase?” Someone. Anyone. The phone almost slipped from her shaky, sweaty hands, and she gave a hysterical laugh. At this rate the floor was going to be littered with broken phones.
Matilda tried to speak. “No time.”
No time? Fliss felt hot and then cold. “That can’t be right. Even if it is coming now, babies take ages to arrive.”
Please let it take ages to arrive.
She couldn’t do this.
She really couldn’t do this.
She was the wrong person in every single way.
If this baby really was coming, then Matilda needed someone skilled and responsible with her. Someone who would do all the right things.
Fliss knew she wasn’t that someone.
She did all the wrong things.
She felt a shocking pain in her arm and realized it was Matilda’s nails.
Holy crap.
She’d never doubted that childbirth was a painful experience, but she hadn’t realized the pain extended to bystanders.
“That’s right.” She gritted her teeth. “Hold on. Hit me. Anything. Whatever helps.” With her free arm she reached out, grabbed her phone and dialed 911. Maybe having a baby wasn’t an emergency, but it seemed like one to her. And no doubt they’d call whoever they needed to call. The best she could hope for was that reinforcements would arrive before the baby.
“They’ll be here in under ten minutes.” Relief flowed through her. Ten minutes was no time at all. She wasn’t going to have to do this by herself. All she had to do was hold the fort and keep Matilda calm until help arrived.
That was easier said than done. Whatever was happening to her was clearly overwhelming. Matilda was hit by wave after wave of pain, with no room to breathe. Tentatively Fliss placed her palm on her friend’s rounded abdomen. It was like touching a rock.
She grabbed her phone again and typed having a baby into the search engine.
A stream of websites sprang onto her phone, offering baby classes, pregnancy advice.
Fliss stared at the screen in frustration.
Muttering under her breath, she added the words right now to her search request and saw something about breathing pop up.
She thought back to a TV series Harriet had watched based on a maternity unit. They’d gone on and on about breathing.
Feeling pitifully inadequate, she rubbed Matilda’s shoulder. “Remember your breathing.” That was what they said, wasn’t it? “In through your nose and out through your mouth. Everything is going to be fine. You can hold on ten minutes, right?” Please say yes.
Matilda said nothing. She couldn’t catch her breath to speak.
Instead Fliss saw her hold her breath and push. “Are you pushing?” Panic ripped through her. “Don’t push. Whatever you do, don’t push.”
“Have to.” Matilda panted out the words, and Fliss looked at her in horror.
This couldn’t be happening. Not like this. Not now. She needed only ten minutes! How hard was that?
“Hold your breath. Think about other things.”
“Can’t.” Matilda gasped out the word, her fingernails almost digging holes in Fliss’s arm. It was so painful she almost joined her friend and yelled.
Fliss felt sweat cool her skin. Ten minutes. That was all the time she needed to delay this thing from happening. “Don’t push, don’t push. Do I at least have time to do an internet search on ‘what to do if a baby comes too fast’?”
Matilda’s gaze met hers, and Fliss saw the panic in her friend’s eyes.
Her own panic evaporated in an instant.
She put her arm around Matilda’s shoulders and gave her a hug. “It doesn’t matter. We don’t need the internet. Women have been doing this for centuries without the help of Google. It’s natural. Babies are born every minute, right? No worries.”
She hoped she sounded more convincing than she felt.
It was dawning on her that she was going to have to deliver a baby.
Why her? Why did she have to be the one in this position?
And then she realized it was Matilda who was in this position, not her, and she felt a stab of shame. She might be bad at some things, but never would she abandon a friend in a crisis.
“It’s okay, really it is.” She hoped Matilda couldn’t see that her hands were shaking. “It’s all going to be fine. Wait there a second—I’m not leaving you, but if it’s really coming now then we have to get ready for it.” She pulled her arm away from Matilda’s grip, sprinted to the bed and grabbed pillows, cushions and the comforter. She flung them on the floor next to her friend.
What else?
She didn’t have a clue.
Matilda grabbed her, gasping, and Fliss tried to think straight. Logic. She was good at logic. “Get closer to the floor. Here, lie on these cushions. It will be more comfortable.” And that way if the baby popped out fast it wasn’t going to start life bashing its head on reclaimed oak.
Her mind was racing ahead. Was she supposed to cut the cord? No. She wasn’t going to touch the cord. But what if the baby wasn’t breathing?
She should probably wash her hands, in case she had to handle it.
She shot into the bathroom and scrubbed her hands as best she could, and took clean towels from the neat pile. She barely had time to register that Matilda’s bathroom looked like something from an upscale spa, before she heard her friend groan in agony.
She shot back into the room.
Hero was next to her, looking worried.
Fliss empathized.
“Move away, Hero. I’m no expert but I don’t think dogs are allowed in the delivery room.”
Matilda sent her a panicked glance. “I can feel the head.”
And suddenly Fliss realized that whoever was coming, they weren’t going to get here in time. She was all Matilda had.
She felt a wash of calm.
“Well, that’s exciting.”
“I’m scared.”
“Don’t be. Everything is fine.” She gave Matilda’s shoulder a squeeze and then knelt down and saw that there was indeed a head. Was she supposed to check whether the cord was around the neck or anything? She didn’t want to risk touching anything she shouldn’t touch. Before she could decide, Matilda gave another groan and the baby slid out into Fliss’s hands.
She was so shocked she almost dropped it. She held the baby’s slippery body, and emotion choked her. She’d never allowed herself to think about this part. How this must feel, holding new life in your hands. Beginnings.
She’d never been so grateful for her ability to lock her emotions away, but even she struggled to conceal her feelings this time.
Somehow she managed it, and she put the baby carefully in Matilda’s arms and wrapped a towel around them both.
Then she propped cushions around Matilda to support her.
“She’s not crying—” Matilda gasped out the words, and Fliss felt another flash of anxiety.
Did babies always cry? Weren’t any of them born happy?
She rubbed the baby with the towel, and the newborn started to howl at the same time she heard footsteps on the stairs.
She turned, expecting to see an EMT or someone from the hospital, but instead it was Seth.
He was the last person she’d expected, and she gave a weak smile, ridiculously relieved to see him. Anyone.
“Typical. You arrive when it’s all over. Your timing is terrible.”