TEN
SHANNON
I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO THINK again until I left the hospital. It was a flurry of running from one room to another, looking for Lilly’s exact location. Stairs and elevators were taken, and my feet were killing me since I my uncomfortable shoes were not suitable for running or walking. It took nearly forty-five minutes, but thanks to a nurse who was actually willing to do her job, I found her in the intensive care unit after she’d been transported to the hospital by ambulance.
After fighting my way inside, because I wasn’t technically family, and seeing exactly how she was doing, there were phone calls and arrangements to be made for her mother, who was vacationing in New York, to get her back to South Carolina. And on top of all that was the debilitating stress and anxiety of knowing my best friend was in a coma.
Once again, I was face to face with the destruction of man. Lilly had been beaten nearly to death by a group of men. She was protecting Devin’s little sister, keeping her from being raped. It was just like Lilly to play the hero, and I was thankful Jenny, Devin’s sister, had a protector. I never did, and the consequences left me burned and broken beyond repair. But at the same time, seeing my best friend wounded was killing me.
Internal bleeding and swelling on her brain. That was what being the hero got her.
The doctor filled me and Devin in, and the floor beneath my feet seemed to jerk and shake with every word he said.
“I think if we can get the swelling around her brain down, I’ll feel a lot better about her prognosis. Right now, it’s hard to say. She could wake up at any time, or she could be in this comatose state for a while longer. There’s no way to know until the swelling goes down. We have her on some antibiotics to fight any infection and pain medication to keep her comfortable. I’ll know more as soon as the rest of the test results come in.”
Seeing her in the hospital bed, her face swollen so terribly she wasn’t recognizable and machines pushing oxygen into her lungs, was too much. It was like a memo from God—a reminder of what men were capable of. Seeing her that way made me wonder what I was doing with Matthew.
Devin stood to the side while I held Lilly’s delicate hand and cried over her. Memories mixed with reality floated around my brain, giving me a severe bout of motion sickness. Whispering encouraging words and promises I knew she couldn’t hear, I patted her hand, letting the tears slide over my cheeks.
I stayed by her side as much as I could, but I had to leave when it was time to go to work. I was covering both of our shifts for Mrs. Franklin, but I kept my phone glued to my fingers in case there were any updates. If I didn’t hear anything for a few hours, I would call the hospital to check on her. So much, in fact, the nurses at the front desk were becoming familiar with my voice.
Once I closed the doors for the day, I’d go home, shower, and head right back to the hospital.
Matthew had texted a few times, but I ignored him.
I couldn’t think about him and the bizarre situation I’d gotten myself into at the moment. Not when all the reasons I decided to stay away from men were slammed in my face again. It was like reliving my terrible prom night except much worse because it was my best friend.
Poor Lilly.
Sadly, it wasn’t the first time she had been attacked. Back in high school, a group of rabid cheerleaders had beat her up. That didn’t leave her with brain swelling, but it did take away her ability to have babies.
It would be me and Lilly—childless. Her from a pack of wild bitches, and me from my brain rebelling against me and keeping me away from men in general.
The day she opened her eyes and we found out there was no permanent damage was a joyous day. One where I finally breathed a refreshing breath and didn’t feel like my heart was bruised.
On that day, I saw something truly beautiful. Something I hadn’t seen since the day my pop left the Earth.
I saw love.
Devin, who was all man and kept his emotions shuttered, held her close and cried. Seeing him weep over her did something awkward to my heart. It made me consider a few things. Twice in my life, I’d seen the real deal. Once with my grammy and pop, and now with Devin and Lilly. Maybe there were a few good men in the world. Then again, Grammy and Lilly were rare women, lucky in love and full of heart and bravery. I, on the other hand, wasn’t a lucky person and didn’t take chances.
I was a coward, hiding behind a block wall of memories, afraid to even consider having a precious moment in time.
A few days later, Lilly came home. She wouldn’t admit it, but she wasn’t well enough to care for herself. Devin and I took turns taking care of her, and thankfully, Mrs. Franklin was an understanding boss.
Matthew had stopped texting, and instead of dwelling on him, I dived headfirst into caring for Lilly, visiting Grammy, and squeezing in work. On the days when Devin wasn’t there to play doctor and make sure Lilly was well cared for, I was so busy I’d sometimes forget to stop and eat.
On those days, Devin would blow my phone up from his job, constantly calling and checking on Lilly until I contemplated flushing my cell. Yet, at the same time, I was relieved she had someone who obviously cared about her. I was happy knowing Lilly was enjoying a relationship with a man like I never would.
Matthew had shown me a fun night, and I was shocked by how much I enjoyed his company. He wasn’t anything like what I expected. He was honest about his flaws and blunt without a care. While that might not be appealing to some, for me it was refreshing to know everything he was thinking made its way to his lips.
Still, even with his absolute honesty and the enjoyment I found in spending time with him, I couldn’t let my guard down. Men lied, and I’d seen for myself over the years they pretended. Matthew was a man through and through, which meant I expected those faults in him.
He was the perfect gentleman at dinner, not even once trying to touch me, and we had gabbed like old friends, finding comedy in the same things and enjoying a lot of the same movies and music. But the fact remained I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t positive I could go through with my original plan with Matthew, which was having sex and getting it over with.
He scared me, and I didn’t trust myself around him because when he was near, my brain turned to mush, and my physical urges gained full control. I didn’t like that. I thrived on control. It kept me balanced and staved off the insanity that threated. Which meant it was wise to stay away from him. At least until I could come to terms with the recent turn of events. At least until Lilly was healed and no longer needed me. At least until I could no longer see the proof of what man was capable of all over her face.
“How are you feeling today?” I asked, creeping into her room to check on her before I left for work.
The swelling in her face was down, and she could smile fully again. She was leaning up on her pillows and pointing the remote at her TV.
“I’m great. You guys have to stop worrying about me. I don’t like causing a fuss.”
It was just like her to worry about us when she should have been focusing on herself.
“Stop it. We love you. It’s our job to worry.”
Sitting on the edge of her bed, I struggled as more words danced across my tongue, begging to be released. I wanted to talk to her about Matthew. She was my friend, and I trusted her opinion, but I knew the timing was terrible. Not only had she just gotten better, but I had a feeling the fight between Matthew and Devin was still too fresh.
We chatted a bit before I left for work, and as I walked out the front door, a thought occurred to me. Matthew had tried to get with Lilly, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. He had tried to date my best friend, but I supposed, in the long run, it didn’t matter. He would never be more than sex for me, and that was only if I decided to continue with our agreement.
Life went on. The dark clouds of Lilly’s predicament slowly faded away, and Devin became a permanent fixture in our lives and in our apartment. She was busy again, getting back on her feet and getting herself prepared to return to work, which meant I was stuck at Franklin’s alone a good bit with too much time on my hands and way too much silence to think in. I was lonely, which was why when Matthew called my cell phone, I couldn’t help but answer it.
“Hi.” His deep voice rumbled through my phone.
“Hi.”
It was awkward as if something weighted had settled on top of us. We were acting as if something had already happened between us when that wasn’t the case at all.
“How are things?” he asked.
I filled him in on everything going on with Lilly and explained why I hadn’t responded.
“Damn. That sucks. I bet Devin was losing his shit.”
“Yep. What’s the deal with you two anyway? Lilly tells me she thought you guys were friends, but then you were trying to get in her pants.”
He chuckled. “You’re so blunt sometimes.”
“Is that okay? I mean, you were trying to get with her, right?” I asked.
“Something like that.”
“You’re not using me to get to her or anything like that, are you?”
That thought hadn’t occurred to me, but now that it had, it made a great deal of sense.
“No,” he simply said.
No excuses.
No other response.
It bugged me that he wasn’t opening up without me having to push him to.
“Are you attracted to Lilly?”
It wasn’t until the question came out that I realized my words were tinted with a hint of jealousy.
I wasn’t an envious person. Not even a little. Plus, I wasn’t into Matthew that way. Nothing was between us except I was tremendously attracted to him. Yet for some reason, the thought of him and Lilly together sent a little tear across my heart.
“Lilly’s a very pretty girl,” he responded, not giving me an answer.
My heart dropped, waiting for him to divulge his feelings for her.
“She is,” I agreed.
She was much prettier than I was with her long dark hair and clear skin. Meanwhile, I had freckles and red hair. She was short and cute, and I was tall and well … not cute.
“But,” he started, “you’re much more than pretty.”
“I am?” The surprise by his words was evident in my tone, and I curbed it quickly, trying to remain as confident as possible.
“Oh, yeah,” he breathed.
His voice melted me.
The slow, assertive way he spoke to me. The deep vibrations of his tone. It was like he was touching me through the phone.
It seemed I was wrong. It didn’t matter if I saw him or not. Hearing his voice made my mind turn to mush, and my body pulled in the lead of the race to control me.
“Lilly’s nice to look at, but it’s different with you. You’re gorgeous, and you don’t even know it. There’s something steamy about you, Red. You’re like humidity. You make everything hot and wet. When I look at you, all I see is lust ... desire ... thirst. I want to drink you in.”
I swallowed hard, feeling the wetness and desire he spoke of between my thighs.
Dear God. If he could do this to me through the phone, what was he truly capable of?
“I want to see you,” he stated. “When can that happen?”
“I don’t know, Matthew. Now’s not a great time.”
He clicked his tongue. “You know how much I hate the word no.”
“I do, but …”
“But nothing. I always get what I want, and I want you, Shannon.”
“Now who’s being blunt?” I scoffed.
“Meet me somewhere tonight.”
Again with the demands, but somehow, this time it was different.
This time, I liked his domineering tone.
“I—” I opened my mouth to tell him okay, but the door chimed, letting me know I had a customer.
“Shit. I have to go. I’ll call you later.”
I hung up quickly, knowing how much Mrs. Franklin hated it when we were on our phone in front of customers.
My customer was a young man buying an engagement ring for his girlfriend. We went through cases of rings until he decided on the perfect one … a princess cut diamond in a gold setting. When the door chimed with his exit, I picked up my cell, ready to call Matthew back, but before I pressed the call button, I decided it was a bad idea.
I still had some fight left in me, and I knew talking to him made my walls crack and crumble. It wasn’t smart to keep that going. If I did, my walls would soon disintegrate into thin air.
He sucked up my resolve, and if and when I decided to finally have sex, I wanted to be in control of the situation. Because the one and only time a man had ever been inside me was completely against my will.
Setting my phone back on the counter, I rested my chin in my hand and flipped through a magazine Lilly had laying around. The door chimed again, and when I looked up, Matthew was smiling back at me.
I sat up straight. My heart rate picked up, sending a rush of nervous energy over me.
He looked amazing in a pair of dark jeans and a gray sweater. His midnight hair was tousled as usual as if he’d run his fingers through it one too many times.
He was unbelievably sexy, but I could never admit that to him. His ego didn’t need to be any larger.
“You don’t give up, do you?” I asked, pretending to be annoyed when really I was happy he’d stopped by.
I could push him away all I wanted to make myself feel better, but the fact was I was glad he was pushing back. I was glad he wasn’t falling for my bullshit when all I wanted was to be close to him.
“Never.” He smirked.
His strut as he walked up to the counter was full of confidence and pent-up sexual magnetism. He wasn’t dumb. He knew what he was doing, and it was working.
“I like how you look at me,” he said, resting his elbows on the counter and peering up at me with a smirk.
“How do I look at you?”
I shouldn’t have asked because I didn’t want to know if he could see through my act.
“You look at me like you want me.”
I snorted. “Please.”
He was right. I did want him, but over my dead body would I admit it that easily.
“You don’t have to beg, baby. If you want me, I’m all yours.”
His grin.
Those freaking dimples.
Those lips.
Everything about him was so addictive.
I knew he was bad for me, but I couldn’t stop myself from trying him once more.
“Why are you here?” I asked, knowing exactly why he was there.
“Well, for one, I have something for you.”
He reached out for my hand, and I let him take it. For someone who claimed not to work, his palm was rough and hot as he slid it against mine. When he pulled it away, there was a fifty-dollar bill in my hand.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“You left the money on the table. You didn’t need to do that.”
“But it wasn’t a date.”
“So? What kind of man lets a woman pay for her dinner? That’s lame. Just take it so I don’t feel like shit.”
I sighed and slipped the money in my pocket.
“Okay. Was that it?” I set my hand on my hip as if he did not affect me.
“No. I also came because I won’t take no for an answer. What time do you get off?”
“I’m here until six.”
“Perfect. Just in time for dinner. I’ll pick you up at six.”
“No, you won’t. You’re not picking me up. This isn’t dating, remember?”
He grinned, his eyes on my lips as if he wasn’t even listening to me. Tapping the counter, he leaned back and started toward the door.
“I’ll be here at six.”
Before I could speak again, he was leaving the store. The bell above the door chiming. He smiled back at me through the glass as he slid his shades over his eyes and slipped into his sleek car.
WHEN SIX O’CLOCK CAME, SO DID MATTHEW ELLIS.
Not sexually, although I was sure he could do that sort of thing on demand.
His headlights lit up the front of Franklin’s, flashing across my face and making me squint. When they turned off, he climbed from his car, looking freshly showered. He was wearing different clothes, prompting me to look down at the outfit I’d been wearing all day. I hadn’t even considered going home and changing.
The door was already locked, so he tapped on the glass. I held up a finger to let him know I’d be a minute before I went through closing and totaling everything up. When I finished, I unlocked the front door and stepped into the cool evening air.
He was right behind me. I could feel the heat from his body against my back as I locked the door again. When I turned around, he was closer than I thought, and his blue eyes blazed down at me.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
The scent of minty toothpaste and mouthwatering cologne reached my nostrils.
I nodded.
We didn’t go far, ending up at a waterfront restaurant I had passed many times but never dared to enter. It was five stars, and my wallet was only worthy of two.
“I can’t go in there,” I said, stopping just outside the door.
“Why not?”
I plucked at the bottom of my shirt. “Look at what I’m wearing.”
“I think you look great. Come on.”
He reached for my hand, but before he could touch me, fear struck me and I yanked my hand away. His touching my hand at Franklin’s earlier had been a fluke, but this time, it caught me so off guard I stiffened. I hadn’t meant to be so obvious about not wanting him to touch me, but it was a natural reaction for me.
“Sorry,” I muttered. “Can we grab some fast food or something? This place really isn’t for me.”
He looked me in the eye before taking in my entire face and the stiffness in my shoulders.
He nodded. “How about we grab something and eat it at Waterfront Park?”
Relief flooded me. “That sounds great.”
Pizza in the park tasted better than steak at the five-star as I relaxed on the swing facing the water. The breeze gliding over off the glassy top cooled me and sent shivers over my arms.
“This is nice,” I said, taking an invigorating breath and closing my eyes.
The past few days had been chaos. A mix of worry for Lilly and making sure everything was taken care of so she wouldn’t have to. I didn’t want her to stress over anything. Not to mention the constant worry over whether I could cover the cost of Twin Oaks for Grammy. It was nice to take a breath and unwind.
He didn’t respond, and when I turned to face him, he was staring at me, his blue eyes touching every square inch of my face.
“What?” I asked, swiping at my face like something was on me.
He shook his head and looked away. “Nothing.”
The moment got quiet, with only a few tourists taking in the pineapple fountain and a couple walking their dog in the grassy area. It was beautiful, but the longer we stayed silent, the more uncomfortable things became.
“So tell me something about yourself,” I said, making the first move this time toward getting to know each other better.
“What do you want to know?”
“Hmm. What’s the deal between you and Devin? What happened?”
He stiffened. He eyes changing from light and happy to dark and shuttered.
“What makes you think something happened?”
I chuckled, not really feeling it. “It’s obvious you guys have issues, but Lilly said you were once friends.”
“We were enemies before we were friends. He didn’t know that, though.”
I was confused. “How could he not know he was your enemy?”
“Devin isn’t from around here, but somehow, he knew a few of the people I went to high school with. He was always a ladies’ man. Me, not so much. I was once a one-woman man.”
“Plot twist,” I said, making him laugh. “Go on.”
“I played football in high school. I was pretty good. Not that I needed it, but I had college scouts looking at me and stuff. I had who I thought was the woman of my dreams and a bright future considering. Then one day, I went to her house to surprise her with flowers. We’d been dating a while, so I’d walk into her family’s house as if it was my own. I went into her bedroom and found her and Devin fucking.”
My heart twists and squeezed, feeling the pain he must have felt at that moment. I closed my eyes against the hurt, and when I opened them and looked at him again, I was seeing him in a whole new light.
He had once been young and in love. He had once thought of his future, one that included sticking with one woman and making plans. To walk in on something so heartbreaking had altered him, and I could understand why he kept his distance from commitment. We all had our issues. We all had our reasons, and now I knew his.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I can’t believe Devin would do that to someone.”
“He didn’t know we were together. I found out later from a friend that she had just met him the night before. She wasn’t the person I thought she was. Anyway, I blamed Devin. I became his friend so I could get revenge. Believe it or not, Devin’s never cared about anyone but his family until Lilly.”
All the puzzle pieces fell into place.
“And so you went after her to hurt him.”
He nodded. “I thought it would make me feel better.”
“And? What happened?”
“I realized it no longer mattered. I am who I am now. Hurting someone who had no clue they were hurting me isn’t going to change anything. Plus, I lost a friend. I mean, we weren’t best friends, but Devin’s an all right guy.”
“Maybe you guys could be friends again?”
“I doubt it,” he scoffed.
“I’m sure he’d understand if you explained. You said yourself he didn’t know about you. You should tell him.”
He nodded. “Maybe one day.”
Silence slipped over us as we stared at the water, both pushing the swing slowly with one leg.
“I’ve never told anyone about that.” His voice cut through the silence. “I trust you. Is that weird?”
Technically, it shouldn’t have been weird, but considering I wasn’t sure I trusted him completely yet made me feel guilty. There was still so much I wanted to know about him. And although I’d gotten a glimpse of him as a heartbroken teenager, that didn’t say anything about the man he was today.
“Not weird at all,” I responded, wishing I could return the sentiment.
He was a nice guy inside, and on the outside, he was breathtaking. I couldn’t understand why a man like him would wait for sex from a woman like me. Especially not when I was sure he could get sex anywhere. We had discussed it before, but still, none of it made sense. I wasn’t special at all, and even standing next to each other, it was obvious he was much too handsome for me.
“Tell me something about you,” he said, turning my way a bit more.
The breeze off the water caught his hair, and the dark locks twirled. He looked at me as if I was the only person in the world. His blue eyes ate away at my skin, making me feel as if he was stripping my flesh away at the same time.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I told you I’m boring.”
He reached out slowly as if he was about to pet a wounded dog and ran a finger over the top of my hand. I stilled, allowing him to slip his fingers between mine.
“You’re the most interesting woman I’ve ever met.”
When I looked up at him, I could see in his eyes that he meant it.
He was traveled, cultured in the ways of the entire world, and I was just me. Boring country girl Shannon with no experience whatsoever and a crappy paying job at a jewelry store.
“I’m not.” I shook my head, knowing he misunderstood the person I was.
His other hand moved up, skimming the side of my face before he captured my chin between two fingers and forced my eyes to his.
“Of all the things you’ve learned about me over the past few days, the most important one is I’m upfront and honest with you. It’s obvious I’m not a one-woman man. I love women. I have no desire to settle down. I know I don’t have to sweet talk you to get what I want from you. When I say you’re the most interesting woman I know, it’s because I mean it. You’re special, Shannon.”
I swallowed hard, feeling as though the breeze from the water had turned into a heated wave of humidity between us.
His thumb stroked my cheek and his eyes captured mine.
“Would it be okay if I kissed you?” he asked.
My nervous system misfired, making me feel off-kilter. My shoulders went tense, and my spine shifted painfully into a straight line.
I wanted it.
I didn’t want it.
I was so confused.
But somehow, my head moved up and down, and I nodded that it was okay.
Technically, I had never been kissed. My prom date bypassed sweet kisses and went straight for my panties even though I begged him not to.
But I couldn’t think about that. If I did, I knew I would pull away, and honestly, pulling away from Matthew at that moment was the last thing I wanted to do.
He leaned forward, his eyes remaining on mine as he measured my reaction. And then they fluttered closed, his long dark lashes resting on his cheeks. I followed his lead, closing my eyes and preparing for an unfamiliar feeling.
Soon his lips were on mine.
Soft.
Sweet.
Simple.
No pressure. Just a light slide across my lips.
Sucking in a breath, I was filled with his scent. His nose brushed against mine when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped along the seam of my lips, but no matter how much I wanted to open for him, I couldn’t.
My attention focused on my mouth. The sensation of him. The scent of him. I locked onto my other senses and almost didn’t feel the touch of his palm sliding up my knee. His thumb skimming across my leg, gliding along the inside of my thigh.
I gasped, and he used that moment to deepen the kiss.
His tongue swept inside my mouth, pressing into mine and sending a sensation I had never felt before rocketing through me. The sensation exploded like a firework’s display of happy nerves, fluttered inside my chest before dropping and melting into arousal between my thighs.
On instinct, I moved closer to him, my arms going around his neck and my fingers tangling in the hair on the back of his head. He moaned into my mouth, making the singular heartbeat between my thighs intensify.
And then it was over.
As quickly as it had started, he pulled away, pressing a soft kiss on my lips once more. I opened my eyes, and he was staring back at me. His breaths were hard and fast, his lips moist and swollen.
“I don’t want to stop,” he whispered. “But we probably should.”
His voice was raspy and shaking, and a tiny bit of confidence slipped over me knowing my kiss had shaken him.
I nodded, touching my heated lips with the tips of my fingers.
He slipped his fingers in mine on the way back to Franklin’s to get my car, and I didn’t pull away. It wasn’t as alarming as I had always imagined it to be, and even though I knew Matthew wasn’t a plethora of morality, something about him made me begin to trust him.
The only problem was … now I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.