Olivia had a headache from hell, and she only wished it had been from drinking the night before. As she tended not to drink while she was home since she wasn’t a huge fan of drinking alone, that meant her pain came from work stress and lack of sleep.
It had been two days since she’d last seen Derek, her D, and she couldn’t get him off her mind. Hell, she hadn’t been able to get him off her mind for over twenty years when he was her Derek, and then again for four more years as her D. How was she supposed to not think of him at all when he was both?
“Ugh.” She ran her hand down her face, willing her mind to stay on the correct subject rather than one she should have pushed into the secret vault of her mind long ago. If only Derek hadn’t said his name, if only she hadn’t noticed his eyes in just the right light when he said it, she might not have put everything together. Honestly, she didn’t know how she hadn’t realized who he was for so long, but it must have been for a reason. Her mind and memories had given her a reprieve only to come back full force and slap her in the face with vicious taunts and accusations.
It didn’t matter that those jabs were from her and not Derek. They were still there no matter what, and she couldn’t forget about them.
Damn it. She had work to do, a person to forget, and a life to try and get through. Dwelling on a man she couldn’t see again, a man she wouldn’t see again, wouldn’t help anything.
But it didn’t mean that her mind was actually going to let that happen. She was Olivia, after all, the person who fixated on one thing and worried herself to the point of exhaustion and confusion over it.
“I need to work,” she whispered to herself, aware that if anyone were home with her, they’d think she was talking to herself. The fact that she was actually talking to herself was of no consequence. She was a freelance editor. She always talked to herself. And if that wasn’t a ringing endorsement for her sanity and her services, she didn’t know what was.
With a sigh, she opened her document and tried to get into the moment of the book. Her current project was content editing the first book in a new romance trilogy, and she was already in love with the story. This was her third time working with this particular author, and they were starting to really create a routine.
Of course, even as she said that, she did her best not to cringe at the note she had to write. The author had decided to kill a momma cat in order to bring the vet heroine and the grumpy hero together. It totally made sense and was well done, but Olivia knew that one of the rules in romance was that you didn’t kill the pets. Her rules started with an HEA, so no killing heroes or heroines and no cheating. And then the pet rule.
Olivia hoped the author would be up for changing that aspect because she didn’t want this author’s readers to get upset and put her on a list, and now she kind of hated herself for even putting the note in at all. The scene was done perfectly and worked with the book, but…there were rules.
Rules.
Of course, there were rules. There were for everything. And Olivia had broken all of them where Derek and D were concerned.
Yes, she was thinking of them as two different people since she had different guidelines for each of them, but now they were all mixed up in her mind, and she thought she might be sick. No wonder her brain hurt.
Olivia sipped her coffee, wincing since it was cold, but she was too lazy to get up and make another cup. That and she was a firm believer that if she made it, she had to drink it, cool or not. Hence why she drank caramel coffee because it tasted better cold than regular coffee and she tended to get lost in work or her thoughts enough that cold coffee was part of her daily routine.
She had a few more hours on this content edit and then she could send it back to the author before starting her next project, which was a copyedit since she was certified in that, too. She liked switching between the two so her brain could stay fresh for the next round, and she was grateful that her job let her work from home while she did it. She’d fallen into the gig, and she loved it.
Not only did she get to read some amazing work from talented authors but she also got to work in cute leggings and tanks with balconette bras rather than ones with wires. She didn’t need to wear makeup or shoes, and more often than not, she ended up with her hair piled on top of her head with her blue-tinted reading glasses sliding down the bridge of her nose.
Yep, she loved her job.
It was the other aspects of her life that left a bit to be desired lately, apparently.
Annoyed with herself for getting off track once more thanks to a mistake she wouldn’t be making again, she pushed the object of her distraction out of her mind and went back to work. She was so involved in the heroine’s journey that she let out a tiny scream when her phone rang.
She’d forgotten that she’d turned up the volume for her alarm and hadn’t reset it, and quickly put the phone back to vibrate before answering.
“Hey, Alice.” Alice was her best friend though she lived in another state and usually didn’t call during the day since they were both working. So if she was calling, it was either important, or she was stuck on a scene. Her friend was an author and one of her clients and usually wrote all day and plotted at night. Olivia had always admired the other woman for her creativity because while Olivia loved editing, she knew she would never be an author and she was just fine with that.
“I hate this book.”
Olivia snorted since Alice sounded serious, but her friend got to this point in her work at least once a project, and it was Olivia’s job to calm the other woman down. The two had only met once in real life but they talked almost daily. Alice was a few inches taller than Olivia, far more slender, and her skin was a few shades darker. When the two had met at a conference, according to Alice, they’d turned heads since, apparently, they made a sexy picture. Olivia, as usual, hadn’t noticed. But that’s why she had Alice. One of the many reasons.
“You always say that, and then you end up loving the book. You’re at the middle, aren’t you?”
“Why do books even need a middle? Why can’t it just begin, they have sex, and then boom, ending? Those are so much easier to write.”
“And yet you come to me while you’re looking at a blank page, asking why books need a beginning. And then again at the ending where you say you just want to blow everything up or throw them into bed and call it a day. I know how you work, missy.”
“Don’t throw my words back in my face. I’m not supposed to make any sense. I’m an author.”
They both laughed, and Olivia sank back into her chair, her head still throbbing but not as much as before. She was going to count that as progress.
“You’re a dork. But that’s why I love you.”
“I love you, too. But why is writing so hard? I mean, we’re in what century now? Why can’t we just plug our brains into our computer and just get all of our thoughts right out of our minds and onto the screen?”
“You say that, but I’ve seen a movie with that plot, and it didn’t end well for the humans.”
“Well, it would if it were my books. It’s all angst and intrigue with steamy sex and a happily ever after. The world needs more happily ever afters.”
That was the truth. And, of course, on that thought, Derek once again slipped into Olivia’s mind, and she did her best not to think too hard about him. Some part of her had once thought that their once-a-month meetings could perhaps be something more. Another part of her had thought that keeping it at once a month kept her safe.
She’d been wrong on both counts because she was never going to see him again. Not when she could hurt him by making him remember.
She’d already hurt herself by doing that.
“You there, Olivia?”
Alice’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, and she cleared her throat. “Sorry. Just thinking.”
“You’re always thinking. Same as me. And while we occasionally trail off mid-sentence because we’re in our heads, I don’t think that was the case this time. What’s wrong?”
That was the problem when your best friend knew you so well. Alice tended to know Olivia’s moods before she did. The fact that Alice could do that without knowing Olivia’s past spoke well of Alice’s talents, but Olivia wasn’t going to share everything, not yet. She needed to tend to her own thoughts and figure out what she was going to do about these new revelations before she shared anything with Alice.
“Nothing’s wrong. Just thinking about work.” A lie. And she hated herself for it, but she wasn’t ready to tell Alice everything.
She wasn’t sure if she ever would be.
“I know that’s not one hundred percent true, but I’m going to let it slide because you know as soon as you’re ready to talk about it, I’m here. You and I do best when we don’t push each other and know our boundaries.”
Olivia let out a relieved sigh, aware that Alice could hear it as well. She loved the other woman, and what she loved most about her was that she respected Olivia’s need for privacy. She did the same for Alice, and that was why the two of them worked so well as friends.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. And now I have an idea for the middle part of the book. Talk to you later.”
Olivia didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye before Alice was off the phone and onto her book. That was her friend, completely in the zone when she wanted to be even if she was a distraction from Olivia’s work at the same time. It was okay, though, because her watch buzzed at that moment, reminding her to move. Her job required her to sit for long periods of time, staring at a computer—and ruining her body in the process.
She would just go for a walk, clear her head, and then come back to finish up the end. If she focused, she could finish today and get the book out well ahead of time. That was always her favorite thing to do, but she also did her best not to get authors used to that in case she got behind, or the book took longer than expected. The latter usually happened with fantasy books because the world was so vivid she either got lost in it or had to break it apart to make sure it flowed. She loved it, but it was even more of a headache than the one currently running rampant through her brain.
After making sure she’d hit save one more time on her project, she closed her laptop and went to her bedroom to find her shoes. Since she was already wearing leggings and a tank, she was pretty much always ready to work out. Not that she wore them for that reason, but the practicality of not having to change was nice. She couldn’t run in the bra she was wearing, but with the size of her breasts, it took two sports bras at a minimum to keep herself from bruising her chin.
She was pretty sure it had happened once, and explaining boob strain and bruised chins to people wasn’t something she ever wanted to do.
Not again.
She pulled on a light jacket and made her way outside, putting in her headphones so she could listen to an audiobook rather than hearing the sound of her feet hitting the pavement. If she had to listen to that, then she wouldn’t walk, and she’d end up lazing about, working and slowly growing horizontally. If she were ever to run—something she only did when she contemplated the zombie apocalypse and reminded herself that she needed to at least be fast enough to outrun them—she had to put on loud music rather than a book.
Olivia was a little kooky, but she was fine with that. She’d long since realized she’d be the crazy cat lady living alone as she worked at home. She just needed a cat—something she was going to do soon, but she hadn’t found the right one at the shelter yet. Plus, she was still getting over losing her other cat last year and didn’t want to bring about change so quickly.
And now she was walking quickly and blinking away tears while trying not to think of her cat or Derek.
She was officially losing her mind.
With a deep breath, she focused on her audiobook while making her one-mile trip around the neighborhood. Any more than that, and she got bored, so she took more than one walk a day. How she’d become so neurotic, she didn’t know, but it worked for her.
On her last leg, she passed her neighbor’s house and smiled, waving as Sierra Montgomery got into her SUV with her two sons, Leif and Colin. Leif was as tall as Sierra now, and Olivia wasn’t sure how that had happened. She’d been living next to Sierra’s husband, Austin, for years, even before he met and married Sierra and before Leif, his son from a previous relationship, had shown up. She didn’t know the whole story as it wasn’t her business, but she knew the family was a loving one.
She also knew that Austin had like seven siblings who were all married and most had kids of their own. Sometimes, Austin had the entire crew over for a family event, and Sierra would always come over with leftovers or even a whole cake, apologizing for the noise. Olivia never minded since everyone was always nice to her and they were never loud after nine at night. She’d had worse neighbors. The Montgomerys were actually pretty amazing. Plus, Austin always came over to help her fix things she couldn’t reach. She might not have a man in her life, but she had friends and acquaintances who helped out when things were beyond her abilities.
Before Sierra drove off, Austin came outside, gave Olivia a curious look, and then went to kiss his wife. Olivia’s heart melted a tad, and she held back a swoon as Sierra took a staggering step backward before getting into her SUV. The man could apparently kiss, and after all their years of marriage, the two were still pretty damn hot.
Olivia was only a little jealous.
And by a little, she meant a lot.
Olivia went to sit on her porch and enjoy some of the breeze before she headed back inside, so she was in Austin’s line of sight as another car pulled into the space Sierra had just vacated. Since the couple constantly had family and friends from the tattoo shop visiting, this wasn’t a surprise.
What was a surprise was the man who got out of the vehicle, his long legs encased in jeans that made his thighs look sexy as hell. He had on a thin Henley that only enhanced his broad shoulders and trim waist. His beard was growing in and made her want to run her fingers through it, and his hair was brushed back out of his face, though she knew he needed a haircut.
Derek.
Holy hell.
Austin knew Derek.
She fought to control her breathing as Austin and Derek did that man hug that always confused her before Austin turned to her, a brow raised.
Traitor.
She didn’t know why that thought popped into her head, or how Austin knew Derek, or even how Derek knew that Austin knew her.
All she knew was that the man she needed to stay away from was currently walking toward her—far too sexily—with an intense look in his eyes. He actually prowled, and all she could think was that he was the predator and she was the prey.
Only, in the end, he would be the one that got hurt. She knew it.
After all, she would deliver the final blow.
Again.