Derek knew he should take it slow, maybe even so slow that he didn’t go to her right away. He should walk into Austin’s house and let Olivia have her space, all the while knowing that she would be able to reach him if she needed to.
Only he didn’t do that.
He’d never claimed to be a smart man, after all.
He couldn’t help but notice her wide eyes set in her always expressive face. Her hair was piled on top of her head, and she wore tight leggings that showcased her curves.
Curves he’d touched, licked, and bitten multiple times over the years.
He held back a groan and willed his cock to behave. He wanted to keep her in his life, and going to her house unannounced with a hard-on wasn’t the way to do it. He already felt like he was verging on stalker territory so he would have to tread lightly.
“Hey, Olivia.”
She swallowed hard, and he watched her throat work. She didn’t move from her seat, and he had no idea what that meant.
“You’re…you’re here.”
He stood on Austin’s side of the yard, not going onto her property. He didn’t want to come near her if she didn’t want him there, so he was being damn careful not to encroach.
“I am. I know it’s weird and not what either of us said we’d do, but I was at work, and the subject of you came up. And, well, apparently Austin knew you. Small world, right?”
She didn’t say anything, but her breathing quickened. It took all of his power not to look at the rise and fall of her generous breasts because he was, well…him, and he liked the look of her. But he also didn’t want her to kick him out of her line of sight and call the cops. Not that she would, but still.
“I asked Austin if I could come over and talk to you. I didn’t ask for your number since it wasn’t Austin’s to give. And I’m still on Austin’s property, so I’m not on yours making you feel uncomfortable. Too much. Or at least I’m trying not to. If you want me to go, I will. But I want to talk to you, O. Let me talk to you.”
She was quiet for so long that he was afraid he’d fucked up and feared she’d run. Since she’d already done that and he didn’t know why, he just stood there, his hands by his sides as he tried to look non-threatening. He was a big man with a beard, longish hair, and tattoos, so that wasn’t the easiest thing for him to do.
“I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can’t believe you’re Austin’s neighbor. But it must be for a reason, right?”
Her face shut down, and she bit her lip. “Not everything connected is for a good reason, D—Derek.”
He didn’t know what she meant by that, but she stood up and rested her hands on her hips.
“We won’t do anything you don’t want to do. I promise.”
She met his eyes and gave him a slight nod. He didn’t know why the overwhelming rush of relief slammed into him, but he was damn happy that she was giving him a chance. He didn’t know what he wanted from her or himself for that matter, but he knew if he walked away, it would be over.
And he didn’t want it to be over.
Whatever it was.
“I guess you should come in.” She was silent for a moment as if she were collecting her thoughts, and hell, he was doing the same. “There are things we should talk about.”
He gave her a tight nod and took a step across the invisible boundary line that separated Austin’s and Olivia’s properties. Austin had already gone inside his house when Derek had moved away without a word—he’d heard the door close behind him. Austin would understand the need for privacy more than most, though the man was probably ready to come out if Olivia needed help. Hell, Austin might be Derek’s friend, but Derek didn’t mind that Austin would be on Olivia’s side—if there were even sides in this case. After all, Derek would do the same.
Derek watched her move as he followed her into her home. He still couldn’t quite believe how things had all worked out, and he had a feeling that this was only the beginning. He wished he knew what he wanted, but all he knew for sure was that he didn’t want what they had to end. He’d talk to her, see what she had to say, and inquire if she wanted to meet again next month. He wouldn’t pressure her, wouldn’t push her into an uncomfortable situation, but he knew that what they had was too good to let go so easily.
They were more than just one night a month, that much he knew. How much more, however, was something they would have to figure out together. That was, if she let him back into her life, even if for a single night a month again.
When she closed the door behind him, he glanced around her home, trying to get a sense of who this Olivia was. He hadn’t even known her full first name until their last night together, and though he’d always known that was what they’d promised themselves and each other, part of him had wanted more. He’d thought he knew more about her than he did because of how close they were when they were together for their one night a month. He’d learned every part of her—every deep intake of breath, every curve, every soft touch—yet that hadn’t been enough. And while he liked the way she smiled, the way she made him laugh, the way she held nothing back except for who they were when they were together, he didn’t know anything else about her.
And the thought that he might never see her again had just brought the idea to him that he needed more of her, needed more than a single night.
He needed her.
Hell, that might be too much for even him so quickly, but he’d told himself that he just needed to see her again so he could figure out what the hell he was going to do. He was turning himself into knots as he circled around what the hell his brain and heart wanted, and yet he wasn’t accomplishing anything.
Derek wasn’t an asshole, and it was about time he started acting like the man he was when he was around her. His O, his Olivia.
Her home was decent-sized, not as big as Austin’s since the other man’s house was a little farther back off the road with a longer driveway so he had more room to build, but Olivia’s house seemed to suit her—at least the parts of her he knew and the pieces of the home he saw. She had light colors on the walls and light rugs over dark, hardwood floors. Everything looked to be in place and dusted, as if she took care of what she owned and didn’t have children or a pet to knock things over.
He didn’t even know if she had a kid or a pet. How could he not know those things? He knew she wasn’t married only because that was one of their agreements when they’d first started their arrangement. Neither of them wanted to end up being a cheater, so they’d laid out the fact that they weren’t married early on.
None of the photos on the walls featured men, and Austin had even said that Olivia lived alone, so that much about her was true.
But what else had he been missing when he was burying his head in the sand and the feeling of just being with her?
“This is weird,” Olivia said under her breath, and he turned to look at her. She had her hands folded in front of her, her eyes wide. Her teeth kept biting into those lips that he loved to nibble on himself.
He stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocked back on his heels. “Yeah, I guess it is. I’ve never seen you without a slinky dress on.”
She grinned. “As I’m currently wearing yoga pants and no makeup, it makes up a different picture altogether, doesn’t it?”
Since he liked seeing the shape of her ass and thighs in those yoga pants, he wasn’t going to complain. “You look sexy no matter what you wear. Not going to lie about that. And I like you with and without makeup. I’m not one of those guys who’s going to say which one he prefers since it’s not about what I like, it’s about what you like. Plus, you’re beyond beautiful either way.”
Her eyes widened even more, and she blinked quickly. “Oh. Well, that’s nice to hear. Most guys are jerks about things like that even when they think they’re being sophisticated by saying something that contradicts that entirely.”
“I still can’t believe you’re Austin’s neighbor.”
“How…how do you know Austin, exactly? Because it’s weird that you know him. You know?”
He nodded, not taking a step closer to her, knowing they both might need space to keep their thoughts in order. The problem when he was near her was that he always wanted to touch her, and that didn’t make for easy thinking.
“I’m a tattoo artist at Montgomery Ink. I used to be a floater and would come in every month from a different city as I tried to get my credentials in order and build my portfolio. But you knew when I was in town since that time always coincided with our time.”
She didn’t say anything, but he didn’t really expect her to. There wasn’t much to say about the idea that they had an unusual arrangement—especially now that she wanted it to end.
He just hoped she didn’t really mean that.
“Now I’m here in Denver full-time. I used to live here when I was younger, moved away after school, and am finally here to stay. Austin and Maya, the owners of the shop, hired me on full-time, so now I have a steady income and all that.” He didn’t know why he was rambling, but hell, he had no idea what he should say to her.
How did he tell a woman that he still wanted her in his bed and wanted to see what they could possibly be outside of it, all the while knowing he might not ever be ready for a real commitment?
He’d lost a part of himself years ago when it came to someone he loved, and he wasn’t sure he could ever let himself feel what he needed in a relationship. Maybe he was a selfish bastard when it came to Olivia, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting her, wanting more.
And that was the problem.
“They’re a good crew. Austin did some of my ink in the past.”
As Derek had licked over that ink, he’d admired the work, thought it looked familiar, and now he knew why. Small world.
“They’re the best. I’m just glad they let me stay.” He was silent a bit longer as he tried to think about what to say, what he wanted to say. He was good with words when it came to other people, but with himself and his own needs and desires? He was beyond lacking in that department.
Maybe if he could get his head around what he actually wanted, he’d be able to say what he needed to, but that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.
Worry covered her face, and he stepped forward, cupping her cheeks between his hands before he thought better of it.
“What’s wrong?”
“I…I can’t believe you’re here.”
“I can’t either.”
“There are things I need to tell you.”
He nodded, his eyes on hers but not truly hearing the words. He was so damn selfish when it came to Olivia, and he knew it.
“Later.”
And because he couldn’t help himself, he kissed her, needing her touch more than the air he breathed. When she put her hands on his chest, he was afraid that she might push him away, but she didn’t.
Instead, she kept her palms on him, not pushing or pulling, just resting, so he took that as an agreement. He deepened the kiss, his hands sliding through her hair as he pressed her back gently against the door. She moaned into him, and he pulled away slightly so he could bite down on her lip where she had before. When she let out a slight gasp, he licked over the sting and then sucked, loving the way her eyes darkened.
He kissed down her neck to her shoulder, tugging the strap of her bra over slightly so he could reach the spot on her skin that always made her shudder beneath his touch. He knew this part of her, knew so damn much, but yet he knew it wasn’t enough. Because there was more to life than great sex, and though he and Olivia had the best of it, he wanted more from her and with her.
Hadn’t he wanted more when he told her to call him Derek? That had been the trigger, he knew. The reason she’d pushed him away. And he needed to find out the why of it. Once he pulled away, once he was able to think clearly and not keep kissing and tasting her skin like he was currently doing, he’d be able to ask her, be able to find out more about her.
But he couldn’t stop his hands from going down her curves to cup her breasts, molding them in his big palms. And, yeah, he had big hands, but her generous tits overfilled them. He fucking loved that. He loved sliding his dick between them in the hotel shower as he fucked her tits and how she would lower her head to suck on the tip of his dick. It was always so damn sexy, and she was the one who usually initiated it since she liked it, too. Then he’d suck and bite on her nipples until she came without him even touching her pussy. He’d heard that was hard to do with women with larger breasts since, apparently, their nipples weren’t as sensitive in most cases, but not when it came to his Olivia.
He groaned at the memory of two months ago when he’d fucked her tits for the final time. He’d come on her skin, pearly liquid flowing down her breasts and over her nipples until he was spent. Then he washed her fully, making her come again with his hands and mouth.
They’d both been exhausted by the end of it and had curled up in bed together, only to wake a couple of hours later and make love again.
And then the two of them had parted ways, their only promise that there was to be no promises other than a month’s gap in time.
Things had changed this last time, and as he kissed her again now, rocking his hips into hers, he knew that things had changed yet again. He just didn’t know what they were going to do about it. That was why they needed to talk. Why he needed to pull his mouth and hands away from her and actually listen.
He needed to stop being such a selfish dick.
So he pulled away, breathing heavily along with her as he rested his forehead on hers. “That…that is something we’ve always been good at.”
She seemed to shrink in on herself at his words, and he leaned back, worried that he’d hurt her. “Olivia? Did I fuck up? What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “No, you didn’t. I need to talk to you, though. I really, really do before you kiss me again and before I let you kiss me.”
Worry crept up his spine, and he was about to say that they should head to the living room and sit down so she could tell him what could possibly put that look in her eyes, but his phone buzzed a familiar pattern, and he let out a curse.
“Shit, I’m sorry, it’s my mom. I can’t let it go to voicemail.” He had reasons for that, but they were far too complicated to tell Olivia just then.
She seemed to pale even more but gave him a tight nod as he answered.
“Mom?”
“I need you to come to the house.” Her voice was a shallow rasp, and he knew he didn’t have much time to get to her. He never did.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can. Just lay down. Okay?”
She didn’t answer, but she never did. Not since…well, not since their world had changed, and Derek had lost what he’d thought was his future. He hung up and put his phone back into his pocket.
“I’ve got to go. My mom needs me.” He shook his head at Olivia’s look. “I’ll explain one day.” He hoped. Maybe.
“I understand.” And for some reason, he thought maybe she did, but he didn’t know how she could. “Just…there’s something I need to tell you.”
He kissed her hard one more time. “Okay.” She let out a relieved breath. “Next month.” When she stiffened again, he hoped he’d done the right thing.
But as he walked out of her house and back into the reality fate had given him one sunny day that had changed everything, he knew that he’d have to think about exactly what he wanted from Olivia—and for himself.
Because she was different, that much he knew. Putting her at arm’s length for so long hadn’t been wise for either of them, but maybe it had been what they needed. But now, maybe they needed more.
He didn’t know, but he promised himself that by the next time he saw her, he’d know exactly what he wanted and he’d make sure that he never hurt her. He’d seen enough hurt in his lifetime, and he never wanted to be the cause of it for another.
Never again.