ONE
SHANNON
THREE YEARS LATER
THE SOUND OF THE CLOCK TICKING in the back office sounded like a hammer against a stone. It echoed through the space around us, beating in perfect rhythm with the time, which didn’t seem to be moving. The boredom was so palpable I could reach out and pluck it from reality, smothering us and making me feel stuck inside the store.
The open sign had been switched on for three hours, and in that time, we hadn’t had a single customer. Even though I knew it would make my shift move even slower, I continuously checked the time on my phone, hoping another hour had passed.
It hadn’t.
Minutes had passed.
Not hours.
A sigh rushed from between my lips, and I rested my chin in my palm, tapping the tip of my nose with my fingers.
“Mmm,” Lilly hummed as she shoved another spoonful of cookies and cream ice-cream into her mouth.
She was stress eating—soothing something inside her soul with sugar and calories. I knew all too well what it was like to give in to the sugar addiction to take away your emotions. The carbohydrate load was good for our minds, clearing away the memory debris that loaded down our thoughts, but the sugar overdose was terrible for our bodies.
I understood, though. I had done the same thing many times in my life. Although, my sugar soothing sessions were usually brought on for different reasons than Lilly’s. She was having a minor breakdown over the fact she was falling hard for the guy she was seeing. Falling for a guy wasn’t something I would ever do.
Lilly wasn’t me, though. She was my best friend as well as my roommate and the manager of Franklin’s Jewelry store where I worked, but she wasn’t a man-hater the way I was. Needless to say, I was around her a ton, so I understood her issues.
I really did.
The differences in her since she gained her new guy friend, or whatever he was, were seriously noticeable, and I hated to see her wrapped in the wrath of depression during what should have been a joyful period in her life.
She was fighting her feelings, which, honestly, was the wisest thing she could do when it came to the opposite sex, but I knew she wouldn’t win the fight. Women were drawn to attractive men, and while I hated to admit it, Devin Michaels, Lilly’s new friend, was super nice to gawk at.
That didn’t mean I wanted what she had.
It didn’t mean my body was suddenly working again or I could feel the urges she spoke of.
Understanding attraction to men was hard for me. I pretended, giggling with my girlfriends about the half-naked men in magazines and the sexy guys at the bars we went to, but the fact was, even looking at naked male flesh made my stomach turn inside out.
The night I dared not think of made it so.
His touch.
His voice.
The memory of his flesh sliding against mine.
Everything about it turned me away from the male gender. They were the Black Plague as far as I was concerned—rotting women from the inside out—dotting their flesh with the pocks of disdain. We were all being threatened by an army of penises ready to bring down the female race.
Needless to say, the events which unfolded over the course of the day were a shock to my misandristic system.
My eyes were shuttering closed, my mind slowly shutting down, and I kept catching myself nodding off at the front counter. Weekdays, when almost everyone else in the world was working, too, tended to be that way. Why two of us worked at the same time on a weekday, I had no idea. I only knew I needed the money, so even though I wanted to call in for the day, I pulled myself out of bed, got dressed, tamed my fiery mane, and went to work.
Tourists passed our door, basking in the comfortable fall weather outside and enjoying the historical beauty of Charleston. I hadn’t always lived in Charleston, but I had lived there long enough to know who was a tourist.
The tourist looked at everything around them as if it was some sort of beautiful creation. Their mouths hung open in love with the antiquity of the town. They pulled out their phones for pictures and walked the sidewalks slow enough to take in everything they passed.
Locals weren’t anything like that. They hustled, bustling past the magnificence of our town with their phones glued to their faces. They weren’t in awe of Charleston’s splendor. They took advantage of their circumstances because the town around them was their home and the world they saw every day.
Growing up, I lived on the outskirts of downtown Charleston, and coming from a smaller town, I had only visited the city on special occasions. My family could never afford the luxuries of downtown, but sometimes, we would drive to town and walk the ancient cobblestone streets, taking in the history that marked every surface of the city. I used to be a tourist—a slow walker—pulling out my camera and snapping pictures of the town’s rustic charm. Memorizing its handmade wrought iron fences and perfectly manicured historic gardens.
Things were different now, though. I was older, and living with my grammy wasn’t an option anymore. Bills needed to be paid, and next to no work could be found in the small town where I grew up. After months of searching, damn near starving, and having our electric turned off, I moved in with Lilly and took the job at Franklin’s Jewelry store. Soon after my move, Grammy started getting disability checks to cover her bills, but I still contributed whenever I was able.
A small boy in blue jean overalls ran up to our door and pulled on the handle like he was going to come inside. I leaned up on the counter, thrilled at the prospect of a customer, but his mother came behind him and tugged him toward the store beside ours.
False alarm.
Resting my chin on the heel of my hand, I sighed in boredom yet again. My eyes gradually closed as the sleep I had missed the night before crept over me.
That was when I saw him.
I didn’t usually notice men, but this man … he was very noticeable, to say the least.
He was tall and dark, his bronzed skin glittering in the noon sunlight. His wide shoulders flexed as he tilted his head to the side to crack his neck, and his thighs stretched in his distressed jeans when he stepped onto the sidewalk just outside Franklin’s.
The button up cargo shirt he was wearing pulled tightly across his chest as he moved. The large watch on his wrist caught the sun when he checked the time, and a reflection dashed across my face.
Men rarely wore watches anymore, but something about it was attractive and distinguished. Wearing a watch told the people around him he didn’t allow his phone to rule his world. He was the ruler. The commander of his time and actions and no digital electronic was going to tell him when and where.
I blinked, shocked I was staring so hard—surprised I was contemplating anything about him. He was like a solar eclipse … dangerous to look at but too hard to look away from. A bad accident that made you rubberneck or an intense movie you rewound to watch over and over again.
He moved like volcanic lava, deliberate and steaming, in no rush to get where he was going, but sure to scorch everything in his path. The tourist women walking the sidewalk melted like shaved ice on hot asphalt as he passed. If I hadn’t found it hard to look away from him myself, I might have laughed at how idiotic they seemed.
But for the first time in a long while, I understood their ogling.
He was beautiful.
Gorgeous like a Greek god but tainted black like the devil himself.
He slid his mirrored sunshades from his face, the glasses catching the reflection of our front door and sign, and hooked them in the pocket of his shirt. He ran his long fingers through his midnight hair, a defiant strand dropping loose from the rest and landing in a sexy curl against his forehead, before reaching for the handle of our door.
“Put down the ice cream, Lilly. A customer’s coming in, and he’s sexy with a capital S,” I said.
It was the way I spoke about men. My way of hiding the fact that anything with a penis scared the living shit out of me. Usually, it worked, and the girls would laugh along, but this time was different.
This time, I meant the words I said.
It was abnormal and made my skin feel sticky and hot as if I had been wearing an itchy sweater and sprayed with warm water.
It disgusted me, and I hated that my body was planning a rebellion.
I didn’t often look at the opposite sex.
No.
That was untrue.
I never looked at the opposite sex, but this guy was … well, he was sexy. Even considering his appearance or appreciating his presence made my stomach heave. My spine straightened with the sickness that settled within me like stones sinking to the bottom of a murky lake.
By the time he pulled the door open and the bell above the door chimed, I was beginning to feel dizzy and anxious.
His aqua blue eyes skimmed over me, and a peculiar warmth dashed through me, intensifying my lightheadedness and making my knees quake. Then his eyes moved away and landed on Lilly.
A slow, calculated smile transformed his handsome face as he strolled casually to the counter. A tiny dimple popped on his cheek, upping his attractiveness to dangerous levels.
“Hey there, sweet cheeks. Fancy meetin’ you here,” he flirted with Lilly.
Her cheeks lit from within, flushing her face with a pretty pink blush. She adjusted her shirt, pulling it down over her thighs self-consciously as she moved closer to the counter.
“Hey, Matt. It’s good to see you again. What can I do for you?”
She knew him.
What the hell was going on?
When did Lilly become friends with all these men?
Did I need to worry that she would start bringing them to our apartment?
I couldn’t live that way—sleeping in bed with the enemy under my roof while contemplating the terrible things they could do to me while I slept.
They weren’t trustworthy. They took what they wanted and I would never be taken again.
Not ever.
“Ah, how sweet,” he cooed, his voice dark and seductive. “You remembered my name. I didn’t think you’d remember anything with as much as you had to drink that night.”
He laughed, and the sound of it sent chills over my skin. Not for the usual reason, which had more to do with revulsion and anxiety, but because it sounded deep and rich … soothing my frazzled edges in a bizarre way.
Goose bumps attacked my body, rolling across my flesh like falling dominoes, making the hair on my arms stand on end. A curious ache I hadn’t felt in over three years formed between my thighs, making my nipples tingle and pebble.
I wanted to get away from this guy, whoever he was, and never see him again.
My mouth opened so I could speak to Lilly, so I could tell her I needed to get away, but the words wouldn’t come out. Swallowing hard, I cleared my throat.
“I see you have this taken care of,” I muttered. “I’ll just be in the back if you need me.”
I hurried to the rear of the store as fast as my trembling legs would take me.
Once I made it to the break room, I slammed my shoulders against the wall and tried to gain control of my breathing.
“Get it together, Shannon,” I whispered.
I listened from the back as the guy flirted with Lilly, trying to convince her to go on a date with him. Then they must have moved farther away because their words became distant and muffled.
My hands shook as I snatched a few boxes of stock for the display cases and walked back to the front of the store.
Curiosity bloomed until I could no longer contain it, but as long as I was in the back of the store, I was unable to hear their conversation. It was imperative I knew every single detail of why he was there. It was also vital for me to understand why I responded to him so abnormally. If I understood the cause, perhaps I could cure the unwanted feelings he was tugging from within me.
Then everything became clear, and I knew the path I needed to take.
Lilly was freaking out about Devin, but maybe seeing this guy would make things easier?
Maybe it would take her mind off all the things bothering her if she started dating a new guy?
It was a sick and twisted way of thinking. The whole “to get over one, get under another” saying, but if she was dating this guy, it could kill two birds with one stone. She would be occupied, which meant her mind would be engaged and unavailable for her friend Devin, and if she was dating the sexy, bronze god in the front of the store, it would surely cure my unwelcomed attraction to him.
Lilly was my best friend, and I was loyal to a fault. As long as she was seeing him, my mind wouldn’t flutter into this unknown territory it seemed to be launching itself toward. He would be taken, and I wouldn’t have to worry about my body responding to him. He would be hands off for me.
Not that I was thinking about putting my hands on him.
My body, on the other hand, hadn’t gotten the No Men memo. My stomach twisted with sickness while the secret spot between my thighs throbbed and ached for something I refused to give into.
My body and mind weren’t on the same channel. They weren’t on the same anything. My cognizance was screaming no to everything my body was feeling, and I breathed a bit easier knowing my brain would win the war.
The memories were always victorious.
My sickness could never be cured.
My irrationality had taken my brain hostage without demands and refused to release it. I knew as long as it was locked away behind my wall of crazy, it would always stay put. My brain could never allow my body to push me toward its urges.
My dark past and the memories came rushing forward like a mentally altered white knight, fighting anything that threatened my newly acquired sanity.
“I actually have something I have to do this Saturday night. I’m sorry, maybe some other time,” Lilly said with a forced smile.
She wasn’t lying.
She did have plans this coming weekend—plans that included me—but that didn’t stop me from opening my mouth and shutting down her rejection.
“Lil, why don’t you invite your new friend to your birthday party Saturday night?” I suggested.
Sure, it would put this guy in my proximity again, but as long as he was with Lilly, it was worth it.
I kept my attention on the task of stocking the display with the boxes I had in my arms. I was sure I looked calm and cool as if I were just working, but inside, my heart was drilling in my chest and making it next to impossible to breathe.
Needless to say, it was my fault Lilly had a date to her birthday party. A date I could tell she wasn’t thrilled about, but whatever it took to fix my issue.
I had a selfish moment.
It happened.
He needed to be untouchable, in case my mind decided to finally heal. In case my white knight became a pansy and ran in the opposite direction of my inner fight. In case my brain was finally released from its hellish prison.
“You ladies have a nice afternoon,” he said before he turned to leave the store, happy with the outcome of his visit.
It was then, and only then, I turned away from my task and took another look at him.
His back muscles flexed with his stride, and when he reached up to put his shades back on, I could see the intricate network of veins bubbling from his tan, muscled arms.
He turned back and grinned at Lilly, the tilt of his luscious lips sending another wave of chills across my flesh, and then he was gone. The bell above the door chimed with his exit, and finally, I was able to breathe again.
BY THE TIME SATURDAY NIGHT CAME, and we were getting ready for Lilly’s birthday party at her mother’s house, I still hadn’t gotten the guy who came into the store out of my mind. I hoped I would have, but it seemed I went to sleep every night with his grin and dimples playing on repeat.
It was sickening.
Thinking of a total stranger that way literally nauseated me, but I couldn’t shut it off.
I tried everything to get out of going to Lilly’s birthday party for several reasons. The main reason being I was apparently a terrible friend since I was even considering skipping her party, but also because I didn’t want to see Matt, her date; the guy who branded himself on my memory without even speaking to me.
Pathetic.
Of course, there was also the prospect of spending the night with her mom’s rich friends. It was next to impossible to be comfortable around those people. They had a tendency to look me over like I was a piece of trailer park trash waiting to be tossed.
Our other friends would be there as buffers, but nothing was worse than old hags dripping in diamonds looking me up and down in disgust because I was financially beneath them or, as I had heard one say once before, “A little too curvy for my own good.”
Whatever the hell that meant.
I was fat.
Get over it.
I tried not to think about that remark or the weight I seemed to be gaining on a weekly basis no matter how much I watched what I was eating. If I even looked at something fattening, I gained a pound, and I looked a lot. Since I refused to be weak for anybody, food was my weakness.
I was in the middle of checking out my thickening waistline in the mirror in the living room when the doorbell rang. My breath hitched, and I waited quietly in hopes that Lilly would come out of her room thinking I was still in the shower and answer the door.
I wasn’t that lucky.
Even though it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do, I strode across the room to the door and pulled it open with a tight smile that made my cheeks ache.
Matt was standing there, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe with a knowing grin on his thick lips. He wasn’t an idiot. He knew he was handsome. He was aware of what his presence did to women. He relished in it, enjoying their looks and shivers and bathing in their attention like the filthy man he was.
His suit looked expensive, and his dark hair was carelessly tousled into the perfect amount of accidental sex appeal.
God, he looked tasty.
Like chocolate and caramel and all things crave-worthy.
I bet he tasted as succulent as he looked.
Not good for you at all, but magically delicious.
The kind of delicious that caused weight gain and diabetes. Except instead of doing bad things to my body, he was making all my senses go into overdrive. My heart rate went up, ripping into my ribs until I felt its beat vibrating my entire center.
He looked around me, not even paying me a bit of attention, yet he had the nerve to say, “Hey, gorgeous. Is your girl Lilly here?”
Gorgeous.
Yeah, right.
How would he know what the hell I looked like, considering he had never really looked at me?
I didn’t even attempt to respond to his rehearsed flattery.
“What’s your name again?” I asked, even though I already knew his name.
I felt like he needed a knockdown off his high horse, and I could tell by the widening of his eyes that he wasn’t accustomed to being unmemorable.
He chuckled, the sound sending yet another wave of vibrations across me. I found myself shaking as if a cold breeze slid over my skin.
Icy.
Shocking my system with shivers.
“My name’s Matthew, sweetheart.”
“I’m not your sweetheart,” I deadpanned.
His grin lifted, the dimple punching me in the gut and pushing the oxygen from my lungs. “Noted.” He chuckled.
The door creaked when I tugged it open all the way and made space for him to come inside.
A night with him at Lilly’s mom’s house, which would be full of rich, snobby people, meant I was sure to have the most uncomfortable night of my life.
“Lilly! Matt’s here!” I called through our small apartment.
Thankfully, she appeared in the living room within seconds, looking just as beautiful as usual. Her makeup was perfection, and her hair curled just so. She was breathtaking and clueless to her beauty.
Matt’s eyes lit up when Lilly came into the room, and I was happy to see him so engrossed in her. As long as he was interested in Lilly, I could never be interested in him.
He was off limits and far away from me.
Exactly how I liked my men.