10
Tessa was a mess. But considering she’d been a mess for far longer than just the time Murphy had lived with her, she couldn’t totally blame it on him. She couldn’t keep Murphy out of her brain, nor could she keep thoughts of work and her family off her mind. Everything jumbled together, and she could barely keep a straight thought. It was so exhausting.
She’d done a ten-hour shift that morning at the hospital and was now finally home. All she wanted to do was veg out in front of the television with junk food. Of course, that meant she would probably have to spend time with Murphy because he hadn’t been going out as much as he used to—or at least as much as she thought he used to. In all honesty, she hadn’t been going out as much as she used to in the past either. Considering she and Liz had met Owen and Murphy at a bar one night when Tessa had had too much to drink, her life had gotten a little more sedate since then. Most of her friends, okay her only friend, Liz, was now settled down, happily pregnant, and about to get married. As she really didn’t like going out drinking alone, contrary to how she’d first met Murphy, she was stuck at home most nights. Not that she truly felt all that stuck anymore. She was now in her thirties. Maybe going out to bars every night wasn’t exactly what she wanted to do. Sitting at home with Netflix was sometimes the best evening of all. But now she’d have to spend that time with Murphy because she wouldn’t force him to spend all his time in his room.
Alone.
Naked.
Touching himself.
Oh, God.
Stop thinking that.
Stop it.
All that naked flesh. Those tattoos. Those piercings.
“Are you okay over there? Your face is really flushed.”
Tessa looked up from where she’d been standing in the open fridge for who knew how long and coughed at Murphy’s question.
“Uh, I’m fine. Just uh…I made Jell-O.” Oh, good, Tessa, now you sound like you’re going off the deep end. Keep talking about Jell-O.
Murphy raised one gorgeous brow and gave her a look. “You made Jell-O?”
She nodded. “Well, I was in the mood for shots. Or I thought I was. Then I remembered that you really aren't drinking right now. So, instead of making Jell-O shots, I just made virgin Jell-O shots, which is really just Jell-O.”
Murphy grinned and leaned against the wall next to her. “Really? You made virgin shots?”
Tessa winced. “And really not even that. Because I wasn't adding the tequila or vodka or any other alcohol to them, I didn't really feel like wasting my little cups, so I just made a batch of Jell-O.”
He laughed and moved to stand by her, their shoulders brushing ever so slightly. Somehow, neither of them visibly reacted, but she knew he was just as nervous about tonight as she was.
It was their first night alone in the house after the incident. He’d spent the night before with his brothers after treatment before coming home when she’d been locked in her room, avoiding him. It had been less than forty-eight hours since she’d pressed her naked body against his equally naked form, and she had no idea what she was going to do about it. So, a sugar high it was.
“You made a bowl of Jell-O.”
“Uh-huh. I figured if we really want to do sugar shots, then we’ll just call them Jell-O spoons.” She let out a groan. “It sounded cute in my head when I thought it. Now, it just sounds stupid, and I want to go hide under the covers.”
Murphy wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she tried not to lean into his hold. What was wrong with her? This was Murphy. She’d been around him long enough not to swoon like some teenager around him. Yet she couldn’t help herself or stop her body’s reaction to his presence.
“Jell-O spoons sound perfect. Let’s find a movie and call it a night.”
She swallowed hard, trying to sound normal when she spoke. “Sure. Sounds like a plan.”
She was in so much trouble.
Tessa grabbed the bowl from the fridge as well as two spoons while Murphy got them each a glass of water. Since she wasn’t about to drink around him when he couldn’t, and they were about to inhale way too much sugar, water was the best option. They moved into the living room, each taking a seat on opposite sides of the couch.
They each took a spoon and dug into the dessert, barely watching the movie and not quite talking about anything important. Sugar pumped into her system, and yet she didn’t feel hyper. No, she was beyond antsy and had no idea what she was doing.
“This feels weird,” Murphy said after a moment since neither of them had spoken for a bit.
Tessa let out a breath and set her water down on the table in front of them. “It is weird.” She hadn’t wanted it to be weird. But she didn’t know how to move on with things so tense and them both trying to be overly polite. Murphy scooted closer, and Tessa sucked in a breath. She could feel the heat of him, and a small part of her knew doing anything tonight would change everything. Yet the other part of her wanted to move even closer and feel every inch of him. There was something truly wrong with her, and yet right then, she didn't care.
“I know you told me to forget what happened after I got out of the shower, but I don't think I can.” Murphy turned toward her, and she moved her head so she looked right into his eyes. She almost gasped at the heat she saw in them, and at how dark they’d become, but she stopped just in time.
“What are you saying?”
“I can’t get you out of my head, Tessa.” Murphy raked his hands through his hair, and Tessa watched as his muscles bunched up deliciously at the action. “We’ve always flirted, but we made sure to stay on the side of friendship.”
“And that was a good choice,” Tessa said quickly, afraid of what was being said, and yet knowing there was no turning back now.
“Was it? Because I’m so happy that you’re in my life. I love that you’re my friend. But every time I look at you, I see something more. I see something that we could be.”
“Are you talking about just sex?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer, but she needed to know. “Because I’m not going to ruin what we have. I’m not going to ruin what our friends have just for sex. I might be damn good at sex and, hell, I’m pretty sure you’re damn good at it, too, but no amount of sex is worth ruining everything else.”
Murphy snorted. “I am damn good at sex. And I have a feeling you’re even better than you think you are, but that’s not what I’m talking about. Or, at least, that’s not all I’m talking about. I like you. I think I’ve always liked you. I don’t know what’s coming for me—or anyone else for that matter. But I’m tired of standing by and doing nothing because I’m too afraid of what might happen.”
Tears filled her eyes, and Murphy reached out to wipe them away before she could. “Murphy…”
“I didn’t mean to make you cry. I don’t ever want to make you cry. I want to feel your skin beneath my fingertips. I want to know what you feel like against me when we both plan on it, and not when it’s by accident. I want to know who you are beyond the woman that I know now because I have a feeling that woman is fucking amazing.”
“Murphy…you’re going to have to explain to me exactly what you’re saying because, right now? Right now, I’m seriously confused.” Or rather, she was afraid she was reading too much into his words and getting it all wrong.
Murphy moved closer again, this time, so close that their thighs touched, and she could feel his breath on her neck. “I’m saying you only live once, Tessa. I want to know you. I want to feel you underneath me. I want to go back to your bedroom and make love to you, fuck you hard into the mattress until we are both sweaty, panting, and spent. What comes after? That’s something we’ll have to figure out as we go on, but I’m tired of holding myself back because I’m afraid. I’m tired of not doing what could be the best thing for us because I don’t want to take the chance.”
He cupped her face, and she sucked in a breath. The heat of him was unreal, and all she wanted to do was lean forward and brush her lips over his. But she couldn’t. Not yet. Tessa might have always been a risk taker, but what they had was far too important to risk. Murphy was far too important to risk.
“Are you saying all of this because you’re sick?” She asked the one question she knew he might hate her for. But it was also the question she needed the answer to most.
“Maybe. But I’ve been feeling this need for you since before I knew I was sick again. So, maybe me looking into the hourglass made me actually give in to what I’m feeling. But knowing that isn’t the reason I want you in the first place. I want you, Tessa. All of you. Not because I’m afraid of what might come, but because I don’t want to lose what we could have because of fear.”
She had no idea what to say. She had no idea what would be a good answer. She had been battling her attraction to Murphy since the beginning, and she knew he’d always been attracted to her, as well. But now, she felt as if they were both at the tipping point. So instead of talking more, instead of worrying, instead of thinking that she was possibly making a huge mistake, she just felt.
And damned the consequences in the morning.
Murphy’s hand tightened in her hair, and she leaned forward and finally brushed her lips along his. He sucked in a breath and parted his lips. Their tongues tangled as they deepened the kiss, moaning into each other’s mouths. Tessa slid her hands up Murphy’s sides and over his chest to brush her fingers along his jaw. She didn’t think, she’d promised she wouldn’t. She just kissed him.
He tasted of sugar, sin, and Murphy. The rough stubble of his beard tickling her fingertips just turned her on even more. Somehow, he moved, and she found herself on her back with Murphy hovered over her, their mouths never leaving one another. She wrapped her legs around his waist, arching her back to press her breasts into his chest. The memory of the last time her breasts had pressed against him made her even wetter. This time, they weren’t naked—yet—and they weren’t impacted by surprise. This time, it would be actions of their choosing, and she wanted to remember every feeling, every moan, every taste.
She wanted to remember Murphy.
Murphy’s fingers skimmed over her skin as he slowly stripped off her shirt. She shivered as the cool air of the house touched her skin, but before she could even process it all, his lips were on her body, licking, sucking, and kissing every inch of bare skin within reach.
He looked like a man possessed, and she knew her own face mirrored that. She craved him with such intensity that it scared her, so she slid her hands through his hair and pushed all thoughts of what could happen later out of her head. She would live in the moment and relish his taste and touch. He was already far better than even her wildest dreams, and they were still mostly dressed, and no one had come.
Yet.
With her help, Murphy undid her bra, and she threw it behind her, knowing she needed his lips on her nipples.
“Your tits are fucking amazing, babe.” He cupped her breasts together, squeezing them ever so slightly, brushing her nipples with the pads of his thumbs. Since she’d lowered her legs so he could position himself better, she couldn’t press her thighs together like she wanted to, so she pressed her legs into his thighs instead.
“You’re going to make me come just like that,” she breathed.
“Yeah?” Murphy asked, his eyes bright. “Have you ever come by having a man suck on your nipples without touching your clit?”
She shook her head. “Never…but…but I’m already so close just by having you on top of me.”
Murphy leaned down and sucked her nipple into his mouth, keeping his eyes on hers. It was the sexiest thing she’d ever seen in her life, and she’d seen the man naked and wet. She gasped when he bit down on one breast while plucking her other nipple with his fingers. When he added his tongue, twisting and sucking, she closed her eyes, the sensation of seeing his dark head above her too much for her to handle. She’d always had sensitive nipples, and used them along with playing with her clit often when she masturbated, but all of that was nothing compared to what Murphy Gallagher did to her.
When he hummed and sent shivers straight to her clit even though she was still wearing jeans and he hadn’t even touched her there yet, she came, arching into him and moaning his name at the same time.
“Holy…” She couldn’t even finish that thought because he had his mouth on hers in the next instant, taking in her words and her breaths. Somehow, she found the energy to push up his shirt, as well. She needed to see him, feel him. He moved away from her just enough so she could peel his shirt off of him and pull it over his head. When he looked down at her, she lost all sense of what she had been thinking about before and softly raked her hands down his chest, somehow finding the strength to pull back enough not to hurt him since he bruised so easily.
Her hand went to the bruise on his hip that had spread from where the showerhead had hit him, and she bit her lip, sadness creeping up and spreading through her.
Murphy lifted her chin and stared intensely into her eyes. “Don’t think about that. Don’t think about anything except you and me and what we’re doing right now. I’m fine, I’m here. I’m here with you. So stop worrying and let me get your pants off so I can eat you out. How does that sound?”
Tessa laughed at the sudden change in his tone and planted her feet on the couch so she could lift her butt. “Jeans off. Got it.” She winked even though fear for what that bruise meant was still on her mind, just as she knew it was on Murphy’s. But they both needed this right now, needed each other, and she’d give him that.
He undid the button of her jeans, and she bit her lip. As he slowly slid the denim and her panties down her legs, she met his gaze, needing him more than she ever thought possible.
“Get naked,” she panted. “I want to see you.”
“You just want to see my piercing.”
“That is true. Your beautiful dick has nothing to do with it.”
Murphy barked out a laugh and stood up so he could take off his jeans and boxer briefs. When he gripped his already hard cock, she slid her hand between her legs to brush over her clit. She was already so wet, she should have been embarrassed, but she saw the moisture on the tip of his dick and knew she wasn’t alone in her need.
“Aw, baby, do you think my dick is pretty?”
“You know your dick is pretty. I bet you admire it in the mirror every morning.”
“You caught me. Little Murphy is quite fetching. It’s why he has jewelry now and everything.”
She rolled her eyes and started to touch herself. She was already so tender and swollen from her orgasm, but she needed more. Murphy reached between her legs and dipped his finger inside her. Before she could gasp and arch into him, however, he moved his hand back to his cock and used her wetness to slick his hand up and down his cock. Soon, they were both moving their hands fast, bringing themselves closer and closer to orgasm.
“You are so fucking hot right now. Are you thinking of my cock inside you right now in place of those fingers? Am I fucking you hard? Making you want to come? Talk to me, Tessa.”
She licked her lips, increasing the speed of her hand. “It’s you. It’s always you. Hell, I’ve been coming on my own thinking of you for months now.”
She would have hated herself for admitting that if Murphy’s eyes hadn’t gone dark at that exact moment.
“I stroke off way too fucking much thinking of you. I’m going to end up with chafing burns one of these days from jacking off to you.”
Tessa arched her back, fingering herself as he stroked his dick. They weren’t even touching each other, and it was the single most erotic moment of her life.
“I’m coming,” she panted.
“Good,” Murphy growled.
They came together, her body shaking as her inner muscles squeezed her fingers. Murphy spurted over his lower belly, grunting as he squeezed his dick even harder and played with the ring on the tip.
Before she could come down from her high and let herself be disappointed that he hadn’t come inside her, he’d cleaned himself off and had her legs over his shoulders in the next instant.
“What?” she asked, her body already on alert again and ready to climb that peak.
“I told you I was going to eat you out. And while I’m doing that to make you come a couple more times, I should be ready to go again so I can fuck you hard into the cushion. How does that sound?”
“That sounds like I’m going to be walking funny tomorrow,” she teased. “I’ve never come more than three times in a night, and that was with a vibrator, not a man.”
Murphy clucked his tongue before licking her in one long swipe. She shivered, clamping her thighs around his head. “I’ll have to change that, won’t I?” And when his stubble scraped her inner thighs, she knew this man just might wring every damn orgasm she had out of her until she was a puddle of sex and limbs.
He licked and sucked at her, using his fingers until she was ready to scream his name and tug on his hair so he’d fuck her already. But the damn man refused to budge until she orgasmed on his face. And since he looked so sexy with his dark hair between her legs, and his tongue was a master all on its own, she came not once, but twice on his face.
She wasn’t sure she could take any more, but as soon as she saw Murphy standing and slowly rolling the condom over his cock, she knew she could at least try one more time.
Murphy knelt on one end of the couch, gripped her hips, met her gaze, and thrust into her wet heat in one demanding movement. They both cried out, her inner muscles so swollen and tender from multiple orgasms that she was afraid she might not make it, but she knew she’d never felt anything like this and wouldn’t again.
This was Murphy.
Her Murphy.
Then he moved.
He did as promised and made love to her, at the same time fucking her until they both came hard, her body going limp while Murphy shouted her name, filling the condom. When he turned them so he could tuck her into his side with his semi-hard cock still buried deeply within her, she knew she might have made a mistake. She wouldn’t regret what she’d done with Murphy, but she had a feeling she wouldn’t want to let him go. Ever.
This wasn’t just sex. It had never been about sex. And that was the problem.