Derek Hawkins hovered above the woman he only knew as O and held back a frown at the expression on her face. This wasn’t the look of a woman sated and worn out from a long night of sex. No, she looked as if she’d seen a ghost and wanted to be anywhere but where she was.
And considering that he was buried balls-deep inside her, the condom still warm from his come, he wasn’t feeling so pleased with that fact. Her tight pussy was currently wrapped around his dick, her inner walls clamping down on him in waves as she came down from her own orgasm. All of this was happening as she looked at him but didn’t meet his eyes.
Why the fuck wouldn’t she meet his eyes?
He shifted slightly, still inside her, and traced his finger along her cheekbone. When she didn’t lean into his touch, didn’t look at him, he knew something was wrong.
Had he hurt her? Had they gone too fast, had he been too rough? They’d gone harder before, faster even, but maybe he’d missed a cue somewhere? He quickly pulled out of her, ditched the condom on the side table thanks to some convenient tissues, and checked her over.
“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” He hated the way his need for her bled into his voice. They weren’t a couple, weren’t anything except two people who respected one another and had fun even though they kept their distance. He liked what they had, even if part of him wanted more, and still another part knew he needed to walk away before he hurt her. But that didn’t mean he’d let himself hurt her now.
She turned her head to the side and looked at him, confusion on her face. For some reason, that settled him down more than anything she could have said.
“No, of course, you didn’t hurt me. You never hurt me. I like what we do.” She cleared her throat and sat up, pulling the sheet up with her. Somehow, during their first round, they’d tossed the comforter down to the floor and had slid under the sheets. That didn’t always happen since they usually went at it against a wall or on another piece of furniture first, but this time, they’d gone for the bed.
He didn’t like the fact that she’d covered herself with the damn sheet, though. He liked seeing her dark nipples and light brown skin completely bare. Yeah, the contrast of the cream sheets against her darker skin was hot as hell, but he still didn’t like that she felt as if she needed to cover herself up.
“Then why won’t you meet my eyes? I know you came, but didn’t you like what we did?” He hated how insecure he sounded, but he was just coming down from his own high, and he wasn’t thinking clearly. He never thought clearly when it came to O.
And fuck, he’d asked her to call him Derek, demanded it more like. He wanted her to know him, wanted to know who she was. He was getting too old for their game, and from what he knew of O, he liked her.
But he had a feeling he’d changed the game and not for the better, and now he was probably going to get screwed over—and not in a good way—because he’d taken that step.
She turned then, meeting his gaze full on for the first time since they’d gotten into bed. “I think I need to go.”
He blinked. “Was it because I asked you to call me Derek? I figured after all this time, a first name would be okay. Though you never told me yours.” He paused. “Are you going to?”
“We’ve had fun…Derek. But I think this needs to be the last time. The last month.” She slowly slid out of bed and started pulling on her clothes. All Derek could do was stand there, naked, his dick still wet, and his hands fisted at his sides.
She was hiding something from him. Not just her name, but something…else, and he wanted to know what. He wanted to know her. And now she was running? Wasn’t that just his damn luck? As soon as he decided he wanted more, she decided to run away.
Of course.
“You’re kidding, right? We’ve been doing this…how long? How many years? What happened that made you change your mind?”
Once again, she didn’t meet his eyes, but she did turn, her back exposed, and he let out a curse. Without words, he went to zip up her dress, annoyed with himself for doing so. He wasn’t an asshole, was far from it according to his friends, but he felt like one now. He wanted to growl and yell and make her tell him what was wrong. But he knew that wasn’t going to help anything, and if he wasn’t careful, she’d walk right out of this room tonight and out of his life forever.
The thing was, he had a feeling she just might do that anyway.
And there was nothing he could do about it.
When she turned in his arms, he had to hold back from sucking in a breath. He always did when it came to her. She was so damn beautiful with her dark hair tumbling down her back, her wide eyes, and her light brown skin that was so damn soft he could caress her for hours. Had touched her for hours.
“Thank you,” she whispered. “I always forget to wear a wrap dress or something without a zipper for you.”
“I like undressing you,” he said honestly. “I thought you liked it when I did.”
She let out a sigh. “I do. I did. But this needs to be the last time. I’m sorry, Derek. I just…I need to go.”
She moved to walk around him, and because he knew he was a big dude and tended to crowd people even when he didn’t mean to, he took a step out of the way so she could grab her bag.
“So this is it? I tell you my name, and now you’re done. Because I thought what we had was good.”
“It was good. But now, our time is over. Don’t you think we should move on? Find something that’s not…this? What we are. We’re not getting any younger.”
If he didn’t hear the emotion in her voice, didn’t hear the fact that she sounded as if she were about to fucking cry, he’d have called her cold. But she was leaving for a reason, and she apparently wasn’t going to tell him what that was.
And he had no idea what to do to find out.
Fuck.
“At least tell me your name. That’s all I ask.” It’s all he could ask for, though not all he wanted to request.
She met his eyes again, and this time, he swore he should have known more just from that look alone, but he knew he was missing something.
“Olivia.”
He let out a breath. He should have known she’d be an Olivia. The name fit her perfectly, but he still didn’t know why she was leaving.
“I’m coming back next month,” he said quickly. “Even if you aren’t here, I’m coming back. Because I like what we have and I don’t want it to end.”
“But we have to stop,” she whispered.
Have to. Not want to. But she wasn’t going to tell him why. Didn’t matter if he deserved an answer, he wasn’t going to get one.
Then she went on her toes, kissed his jaw, and walked out of the hotel room, leaving him standing naked, cold, and shocked to his core.
He finally knew her name, and now she was gone. Maybe forever.
And he had no idea what the fuck he was going to do about it.
Derek punched the bag in front of him, pissed off and muttering to himself, low enough that the rest of the gym couldn’t hear him.
“That wasn’t our bargain,” he growled with another punch. Anger coursed through his veins, and he forced himself to keep his form so he wouldn’t hurt himself. His hands were his business, and screwing them up because he was angry and hurt would only piss him off more.
He’d left the hotel soon after Olivia, making sure he picked up all their things. She hadn’t even left a single earring behind when she’d run like the hounds of hell were on her tail. He’d checked out of the room, ignoring the knowing look from the overnight clerk that he hadn’t met before. Then, he’d gone home and tossed and turned all night, thinking of what he could have done differently.
He liked O, Olivia, wanted to know more about her. He liked their relationship, or whatever it was they had. He liked knowing that once a month he’d go to the hotel where he first met her, and they’d have each other for those few short hours. She was not only the best sex he’d ever had, but he also liked her smile, her laugh, and the way her eyes danced when they flirted.
And while part of him had always wanted to know more about her, he also liked the safe distance they kept between the two of them. Their deal had been the longest relationship he’d ever had. The fact that he hadn’t had another person in his life over the last four years might have been because of her, or it might have been because of his own issues. He had enough on his plate without adding someone with strings and commitments who would need to rely on him for things he couldn’t give.
And yet he’d been able to commit in his own weird way when it came to Olivia.
He’d shown up every month for four goddamn years, and she’d always been there. It had been the healthiest, longest commitment he’d ever made, and yet it hadn’t actually been a commitment at all.
And then she’d just walked away because she was done.
He couldn’t help but blame himself. He must have done something, said something. Maybe telling her his name had made it all too real. Maybe she’d needed the fantasy more than he had. He didn’t know, but now, all he could do was hope to hell that she showed up next month.
He had a feeling that these next four weeks would be hell on his nerves.
“Hell.” He let his fist fly one last time before hitting the showers. He usually worked out after work so his hands weren’t sore, but he’d been stressed out and needed some form of release that didn’t have anything to do with his fist wrapped around his dick.
By the time he headed into work and parked behind the shop in their tiny private lot, he was still on edge and knew his friends and coworkers weren’t going to let him get out of telling them what was on his mind.
The problem with working at Montgomery Ink was that everyone was not only great at what they did, but they were also close enough to be family. And while only two were family by blood, the rest had enough connections that they always knew when something was up with one of the others.
Derek himself had been on the offering end of that help over the years. When his friends had needed assistance in their love lives or had needed someone to talk to, he’d been there. Somehow, he’d found the right words and had been one of the steady forces in the shop.
And now he had a feeling that as soon as he walked in, he wouldn’t be able to hide his frustration or whatever else was wrong with him thanks to O.
Olivia.
Jesus, he needed to get her out of his head and only think about her in four weeks when he hoped to hell she showed up. Maybe she’d just gotten scared about knowing more about him, but neither of them had missed a night in four years, and he hoped that they wouldn’t start now despite what she’d said. Because she hadn’t given him a real reason, and maybe that meant she didn’t have one.
Maybe she’d come back.
And maybe he was an idiot and needed to get over this woman he didn’t know as well as he probably should have.
Any hope of hiding his reactions to the previous night ended as soon as he walked in and found one of his bosses leaning against the front desk, her pierced brow raised as she got a look at him.
“Why do you look like you were hung up wet and left to dry?” Maya asked as she tapped her finger on the desk.
Derek would have flipped her off, but then she’d really know something was wrong. Instead, he just gave her a slow blink and went back to his station. She snorted, and he had a feeling there was no way he’d get out of whatever conversation she wanted to have, but first, he hoped he’d at least be able to get his workstation set up.
Montgomery Ink was one of—if not the—hottest tattoo shops in Denver. Most of the artists, including him, had waiting lists over a year long. His bosses, siblings Austin and Maya, were even opening up another shop down in Colorado Springs with their cousins, who would own the building and run the place from there. Derek had no clue how talented and business-savvy the crew was until he found himself working with some of the best in the tattooing world.
There had even been talk of a reality series following the crew around, but Austin and Maya had been quick to shut that down. Their family was a large one, and they’d all been through hell over the past few years. Now, all eight siblings were either married or on their way to being hitched, and most of them had children. They just wanted to settle down and do what they loved. In fact, almost every member of Montgomery Ink, even those without the Montgomery surname, was married and planning a family.
Only Derek and Brandon were left, but he had a feeling from what had happened a couple of days ago at the shop when that stranger who didn’t seem to be a stranger to his friend had shown up, that Brandon wouldn’t be single for long.
That left Derek. The guy who had all the advice because he’d been through a lot in his life, but the one who didn’t have a wife or girlfriend of his own.
And that meant that everyone would want to help him. They’d already tried setting him up on dates or asking what his type of woman was, and he’d done his best to put a stop to that. Now, though, with his lack of sleep and genuine confusion over what had happened the night before with Olivia, he had no idea what he was going to do.
Sighing, he went to work getting ready for his first client of the day. They didn’t open for another hour, so he had time to set up and get a cup of coffee from the café next door. However, before he could even get up to go over there, Sloane, the artist next to him, who happened to be married to the café owner next door, pulled up a seat beside Derek, a hazelnut latte in his hand.
Derek’s favorite.
Hailey, Sloane’s wife, knew everyone’s drink order—their favorites or if they were in the mood for something different—without having to ask. It was spooky, and yet he loved it.
However, if Sloane was here with the drink, that meant that Maya had already told Hailey that something was up, and they were starting with the big guns—literally in Sloane’s case since the man was built like a brick shithouse.
“Thanks.”
Sloane grunted. “I don’t talk about feelings. But you look like shit, and we have time to talk. So, spill.”
Maya, who stood behind Sloane, cracked up. “Smooth.”
Sloane shrugged. “We open soon, and there’s no time for beating around the bush.”
“I like the way you think,” Austin said from Maya’s other side. The shop had filled when Derek was setting up. Austin, Blake, Maya, Sloane, Callie, Brandon, and Jax were all there, watching.
The shop hadn’t been this full in a while since they usually didn’t work all at once, but now that they’d remodeled a bit, there was more room. However, this meant that every single artist was staring at him.
“What?” he finally said.
“Don’t ‘what’ us,” Maya put in. “You look sad. And, usually, when you go out for your date or whatever the hell you call it, you come back looking all lubed up.”
“Jesus Christ,” Austin muttered under his breath, and the rest of the crew laughed.
“Lubed up?” Derek asked.
“It’s true,” Maya said.
Then Maya’s words caught up with him. “Wait. How the hell do you know about my dates?”
“You got drunk and mentioned it to Sloane once,” Callie said. She grinned at him through her multicolored hair, and he wanted to close his eyes and growl.
Sloane had the decency to wince. “And then I mentioned it to Hailey since I was also drunk and forgot to tell her not to tell Maya.”
“And now that I know, the people who matter know because we love you and want you happy. But why aren’t you happy?”
“I’m fine.”
“You aren’t,” Jax put in. He was their newest artist but had fit in quickly.
“I’ll be fine. How’s that?”
“Why don’t you just tell us what’s up and then we can move on?” Austin said quickly, clearly ready for this conversation to be done. As Derek wanted the same and knew he couldn’t get out of it, he decided he’d just get it over with. He had no idea what he was doing, after all; maybe they could help.
“I met a girl a few years ago. A woman. We’re having fun. Or we were. We meet up once a month at the same place, have a good night, and don’t talk to or see each other until the next month. No names, no numbers, nothing is shared except the experience. It’s nice. It’s different. She’s nice. She’s different. But now she says she doesn’t want to do it anymore, and I have no idea what’s going on. I’m still going to show up next month, you know. Because I can’t just let it end, but it’s not like I know what to do other than that.”
He hadn’t realized he’d blurted it all out until he looked up and the crew was staring at him like he’d grown another head. Maybe he had because he sure as hell didn’t feel like himself just then.
“I have more questions, but we don’t have time for explanations of why and how,” Callie put in. “But do you like her? Do you want to see her more than just the one night a month? Because if you do, find her.”
“I can’t find her. That was the whole point of our arrangement.”
“Then wait for a month and see if she shows up,” Sloane said. “Just don’t stalk her or some shit and be that creepy asshole we have to beat up.”
“Amen,” Brandon and Jax said at the same time before smirking at each other.
“I’m not going to fucking stalk her. But I want to know why she wants to end it. Does she want more and think I don’t? Did she find someone else? I want to know why, and I don’t want to wait, but I think I have to.”
“Do you have a photo of her?” Maya asked. “Maybe we know her. We know a lot of people.”
Derek gave her a dry look. “We live in Denver, not some Podunk town. I don’t think you know her.”
“At least let us see,” Callie pleaded. “If you have a pic that is.”
“I have one,” he mumbled and dug out his phone. They each had one photo of each other, though it hadn’t been part of their terms. He hadn’t been able to help himself and looked at the damn thing often. She was wearing just a sheet, but you couldn’t tell unless you knew and he was glad about that. The look in her eyes, the parting of her lips was just for him.
And now he was going to share her, at least this small part of her, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to. But he wasn’t sure he could hold back if he wanted to find her.
He flipped his phone around, and while the guys grinned, Callie and Maya gave each other cats in cream looks. And then Austin cursed under his breath.
“What?” Derek asked. “You know her?” There was no way that could be true, no way fate could be that kind to him after all the kicks and wounds it had given him over the years.
“Yeah, I know her. That’s Olivia. My neighbor.” Austin shook his head. “Has to mean something, man.”
Derek just sat there, pulling his phone back so he could look at her again. Did it? Did it mean something? Because if she were truly Austin’s neighbor, then maybe he had a second chance.
Or maybe everything had been doomed from the start, and he needed to give her the space she wanted. But what he did know was that it wasn’t over, not by a long shot.
Fate seemed to be on his side for once, and he wasn’t going to let that go. Not this time.
Not again.